


Until The Sun Rises

by Crystallinearts



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Action/Adventure, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Death, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Major Original Character(s), Manga & Anime, Minor Character Death, Mutual Pining, My First Fanfic, My First Work in This Fandom, Original Character(s), POV Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), POV Original Character, Pining, Romance, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Manga Spoilers, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Spoilers, Shingeki no Kyojin: Kuinaki Sentaku | Attack on Titan: No Regrets Spoilers, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:41:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 121,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26418118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crystallinearts/pseuds/Crystallinearts
Summary: I’m going to die.The breath was knocked out of her as she collided with one of the trees. She gasped for air as she slid down the trunk. Chunks of metal had embedded themselves in her arm. Her blades had shattered when they hit the tree, and the shrapnel had cut into her skin. Attempting to activate her ODM gear, tears started to fall down her face. No gas. This was it. This was how she was going to die. Alone.Black spots danced in her vision. She probably had a concussion. A laugh escaped her lips.One of the fifteen meters picked her up in its massive hand, squeezing what little breath that was inside her lungs out. Claire closed her eyes. At least she had tried in the end. She could accept this death. It was quite peaceful, actually, except, was that screaming she heard?-Claire Helios has been a member of the Scouts for years. She has lost many friends and loved ones to the titans, leading her to closing herself off from everyone. But one fateful day, she was forced to work with a new recruit, Levi Ackerman. He's rude and a smart-ass. She doesn't like him at all at first, but that changes after a single cup of tea.
Relationships: Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Original Character(s), Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Original Female Character(s), Levi Ackerman/Claire Helios, Levi Ackerman/Original Character
Comments: 46
Kudos: 115





	1. First Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I finally mustered up the courage to post this publicly. I've been working on this fic for a little over six months now, and I'm really happy with where it's gone. So far, only close friends and some of my followers from Insta have read it, but I wanted to open it up to a larger audience. People have enjoyed this bit of self indulgence, so I hope more can find happiness from it! I have a lot of chapters stocked up, and I'm planning on updating 1-2 times a week! 
> 
> To learn more about Claire and her relationship with Levi, check out my Instagram, @crystalline.arts! Warning, there will be spoilers of what is to come in this fic on there!
> 
> Thanks for reading!

Word had begun to spread that the Survey Corps was receiving new recruits that day. _Strange_ , Claire Helios thought. _The new cadets weren’t supposed to graduate for a few months. Who could they be?_ She was curious, these new recruits must be strong to have impressed Erwin and to have gained the Commander’s approval. 

Finishing putting on her harness, which was a _pain_ to put on, she heard a knock on her door. She opened the door while putting on her jacket. “Who-” Hange stood there, smiling. Claire panicked, saluting somewhat sloppily. “Captain Hange! I’m sorry, I wasn’t expecting you!” 

The bespectacled woman laughed. “No need to be so tense, soldier. I just came to ask something of you.”

Claire cocked her head to the side. “Um, sure. What is it?”

“This probably isn’t news to you, but we have three new recruits coming in later today. The Commander requested that us captains select our best to help train them.”

“Oh, cool! Who are you choosing from our squad?”

Hange raised an eyebrow at her.

“Me?!” she exclaimed in surprise. “Are you sure? I’m pretty sure Harvey could do much better than me-”

“Yes, I am sure,” Hange replied, laughing. “You are talented, and I think they will need someone with your gifts to help them. I’ve heard that one of them can be a real bore and is serious all the time. He’ll need someone to help brighten up his attitude.”

“You want me to help because sometimes I’m good at cracking a joke?”

“Precisely!” Claire looked at Hange, unconvinced. “Don’t look at me like that! I believe that everyone needs a good laugh at times. If not laughter, at least a smile. These days can be dark, and we need to bring some more light to them. Anyways, do you accept the position? It could help you rise to a higher rank in the near future.” 

“Of course, Captain.” She smirked, running a hand through her hair. “I’ll be the one to break this man’s shell and make him smile.”

Hange chuckled. “I have faith in you.” Checking the time, she stated, “We’ll be greeting the fresh meat in an hour. I expect you to be there, right beside me.” 

Claire nodded, watching Hange leave the room, closing the door behind her.

She heaved a long sigh, sitting herself into the chair at her desk. She looked at her reflection in the mirror. Messy brown hair swung halfway to her shoulders, deep blue eyes reflecting sunlight. Her round features were not those of a warrior. Would she be able to train the new Scouts? Did they have any experience with the ODM Gear? They had to know at least a small bit, right? It would be difficult for the selected few to train them in maneuvers without any teaching experience. 

Claire glanced at the sketch that was wedged into the corner of the vanity, it contained a younger version of herself and her father. It wasn’t the most accurate of drawings, but she had tried her best. Picking it up, she smiled. Dad had been the one who inspired her to join the Survey Corps. He had been on expeditions with them when he was younger, and one time on a mission when he became crippled for the rest of his life. In the grasp of a titan, his legs were crushed. Luckily, he wasn’t swallowed because a fellow scout had taken down the beast and saved him, but he had lost his ability to walk. He was the one who taught her to try to stay light-hearted and positive. She tried her best to follow that advice, but, damn, it did get hard at times. A lot of the people she had grown close to had died.

Claire felt like she didn’t really have friends in the Corps, maybe that was because she had given up on trying to make them. Sure, she wasn’t actively trying to get close to anyone, but that didn’t stop her from joking around and smiling. She had to carry her fathers’ legacy with her by taking his advice, and thus she continued smiling. At least it had gotten her somewhere; now she got to train some new, and probably know-it-all, recruits. Sighing, she stood up and started to tidy herself for the day.

* * *

Claire hadn’t realized that the entire Survey Corps was invited to see the new recruits’ arrival. With much difficulty, she had navigated her way through the crowd in search of 

Hange. Once she had made eye contact with the Captain through the mass of bodies, Hange laughed and beckoned her over. Giving Hange a stink eye, she continued to shove her way towards her. After much tribulation, she was beside the messy haired woman.

“Took you long enough! I thought you were bailing on me!” Hange winked.

Claire smiled and let out a quick laugh between her heavy breaths. Who knew that carving your way through the entirety of a military company could drain you so quickly? 

The two chatted for several minutes while the other captains tracked down their selected trainers. Claire didn’t recognize any of them, not surprising considering how many came and went. She examined the group that would be her new companions. No one in the bunch seemed to stick out to her. There was one man who seemed pretty sociable, he was fairly attractive, not quite her type, though. 

A hush fell over the Survey Corps as Commander Shadis came out to address them. Everyone lined up and saluted. Claire glanced at Hange, who seemed to be bursting with excitement. _Curious,_ she thought. _I haven’t seen her this excited about anything other than titans._ The Commander raised his hand, dismissing them. The soldiers all relaxed. The Commander explained why they were all gathered together that day, describing the situation and who the three new scouts were. _Criminals. They were_ criminals. Claire had known that these recruits were probably going to be a unique group, but she had not expected _that_. Former thieves would be difficult to teach, they were used to following their own rules, and not listening to anyone other than those they truly trusted. 

_This is going to be-_ her thoughts were interrupted as Erwin, the squad leader who had recommended the trio, announced the arrival of the newcomers, and they each made an appearance before the crowd. There were two men and one woman, no, a girl. She couldn’t be older than fifteen, with her reddish hair pulled up into two pigtails, and her eyes wide and filled with excitement. One man was tall and blonde, he had a slightly square jaw, and had an air of confidence about him. But they weren’t the ones who caught her eye. It was the last in the trio. He was short, for a man, of course. He was probably a few centimeters taller than herself. His facial features were sharp and narrow, including his pale blue eyes, that looked as if they could stab you. He had the worst case of RBF that she had ever seen, but that didn’t stop her from admitting that she found him _quite_ attractive. This man was probably the one Hange was talking about. As she inspected him, Claire deducted that this man had never had fun in his life. 

Shadis excused the Scouts from the meeting and they all split off. The sociable Scout from earlier was selected to give the three a tour. Claire stared after them for a moment, catching the eye of the short, grumpy man. His eyes hardened as he shot her a glare. She raised her hands up defensively. 

_Who pissed in his tea this morning?_ She thought. Sure, the guy was hot, but a bad attitude was an immediate turn-off. What was this angry human’s name again? Levi or something? She turned to Hange who had just finished discussing with the other captains.

“Alrighty, Claire,” she said enthusiastically. “Looks like you are going to be helping to teach them about how to properly kill a titan, and how to navigate in the forests with the ODM gear. They’ve used it before, but in the city, so this will be slightly different terrain for them.”

Claire did her best to hold back a sigh. She wished she had horseback duty. It would be much easier to have the new recruits learn how to ride. “Okay, Captain. I’ll do my best.” She saluted.

“I truly appreciate your help. Thanks a million!” Hange then proceeded to run off to one of her friends that she used fangirled about titans with. 

She ran a hand through her hair, letting out a heavy breath. “This is going to be interesting.”

* * *

Teaching Levi, Furlan, and Isabel was a completely new experience for Claire. They were all so different in personality, she wondered how they were able to work together as a team without tearing each other to pieces.

Training Isabel and Furlan was easy enough, they were both very enthusiastic about the whole ordeal. Levi, however, seemed almost annoyed. _That man… He should be grateful they let him join without going through cadet training…_ Much to Claire’s surprise, they had basically mastered the ODM gear, the only struggle they had was adjusting to how it felt to attach to trees instead of brick or stone. 

Isabel was full of excitement and was fun to talk to. Claire could see them becoming friends, except for the fact that Claire was trying to cut herself off emotionally from everyone, and Levi was extremely overprotective of his companions. Furlan was a flirt, but still enjoyable to train and have discussions with. Levi was, well, Levi. He hardly spoke a word unless it was a sarcastic remark or a direct insult. He acted like he was better than everyone else there, which, after seeing his skill, could possibly be true, but still, she was his superior. He should treat her with respect. 

Training them with the blades was an entirely different experience. Like before, the two cheerful recruits listened to instruction. This they did not master immediately. It wasn’t surprising considering how unique the weapons were. Nonetheless, they were quick learners and were performing well after a short time. Levi, on the other hand, was _too_ good with the swords. It was more than the fact that he had used blades before, it was as if he instinctively knew how to use any weapon that was given to him. It was frightening to say the least. Not only was he a master with the blades, Levi had decided to use them in his own way. He held one blade backwards, reaching behind him, and attacked by spinning through the air. It was mesmerizing to watch.

“Levi, you aren’t supposed to hold it like that-”

He responded by shooting her a glare and “killing” the fake titan in the flashiest of ways. 

Claire decided to stop protesting. He was getting the job done, that’s what mattered, right? 

After each day of training, Claire had to report to Hange on their progress. It was not her favorite task, but it was better than dealing with Levi’s sour attitude. One evening, she came to give her report and was relieved to find out that it had been her last day of training.

“They will be going with us on the mission tomorrow. We are confident that they will be able to handle it,” responded her Captain when asked why the training had been cut short.

Claire nodded. “They are capable, but I’m still worried about sending them out this early.”

Hange’s eyes darkened. “We lost a lot of Scouts on the last expedition. We’re gonna need all of the extra blades we can get.”

“I see.” Claire hadn’t gone with the Survey Corps the previous time because she was training the new recruits. “I didn’t realize it was that bad.”

“It was a hard day for everyone,” she said, adjusting her glasses. “Anyways, you should get some rest, soldier. You’re going on the expedition tomorrow as well, so you will need it.”

Claire nodded, saluting. Hange excused her, and she left for her bedroom. As she walked down the halls, she passed the trio. They were standing in a corner, speaking in hushed tones. She stopped, curious. They spotted her, falling silent. Levi narrowed his eyes at her before saying something to his companions and walking off. 

_What was that about?_ She wondered. Shrugging it off, she continued to her quarters. 

Her muscles ached as she took off her harnesses and changed into her sleepwear. God, she hadn’t realized how tired she was. Tomorrow was going to be a long and painful day. She crawled into bed, and started drifting off to sleep. _Hopefully the mission goes well tomorrow…_

* * *

In the beginning, the expedition was running quite smoothly. Well, as smooth as any Scouting mission could go. They traversed the green plains on horseback, passing several patches of tall trees, only few titans interfered, but they were slain quickly. This relieved Claire, she was glad the newbies didn’t have to deal with anything too serious for their first time leaving the walls. At least, this was what she was thinking before she saw the massive fog and storm that was coming towards them.

She glanced at her superiors, hoping they would call off the mission. They didn’t. The Survey Corps had to press on. A pit grew in her stomach. They wouldn’t be able to see anything. Including the titans. Even the most experienced soldiers would struggle, and probably die. She tried to spot Isabel, out of the three new recruits, she was most concerned for her since she was so young. Claire did her best, but to no avail. The clouds were too thick. She decided to slow down and listen as carefully as she could. Death was not something she desired. 

Screams and cries rang out around her as she continued forward. After being a member of the Survey Corps for years, Claire still wasn’t used to the sound, and it shook her to her core. Wind ripped at her hair and clothes, water droplets getting into her eyes, making them sting. This had to be the worst expedition, and probably the one with the most casualties, that she had been in so far. That was impressive considering how deadly being a Scout was. Why did they decide to-

Her thoughts were interrupted as a giant foot stomped down right in front of her. Claire reared her horse back and moved out of the way. The titan before her was on all fours, picking up someone with its mouth. She heard the screams of Furlan. _Oh, God._

She whipped the reins as hard as she could. The horse did his best, the wet earth making it difficult for him to go at a full gallop. As she rounded the titan, Claire saw bodies. Dozens of them. The grass was soaked with blood. Some bodies had limbs removed, others had holes in their stomachs, guts spilling out. She tried not to look at their faces, but she saw one that made her heart lurch. Isabel’s decapitated head lay on the ground, staring blankly into nothingness. She gasped, loosening her grip on the reins. A fatal mistake. Claire lost her balance and fell off of her horse. A sharp pain shot up the shoulder she landed on. It was probably dislocated. She tried to stand, but her boots kept slipping in the mud. She tried to activate her ODM gear, but it had been broken during the fall. Tears burned in her eyes. This was it. This was how she would die. Giving up on standing, she lay in the mud, staring at the grey sky, letting the rain pelt her face. This wasn’t the worst way to go, she supposed. At least she would go out like a hero-

The sound of the titan crying out in pain pulled her out of her despair. Someone was _attacking_ the titan? She sat up, trying to catch a glimpse of what was happening. She heard the sound of blades slicing flesh and screams of agony, not physical but emotional, and watched as a blur wove its way around the titan in a spinning motion. Claire only knew one person who fought like that. 

“Levi…” she choked out as she watched him. It was nothing like anything she had ever seen before. 

The way he attacked was so different from what you were supposed to do. Normally, one would go straight for the nape, but Levi sliced at the entire body, weakening it before taking the final blow. It was impressive, and beautiful, in a strange way. He performed this act with such grace, it was impossible to look away. As she stared, she caught a glimpse of the man’s eyes. Lifeless. Cold. It was the expression of a man who had nothing left to live for. The titan fell as steam rose from its body, and Levi landed beside it, head down in defeat. Sure, he had won the battle, but at what cost? 

Claire understood that feeling all too well.

It felt like ages before Erwin and the other Scouts found the two of them. They had been the only two who had survived that titan. With help, Claire stood and was guided to her horse. She rested her head against its chest, tears falling down her cheeks. So many were lost, but she didn’t really _know_ any of them. Why was she sad? No. That wasn’t true. She had gotten to know Isabel and Furlan while she had taught them. 

“I’m going to kill you!”

Claire lifted her head to see Levi, who was attacking Erwin. She gasped in shock as the tall blonde man, caught the blade in his hand and held it firmly. Claire has witnessed Levi’s strength, which seemed to be second to none, and Erwin was able to stop him so easily. She watched as the two exchanged words. Levi eventually dropped his blade, looking defeated and hollow. Erwin said something else to him, she couldn’t tell what it was, but afterwards she could see a spark in the ex-criminal’s eyes.

 _What could the man have said to bring Levi out of hopelessness?_ She wondered as a male scout that she did not recognize approached her. 

“Do you need help? I couldn’t help but notice your…” He trailed off as he glanced at her shoulder. “You won’t be able to ride a horse like that, I can take the reins and you can ride with me.”

That was right. She had injured her shoulder when she fell. She hadn’t noticed the pain until the man had brought attention to the injury. “Yes, thank you.” 

The two got onto the horse, Claire with difficulty, and they rode back towards Wall Maria in silence.

* * *

A solemn air hung about the Survey Corps after they returned. They had lost many that day, and no one spoke to each other. Claire was walking towards her room when she passed the balcony, spotting a small figure standing there alone. Ignoring it, she continued walking. As she was dragging herself down the hall, she started craving tea. Taking a detour, she stopped by the tea closet. She hesitated for a moment, her hand hovering over the teacups. After thinking about it for a moment, she grabbed what she needed and headed towards the balcony.

Stepping outside, Claire saw what she was expecting. Levi was leaning against the railing, staring into the sky. Claire placed her bearings on the table before moving to stand close to him, but still giving him enough personal space. She leaned against the railing, being careful with her shoulder. The medics told her that she had dislocated it, and they popped it back in place, saying it should be fine, but it was better to be safe than sorry. He glanced at her, narrowing his eyes. She didn’t know how to respond, this whole decision to come out here was completely on a whim. After a moment of silence, he turned away, walking towards the doors to leave.

“Levi- wait!” she called after him.

He faced her, his pale eyes piercing her. “What do you want?”

“I- um- I wanted to thank you for saving me today.”

Levi raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“That titan you killed, it was coming after me. I had fallen off of my horse and was injured, I had no chance, really. I kinda gave up on trying to get away,” she hesitated. “But then you came. So, thank you.”

“Tch.” He closed his eyes, scratching the back of his head. “Well, I wasn’t trying to save you. I just wanted to kill the damn thing because of what it did to Isabel and Furlan.”

“It doesn’t matter why you killed the titan, I’m alive at this moment because of you. I wanted to show you my gratitude by-”

“Do you really think sugar coated words are going to have an effect on me?” Levi asked, beginning to walk away.

“No, I trained you after all. I know how you don’t like to listen to what others have to say, but I did hear something about you…” She hoped that she could get him to stay.

He looked over his shoulder at her, cocking an eyebrow. “And that is?”

“Rumor has it that you are fond of tea,” She moved to the table, where she had set two teacups, some packets of tea (she wasn’t sure what kind he liked), a kettle with hot water, and some sugar. 

He watched her skeptically. “You came out here because you had heard that I liked tea?”

“Yes?” Claire smiled awkwardly. Levi simply stared at the tea, face unreadable. She laughed softly. “Y’know what. You’re right. This was a stupid idea, I’ll clean up and let you be.” She started gathering the items off of the table.

“That’s not right.”

She looked up at him. “Huh?”

“I never said that it was a stupid idea.”

Before she could respond, Levi was pulling a chair out for himself. He sat down and looked up at her. “Aren’t you going to take a seat?” Claire looked at him, dumbfounded. He sighed, preparing to stand up. “Well, if you don’t want to have tea, then I guess I could-”

“No, please don’t go,” she said quickly, sitting herself down. “I was just surprised.” 

She poured hot water in both of the cups as Levi examined the packets of tea. He chose one and placed it gently into the teacup, she followed suit. Dropping a few sugars into her cup, she grinned. It had been a long time since she had shared tea with someone. Lately, she had been indulging herself alone in her room. Glancing at Levi’s cup, she noticed it was plain, with no sugar in it.

“Would you like some sugar?” She held the dish up to him.

“No, thanks,” he replied flatly. “I like it plain.”

“Oh, okay.” Blushing faintly, embarrassed, she set the dish down.

Silence fell between the two, Claire didn’t know what to say. What could she say? This man had just lost the two people dearest to him. She started sipping her tea, glancing down at the table. 

A few more minutes passed without any words spoken between the two of them. She realized that she hadn’t really made an effort to get to know Levi before, since he seemed so unapproachable. Conversing with Isabel and Furlan had been so much easier, and enjoyable. She had learned quite a bit about them, like Isabel’s love for sweets, and Furlan’s fascination with the ODM gear. The chance to talk had never come with the third new member, mostly because he refused to talk to anyone except for his companions unless he _had_ to. The past was in the past. She had the opportunity now, and she was going to seize it. 

Opening her mouth to speak, she noticed the way he was holding his cup. He did not hold it in the typical way, he grasped it around the rim, not using the handle at all.

“Why do you hold your teacup like that?” she asked, finally breaking the silence. He looked at the cup in his hand, and then back at her. “Oh, I’m sorry, that was rude of me to ask.”

Levi sighed. “No, it’s fine. One time when I was drinking tea, the handle broke and it spilled all over me. I don’t want to risk that happening again. It was painful, and it got everywhere. It took me ages to clean up.”

Claire laughed, that was not the answer she was expecting.

“It’s not funny! Tea stains are awful to get out of carpet!” He seemed very invested in the topic. Seeing him like this, it made him seem cute, almost. “And don’t get me started on the clothes that were ruined!”

“I’m sorry,” She tried to calm her laughter down. “But I didn’t peg you as the type to be passionate about _cleaning_.”

“Being clean is important,” he stated simply. It seemed like he didn’t want to continue on the topic, and was that a hint of a blush she saw in his face? Did she start to break down his walls?

“Okay, okay. I’ll stop teasing.” Claire smiled at him. “Since, I’ve learned about something personal to you, why don’t you ask me something. Anything.” 

“Anything?”

“Yes.”

“Hmmm…” He stirred his tea thoughtfully. “Why are you having tea with me right now? You seem like a social person, and you’ve been a part of the Corps for a while now. You’ve got to have plenty of friends, even if you lose some every now and then. I’m sure any of them would be much better company than me.”

“Oh,” she replied. “I thought the question was going to be something more embarrassing, like, well I don’t know-”

“Why are you avoiding the question?” Levi asked. “You said you would answer any question.” He looked at her expectantly.

“Well, to be perfectly honest, I don’t have any friends.” She laughed awkwardly. “I normally have my tea alone, and I thought I could at least try to reach out to you and thank you. I thought that having tea would be a good idea so it wasn’t just us awkwardly standing out here. Plus, it looked like you needed someone to talk to.”

He looked away from her, chin resting in his hand. “That’s bold of you to think. What led you to that conclusion?”

“Well,” She looked down at her hands, which were clasped together in her lap. “You lost two close friends today, I thought maybe you wouldn’t want to go through that alone. I know how it feels to lose your friends to the titans. It can be very brutal.”

“I thought you said you didn’t have any friends among the Scouts?”

“I said I didn’t have friends right now. That doesn’t mean I didn’t have any in the past,” Claire stated, taking a sip of her tea. 

Levi didn’t respond, the air about them grew tense.

“I kept losing my friends, making more, losing them. It became too much for my heart to bear.” Her expression darkened. “I figured it would be easier to not get attached to anyone in the first place. If I had no one close to me, then it wouldn’t be painful when they died.”

He nodded, understanding. “I used to be the same way. Before I met Furlan, I was convinced that being alone was the best, but things changed.” His face grew sad for a moment, but he quickly covered it up with his typical pissed-off expression. “Anyways, it’s getting dark out here. We should probably clean up and head to bed. We’ll need the rest after today.”

She agreed. The two of them gathered the tea supplies, Levi taking the dishes so he could wash them properly, leaving Claire to take the leftover tea packets and sugar. She smiled as she put them away. It was nice to see more of Levi’s character. At first, it had seemed like he was a cold, heartless criminal, but after that discussion she could see that he actually _did_ have a heart, even if it was buried deep within his walls. Maybe they could chat again sometime? No. She couldn’t do that. She couldn’t get close to someone again, her heart would not be able to handle the pain of losing someone else. 

Having a mini war with herself in her mind, she walked to her room and started getting ready for bed. Maybe, just maybe she could befriend Levi. She had witnessed the way he fought. Was there anyone or anything in the world that could stop that storm of a man? He had exhibited true power and strength, proving that he wouldn’t be taken down so easily. A slight smile appeared on her lips as she drifted to sleep. Nothing could possibly kill Levi, so she might as well try to get close to him.


	2. Disagreement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note that there will be timeskips between chapters, some longer than others. This story isn't told back to back, everything that happens to them. It tells the more important events in their lives that help their relationship develop the most. 
> 
> Thanks again for reading! I really appreciate it!

Months had passed and Claire had spoken with Levi a few times, but only when she offered tea after the missions that they did together. During these tea times, he didn’t talk to her like he did that one time on the balcony. She had tried to meet up with him at other times, but it never worked out. She was disappointed, to say the least, because she was excited to actually make a new friend. The problem was she had forgotten how to do so, and Levi was a difficult egg to crack. During mealtimes, she would hunt him down and try to sit with him, but to no avail. The man seemed like he only appeared when needed to kill titans, which he did very effectively. She couldn’t help but stifle a sigh when she looked for him during lunch.  _ Nowhere to be seen…  _ But was that a surprise? It was almost as if he had been actively avoiding her unless she was going to give him free tea. That probably wasn’t the case, He was just a not very socially apt individual, but she still couldn’t help but have that anxiety.

Claire sat at a table alone and started eating. It was her day off, so she decided to indulge, well, indulge as much as the military would allow her. Preparing herself some tea, she smiled to herself. How was she going to spend her time today? Would she write to her family? Maybe even sketch some titans to send them? She hadn’t sat down and drawn in a long-

“Helios.”

She looked up to see who was addressing her. Lo and behold, it was the short (even though he was taller than her, not by much, but whatever), and grumpy man himself. 

“Oh, Levi. What brings you here?” 

He addressed her by her surname, which was appropriate, most people weren’t on a first name basis. Levi was the exception, though, because he had no known last name and he had never assigned himself one. So, everyone simply called him by the only name he had. 

“One of the cadets got injured while practicing, Erwin had me come to see if you would replace him on today’s expedition,” he responded. 

She looked at him, disappointment written in her face. “Oh, me? Why?”

Levi shrugged. “Hell if I know. I’m just the messenger.”

Claire glanced at her food, which she hadn’t touched yet, then back at Levi. “But-”

“You should eat fast, we leave at quarter to the hour.” And with that, he left. 

Looking at her food, she decided not to eat anything, except a piece of bread. It would be better to not have anything in her stomach while outside the walls. Using the ODM gear made her nauseous if she ate too much not long before. She left her food at the table, hoping some hungry soul would find it and appreciate it more than she could. 

She changed into her uniform, struggling with putting on the harnesses. Usually, she would have more time to get ready, but since this was a last minute mission, she hurried, which led to her being sloppy. Speed-walking to the stables, she adjusted the harnesses until they felt somewhat comfortable. Putting on the ODM gear wasn’t too difficult, it got easier the more times you used it. Getting on the horse, however, was still a struggle. Being one-hundred fifty-four centimeters already made getting on the creature difficult, and adding the weight of the Maneuver gear made it a lot worse.

Barely making it in time, Claire was able to ride with the back of the group. One of the Scouts who was riding beside her explained what the plan was. They were going to explore a forested area so they could map it out. The Commander believed it could be useful to know, because they could perhaps plan ambushes on titans under the protection of trees.  _ Another mapping mission…  _ She thought. These weren’t the most interesting, but things could always go very wrong very fast. Green smoke signals were seen ahead, a good sign. The different colors all had different meanings, green meant it was safe, red meant there was a titan, black meant there was an abnormal, and so on.

All was clear as they made their way to the forest. The only trouble they had come across was one fifteen-meter titan, which was taken down quickly. It was almost suspicious. Selfishly, Claire wished for more of a threat. She hadn’t had the chance to kill a titan since before she trained Levi and the others.  _ No. Don’t think like that. No one should die on an expedition like this one. _ Generally, days like this were peaceful, but surveying the trees posed a problem. Titans could hide easily amongst the tall trunks. At least, the ODM gear worked wonderfully in the trees, so hopefully they would have some sort of an advantage if the need arose. 

Entering the forest sent a chill down Claire’s spine, the shade made it a lot colder than she had expected. Each group of soldiers was to split off and start mapping their assigned area. There was one “artist” per group, and the rest were meant to keep guard. Claire had been designated the map creator, which stressed her out a little. She wasn’t confident in her drawing, and doing it in front of people made the feeling worse. Shooting a green smoke signal into the air, the small group stopped, allowing Claire to roughly sketch what she thought was the bird’s eye view. Giving the others a nod when she was finished, they continued on. 

This process was repeated several times over the course of an hour. They had almost finished mapping the section they were assigned, then they were allowed to head out of the forest to rendezvous with the other members of the Survey Corps. Claire smiled as she wrapped up her sketch, as the expedition continued, she grew more comfortable with the scouts observing her drawing. “Alright, I think I’m ready to-”

A body, no, a torso, came flying through the trees, blood and entrails falling behind it. With a loud thunk, it rammed against one of the tall trunks. Silence fell amongst the small group. The three scouts that were supposed to be her guards tensed up, they hadn’t been expecting to face any titans that day. 

“Don’t just stand there! Get your horses to a safe position and get into the trees!” Claire shouted at the men, stuffing the hand-drawn map into her satchel.

“Right.” 

They rode their horses into a bushy area, where they would hopefully be covered. Titans typically didn’t go after the horses, only humans, but it was better safe than sorry. Unsheathing their blades, they used gas to propel themselves into the trees. Tension filled the air as they waited for the titan to come into the opening. The silence was broken when a titan bowled into the area, ramming into one of the trees with two men standing in it. They fell, a sickening crunch sounded as they hit the ground. The fall had been too sudden, they were not able to save themselves. Now there were only two of them left.

Claire observed the titan, trying to see how it attacked. This was definitely an abnormal. It didn’t try to eat the men who had fallen, reaching for the other scout who remained. The blonde man flew towards it, aiming for the nape, but to no avail. Before he knew it, he was in the titans mouth, being eaten alive. She stared in horror. She was the only one left, at least, that’s what she thought before she heard a familiar shout. 

“Shoot the signal!”

Levi burst through the trees, titan blood steaming on his face, from the same place where the titan came from. The torso had probably belonged to a Scout from his group, and he had been in pursuit of the titan. He attacked the titan in that spinning method of his, slicing up the length of its arm, landing on the shoulder. “I said to shoot the signal, dammit!”

“Oh, right!” Claire fumbled in her satchel and found the black smoke. Covering her ear with her free hand, she pulled the trigger, a line of black smoke trailing into the air.

Looking back to the titan, she watched as Levi flew around it, trying to get a good vantage point.  _ God, this man  _ knew _ how to fight. _ Getting ready to help him, Claire gripped her blades tightly. This time she wouldn’t be useless. This time she would help take the titan down. Maybe she could take out the achilles tendon so Levi had an advan-

Her thoughts stopped as she saw Levi thrown against a tree, a loud thunk sounding in the clearing. He fell, but not too far. He should survive, but he probably had a concussion now. Fighting was not a good idea for him. This was her chance to help. Launching into the air, she flew towards the titan, slicing at the fingers that tried to grasp her, and cutting them clean off. Adrenaline pumped through her veins, giving her strength that she hadn’t felt in a long time.

“Wait!” She glanced at Levi, who was standing up, his knees about to buckle underneath him. He looked up at the titan, his pale blue eyes burning with anger, no it was something else. Something she hadn’t seen before. “That titan is mine! I need to kill it!”

“I’m sorry, but in case you haven’t noticed,” she shouted as she cut at the tendon at the ankle of the tian, making it fall to one knee. “But you are in no condition to fight!” She detached her ODM gear from the leg, and aimed it towards the neck. The hooks connected, and she allowed the gas to push her towards the nape. She readied her blades.

“No! It’s mine!” Levi shouted, stumbling over to the beast. Was he  _ crazy _ ? He could barely stand up straight, let alone kill a  _ titan _ .

Ignoring his pleas, Claire sliced at the nape, digging her blades in deep to ensure that she killed the damn thing. At least four were dead because of it, the creature deserved no mercy. Blood splashed onto her face and hands, hot to the touch. She didn’t mind too much because it simply steamed away, just like the rest of the titan’s body. Landing beside Levi, she sheathed her blades, which had been shortened because some of the pieces had broken off during her attack.

“Are you alright?” she asked, looking at Levi.

He stared at the corpse, eyes hidden in shadow. She noticed that his teeth were clenched, his hands into fists. He was angry, why? Because she had saved his life?

“Levi?”

“I was about to kill that damn thing. Why did you interfere?”

She stared at him, incredulous. “You’re kidding me, right?”

Levi turned to look at her, his face filled with rage. “Of course not! I should’ve been the one to kill it! I’d been chasing it for a while, and I had weakened it! It was  _ mine _ !”

“Are you serious? That titan literally threw you into a tree! You could barely stand, there was no way you could’ve killed it!”

He fell silent, raising a blade to her neck. “Get in my way again, and you’re dead.”

“Levi! I think you’re overreacting! It could’ve killed you!”

He lowered the blade, turning away from her. “Tch.”

Claire was shocked. She had saved his life, why was he so angry? It was just one titan, and he had killed plenty before. She watched as Levi took the horse of one of her dead companions. It was painful to watch. His shortness plus the concussion he recieved made the whole ordeal a struggle for him. Taking the reins, he rode off to the rendezvous point. 

Letting out a long sigh, Claire barely managed to get onto her own horse. She whistled, getting the other horses to follow her. Moving at a gentle trot, she made her way out of the forest, and to the group of Scouts. Levi made eye contact with her, giving her a death glare like none she had received before. Her blood began to boil. Did he think it was his God-given right to kill every titan or something? She scoffed. How self-righteous.

During the ride back, she did her best to avoid Levi at all costs. There was no way she could keep her composure if he tried to speak to her. She would not apologize. It wasn’t her fault that he got injured by a titan. He should be the one to apologize to her for being so rude when she had saved his life.  _ Maybe I should’ve let him die, _ She thought bitterly.

* * *

Almost as if it was instinct, Claire went to get the materials to have tea for two, but as she grabbed the two teacups, she remembered what had happened.  _ Stupid girl, _ she thought to herself.  _ You are having tea alone today. And probably until the day you die, which could be any day really because you chose to take on the most dangerous job in existence. _ Putting the extra things back, she went out to the balcony and began pouring herself tea. At last, some peace and quiet. She had almost forgotten that today was  _ supposed _ to be her day off. Now, she finally had time to get the rest she had been expecting to get when she had woken up this morning. Raising the cup to her lips, she prepared to take a sip-

“Claire?”

Closing her eyes, and letting out a soft, frustrated breath, she looked at the speaker. It was Hange. “Oh, Captain,” she said, standing up sloppily and saluting. “I wasn’t expecting anyone.”

“You weren’t? Doesn’t Levi usually drink with you after you do a mission together?” she asked, adjusting her glasses.

“Yes, he usually does, but,” She let out a sigh. “I don’t think he’ll be joining me anymore. After today, we aren’t on friendly terms.”

“Oh, that’s unfortunate,” she responded, taking a seat at the table. “I was happy to see you trying to befriend him. I’ve known you for some time now, Claire, and I’ve seen how you’ve been isolating yourself for a while now. I don’t want you to be lonely.”  
“I can find someone else to be friends with,” Claire said, stirring her tea. “Plus, it didn’t seem like he wanted a new friend, anyways.”

“I don’t know about that. He lost Isabel and Furlan, the only two people we know that he cared about. I could tell he was lonely,” Hange tapped her fingers on the table thoughtfully. “And I noticed that he seemed a bit happier after having tea with you on the day they died. I think you’ve had a bigger influence on him than you think.”

Claire rolled her eyes. “If I really did help him with his ‘loneliness’ or whatever, then why did he decide to drop me because of the simplest thing?”

“What happened?”

She explained what had happened on the expedition that day, the Captain paying careful attention to her words. Asking questions when needing clarifications, and nodding in understanding.

“Hmmm,” Hange rested her chin in her palm. “This is quite the pickle you’re in…”

“It’s fine. Like I said, I don’t need his friendship, anyways. I can find someone else.”

“Why didn’t you find someone else before he came along?”

“Because I…” She thought for a moment. She actually didn’t know.

“Hmm, yes. That’s what I thought. Please excuse me.” Before Claire could object, Hange stood up and left. 

_ What a strange woman…  _ She thought as she finally got to drink her tea. It had grown cold. Setting it down, she let out a sigh of disappointment. Could this day get any worse? 

And it did.

After a few minutes of staring at her cold drink, Claire heard muffled yelling coming from the other side of the door. Her eyebrow raised as Hange came back, dragging someone through the door. 

“What-” 

The person pulled themself away from Hange, and Claire saw who it was. 

Levi.

_ Oh God,  _ she thought.

“You two aren’t leaving this balcony until you’re on good terms again,” Hange said quickly, pushing Levi into Claire before slamming the door shut, a loud clicking following. She didn’t have time to process what was happening before her forehead was smashed against his. They both cried out in pain. She held a hand to her head, the spot where they had collided throbbing. 

Levi was sputtering a string of curses as he tried the locked door. She had never heard them used in such ways before. Claire understood his frustration. She wasn’t very happy to be out here with him either. 

Letting out a long sigh, Levi faced her, his eyes cold with anger. “You put her up to this, didn’t you?”

“No, of course not! I’m not happy about this situation either!” She folded her arms. “This is just the way Hange is. She doesn’t like seeing people harbor harsh feelings towards each other.”

“Well, I’m not talking to you about this,” he replied dryly. “We both know I was supposed to kill that titan. I was already almost done with the job.”

She looked at him, exhausted. “It would’ve killed you. I saw the way you hobbled towards it. There was no safe way you could’ve maneuvered in your ODM gear,”

“I won’t get killed that easily.”

“You were literally thrown at a tree!”

“I’ve been through worse?”

“Worse? Worse than being flung by the force of hundreds of men?”

“I grew up in that damn Underground City! You wouldn’t understand, you grew up up here. You actually got to see the sun and breathe clear air!”

“What does that have to do with titans?”

“Nothing, but I’ve been through a hell a lot worse than anything you have ever experienced!”

Were those words true? Pain was in the back of Claire’s mind, but she couldn’t recall what exactly it was coming from.

“Calm down, Levi. You are in what I call the honeymoon phase,” she said, placing one hand on her hip, waving the other in the air as if trying to help him visualize something. “You’re fairly new and you’ve been performing pretty well. This has given you an air of  _ overconfidence _ . You feel as if you’re invincible. After all, you’ve fought plenty of titans and survived. Nothing could possibly kill you at this point.”

She saw something spark in Levi’s eyes, she wasn’t quite sure what it was. “I-”

“Shh. I’m not finished.” She held a finger up to his lips. “I’ve seen dozens of soldiers with that same attitude. And guess where they are now? Dead. You need to humble yourself. You are not some indestructible God. You are human. You could die just like anyone else in the Survey Corps, or anyone who lives within the walls, really.”

He stared at her for a moment, was there a softness to his eyes? No she must have been imagining because he started to yell at her. “Who are you to say that? You could have just as easily died fighting that thing! You have people who care about you! Friends, family, or whatever! I have no one, so it would be better that way! No one would care!” Levi stopped himself, he had said more than he had intended. 

Claire felt a pang in her heart.  _ Did he really think that? Did he truly think that he was alone?  _ “Levi… I-”

“I’m done talking.” He walked to the door, trying to open it, but alas, it was still locked. He kicked it, cursing under his breath. “That damn four-eyes.”

She watched him, guilt and sadness filling her chest. He was acting this way because he didn’t want to get close to anyone. He didn’t want anyone to be sad when he died. He didn’t want anyone to feel the pain that he had felt when he had lost his closest friends. The same as her. Claire lied to herself by saying she didn’t want to be saddened by anymore deaths, but in reality she didn’t want to be the cause of someone else’s misery. 

Levi rested his forehead on the door, closing his eyes. He was still mourning for Isabel and Furlan. She could see it in the way he stood. His rash behavior made sense now. She shouldn’t have lashed out at him like that, but she still thought she had done the right thing. Saving a life was better than losing one. 

“I’m sorry, but I’m sure people do care.”

“You don’t know anything.” He clenched his fists. “Why can’t you just leave me alone? Not everything is as perfect and happy as you picture it, Helios.”

“I know something, because I care.” Claire rested her forehead against the door beside him. “About you being alive or not, I mean.”

He opened his eyes, but didn’t look at her. “Why? We hardly know each other.”

“Well,” she started. “You’re the closest thing I’ve had to a friend in a long time. Sure, we don’t talk much, but having tea with you after missions has been nice. I feel like we have grown closer, even without words.”

He looked at her, raising an eyebrow.

She felt her face grow warm. “Don’t get the wrong idea! I mean, I feel like we’ve become friends! Nothing more!”

He smirked, looking forward again. “No, I get what you mean. I’m just surprised.”

That smirk. It looked good on him, why did he never smile?

“I guess, after losing Isabel and Furlan, I thought I could never be close to anyone like that ever again.” Levi looked at her. “I was sort of an asshole, because I didn’t intend on staying for long. By the time I decided to actually be a Scout, everyone already had a rotten impression of me.”

She laughed. “You were kinda awful. You never listened when I was teaching you how to attach new blades on-”

“I thought it looked easier than it was!”

“You definitely made it look harder than it actually is!” Claire burst out laughing, stepping away from the door. 

Levi began chuckling as well. “Like I said, I was a big asshole.”

The two sat at the table and chatted about those few weeks they had spent together when she was training him. It went on for a few minutes, Claire feeling like she was actually making a connection with another human being for the first time in  _ ages _ . Levi seemed a lot more lively than usual, and it felt like he had let down a few of his walls. There were still many left, but progress was progress. She smiled at him. The conversation was beginning to fade. Claire glanced at the door, maybe Hange had seen them being friendly and decided to unlock it.

“Helios,” said Levi quietly. Did he notice her looking at the exit? She didn’t want him to think she wasn’t having a good time- “I’m sorry for the way I treated you. You showed me kindness, especially when I thought life wasn’t worth living anymore, and I didn’t show any form of appreciation. I was a jerk and sat there silently, only caring that the tea was free. I should’ve reciprocated your efforts.”

“It’s alright, Levi,” she responded, smiling softly. “Sometimes when we are in mourning we act in strange ways.”

“It wasn’t just because I’ve been mourning. I’ve always been like this. I treated Furlan and Isabel similarly when we first met,” he said, sighing. “I’m not good with people.”

“I’m not good with people, either. But in the opposite way,” she laughed. “I don’t know how to get out of people’s personal space.”

“ _ Really _ ? I  _ didn’t _ notice.” He smirked again, his pale eyes bright.

“I’m just a naturally curious person!” She tried to defend herself.

“I guess that makes me a natural loner. But,” He paused. “That could change, I suppose.”

A smile crept on Claire’s face. She was taking a chance on this man, and he was taking a chance on her. They stared at the sky silently until Hange came out to check up on them.

“Oh, good!” she exclaimed. “You two are civil again! Now, off to bed! It’ll be an early morning for both of you tomorrow!” The Captain left as quickly as she came.

They stood up and started walking to their separate rooms. Reaching a fork in the halls, Claire ran a hand through her hair. “Well, I guess this is where we split up.”

“No, let me walk you to your room,” he said, somewhat bashfully. “You’ve done a lot for me, it’s the least I could do.”

The offer was straightforward for Levi, Claire was genuinely surprised. “Alright.”

The rest of the walk was somewhat awkward. Her room wasn’t too far, so the tension didn’t last for too long. She opened her door, looking over her shoulder. “Thanks, Levi. Goodnight.” She smiled.

“Goodnight, Helios.” He nodded, smiling ever-so-slightly, then left to walk to his own quarters.

Closing the door, Claire rested her back against it. So much had happened that day. And none of it was expected. She had planned on locking herself up in her room, writing to her family all day, but instead, she had gone on a mission, had a huge argument, and gained a new friend. She thought back to his smile. Levi was a kind man, once you got to know him. As she got ready, she found herself looking forward to the next day because now she actually had a friend.


	3. Teamwork

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for updating a bit late, college decided to kill me last week so I didn't have time to edit and upload. I'll try and make up for it this week!
> 
> Thanks again for the support!

Today’s expedition was a small one, only Hange’s and Erwin’s squads were participating. Their task was simple; they needed to salvage whatever they could find at one of the failed encampments outside the walls. No people had survived the titan attack that had destroyed the place, but there still could be food and other needed supplies. Titans were so strange, they ate people but never anything else. At first, it seemed like they had consistent behavior, but then they discovered the abnormals. They didn’t always simply eat the humans, sometimes they would attack the horses, or make playthings out of their prey. Abnormals were always the worst to deal with. Hopefully they wouldn’t run into any that day.

“Helios?”

She looked at the direction of the voice. Claire had found herself lost in her thoughts again. She had been making a habit of it. “Um, yes?”

“Stay focused,” Levi said. “We need to be on guard just in case any titans show up. Or did you forget we are on the front lines for this mission?”

“Right. Sorry.” She faced forward, tightening her grip on her reins. They hadn’t even arrived at their destination and she was already getting distracted. Glancing at Levi, she found herself admiring him again. It had been almost a year since he had joined the Survey Corps, and he was excelling. He could surpass her in rank a lot sooner than she thought. His skill could hardly be matched by anyone. How had she become friends with someone like him?

Levi noticed her looking at him. “Is there something on my face?” he asked, his voice as deadpan as ever, although his eyes expressed concern. 

_ He is a clean freak, after all. _

“No, I’m just, I…” She sighed. “I can’t shake this feeling of uneasiness. I feel like something could go wrong at any moment.”  
“We’re outside the walls. That’s a guarantee.”

Claire let out a groan. “I know. That’s what’s bothering me. I’ve done this sort of thing thousands of times, so why am I so anxious?”

He looked forward. “It’s not strange to be a little nervous. To be honest, I’m the strange one. I don’t really feel anything.”

“What do you-”

She was interrupted by Levi shooting a red smoke signal into the air while shouting, “Titan!” Instinctively, she let go of the reins, preparing to launch herself into the air. 

“You ready?” she asked Levi. They needed to coordinate their attack together. 

Hange was wanting to try a new strategy when it came to killing the creatures. One Scout would weaken it by cutting at the ankles, or other weak points, and they would also try to distract it so the other could go for the kill. Claire and Levi were to be the test subjects for this method. When presented with the plan, Erwin had agreed. The two captains decided to pick the two of them, for reasons that were never explained. Claire didn’t complain, she liked Hange, and if she needed assistance with one of her schemes, she would be happy to help. Levi was a different story. At first, he was reluctant at the idea of having to work with someone else. Killing titans was something he was good at doing  _ alone _ . After discovering that Claire would be his partner, he begrudgingly agreed to the proposal.

He nodded, looking towards the titan. It was ten meters tall and had thick arms and legs. Claire aimed at one of the meaty thighs, using the gas to blast her towards it. Unsheathing her blades, she slashed at the ankle directly below her. Steaming blood splashed onto her face. Claire cursed, wiping some from her mouth. The titan lost its balance, falling to one knee. Steam rose from the slashed tendon, it would heal itself soon. She detached her ODM gear from one thigh, and moved on to the other, being careful not to be grasped by its large hand. She rounded around the leg and sliced at the other ankle, her blades shattering, a small piece of one cutting her cheek. Sticking the hilts into the metal slots provided, she reattached new blades and gave the signal for Levi to attack.

Levi readied his blades, one held underhand, and he launched himself into the air. He spun through the air, his blades slicing the air around him. Reaching the titan, he spun into its arm, cutting through it in a spiral motion. It was mesmerizing, but there was no time to watch. She had a job to do. 

Claire hooked herself to the left eye of the titan, slicing at the other, blinding the creature. The ankles would be healing soon and she wanted to ensure that it wouldn’t get the chance to hurt Levi.  _ Speaking of… _ her friend spun towards the nape of the titan, cutting it deep. She caught his eye, she could see triumph, and something else. An expression she had seen only on him, and she couldn’t figure out exactly what it was. 

They blasted themselves away from the titan, avoiding being crushed by the giant corpse. Claire’s feet met the ground and she slid a meter or two before standing still. She looked to the side and watched as Levi did the same. They both were covered in blood.

Levi pulled out a cloth and began to wipe his blade, not caring about the steaming liquid that coated him. “Call back the horses. We need to arrive at the camp before the others.”

She nodded, putting her fingers to lips and letting out a loud whistle. After a few moments, the two horses galloped back to them. Without stools, it was difficult for the two to get onto their horses’ backs. Levi ended up helping Claire onto her mount, and she was forced to watch him attempt to do it alone. It was funny, and kinda cute. He eventually got on.

“Speak of this to no one.”

Laughing, she agreed. They rode for another hour before reaching the encampment, well, what was left of it at least. There was little to no conversation while they scouted the area, making sure it was clear of titans. 

Claire thought about their relationship. After Hange locked them out on the balcony that one time, they had been doing more things together. At first, it was eating a meal or two together, but it soon grew to practicing hand to hand combat, and eventually more relaxing things like playing chess. Sure, she felt closer to Levi after spending all of this time with him, but she still felt like she didn’t  _ know _ him. Claire looked at him as he rode past her, wearing his signature RBF. There was so much about his past and who he was that she was unsure about. She shook her head.  _ He’ll open up more to me when he’s ready. I know he’s a good man. That much is certain. _

They finished surveying the abandoned camp and Claire sent green smoke into the air, signaling to the rest of the Scouts that it was safe to begin searching. Tying up their horses where they were instructed to meet the others, Claire remembered the cut on her cheek. All of the titan blood had long since evaporated, so when she touched the wound, her own blood came off on her finger.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

She flinched. “Nothing,” she lied. She took her hand off of the wound, it pained her quite a bit, but she hadn’t noticed earlier because she was preoccupied with other things.

Levi now stood in front of her, examining her face. Blood rushed to her cheeks. “Um- what are you doing?”

He pulled out his cloth, no longer stained with the blood of the titan. “I’m going to clean that for you. It could get infected.”

“Oh, you don’t have to do that!” she responded. “I can do it myself!”

Raising an eyebrow, he said. “There are no mirrors. There’s no way you could see the wound properly to clean it. It’s not a big problem, and it won’t take long.”

“Fine.” She found a rock to sit on while Levi pulled a bottle out of the satchel attached to his horse.

Levi poured water onto a corner of the cloth and placed it on the wound. She winced, the contact making the pain worse for a moment. “Sorry,” he said as he dried the wound off. “This next part is going to hurt like hell.” He began to pour the liquid from the bottle onto another section of the cloth.

“What is that?”

“Alcohol. It will help to prevent it from getting infected.”

“Why do you carry alcohol around? Do you drink during expeditions?” she asked, surprised.

“Of course not,” he replied dryly. “I only use it in situations such as the one we are currently in. It’s not efficient to use only water when treating an injury.”

“Oh, I see.” She felt herself blush a little. “Sorry.”

“Why’re you apologizing? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Because if I don’t, you’ll-” She stopped herself.

He raised an eyebrow at her, and decided to end that conversation. “It’s alright. Just be prepared for the pain.” 

“Right.” She closed her eyes, bracing herself. Wincing, her cheek stung as the cloth met her cheek. He used his free hand to cup the side of her face, holding it in place. Her eyebrows moved up in surprise, she was expecting his grip to be rough and hard. That’s how it had been with… But, Levi’s touch was surprisingly soft, one would expect the angry-looking man to apply a lot of pressure when doing this sort of thing, but instead he held the cloth gently. She opened an eye to peek at what he was doing, and she felt her cheeks heat up. His face was centimeters from hers, looking at the cut closely. She closed her eye immediately.  _ Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it. _ She continued to think about it. This was the closest she had ever been to a man physically in a long time.

The cloth was moved from her cheek, and she heard Levi putting the supplies away. “You should be good for now. Be sure to get it checked out when we get back, though.”

Nodding, she opened her eyes. Claire looked past Levi, seeing a small group of riders coming towards them. The rest of the Scouts were finally arriving. 

_ Good, _ she thought. She needed to distract herself from what had just happened.  _ Why was she freaking out? He was just helping her out, as her friend. He needed to be close to make sure he was cleaning the wound properly.  _ She touched the cut and started to fan her face, she needed to cool down.

Levi saluted as Erwin and Hange rode up to them, Claire following suit. The two captains discussed something to one another before Hange got off her horse and Erwin waved towards the Survey Corps and started leading them through the encampment. 

“So,” Hange clapped her hands together. “How did it go? We saw your signal and the body of the titan. How did the new method go?”

“I think it went smoothly,” Claire responded. “I feel like it could be quite effective.”

Hange looked at Levi. “What did you think?”

He placed a hand on the back of his neck while replying, “It worked. I didn’t need the extra help, but I could see why other soldiers would need to use it.”

Claire rolled her eyes.  _ There he goes again with his confidence in his abilities.  _ Well, she had to admit that he was right. She felt like she didn’t make too much of a difference because Levi was fast and powerful, and he could have killed it on his own. He was strong, and she wasn’t. A sad smile on her face, she looked at her feet.

“But, I do believe it could be useful for me when facing an abnormal. They can be tricky, and if I have someone reliable, like Helios, I feel like it would help a lot.”

She looked up at him, surprised. If it had been a few months ago, Levi would have never admitted to needing help in any way, shape, and form. It seems like he changed. Claire smiled at him, and he glanced at her, giving her a small smile before looking back at the Captain. 

“I’m glad to hear it!” Hange grinned. “I can’t wait to report to Commander Shadis! Anyways, get back on your mounts and patrol the perimeter of this camp. I want you two to separate and send off a signal if there’s a titan. Try not to actively engage until the other arrives. If you do need to fight immediately, please do so with caution.”

They nodded while saluting. “Captain,” they said in unison before hopping onto their horses.

“I’ll head north, and you can go south,” said Claire, pulling on her reins.

“Alright.” Levi smirked at her before riding off.

She felt her cheeks heat up as she rode off. One hand held the reins while the other fanned her face.  _ Focus. Focus.  _ She slapped herself then continued with the task at hand. She needed to be on the watch for Titans, or for a signal from Levi. 

A half an hour had passed, and all seemed calm. She had travelled for a third of the perimeter.  _ I should be passing Levi soon. _ She found herself turning red again.  _ Why had he been acting so  _ different _ that day?  _ Perhaps she was overthinking it? She hadn’t gotten a lot of sleep the previous night, she had been up late drawing. Perhaps her lack of sleep was making her interpret things weird? She needed to stop-

A gunshot echoed in the air, trailed by a line of black smoke.

_Abnormal._

She whipped her reins and moved at a full gallop. Abnormals were unpredictable, some could be easily fought, and others could prove difficult, even for one as skilled as Levi. The smoke was several kilometers away, hopefully she could make it in time to help him.

After a few minutes she spotted two hulking figures in the distance.  _ Oh, God. There’s two of them. _ She could faintly see Levi, his spinning motion distinct even from a distance. It seemed like he was doing well, for now, at least. She rode as fast as she could. Levi could maybe fight  _ one  _ abnormal titan well, but two would be a challenge. 

As she got closer, Claire was able to get a better view of the two monsters. One had long legs and arms, with shoulder length hair, the smile on its face sinister. The other was shorter, plumper, and it held Levi’s mount in its hands. Only half a kilometer away, she gasped as the taller of the two titans grabbed Levi out of the air. He had been distracted when the shorter titan had thrown the horse at him. When attempting to dodge, he had flown right into the path of the other titan, giving it the chance to grasp him.

Heart pounding, Claire launched into the air, ODM gear attaching to the shoulder of the taller titan. She needed to take this one down first. Levi grunted in pain. She looked at him as she landed on the shoulder of the thing, he was trying to cut himself out of the giant hand, but to no avail. There was no time for distractions, she had to save him. Claire jumped off of the titan, hooking herself to the lower back. She glided through the air, cutting at the soft part behind the knee. The tips of her swords came off. She still had enough blade to do more damage. The titan’s leg buckled, and it began to fall.

Gas projecting her, she attached herself to the neck. She swung in front of the beast, slicing off the wrist of the hand that tried to grab her. Her blades shattered, and she put new ones on. She had gotten fast at it. Hearing a cry of pain, she looked at Levi. The titan was squeezing him, harder and harder. At this rate he would be crushed. She needed to hurry. Claire swung her swords at its neck, slicing deep. Now was the tricky part, she had to get Levi out of its hand, he would die if he fell with the creature.

As the titan began to fall, Claire held one of her blades facing behind her and spun in the air, trying to mimic Levi’s signature attack. She was able to cut through the fingers, but not deep enough to injure her friend. After slicing, she continued spinning, she was unsure of how to stop. Did she hook onto the ground? Or did she have a certain way she had to move to stop the spinning? What should she-

Arms wrapped around her waist, and she found herself face to face with Levi.

“Stop your gear and let me take the lead. Hold onto me.” He didn’t need to ask her twice. She stopped her gas, wrapping her arms around his neck. With him in control, they stopped spiraling. He attached them to a tree, slowing down their speed as he landed them on a branch. 

“Are you alright?” They asked each other at the same time. The two paused awkwardly before Claire spoke.

“Yes, it didn’t even touch me. What about you?”

“I think I broke some ribs, but I’ll manage.” Levi winced. 

Claire realized they were still holding each other, her face grew red as she took her arms off of him. He seemed to be thinking along the same lines as he took his hands off of her waist. “Sorry.” They said at the same time, again. She laughed softly, but Levi’s eyes narrowed. 

“We still have to kill the other one.”

She looked at the second titan. It had picked up Levi’s horse again and seemed to be playing with it. Abnormals were so strange. She looked for her horse, it was trotting away from the titan. It was still alive. That was good, they would need something to ride back on. “Hange’s strategy again?”

“Sure, but you should do the killing. I ran out of most of my blades when I was trying to defend myself.” Levi held up his swords, they had lost half of their length. They could still be used to distract and weaken the titan, but they were definitely not long enough to kill.

“Alright,” she said as she smirked.

“What?”

“It’s funny. I’m just remembering that one time you tried to kill me because I killed a titan before you could,” she replied, her eyes glimmering in amusement. “Now you are asking me to do it.”

He punched her lightly in the shoulder. “That’s not important right now. We need to kill that thing before it gets to the others.”

Claire nodded, and Levi launched himself into the air, attaching to the beast, beginning to slice at its weak points. She followed him, aiming her maneuvering gear at the shoulder. Readying her blades, she flew past its neck and sliced the nape, but not deep enough. 

_ Dammit. I need to get closer. _

Unhooking from the shoulder, she spun herself around, but not with as much force as before. This time, she was able to stop herself. Attached to the neck, she got in close and dug her swords into the sensitive nape. The titan began to steam and fell to the earth. Levi had already landed, and her feet touched to the ground beside him.

She closed her eyes and sighed in relief. That had been quite the scare, she thought Levi was as good as dead. Good thing she didn’t hesitate. She had done it once before.  _ Never again _ , she thought.

“You did good out there,” Levi said. “To be honest, I was surprised when you tried my move. It was definitely the safest option to get me out of the bastard’s hand, but it was too risky. You could’ve been seriously hurt.”

She winked at him. “But I wasn’t.”

“Because I saved your ass.”

“Shut up. Let me have my moment.”  
He sighed, scratching the back of his head. “Fine, but if you want to do something like that again, you should actually know how to do it correctly.  
“Levi,” Claire cocked an eyebrow at him, grinning. “Are you saying you're going to teach me how you do your fancy maneuvering?”

He looked at her and saw her expression before quickly averting his eyes. “Maybe. If you stop teasing me.”

She pouted. “Aw, but it’s too easy at times. I couldn’t possibly stop.”

He rolled his eyes. “Maybe if  _ someone _ gives me their extra tea rations, I’ll change my mind.”

Claire clapped her hands together. “Yay! I can’t wait!” It was true, she couldn’t. She had always been impressed by his unique fighting style, and it would be amazing if she could use it, too. 

Grinning like an idiot, she whistled for her horse. He trotted towards them, not a scratch on him. “At least someone made it unscathed,” she mumbled. 

They mounted the horse, Claire taking the reins while Levi held her waist, trying to keep his balance without further injuring his ribs. They didn’t stray too far before their squads came riding up to them.

“We saw the black signal!” Erwin said when he reached them. “Are you two alright?”

“Yes,” Levi nodded towards Claire. “Helios was able to kill the two abnormals. I was unable to assist, one had caught me. She saved me.”

“That’s my Claire!” Hange beamed. “She always doubts herself, but she can do amazing things when under pressure!”

Claire blushed. “He’s over exaggerating. Levi helped me with the second titan, and without him I could be seriously hurt. It was a team effort.”

Erwin looked the two of them up and down, impressed. “You two work well together, then. It’s a shame you aren’t on the same squad.” He shrugged. “That could change soon, though.”

“You don’t have to go out of your way to do that, sir,” Claire said. “If we see too much of each other, we might start to hate one another.”

Levi laughed softly. “She’s right, Captain. We will be fine working together when the chance arises.”

“If you say so.”

After dispersing the salvaged goods between all of the horses, the group from the Survey Corps rode back towards Wall Maria. The horses moved at a slower pace, the extra baggage weighing them down.  _ This is good _ , Claire thought.  _ Going too fast would not be good for Levi’s ribs.  _

Hange had chosen two of the other scouts to be on guard duty for the journey back. She saw how exhausted Levi and Claire were and didn’t want them to exert themselves further. Claire appreciated her Captain’s thoughtfulness. The woman could be eccentric at times, but she was kind at heart.

“That was some mission today,” said Levi from behind her.

She turned her head back to respond. “Yeah, I wasn’t expecting to run into that much of a challenge.”

“You performed well,” he replied honestly. “Those things tricked me, but you were able to kill them. I guess I’m not the best in the Survey Corps.” He smirked at her.

“Don’t joke around, we all know you are loads better than me.”

“Whatever you say.” He paused before saying, “Thank you, Helios. For saving my life.” She glanced back at him, surprised. “I mean it, if you hadn’t come I’d be rotting in that abnormal’s stomach right now.”

“You’re welcome,” she said, looking forward again. “I didn’t do anything special though. It’s my duty.”

“Don’t be like that, Helios. You could’ve killed that thing and I still could’ve died from falling. You went out of your way to cut me out.”

“I guess I did.” She smiled. “Also, why do you still call me that?”

He tilted his head to the side. “What do you mean?”

“You still call me by my surname. We’ve known each other for almost a year now, and we’ve been friends for most of that time. Why don’t you call me by my first name?”

“I guess I never thought to use it. But I can call you by that if you wish.”

“You don’t have to-”

“Claire, thank you, again, for saving me.”

Why did her name sound so good in his voice? Why did it make her heart flutter?

“You’re welcome, Levi.”

Claire smiled like an idiot for the rest of the ride back to Wall Maria, feeling giddier than she should.


	4. Revenge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for the support! I'll try and update as often as I can!

Hange had called a meeting for the entire squad. This was unusual, because she usually just pulled them aside and talked to them individually if she had something to say, even if the matter involved everyone. Claire glanced around the table, Hange hadn’t arrived yet. Everyone else was present. She had actually bothered to learn their names. After deciding to befriend Levi, she thought it would be hypocritical if she didn’t. In her squad there was Harvey, the perfectionist, and probably the best at killing titans amongst them, Leah, the somewhat austere woman who had a soft spot for children, Ken, who was very tall and very kind, and lastly there was Margaret, a quiet youth who was fairly new to the squad. Claire and Harvey had been a part of the squad the longest, they came from the same cadet training group. She had always imagined this small rivalry with him in her mind, but it didn’t actually exist.

“Hey, squad!” Hange threw the door open. 

They all stood in surprise, saluting swiftly. “Captain.”

She laughed. “At ease, soldiers.”

The group sat down while Hange placed the documents she carried on the table. “You all are probably confused about why I have asked you to come here. This whole group conference thing isn’t really my style, but I thought it appropriate for the situation.”

_ This must be something really important, then, _ thought Claire, running a hand through her hair. 

“I’m not going to be your captain anymore,” Hange stated. “I’ve been given a promotion to be a new Section Commander, and because of this I will be assigned a new squad to specifically help me with my titan research. Don’t worry, you all will still be together, just under new leadership. This wasn’t entirely my choice, I had to consult the higher-ups before coming to a decision.”

Claire’s eyes widened. She was surprised. Hange had been her captain for such a long time, it would be strange to not fall under her command anymore. And she was now a section commander? That was strange, considering Erwin had been made one not long ago. Who would be the new squad leader? Hange had said that by helping train Levi and the others it could help her climb the ranks! She had also helped with a lot of special requests! Could she-

“Harvey will be taking my place. I just wanted to let you all know at the same time since I’ll be busier with my new duties.”

Everyone at the table was surprised, well, everyone except Harvey.

_ Idiot. She would have talked to you personally about it before announcing it to the squad. Why did you have your hopes up? _

Leah looked at Claire, almost surprised that it wasn’t her. 

She looked down at her hands, her heart aching. She didn’t try to be, but Claire felt like she was Hange’s favorite; after forcing her and Levi to make up, and having her test the new fighting method. So why was she not chosen?

Hange left the room and the rest of the squad followed, congratulating Harvey as they exited. Claire’s “congrats” was emotionless. She didn’t even look at him, because she knew that if she did she would probably cry.

“Helios?” Someone tapped Claire on the shoulder once she was through the door.

“What is it?” She looked at the speaker. It was Leah.

The woman folded her arms. “I’m sorry, you must be disappointed.”

“Is it that obvious?”

Leah gave her a sympathetic smile. “A little, but maybe that’s because I was looking for it. I thought you would get the position for sure.”

“Yeah, I thought so too, but,” she sighed. “I’m not as good at Harvey, so it makes sense.”

“If it’s any consolation, I think that you are better than him at many things.”

“Like what?”

“You’d be a better leader because you are a lot kinder and more sociable than him. That’s important, especially when it comes to taking in new recruits,” she replied frankly. “You’ve worked with new recruits before, and tough ones at that. That experience would’ve been very useful.” 

Claire let out a sigh. “Maybe next time.”

“Don’t beat yourself up about it,” Leah said, putting a hand on her shoulder. “Do you want to have tea or something together to help you feel better?”

She shook her head. “I think I’ll deal with this alone in my room.” She smiled at her squadmate. “Thank you for the offer, though.”

The two parted, and Claire sulked towards her quarters. All energy seemed to have fled her body, so she flopped onto the bed, trying to dissociate from everything. She hadn’t felt this crappy in years. Her mind kept going back to the harsh feelings of disappointment, and she began to cry. She was working  _ so hard _ ! Why had she been stuck in the same place for years? She did everything she could to excel and stand out, but she supposed it was all for nothing. She just wanted to give up. Her efforts didn’t bear any fruit, so there was no point in trying anymore.

It seemed like she stayed in that position for hours, letting tears roll down her cheeks. A knock sounded at her door. Letting out a groan, she half-heartedly called out, “What do you want?”

“Claire,” a muffled voice said. “I heard about what happened. Are you okay?”

“If you heard about it, then you should already know the answer to that question,” she responded, rolling over to face the door.

“Do you want to talk about it?” The voice paused. “I brought tea.”

Claire couldn’t say no to free tea. “Fine.” She wiped tears from her face and straightened out her hair before opening the door.

Levi stood there, arms full with the materials for tea. He was not who she expected, her face grew a little red. She didn’t want him to see her when she was like this, but at this point it was too late. 

_ I guess I have no choice. _

She helped him carry the supplies to the small table that was against the wall furthest from her bed. Claire offered to prepare the tea, but Levi insisted that she sit down. “I’m here to help you feel better, and it would defeat the purpose of that if I made you do the work.” That made her smile. She already was beginning to feel a bit better. It was nice knowing that he- that someone cared. 

As Levi added the sugar to her tea, Claire asked, “How did you find out?”

“You didn’t show up to lunch, so I asked around. One of your squadmates, Leah I think, told me that I would find you here,” he paused. “She winked at me as I left. Strange woman.”

Claire tried to hide her blush, she would have to explain to Leah later that this was nothing more than a friendship. “I’m sorry, I guess I got all caught up in my self-pity and I forgot about meeting up with you.” She braced herself for shouts of anger, but they didn’t come.

“Don’t apologize,” he said, taking a sip of his tea. “I’m not great when it comes to expressing my own emotions, but I understand how they can take over. Sadness, disappointment, anger. They can overwhelm a person.” He rested his free hand on top of hers. “And that’s why I want to do whatever I can to help you feel better, Claire.”

Her heart almost leapt out of her chest. “O-oh. You don’t have to go out of your way to do that. I have my go-to during times like these.” Why was he being so nice to her? She had forgotten to meet up with him. In the past when this sort of thing happened, she was punished.

“Really? I don’t suppose you could tell me what this ‘go-to’ is?” He raised his cup to his lips, waiting for her response before drinking.

“It’s um…”

“Laying in your bed, crying? That’s what I thought.” Levi set his teacup down. “Please, allow me to help you feel better. It’s annoying when you don’t act like yourself.”

Claire didn’t know how to respond. This was surprisingly…. sweet of Levi. Of course, he had been a lot nicer to her compared to when they first were acquainted, but this was on a whole new level. She wasn’t used to this type of kindness.

“If you’re not going to say anything, at least drink your tea,” he said. “It’s getting cold.”

“Oh, right.” She took a sip of the sweet liquid, a small smile forming on her lips.

“That’s better. You’re starting to look more like yourself again.”

“Levi, I haven’t felt like this in a long time. What do you do to help yourself feel better?”

“Well, I usually try to fight or kill something.”

Claire laughed softly. “Of course that’s what you’d say.”

He took a long sip of tea before speaking again. “We all cope differently. Fighting is naturally relaxing for me, well, in some cases. We could clean up your room, if you’d rather do that. Cleaning is therapeutic for me.” He looked around her quarters, which Claire thought were quite clean, but she did suppose that Levi’s standards were very high.

“Hmmm… I’d rather not.” She pondered for a moment. “The more I think about it, the more I see how fighting can work. We could try it, but let's not run off to kill titans without any backup.” A dark memory started to form in the edge of her mind. She pushed it away. “We could spar? Or practice your special move? I’m still getting the hang of it, and I could use it.”

He smiled for a moment, and he went back to his usual RBF after he noticed her staring. “We can do that, if you think it will help, of course. But, let’s finish our tea first. I put a lot of effort into bringing it here.”

“Of course, I can’t pass up this once in a lifetime opportunity.” She winked. “I’ll be able to brag to my children, ‘ _ The _ Levi made tea for me once’. They’ll be so impressed with me. What an accomplishment!”

Levi rolled his eyes as he took a sip. Claire found the strange way he held his teacup cute, maybe that was because she knew the reason why. Feeling a lot better than she had minutes ago, she drank her tea.

* * *

Hand-to-hand wasn’t Claire’s best form of fighting, but it did help her feel better. Who knew throwing punches at Levi could be so healing? Sparring with him wasn’t easy, though. He was fast, and more skilled in combat than her. Plus he played dirty when he wanted to.  _ They’re probably tricks that he picked up when in the Underground City…  _ She could tell he was going easy on her, but it still proved challenging. When she finally landed a hit on his right cheek, Claire stopped everything to celebrate. 

Levi kept going. 

He bowled into her stomach, knocking both of them into the ground. She closed her eyes as she felt her body reach the dirt. 

Claire felt the wind get knocked out of her, she gasped for breath. Opening her eyes, she felt all of the blood immediately rush to her face. Levi was pinning her down by the wrists. He was so close, she could see the small flecks of gray in his irises. They stared into each others’ eyes for what seemed like ages. She stiffened, preparing herself for when he let go.

Levi stood up, and held a hand out to her. “Good work. I think,” he said. He seemed flustered, but that couldn’t be right. Nothing could break Levi’s composure like that. “I think we should be done with that for now.”

“Agreed,” she said, taking his hand and allowing him to help her up. Fanning her face, she spoke again, “Can we practice your move now?”

“Sure, just let me get a drink of water first.” He took a swig from his canteen, and held it out to her.

Claire took the canteen and took a quick sip of the liquid. Her face was still extremely hot.  _ What just happened was an accident, it was  _ nothing _. NOTHING. _

She tossed the canteen to Levi, and he caught it with one hand, not even looking up at it. 

There was no way Levi could be interested in her in  _ that _ way. She was way below him, and he deserved someone who is as strong as him. Someone who was at his level.  _ Wait. Why am I even worrying about this? His love life has nothing to do with me. I’m just his friend. That’s all we’ll ever be. _

“You ready?”

She nodded, grabbing a pair of practice blades, fakes that were made of wood so they wouldn’t cause any harm. 

“We’re not using those today,” Levi said, brandishing the real swords. “I think you’re ready to move on to using these.”

A lump formed in her throat. “Are you sure? I don’t want to risk hurting you.”

“I’ll be fine. I’m faster than you.” He handed her the swords. “First, I’ll make sure your form is correct, then we’ll move on to practice on the fake titans. You brought your ODM Gear, right?”

She shook her head. “I didn’t realize we would be doing this part today. I can go get it right now, though.”

“It’s fine. You can use mine, I won’t be needing it anyway.”

“But what if I lose control again?” She shuddered at the thought. Memories of that day haunted her nightmares, except in those dreams she hadn’t been saved. She had died. 

“You won’t lose control. I know that you are ready to do this.”

“But-”

“Let’s not worry about that part until we get there. Right now let’s work on your form.”

“Okay.” Claire gripped the blades in her hands, she held one facing behind her. It felt awkward being held in that manner, and it felt even stranger doing so with the actual sword instead of the wooden one.

“You’re not doing it quite right…” Levi said as he looked her up and down.

“Sorry, I’m not the one who invented the trick.”

“Ha. Ha.” He moved behind her and put his hand on top of hers. She felt her whole body go stiff. “Move it this way, the blade must be facing at a certain angle.” Holding her other wrist, he adjusted the position of the front-facing sword. “Don’t forget to keep this one steady as well. Both swords have to be in perfect position or you won't be able to control the spinning with your ODM gear.”

_ Just a friend. Just a friend. Just a friend.  _ She repeated the sentence over and over. He was so  _ close _ to her, she could feel his breath on her neck. Claire did her best to follow his direction, but she kept getting distracted by his smell. It was a clean smell, a mix between mint and citrus. Her cheeks grew hot and she prayed to God that Levi didn’t notice. What would he-

“Do you think you’re ready to try it without me?” His voice brought her back to reality.

“Sure,” she said quickly. 

He let go and took a few steps back. “Drop the swords and pick them up. I want to see if you can get in the position on your own.”

Claire set the blades down gently, not wanting to break them. She took a deep breath before bending over to pick them up. Carefully, she moved her right hand so she held the sword underhand. She angled it as Levi had instructed, and tried to balance the other blade at the same time.  _ God, this feels so strange. _ She looked at Levi, hoping that she was doing it correctly.

He walked around her, examining her form. “Yes. This is much better. I think we can try the ODM gear now.”

A pit grew in her stomach. “Levi, I don’t think I can do it. Not today, at least.” She set down the swords and looked at the ground.

“Why not?”

Her eyes met his and she smiled sadly. “Well, we came here because I wasn’t feeling so good about myself, right? I’d like to end today’s training on a high note. I don’t want to risk ending it on a low one.” 

He searched her eyes for a moment, for what, she wasn’t sure. “Alright. I did say I wanted to help you, and I’ll keep my word. What do you want to do now? We still have a lot of time before the day ends.” 

She looked at him surprised.  _ Does he plan to stay with me until I’m completely myself again?  _

He saw the way she was looking at him. “Unless you want to spend the rest of the day alone. That’s fine, I understand.” He picked up his satchel and turned to walk away.

“No!” Claire grabbed his wrist. “Don’t leave. Please.”

He raised an eyebrow at her.

“I-I don’t want to spend the rest of this day alone. I’m afraid I’ll fall back into that pit of despair. With you here, I was able to forget my troubles. I felt happy. I’d like for that to continue.” Tears were in her eyes. Why was she crying?  _ Damn, my emotions are all over the place today. _

“I won’t leave. I just felt like you didn’t want to be with me anymore,” he said, scratching the back of his neck with his free hand. “I’m not the most cheerful company, so I thought maybe I was making things worse.”

She let go of his wrist, wiping tears from her eyes. “That couldn’t be farther from the truth, Levi. I think I’m the happiest when I’m with you.”

He looked at her, shocked, before turning around and mumbled, “You shouldn’t just say things like that, Claire.”

“What did you say?”

“Let’s get dinner, while we eat we can plan what comes next.” Levi made his way towards the building. 

“Wait up!” Claire put the swords away before grabbing her satchel and jogging to catch up with him.

* * *

Levi had offered to get food for the both of them, so Claire waited patiently at their usual table. As he brought the food over, she noticed Leah and waved at her. Her squadmate raised a hand in acknowledgement. She saw Levi sitting beside Claire and winked at her mouthing, “Nice catch.” 

Claire blushed as she shook her head mouthing, “It’s not like that.” 

Leah laughed, giving her another wink. 

“That’s the woman who helped me find you earlier,” said Levi as he passed some of the food to Claire.

“I see. That’s Leah, she’s definitely the one I’ve grown closest to in the squad.” Claire happily dug into her food. They were given the good meat today, which had helped to lift her spirits. “Mmmm! This is so good! Levi, have you tried some yet?” He hadn’t touched his food. Why was that? 

“I’m not that hungry. You can have mine.”

“Are you sure? It’s the good stuff today, I’d hate for you to miss out.”

“Yes, I’m sure,” he replied, waving a hand at his full plate. “It’d be a shame for it to get cold…”

“You’re right.” She took a fork and stabbed it into his chunk of meat, moving it to hers. “Thanks, Levi.” 

As she was eating, she noticed that Levi was staring at Hange. He seemed to be focused on her.  _ Did he…? _ No. That was ridiculous, the two hardly interacted.

“You were put into a bad mood because of Hange, correct?” asked Levi, still eyeing the woman as she spoke with Erwin.

“I guess.” She shrugged as she swallowed her last bit of food. “She _ is _ the one who didn’t give me the promotion.”

“We still need to get revenge on her for locking us out on the balcony that night.” He smirked, looking her in the eye. “I’m sure that would help you feel better.”

“Revenge? Like a prank?”

“Sure, if that’s what you want to do.”

Claire clapped her hands together. She loved a good prank. Only the kinds that were harmless, though. “Hmmm… What should we do to prank her?”

“I have an idea. Let’s clean her office.”

“That’s- no. Levi, do you know what a prank is?”

He closed his eyes, his cheeks a slight shade of pink. “Well, I didn’t have what you would call a normal upbringing. I’ve never really done anything like this before.”

Claire put a hand on his shoulder, looking him in the eye. “Oh, Levi. I’m honored to be the one to teach you about how practical jokes work.” A smirk growing on her lips, she said, “I think I have an idea of what to do. But first, we need to go somewhere private. We don’t want anyone eavesdropping.”

They went back to Claire’s room to discuss what the prank would entail. She explained her plan to him, and he listened attentively. It was cute how intense his expression was as he nodded in agreement. 

“Okay, Hange always takes a nap before she has night meetings,” Claire explained. “And if I recall correctly, she should be having her first meeting with all of the section commanders tonight, in a few hours. One of us will have to sneak in while she’s sleeping and complete phase one.”

“I can do it. I’m used to moving around in the dark, so I should be able to do it without running into anything.”

“Alright. We should be safe to go now. Let’s move.”

The two snuck over to Hange’s room. Claire checked under the door because Levi refused to get onto the floor and dirty his clothes. There was no light. She gave the signal, and Levi snuck into the room. She waited for what felt like ages before he came back out, a small smile on his face. The prank was not only good for her mood, but his as well. 

“It’s done.” He held up a pair of glasses in his hand. The only pair that Hange owned, in fact. “I did the other part as well.”

“Good.” She smiled. “Now let’s head to the table. We’ll be able to see her when she’s on her way to the meeting.”

It was an hour before they saw the result of the first part of their prank. Hange came bustling down the hall, bumping into people and things, nearly blind without her glasses. As she got closer, they were able to see that her uniform was on inside out. Not being able to see, the Section Commander wasn’t able to tell that her clothes had been tampered with. 

It took everything in Claire not to laugh. As the woman passed, she and Levi saluted. Hange didn’t even notice them as she rushed to the meeting room. As soon as she had passed, Claire burst out laughing. She looked at Levi, who had cracked a smile and was laughing softly. This made her mood even better.

“Okay, let’s execute the next phase of the prank,” she said, taking his hand and leading him down the hall. 

Levi set Hange’s glasses right where he had found them. It would be almost as if they had never disappeared in the first place. But, there was still more to the plan. They spent the entirety of the meeting moving every single object and piece of furniture in the room by two centimeters. Levi was especially good at this. Closing the door behind them, they took a few steps before bumping into Hange. 

“Hello… you two.” She didn’t say their names because she couldn’t identify who was in front of her.

“Hey, Section Commander.” Claire saluted. “Excuse us. We’re sorry for being in your way.”

“It’s alright, soldier,” she replied, walking past. “I hope you two have a good night.” It appeared Hange still hadn’t recognized them.

“Oh, we will,” she whispered, smiling at Levi. 

He gave a small smile in response.

They heard Hange close the door, and they both moved over to press their ears against the wood. Multiple sounds of bumping occurred followed by small curses from Hange. They both chuckled softly, imagining what the Section Commander looked like in their minds.

“Were they here the whole time?!”

Claire tapped Levi on the shoulder and motioned that they should leave. They had seen their prank through. Laughing nearly the entire way, the two went to the balcony. She ran a hand through her hair as she rested her back against the railing. 

“That was good! The look on her face! Golden!”

Levi rested his arms on the railing, looking into the night sky. “That was fun. I actually enjoyed it. I wasn’t sure at first.”

She bumped his arm with her elbow. “You did so well. You’re a natural.”

He shrugged. “Being a former thief probably helped.”

“Probably.” She giggled.

Levi was silent. He simply looked at her.

She noticed his expression. “Levi?”

“Sorry, I, um, I just hope I was able to help you feel better.” He closed his eyes. “You seemed really down today, and I couldn’t let you stay that way.”

Claire moved so she was resting against the railing in the same way he was. “I do feel better, now. Spending time with you helped a lot, but I’m still disappointed. It may be awhile before the higher ups see my good qualities, though.”

He shook his head. “That isn’t right, though.”

“What do you mean?”

“I just can’t understand it.”

“Understand what?”

Levi looked her in the eyes. “I can’t understand why they can’t see you in the same way I do. You’re amazing, Claire. You’re kind, sociable, and honestly the easiest person to like around here. No one else has those qualities, the qualities that make you  _ you _ . If they can’t see you for who you truly are, Claire, then they don’t deserve to have you in their ranks.”

Claire stared at him, she had no words. How could she respond to that? She had never heard Levi have that much emotion in his voice, and she had never heard him say those types of things. In this moment, she could tell this was the most honest he had ever been with her. 

“You’re my friend, Claire. I want the best for you...” He paused. “Even if it isn’t in the Survey Corps. You’ve told me about your family and it seems like they genuinely care for you. If it would make you happier, I wish you’d go and be with them.”

“Levi, I appreciate the sentiment, but I’m not going anywhere.” She smiled at him. “I can’t leave. Who else would make sure you don't get yourself killed?”

“My squadmates?”

She shook her head. “I don’t trust them.”

“But are you really happy here?”

“Didn’t I say so earlier? As long as you’re here I am.”

“Claire…” His eyes softened.

“It’s been a long day. We’re both tired. We should go to bed before we say something we may regret.”

Levi agreed. He walked her to her room again. This time, they both rested against the surface of the door once it was closed, not realizing the other was still present. Both were lost in thoughts about what had happened that day.


	5. Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW// There is death and a little bit of gore in this chapter. Nothing more graphic than the show.
> 
> This was one of my favorite chapters to write. I hope you guys like it!

Wall Maria had fallen around six months ago and the Survey Corps, along with able bodied citizens, were sent on countless expeditions to try and get Wall Maria back. None of the untrained people survived. All that was left of the Survey Corps was a few of the more elite squads and the fresh set of Cadets that had come the previous week.  _ So many lives lost… and the government didn't even care. _ Claire had grown bitter towards the country’s officials because of this. Who were they to decide the value of a life? They could have seen that it was pointless. There was no way they could get the wall back, they could've just settled for what they had. But they didn’t. They were too worried that they wouldn’t be able to feed everyone, so they just sent the leftovers to their deaths.

Today was supposed to be one of the last expeditions to “recover” the wall. They claimed that they should find survivors, but she doubted that was the case.  _ I’m sure they just want us to salvage anything that could be useful to them. All of the people will be dead by now. _ The entire Survey Corps had been sent on this mission because they needed to cover  _ a lot _ of ground. 

Her squad had left from Trost, her hometown. She was able to visit her family, which consisted of her mother, father, and three younger sisters. As she walked towards her home, Claire was first greeted by Gertrude, the sister who was the oldest after Claire and was ten years younger than she was, and had been very sickly since birth. Not far behind their elder sister, came Vanessa and Hannah, the twins. Her sisters were disappointed that Levi wasn’t with her (his squad had left from a different point, not too far away, though), because they had heard a lot about him and wanted to meet the man.

“Have you two started dating yet?” asked Hannah.

“Dating? Me and Levi? That’s never going to happen, we are just good friends.”

Her family wasn’t convinced, especially her mother.

“Dating or not, it would be nice to meet the person who has been keeping an eye on our girl,” said Dad, giving Claire a big hug. He was in a wheelchair, so she had to lean down to do so. “Next time you have the chance to come to Trost, you should bring him along.”

“I’ll try to, Dad.” She smiled. 

The conversation with her family had happened hours ago, but she kept finding herself thinking about it. One of the great walls had fallen, and now her family lived right next to hostile territory. What if Trost was to fall next? She shook her head, she couldn’t let these thoughts distract her. There was a mission at hand, she needed to keep her mind clear and alert.

“You alright, Claire?” asked Leah. The two of them had become better friends after the whole Harvey becoming squad leader thing. Claire needed a female friend, even if Levi was disappointed she wouldn’t be spending as much time with him. He tried to hide his disappointment, but she could see through him. In fact, during the time that they had been trying to reclaim the wall, she had grown closer to all of the people in her squad, including Harvey. He wasn’t so bad once you got to know him.

“Yeah, I just can’t help worrying for my family,” she replied honestly. “The Walls have seemed so indestructible, but now that we know they can be broken… I just hope that Wall Rose doesn’t fall as well.”

“I’m nervous about it too,” said Margaret, keeping her focus on the path in front of them. “It’s scary when something big like this happens.”

“Let’s just hope nothing like that ever happens again. It’s all we really can do.” Ken had decided to share his opinion. “Once they’re in, there’s no way to get them out.”

“As much as I love the small talk,” shouted Harvey from the front of the group. “We have to quiet down. We are about to reach the town. There could be titans and I would prefer it if we don’t alert them of our presence.”

The squad fell silent, and Claire observed the town ahead of them. Buildings were crushed, and there was no sign of any life. She doubted that there would be any living people left. Harvey led the squad into the settlement before splitting the group in half. Claire and Ken were together, and those who were left were grouped with one another.

“Make sure to stay together, if you get seperated for any reason, please send up a gray signal,” he instructed. “If there is a titan that you don’t think your group can handle, please shoot a red signal. If you see an abnormal shoot a black signal,  _ no matter what _ . Understand, soldiers?”

“Yes, Captain.” They all saluted before riding off in their assigned directions. Claire and Ken were to take the west side, while the others took the east.

Out of all of her squadmates, Ken was the one Claire knew the least about. She could tell he had a kind nature, but he also could be very pessimistic. He was even more quiet than Levi, which was no small feat. As they ventured through the streets, they stayed silent. They did not want to risk alerting any titans of their presence. Ken would keep watch as Claire opened doors and surveyed the houses.

She found bodies. So many bodies. Men, women, and children alike. Her stomach grew sick. She would never get used to this. It was disgusting that titans would entirely eat people whole, but other times they would only eat bits and pieces. The creatures’ nature was truly a mystery.

As Claire searched each house, she would gather weapons and tools that could be useful for those inside Wall Rose. She felt terrible taking from these people, even if they were dead. After ransacking a house, she would pack the items on hers or Ken’s horse. They were nearing the end of their area when she found a three meter titan inside one of the houses. She used her ODM gear to hook onto the ceiling, pushing off with her feet and slicing the neck of the beast. It was an easy kill, so she didn’t feel the need to send a signal. She gathered her bearings and went out to her partner. 

“I just killed a three meter in there. Keep an eye out for more.”

He nodded. “Hopefully we don’t run into anything much worse than that.”

“We can agree on that,” she said, hopping back onto her horse. “We just have one more house, then we can meet with the others.”

“Perfect. This place gives me the creeps.”

The last house was clear, Claire was able to salvage some shovels and an axe. It was a decent haul, but she had seen better. She was grateful that their job was over, for now. They still had another town to check up on. 

_ I wonder how Levi is doing?  _ She thought.  _ Wait, why am I thinking about that right now? We need to rendezvous with the others. _

“Claire, they’ve shot the black signal!”

Alert, they rode towards the line of smoke that arced in the sky. Hopefully the abnormal had already been dealt with, but it was better to make sure they were okay. They reached the others about a minute after the signal was shot. Margaret covered an ear with one hand and held the signal with the other. She was watching the horses while Harvey and Leah worked together to take the thing down. It was on all fours. Claire hadn’t seen a titan like that since the first expedition with Levi. 

Leah cut at the wrists and ankles while Harvey tried to go for the kill. The titan had dark long hair that covered the neck, making it difficult to see where the nape was. Harvey sliced at the hair, shortening it so he could see where he should land the killing blow.  _ Smart. _ He shot himself into the air with the gas before propelling himself towards the neck, cutting deep. His blades shattered as they exited the titan. He dodged them with grace and landed beside Leah, who had moved out of the way to avoid being crushed by the beast. It appeared that they weren’t needed. 

Claire let out a sigh of relief. They hadn’t lost anyone in this squad for a long time, and she didn’t want to break that streak. They finished inspecting the town without any more trouble. They were lucky. Claire was sure some squads would be experiencing a lot worse during this mission. 

“Alright, squad. Let’s head to the next location.” Harvey led them forward. 

They had been riding for an hour or so, talking to each other and having as good of a time that one could have when risking their lives, when they saw another squad in the distance. Harvey looked at his notes. “That should be Sean Squad. They were the ones assigned to the areas closest to us.”

_ Sean Squad _ , thought Claire.  _ That’s where Levi is assigned! Maybe we’ll get the chance to see each other! _ She smiled.

Leah moved to ride beside Claire. “Your man is in that squad, right?”

Claire sighed. “Levi is not ‘my man’. He’s just a good friend.”

“Right, a good friend that you are constantly spending time with.”

“He’s the first friend I’ve had in awhile,” she responded. “And I really enjoy his company.”

“That’s surprising,” said Ken from behind. “I hear he’s a total ass to everyone he meets.”

“Well, once you get to know him, he gets better.” She laughed, remembering how sour her first impression of him had been.

“I’ve seen the difference,” Margaret added. “He seems nicer when he’s around you.”

“Maybe he  _ likes _ you,” teased Leah.

“It’s nothing like that!”

Their conversation was silenced by Harvey shooting a green signal into the sky, letting Sean Squad know of their presence and that all was well. Another trail of green smoke came from the other squad. Things were safe on their end. 

“Let’s meet up with them!” ordered Harvey, whipping his reins. The rest of the squad galloped after him. It took them a few minutes to reach the other squad, who had stopped when they noticed the group racing towards them. Claire met Levi’s eye and waved. He waved back. 

Sean, a thin, red-haired man, rode up to her squad leader. “Harvey, I’ve noticed something on the maps, and I have something I want to try. I believe it will take two squads to accomplish, though.”

Harvey nodded. “We’ll hear your plan.” 

“I was looking at this map and noticed this forest that is in between the two settlements we are supposed to be inspecting next. I wonder if civilians chose to hide in the cover of the trees because they believed it would be safer there.” Sean gestured to the trees that were some kilometers ahead of them. “I think we should send a squad inside to look for people, while the other scouts the perimeter.”

“Yes, I agree with that. We wouldn’t want to pass over any possible survivors. My squad can take the inside,” Harvey suggested.

“Alright. Let’s ride to the edge together and we can split up once we get there.”

The Captains separated, signalling their soldiers to follow them. The group of Scouts rode swiftly towards the forest. They would need this to be done quickly, so there wouldn’t be too much of a delay in their schedule. Claire rode in between Levi and Leah, avoiding looking at either because she didn’t want the latter to think she was pining after the former. 

As the group slowed down, Levi turned to Claire. “Be safe in there, okay?”

“Aw! Are you worried about me?” she teased.

He rolled his eyes. “I just don’t want to miss out on my free tea.”

Claire laughed. “Okay, I’ll believe that for now.” She saluted at him. “See you on the other side.”

“See you.”

Harvey’s squad burst into the trees, fanning out. “I want us all to stay together! We’ll have safety in numbers! If you get split off from the group send up a signal!”

“Sir!” they shouted in unison.

The trees that surrounded them were tall with thick leaves, small rays of sunlight cut through the air, but it was still dim. It was difficult to see too far in front of oneself. Claire doubted that any people had come here and survived, but she appreciated the fact that the squad leaders had cared enough to try and save some lives. The Scouts looked for any signs of human life, but they found none.

“Alright squad, let’s take a break. I’m going to check the map real quick.” Harvey started digging through his satchel.

Claire grabbed her canteen and took a large swig of water. She hadn’t realized how thirsty she was until she felt the cool liquid going down her throat. Everyone else drank until Harvey spoke again.

“Okay, we need to follow a different path, there’s supposed to be a fallen tree ahead. I don’t want to risk injuring our horses trying to-”

A hand erupted from the trees, lifting Harvey into the air. He didn’t have time to react before he was thrown into a giant mouth and eaten alive. His screams echoed through the trees. The rest of the squad looked in complete shock. Their leader had been killed so quickly.

“EVERYONE IN THE TREES! NOW!” Claire shouted, standing on her horse and aiming her ODM gear to the branches above.

Ken was quick, shooting himself into the trees. Margaret was frozen, tears in her eyes. Cursing, Leah swooped in, picking up the girl bridal style. They all had gotten to the trees safely.

“Okay, time to kill this thing! Ken, you and I will take it on! Leah, you keep watch and help calm Margaret down!” They all nodded as Claire hooked onto the titan’s shoulder. It was fifteen meters tall and had sinister looking eyes.

She flew beside Ken and shouted, “You try to kill it, I’m going to try and bring it to its knees!” He nodded in understanding, shooting himself toward the head of the creature.

Claire used Levi’s technique to spin through the air (she wasn’t comfortable using it on a titan yet), and stopped herself as she reached the ankle of the creature. She hooked onto the upper thigh and slashed at the ankles. Steam blew into her face, the inside of her throat getting burned. It hurt like hell, but she had to keep going. They wouldn’t lose another squadmate. Not while she was still breathing.

Hooking onto the other thigh, she blasted towards the other ankle, slicing it deep. The titan fell to its knees, making the ground vibrate. But something was strange. The ground kept rumbling. What could it-

“Ken! Watch out!”

The man, who was about to make the killing blow, looked up just as a titan grabbed him from the air and shoved him into its mouth. Claire screamed at Leah or Margaret to help her with the two titans, but as she looked over to them, a third titan was lifting up Margaret.

Leah pulled out her blades and sliced at the fingers of the creature. The young girl tried to activate her ODM gear, but for some reason the gas wasn’t coming out. She fell to the earth with a sickening thud. 

A hand swiped at Claire and she spun, moving just out of its path. Almost unable to stop herself, she landed on the tree branch Leah was on.

“What now, Captain?” asked her squadmate, fear in her eyes.

“I-I’m not sure. Let’s try and kill the one that’s already weak-” she looked at the first titan, whose ankles had already healed.  _ Dammit. _

“We have to act fast! All of them are fifteen meter, and one of them is bound to be abnormal, considering our luck so far.” Leah grimaced.

The third titan stooped down, picking up Margaret’s limp body and ripping her head off.

The two looked at each other. This was their opening. Blasting into the air, they hooked onto the back of the distracted creature. Claire slashed at the tender spot behind the knee, while Leah launched into the air, blades raised for the kill.

A fourth titan snatched Leah from the air and threw her to the ground. Claire heard her friend’s neck snap as she hit the ground. Claire was the only one left. It was her and three fifteen meter titans, and one abnormal. 

_ I’m going to die. _

If she was going to die, she would at least try to take one of these bastards with her. She attached new blades, the last ones she had, before charging. Throat on fire, Claire screamed as she hooked onto the abnormal’s neck. She used Levi’s technique, spiraling along the titan’s arm, but she was going too fast. She felt herself disconnect from the flesh, and she was spinning in the air. Trying to stop was useless, she kept spinning, and this time there was no Levi to save her. 

The breath was knocked out of her as she collided with one of the trees. She gasped for air as she slid down the trunk. Chunks of metal had embedded themselves in her arm. Her blades had shattered when they hit the tree, and the shrapnel had cut into her skin. Attempting to activate her ODM gear, tears started to fall down her face.  _ No gas. _ This was it. This was how she was going to die. Alone.

Black spots danced in her vision. She probably had a concussion. A laugh escaped her lips.  _ How was Levi able to stand like this? The man was truly impossible. _ She began to cry again as she thought of him and her comrades. She would never see her squad’s smiles again. She wouldn’t be able to tease Hange about her obsession with titans anymore. She would never drink tea with Levi again. She would never get the chance to say that she-

One of the fifteen meters picked her up in its massive hand, squeezing what little breath that was inside her lungs out. Claire closed her eyes. At least she had tried in the end. She could accept this death. It was quite peaceful, actually, except, was that screaming she heard?

The sound of slicing metal filled the air, and the titan fell, and Claire with it. She didn’t fall too far, she had barely left the ground in the first place. Had time slowed when she was lost in her depressing thoughts? It didn’t matter. She was so sleepy… A nap sounded so nice… Black started flooding her vision asking she watched a spinning figure fly through the sky, killing the titans one by one.

Her eyes closed and she felt herself slipping away. Yes. Sleep sounded very nice. It would be even nicer to never wake up… This world was harsh, and this blackness was so comforting. 

“Claire!”

Claire? Was that what her name was? She was having trouble remembering.

“CLAIRE!”

Who was being so noisy? She just wanted to sleep. She opened her eyes to see who the nuisance was. It was a man. He was so handsome, even with steaming blood covering his face. His pale blue eyes were wide with worry.

“Claire! Thank God! Don’t worry, I’ll get you out of here! Please, stay awake for me!”

Was he picking her up? His arms were so warm. She felt so safe. He was safe. Unlike him. She felt as if she could fall asleep in his embrace. Claire (yes, that was her name) reached up and put a hand on his cheek. 

“Thank you,” she whispered weakly. Her voice was raspy from her burnt throat, and the yelling hadn’t helped much either.

He, Levi, (that was his name, right?) looked down at her, tears of happiness in his eyes. “There’s no need to thank me- just try to stay conscious, alright?”

Conscious. What did that word mean again? Her mind felt like it was slipping away. She couldn’t remember. There was something she wanted to tell this man. What was it again? Oh, yes. “Levi?”

He spoke as he carried her through the sky. “Yes, Claire? What is it?”

“There’s something I wanted to tell you, just in case I don’t make it-”

“Don’t say that. You’re gonna be fine.”

“Levi, I… I…” The sentence was never finished, because the blackness suddenly consumed her.

* * *

It was bright when Claire woke up. She looked to the side and saw the blurry silhouette of someone sitting in a chair right next to where she lay, hunched over, their face in their hands. She blinked until her vision cleared up. The person was Levi.

“Levi?” she croaked out, sitting herself up.

At the mention of his name, he looked up. Claire could see dark circles under his eyes, ones that were darker than the usual ones he wore. His eyes were red. Had he been crying? When he saw her moving, his face was filled with relief. He even smiled, a small and soft smile.

“You’re finally awake. It took you long enough.”

“What happened-” As soon as she said the words, the memories came flooding back. The sound of her friends’ screams as they were eaten. The blood. The pain and the fear. It came all at once. She let out a gasp and tears formed in her eyes.

Levi took her hands in his, concern filling his gaze. “Claire. I know it's hard, it always is. You don’t need to hold anything back. Just let it all out, it’s better than trying to hold it all in.”

She began to sob uncontrollably, she rested her head against his chest, gripping his shirt tight in her hand. Levi didn’t stop her. He placed a hand on her back, pulling her closer, and used the other one to stroke her hair. Tears wouldn’t stop coming, she just kept crying, and he kept her close, trying his best to comfort her.

They stayed like this for what felt like lifetimes. Claire had eventually run out of tears, so she loosened her hold on Levi’s shirt and looked up at him. He looked down at her, running his hand through her hair again.

“Are you feeling better now?”

She nodded. “A little.” Her voice was raspy, and it hurt to talk.

“They said that you burned your throat, you should avoid talking as much as possible.”

“Levi, you saved me. How did you know to come?”

He stopped stroking her hair for a moment, but resumed as he spoke. “I was patrolling the perimeter with the rest of my squad, but at one point I had this feeling in my stomach. It felt like something was off. We hadn’t seen any titans on the edge, which was very suspicious. I asked Sean and he gave me permission to try and find your squad and assist you if I was needed.” He closed his eyes. “I was too late to help your comrades, and for that I’m sorry. But, at least I was able to save you.” When he said this last sentence he looked her in the eyes. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if you had died. When I saw you, I thought you were gone, and it terrified me. I was so relieved when I found out you were still alive.”

“Levi…”

“Claire, I’m so sorry that I came too late,” his voice choked up for a moment. “I feel useless to you, right now. If I had been faster, you wouldn’t be feeling like this.”

“It’s not your fault,” she whispered, touching the side of his face. “It’s my squad’s. We should have been more cautious. And you were able to help me, for all that’s worth.”

He smiled softly. “Thank you, I needed to hear that.”

“Of course.”

Levi took his arms off of her tenderly, a tenderness she had never experienced before. “I should go inform the others that you are awake. Hange wanted to speak with you as soon as you got up. I’ve overstayed my welcome.” He wiped a tear from her cheek before standing up.

After he left, she placed her hands where he had touched her. He had been so… gentle. She felt some warmth in her cheeks. Levi cared for her, a lot more than she had originally thought. Maybe it was his standoffish personality that gave off that impression.

“Claire!” Hange burst into the room, a grin on her face. “It’s good to see you back!”

She tried her best to salute as the Section Commander came in. “Hange-”

“At ease. Saluting is the least of your worries right now,” the woman said as she sat in the chair. “How are you feeling?”

“I’ve been better,” she rasped, rubbing her eyes.

“Oh right, your throat. Let’s keep the talking to a minimum,” Hange said as she pulled out some forms. “I’m sure you’re aware of the situation regarding your squad.”

Claire nodded sadly.

Hange sighed. “That was really unfortunate, I really liked that bunch.”

“Me too…”

Noticing the sadness in her subordinate’s voice, the Section Commander changed the subject of conversation. “You’re now reassigned to the Sean Squad. They lost someone around the same time as… well. Y’know.” Hange winced. Claire smiled softly, she understood how she struggled with keeping her tongue held back. Yes, it still hurt, but she tried to stay strong. Maybe she could even convince herself that she was okay.

“Sean Squad?”  _ With Levi? _

“Yep. You’ll be allowed to officially join them once you are fully recovered.”

“How long was I out?” 

“Nearly a week. Levi was very nervous, so he hardly left this room.”

“He watched over me,” she said, surprised. “For almost an entire week?”

“Yes, a real pain it was, too. We basically had to force him to eat, and we gave up on trying to get him to sleep. Anyways, you should get some more rest, you deserve it. You went through a lot.” Hange smiled, squeezing her hand. “You’re so strong. I’m proud of you.” And with that she left.

Claire laid back down, letting out a long sigh.  _ God, I’m really a mess, aren’t I? _ She closed her eyes, trying to think of good things as she slowly drifted off into sleep.


	6. Nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW// Hints of suicide, also some blood that some may find disturbing

Claire was flying through the air, the sound of gas being blasted filling her ears. She smiled. This feeling, like nothing could bring her down, was amazing. It would never grow old. Leah flew beside her, joking with her. It was almost as if they didn’t have a care in the world. They landed on a branch, taking a breather.

“Where’s Ken? He’s such a slow poke,” said Leah as she wiped sweat from her brow.

“I’m right behind you,” the man said, tapping her on the shoulder. “Maybe if you paid attention to anyone other than yourself, you would’ve seen me.”

“Oops, my bad.”

“C’mon guys, we have to keep going!” shouted Harvey as he flew past them.

“Who’s the slow poke now?” asked Margaret as she soared past, sticking out her tongue.

Hooking her ODM gear on a tree ahead of her, Claire launched into the air. “Not me!”

They flew together for hours, laughing and having a good time. They didn’t stop until they reached the edge of the forest. Sharing a canteen, they all drank some water. Claire hadn’t felt this good in a long time.

“Helios.”

“Huh?” Claire looked at Harvey. 

“You did this to us.”

“What?” She furrowed her brow in confusion. “What do you mean? Did what?”

He didn’t respond. He just stared at her, blood coming out of his mouth. She heard cries of pain, and Claire looked at the others. A wet crimson stain was growing in Ken’s shirt, his hands covered in the stuff. Red liquid poured from Leah’s eyes as if she were crying blood. Margaret’s neck was twisted unnaturally, her eyes lifeless.

“No- what-”

“It’s all your fault, Helios. We’re dead because you weren’t strong enough.”

Hot tears fell down her cheeks as she reached out to her squadmates. They melted into pools of sticky blood in her hands. Claire fell to her knees, covered in the blood that was once her friends. She stared at her hands, sobbing. How could she let this happen? They were all good people and they didn’t deserve to die.

_This is my fault._

“Claire! Get up!” A voice rang through the darkness that surrounded her.

She looked up, she wasn’t in the forest anymore. She was by that abandoned encampment from months ago. There were two abnormal titans attacking a spinning figure. _Levi._

“Help me, Claire! I can’t take them on my own!”

She stood up shakily. Should she help? She was weak. Levi was strong enough, he could kill anything. All she did was get her friends killed. _No. I should try to not be useless for once._ She attached herself to one of the titans, and spun towards it using Levi’s method. She could do this. Making contact with flesh, she sliced up the creature's arm, but she was having trouble stopping herself.

“Claire! You need to stop!”

She tried. She really did. But she couldn’t. Claire hit something that wasn’t the titan. A scream of agony came from Levi. She had hit him. 

_Oh God. Oh God._

The impact had stopped her spiraling, somehow. The damage she had caused was terrible. Blood dripped from his right shoulder, she had cut his arm clean off.

“Levi! Oh my God! This is all my fault!”

He said, using his free arm to hold one of his swords. “I’m not dead yet, so let’s kill these bastards!” With that, he launched into the air, trying to take down the titan. 

Claire was frozen. She couldn’t move. _It’s all my fault._

A hand grabbed Levi, and started to bring him toward its mouth. He looked at her, venom like none other in his eyes. “This is your fault! You’re not experienced enough!”

She reached out towards him, but he spat at her.

“You hesitated. And now I’m dead.”

_You hesitated. You hesitated. You hesitated._

The phrase repeated over and over. At first the voice was Levi’s but it slowly morphed into _his._ She looked at Levi, and his face melted to another. A man with tan skin, deep green eyes and light blonde hair. She froze, terrified.

“You hesitated, Claire.”

“I- I’m sorry.”

“Apologies can’t bring back the dead.” He said, raising a hand to hit her. Teeth clamped down and blocked him from view. But he wasn’t the one being eaten. 

Claire was.

She felt herself slide into the titan’s stomach. The stench of blood surrounded her. She pulled out her blades and tried to slice her way out, but every time she made a cut, it looked as if she was cutting the neck of her friends. _Hange. Harvey. Ken. Margaret. Leah. Him. Levi._ Claire hesitated when she saw his piercing blue eyes. 

“Do it, Claire. Everyone else is already dead because of you,” he said coldly. “Just kill me already and get it over with.”

Claire dropped her swords and slid to her knees, sobbing into her hands. 

“Coward.” 

This time the speaker wasn’t Levi. She looked up to see herself, blades in hand. 

“You always hesitate. This is why you can’t do anything right.”

Claire barely had time to blink before the mirror version of herself moved forward and sliced her neck.

* * *

Claire’s eyes snapped open, a small scream escaping her throat. It still hurt from being burned, but not as much as it used to. She brought her hands to her mouth, and she began to sob. It had been only one night after waking up from her semi-coma, and she was already having nightmares. They weren’t an unusual occurrence, but she hadn’t had one this bad in a long time.

A soft knock sounded at her door. 

_Who? It’s the unholy hours of the night. Why is someone outside my door?_ She concluded that she was hearing things, so she didn’t respond.

The knock sounded again.

She didn’t feel like getting out of bed. “Come, uh, come in?”

The door creaked open to reveal Levi, his hair slightly messy and his eyes filled with concern. “Are you alright?”

She didn’t even try to hide how much of a wreck she was. Shaking her head, she wiped tears from her cheeks.

“Is it alright if I come in?”

Claire nodded without even thinking. What would people think if they saw him going into her room this late at night? Or if they saw him leaving? She supposed she didn’t care too much at the moment, she had worse things to worry about.

He stepped in quietly, closing the door behind him. “Nightmare?”

“Yes…”

Levi moved to sit in the chair beside her bed, but Claire took a hold of his wrist to stop him. He looked at her, confused.

Her cheeks grew red, and she turned her face away from him before saying, “Could you- God, this is embarrassing- could you be on the bed with me?” 

“What?”

“You don’t need to get under the blankets or anything,” she clarified, blushing harder. “It’s just comforting to feel someone beside you, y’know?” 

_This is stupid. Of course he’ll say no. I’m being childish again._

He smiled sadly, probably out of pity for her or something, before sitting down on the bed, his body next to hers. “I’m not laying down or anything.”

“That’s fine, I just don’t want to feel alone right now.”

“Alright.”

The two were silent for a few minutes before Claire spoke. “What were you doing outside my room this late at night?”

“It’s not what you’re thinking!” She raised an eyebrow at him. “I have insomnia, so I like to wander around at night.”

“Outside my room?”

“I just happened to be passing by when I heard you screaming! I swear!”

Claire laughed weaky. “I was just teasing.”

“Ha. Ha,” he said, rolling his eyes before growing serious again. “This nightmare must’ve been awful. Do you want to talk about it?”

She closed her eyes, tugging at his shirt. “Are you sure you want me to unload all of my emotional baggage on you?”

“I’ve got plenty of my own,” he replied. “For example, my mother was a prostitute and I never knew my father. She also died when I was still a kid. I barely remember what she looked like.”

Claire was surprised. _Did Levi just… open up about his past? He never talked about his life in the Underground._ “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, it was long ago, and that’s far from the worst of it.” He placed a hand on her head and ruffled her hair a bit. “Now it’s your turn.”

“My turn?”

“I just shared something from my dark past, now you have to share something personal. It would only be fair.”

“Okay…” She explained the dream to him, but stopped when she got to the part with him in it. Claire decided to skip that detail and pretended that it was the other man the whole time. 

“This man, who was he?”

“His name was Luca. We were in the same squad for a very long time, and we developed-” she sighed. “God, this is awkward to talk about.”

“Keep going.” Levi began to stroke her hair to calm her, and it worked. 

“We developed feelings for each other.” She hid her face in her hands. “I can’t believe I’m talking about my love life with you!”

He chuckled. “I can agree with you on that. Anyways, please do continue. You can leave out any _juicy_ details, though.”

She glared at him, face red, before continuing. “We worked well together, so we partnered up a lot. Sometimes I felt like he would get sick of being around me so much because he would… Nevermind. That’s not important. One day we decided to sneak outside of the walls without permission because we thought it would be fun. Not even ten minutes into our adventure we were attacked by an abnormal. It had gotten a grip on Luca, and I was frozen. If I had immediately taken action, I could’ve saved him. But I didn’t, so he died.”

“It’s not entirely your fault, Claire. He knew the risk of going outside of Wall Maria without a full squad.”

“Yes, but I could’ve-”

“Stop that.” Levi put a finger to her lips. “If you keep thinking like that, one day you’re going to end up blaming yourself for the creation of the titans.”

Claire looked at him, his eyes seemed almost angry. This was different. Luca tended to put the blame on her, so it was strange hearing the opposite. “Sorry, I’ll stop it. Um, where was I? Oh yes. After he died I decided not to get close to anyone anymore because I didn’t want to feel that sort of pain again.”

“This sounds familiar…”

She nodded. “I was in this mindset up until that day I decided to bring you tea. I don’t know why, but seeing you go through what I had made me really want to reach out to you and get to know you.”

Levi was silent for a moment. “What happened next in the nightmare?”

Explaining the next part was hard. She didn’t like reimagining being inside the titan, it made her nauseous. Her voice shook as she described the cutting the necks of her friends, she again passed over the fact that Levi was in the dream. She choked as she told him about the look-alike killing her in the end. Tears welled up in her eyes.

He stopped stroking her hair, and instead held her hand, his fingers weaving with hers. No words came from his mouth, but the look in his eyes said so much. He understood the feeling of wanting to destroy oneself. Claire closed her eyes and squeezed his hand. Sometimes words didn’t need to be said, a single action can say so much, and what Levi had done made her heart ache for him.

All was quiet for a few moments before he spoke. “You told me a lot, so I guess it’s my turn to say something else.”

“You don’t have to-” she started.  
He squeezed her hand. “I want to. I need to get this weight off of my chest.”

“Okay.” She looked up at him and smiled. “I’m glad you trust me.”

“I’m glad I have someone to trust.” Levi smirked. “Anyways, you are already aware that my mother died when I was still young. Have you heard of the killer that was kinda big in the capital? Kenny the Ripper?”

“Yes. He’s the one murdering a lot of the Military Police.”

“That’s the one.” He closed his eyes. “Kenny took me in after she died, and I was raised by him. That’s why I have… violent tendencies. I’ve tried to grow away from what he taught me, but in the end, killing is the only thing I’m good at.”

“That’s not true.”

“Yeah?” he looked down at her, raising an eyebrow. “What else?”

“Well,” She traced a finger along the hand that was still firmly grasping hers. “I think you’re good at picking the right tea.” He laughed softly. “You’re also good at cleaning, like _really_ good at it. And I think you are also really good at knowing how to comfort someone and help them feel better, even if you don’t look like it.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I’m sorry, Levi, but you have the worst RBF I have ever witnessed.”

They both burst out laughing. It felt good to laugh again. Claire yawned, trying to hide it.

“I should probably go. You need to get back to sleep.” Levi had noticed.

“Please don’t go. I don’t think I can fall asleep if I’m left here alone.”

“But people will think-”

“I don’t care what they think,” she replied. “Rumors are stupid, and we’ll know the truth anyways.”

“Fine,” he agreed. “But as soon as you fall asleep I’m leaving.”

“That works with me.” She smiled as she closed her eyes, still holding his hand.

Claire let his sweet smell envelop her as she drifted off to sleep. Even asleep, she could sense the warmth coming from him. Her dreams still had some terror and horror in them, but it never lasted for long. For some reason, even if it was for just a little bit, she was able to fight against it.

* * *

Sunlight drifted into Claire’s bedroom, hitting her face. She shaded her eyes, blinking. Something was different… But what? Her question was answered when she realized her head was in Levi’s lap. Turning bright red, she moved her head back onto her pillow.

_Oh my God. I’ve technically slept with Levi._

She tried to remain as quiet and calm as possible. He had said that he was an insomniac, and she didn’t want to disturb the little sleep he did get. And who knew what rage she may face if she were to wake him up. From what she understood, people did _not_ like being bothered when getting sleep. 

Staring at the ceiling, she thought about what had happened that night. It almost didn’t feel real. The circumstances were so coincidental. What were the odds that Levi just happened to be passing by when she had her nightmare? Did he walk by her room every night? So many questions. Claire still had trouble accepting that he had trusted her with some of his darkest secrets. Was it possible that there were more? She shook her head. She shouldn’t think of things like that. He had trusted her with what he felt comfortable sharing, and she shouldn’t expect more from him. 

Levi moved beside her. She sat up and looked at him as he opened his eyes, groaning. “Where-” He looked at her, and she could see as his memories of the previous night came back to him. “Oh, Claire, I’m sorry. I must’ve drifted off without realizing-”

Claire waved a hand in the air. “It’s fine. There was no harm done.”

“I suppose that’s true,” he said as he got off of her bed and stretched his arms above his head. “God, that was not the most comfortable position.”

“Sorry.” She got out of the bed, walking over to the door to open it for him.

“It’s not your fault. It’s mine for falling asleep here.” 

The door was opened by Claire, and they both moved to walk out when they were interrupted by a girlish squealing.

“OH MY GOD! PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISN’T A DREAM!”

Hange was standing in the hall, and she had just witnessed Levi coming out of Claire’s quarters. It didn’t help that both of them had severe bedheads and were still rubbing the tired out of their eyes.

“Hange, this isn’t what it looks like-” Claire began to say.

“Oh really? I can’t wait to hear the explanation.”

Levi glanced at Claire, and she mouthed, “Please don’t tell her about the nightmare.” 

He gave her a look that said, “Well, how the hell am I supposed to explain it then?!” Claire shrugged. 

Hange watched this interaction with great interest.

“Claire and I were both having trouble sleeping, so we decided to have tea together.”

“In the middle of the night?”

“There is never a bad time for tea.”

“We lost track of time and fell asleep at the table,” Claire added, running a hand through her hair. “I guess we were both a lot more tired than we cared to admit.”

Hange cocked an eyebrow. “I’ll believe that story, for now. Anyways,” she said while straightening her glasses. “I came to check up on Claire to see how she’s healing up. It seems her throat is getting better if she was able to drink hot tea. We should still wait for the stitches on her arms to be removed before she can fight, though.”

“That’s a good idea,” she agreed. “Thanks for checking up on me, Hange.”

“No problem.” She started to walk away, then turned her head over her shoulder. “I’m keeping an eye on you two.”

“Noted,” responded Levi, letting out a sigh.

Once Hange was out of sight, Claire turned to Levi. “I’m sorry. I’ve caused you a lot of trouble, and now Hange might start rumors about us.”

“Four-eyes may be an idiot, but she’s not the type to gossip about something like this.”

She wasn’t so sure. “Rumors or not, this was probably inconvenient for you…”

“Claire, you don’t have to apologize. I chose to knock on your door.” He glanced at her. “Plus, I was able to get to know you better.”  
“That’s true…” She smiled. “And I was able to get to know you as well. Thank you for trusting me.”

“Thank you for being trustworthy,” he responded quickly. “We should both get ready. I hope you didn’t forget that we have a game of chess to play today.”

“How could I ever forget that?” she grinned, stepping back into her room, peeking over the edge of the door. “I’ll see you then.”

“Yeah, see you.”

She closed the door, walking over to her bed. She face-planted onto her pillow, letting out a quiet scream. What had just happened? Why was her heart racing? These thoughts were racing through her head as she got dressed for the day. What was wrong with her? And why could she not stop thinking about Levi? Claire was brushing her hair when it hit her.

_Oh, God. I have a crush on Levi._


	7. Nicknames

The ride was surprisingly peaceful. Claire stroked the mane of her horse as her squad made their way through a field. Sean Squad had been assigned to investigate a small area within Wall Maria to see if they could possibly attempt another settlement outside the protection of the remaining walls. Erwin, who was now the Commander, had proposed this because to him, it should be easier to build from the foundations of a place that had already been inhabited. Claire wasn’t sure about this. Previous attempts before the fall of Wall Maria had never been successful and lots of people had died. She didn’t complain, though. She knew the dangers of the Survey Corps’ expeditions before she joined. Saying a silent prayer in her mind, she hoped that this mission would go smoothly. It was her first one since being officially allowed to leave the facility, and her first one with this squad. It had been two months since she had lost her squad. The year was already coming to a close, and she had spent a good portion of it locked inside.

Looking up, she saw Levi riding in front of her.  _ It’s going to be a while before I’m used to this…  _ She thought.  _ Why did they assign me to this squad? With him? _

Claire wasn’t complaining. She was grateful to be working with Scouts that she had worked with in the past, but with her recent self-discovery in mind, being around Levi had been… different. She acknowledged that she had developed feelings for him, but she couldn’t help but worry about if he felt the same things. Him returning her feelings wasn’t what worried her most, though. What if he had never thought of her as more than a friend? He was so hard to read, she couldn’t tell. And it caused her such anxiety.

“Helios? Are you feeling alright?” asked Sean from beside her.

Claire smiled at him. “Yes, thank you. My arms feel a bit sore, but I’ll be able to fight if I need to.”

“Good, because I heard about how well you and Levi work together. It would be nice to see that work in action if we need to defend ourselves.”

“A-alright. I think I can manage that.”

Sean gave her a smile before riding to the front of the group. Claire watched him and then looked at the other members of the squad. There was Eric, Julia, Gavin, and, of course, Levi. They all seemed nice enough, but she hadn’t gotten the chance to get to know them yet. They chatted amongst themselves, Claire riding behind them in an awkward silence.

Levi slowed his horse down until he rode beside her. “How are you holding up?” he asked, noticing her face grow slightly red. “Are you feeling sick?”

“I’m doing fine. Great, actually,” she replied quickly, not looking at him.

“Are you sure? You’ve been acting… strange lately.”

“I think my head is still messed up from that concussion.”

He nodded, understanding. “I hope that gets better soon.”  
“Me too.”

Silence rose between the two. Claire didn’t know what to say because she was afraid she may something stupid. She was never self-conscious around him before.  _ This sucks _ , she thought as she looked down at the field they were travelling in. Patches of different kinds of flowers speckled the grass. 

A smile formed on her lips. They were pretty. Jerking the reins, she guided her horse to inspect a patch of sunflowers that wasn’t far. At first, she didn’t notice Levi following her. 

She stopped her horse and looked at the sunflowers closely. They were all tall, except for one. It was about half the height of the flowers that surrounded it. Claire giggled as she looked at it.

“What are you laughing at?” Levi peered at the flowers, raising an eyebrow.

“Look,” Claire pointed at the short sunflower. “It’s you.”

His eyes followed her finger until they reached the subject of her attention. After examining it for a moment, he looked back at Claire, a glare in his eyes. “I’m going to kill you.”

“Aw, c’mon, Sunflower! I’m saying you’re cute!” She attempted some mild flirting to see if she could get a sign from him, and to hide the fact that a small part of her was worried that he actually would.

“You’re shorter than me,” he stated flatly.

“Then that makes me  _ extra _ cute,” she said, winking at him.

Levi looked forward. “We’re falling behind. We need to catch up with the others.”

“Okay-” She was cut off by Levi whipping his reins, his horse jolting towards the other Scouts. Sighing, she followed suit.

_ I’m crazy for thinking he could ever like someone like me. He needs someone strong, like him. Someone who can truly understand him. I’m just a spoiled girl from the Trost District who has gotten everything she ever wanted. Well, everything except… _ Her eyes wandered to Levi.  _ Ack! Stop thinking about him, dammit!  _

Claire looked at the flowers as they passed again, trying to distract herself once again. She was such a mess. 

“Beautiful…” She heard Levi say from beside her.

“What?”

“The flowers,” he replied, looking past her and at the plants. “We didn’t have anything like that in the Underground. It’s always refreshing to see.”

“That must have been tough. No flowers, no rain, no snow.”

“Sometimes it felt like hell, but it was home for me. When living there it didn’t seem so bad, but now that I’m here, I realize how miserable I was down there. I wouldn’t wish my past away, though. It has made me who I am .”

Claire looked at him, not saying anything. Levi was truly amazing. “You’re really something else, Sunflower.”

He cocked an eyebrow. “Are you still calling me that?”

“Yep. I like it.” She bit her lip. “But I guess I could stop if you hate it…”

“Fine.” He let out a sigh. “You can keep calling me that, I guess.”

She grinned. “Yay!”

Levi smirked as he rode his horse forward, they were lagging behind again.

“Hey! Wait for me!” She tried to keep up with him.

The squad crested the top of a hill and looked down at the abandoned city that they were to inspect. It wasn’t the biggest city around, but it was larger than most of the towns that Claire had been to inside Wall Maria. A few buildings had fallen roofs and other damages, but most of them seemed pretty intact. Sean motioned the squad forward, and they rode down the hill. As they approached their destination, Sean split them off into pairs. She was, of course, assigned with Levi.

Levi insisted on leading them. He didn’t want Claire to overexert herself. She appreciated the thought because she felt like she hadn’t fully recovered yet, both physically and mentally. Nightmares still plagued her dreams, though not as bad as that first night. She agreed to let him lead, but insisted that she still go inside the houses with him. This way, they could cover more ground in a shorter amount of time. He was reluctant at first, but she begged him saying she didn’t want to be useless.

It felt good to get off her horse and walk around. Claire stretched her legs before entering the first house behind Levi. No titans were found, and most of the buildings were in as good condition on the inside as they were on the outside. This place had the promises of a good settlement outside the protection of the walls. Maybe Erwin’s plan could be successful.

One of the buildings they went into had a landing on the roof. Claire stood on it, looking at the landscape past the city. The meadows were pretty, and the trees that were behind them, along with the hills framed the valley in a beautiful way. She smiled. It was a shame that this place was inhabited by titans. It would make a lovely home. Sure, she loved living in the city, but the countryside seemed nice, too. 

Turning to go back inside, something moved in her peripheral vision. She shaded her eyes and looked toward the motion. It was a titan, probably twelve meters tall. And it was  _ running _ towards the city. This had to be an abnormal, because most titans moved at a slow, lumbering pace.

She ran inside shouting, “Levi! An abnormal is making its way toward us, and it is  _ fast _ !” 

As she reached the bottom of the stairs, she saw him running to the door. “Wait for me! You aren’t taking that thing alone!”

He looked at her. “Are you sure you’re ready to fight again?”

Claire shrugged. “I’m ready as I’ll ever be. I think I’ll manage if I have you with me.”

“Fine. Let’s go.” He left the building and she followed. 

Using their ODM gear, they flew onto the roof of one of the taller buildings. Claire shot a black smoke signal into the air, alerting the others of the situation. The squad had split up and separated far from one another, so it would be awhile before assistance came. She doubted they would need it, though. Levi was amazing and didn’t even need her help. He was a one-man- army. She was… useless. Her squadmates had died because she was too weak. Her knuckles turned white as she gripped her blades tighter. 

“Claire? Are you ready?”

Levi’s voice brought her back to reality. She looked at him and nodded. Claire noticed that he was looking at her hands. Loosening her hold on the swords, she prepared to launch herself. “I’ll weaken and you’ll kill?”

“If that’s what you feel comfortable doing.”

Claire smiled a small, sad smile. “It’s all I’m good for, anyways.”

He looked at her, surprised. “Claire, I-”

Not letting him finish, she hooked her ODM gear to one of the buildings ahead and flew towards the titan. Claire wasn’t letting it reach the city. They needed as many of the buildings to stay intact as possible. Clearing her mind of anything else, she attached herself to the lower thigh of the abnormal.  _ God, this thing is fast. _ She witnessed its true speed as she swung around its legs, trying to find a decent place for striking the Achilles tendon. 

Finding a good position, she used the gas to blast herself toward the ankle of the creature. Slashing at the tendon, blood and steam came towards her. She spun quickly to avoid it. Attaching to the next leg, she sliced through the next tendon. 

The abnormal fell to its knees, not able to run anymore. A giant hand came her way, and she barely managed to dodge. She had disconnected her ODM gear, letting her free fall before reattaching to the lower back.

A green blur soared above her, slicing into the titan’s arm. Claire blasted herself away from the titan. She wanted to give Levi plenty of room to do his work. As she landed she noticed the steam had stopped coming from the ankles of the abnormal.  _ It’s already healed? _ This thing healed fast! It could stand back up at any minute!

“Be careful, Levi!” she shouted as she launched herself at the creature again. “It heals fast!” Raising her blades, she readied herself to cut it’s ankles again.

Levi noticed that she had come back and glanced at the places where Claire had cut. His eyes filled with realization as he saw the wounds that had disappeared. She had gotten distracted, and found herself nearly running into the giant leg of the titan. It was beginning to stand up again. There was no way she could keep it weak enough for Levi to strike, not unless she… No. She couldn’t. She would just get herself killed. 

“Claire! I need your help! You have to keep damaging it and distracting it so I can go for the kill!” Levi shouted at her. “I won’t get the chance to kill it if I keep trying to injure it! It has to be you!”

Hearing those words, coming from him… It filled Claire with energy. “Alright!” 

She hooked onto the back of the abnormal’s thigh and circled around it. Moving one blade so it faced backwards, she made contact with its flesh. She turned off the gas and let the spinning momentum pull her forward. It was a strange feeling, spiraling down the leg of the titan. Blood splattered onto her face. Luckily, she had closed her eyes because she was so frightened, so none of it got into her eyes. Blinking her eyes open, she could see that she was getting close to the foot. She pressed her feet against the titan, bending her knees and launching off. Spinning again, this time with the assistance of the gas, she made contact with the other leg. She spiraled up the leg this time, moving until she reached the end of the thigh. Pushing off again, she looked up and watched as Levi sliced into the nape of the titan. 

A scream rang out before it started to fall over. 

Levi moved in the air, focussed on landing. Claire gasped. The titan had been leaning one way, but the force from the ODM gear made it so it began to lean in the direction of her companion. He was going to be crushed.

“LEVI!” she cried out. Without thinking, she attached herself to the falling abnormal and blasted herself towards him. It wasn’t a graceful save, she basically flew into him with enough force to push both of them out of the way of the falling titan. They crashed to the ground, tumbling over each other until they finally slowed to a stop. 

Claire groaned, pushing herself so she was on her hands and knees. Opening her eyes, she blushed furiously. Levi was right beneath her, and it looked like she was pinning him there. He opened his eyes and looked at her, not aware of the awkward position they were in. 

“Are you alright, Claire?” he asked, still not noticing. “You’re covered in blood, and your face looks red.”

“Er, don’t worry about me. It’s just titan blood.” She laughed awkwardly, as she pointed at the steam coming off of her. “See?”

“That’s good, we should probably-” He stopped, the way she was pinning him suddenly dawning on him. His eyes widened, and he tried to hide his surprise. “Um, could you… move?”

“Yep. Yes. Of course,” she said, standing up as fast as she could. Holding out a hand to help him stand, she began to lecture him. “You need to be more careful, that titan almost crushed you. You’re lucky I was there to rescue you.”

He looked up at her, shading his eyes before reaching out and taking her hand. “Alright, alright. I get it, Sunshine.”

“Sunshine?” she asked, helping him stand. 

“What? You get to call me something ridiculous, so I get to call you something ridiculous as well.” Levi smirked. “It’s only fair.”

“I suppose that’s true.” She laughed, running a hand through her hair. “Anyways, we should get back to our horses and shoot a green signal to let the squad know we’ve dealt with the problem.”

He agreed and they jogged back to their horses, their ODM gear had been broken when they fell. Hopefully, they wouldn’t need it again on this expedition. Claire shot the signal and Levi cleaned her wounds. This time, she got to return the favor and clean his as well. They weren’t hurt badly, only a few cuts that weren’t going to scar.

_ Thank God, _ she thought. Her arms were already scarred from the last expedition. She took off her green cloak and stuffed it into one of the bags that her horse carried. Killing titans always made her sweaty. Rolling up her sleeves, she looked down at the pink scar tissue that was scattered across the skin. She shuddered thinking about the shrapnel from her blades lodging themselves into her skin. That had hurt like hell, and now whenever she looked at the marks she would be reminded of what she had lost that day. 

“Those scars, they show bravery.”

Claire looked at Levi, who was taking off his own cloak and unbuttoning his sleeves so he could shorten them. “Huh?”

“They prove you’re a survivor. Don’t be ashamed of them,” he said, taking off his cravat and unbuttoning his collar so his neck could air out. She felt her cheeks grow pink as she watched him.

“Why are you saying that?”

“I couldn’t help but notice you staring at them,” he responded. “It looked like you were being self-conscious of them.”

“Oh!” She traced one of the longer scars on her left arm. “I wasn’t being self-conscious of them, I was just thinking about how I got them. Sometimes I still feel the pain.”

Levi nodded. “I’ve heard that can happen. Phantom pains where one was injured in the past. I have yet to receive such an injury, and I hope not to ever do so.” He saw her expression, one of sadness, and quickly said, “Not that it’s bad that you’ve been through that. Well, it is bad, but it’s not something to feel bad about. In this world people get hurt all the time.”

“But you never do. You’re like a whole different breed, Levi.” She clenched her fists and looked at the ground. “I just wish I could be strong like you. I’m so weak.”

“You’re not weak.” Levi tilted her chin so she looked up at him. She flinched.  _ When had he gotten that close to her? What was he doing? _ “You’ve proved that time and time again. You survived my first expedition, one where we lost many members of the Survey Corps. You saved me when I was being a stubborn ass. You saved me again when those two abnormals had me. You also survived when no one else in your squad did. Yes, I know you weren’t able to protect them, but you were able to keep yourself safe until help came.”

“I-”

“I’m not done yet,” he said, still making sure her eyes were level with his. “Look at what you did today. You used my technique. And not just in a simple way. You were able to move from one leg to another, and you also stopped yourself from spinning. We haven’t practiced that, and yet you were able to do it based on your own intuition. You are strong. Maybe we aren’t strong in all the same ways. But I want you to know that I see strength inside you. Not only are you strong on the battlefield, but you also have strong social skills. You are also very kind, which is something I’ll never be truly strong with. Kindness is something one must master, and you have done that. So don’t you dare undermine yourself again, Claire.”

Claire stared at Levi, at a loss for words.  _ Good God, I am so in love with this man.  _ “Levi… thank you. I needed someone to slap some sense into me.” She smiled. “You say you aren’t good with the whole kindness thing, but I think you exhibited it perfectly just now.”

He smiled softly. “I guess it’s easier with certain people.”

Her heart felt like leaping out of her chest. She took a step back from him.  _ He’s so cute when he smiles like that. _ “I can agree with you on that. Let me tell you, when we first met, kindness was  _ very _ difficult for me to show you.”

Levi laughed. “I could say the same. I was so focused on my mission to kill Erwin, that I didn’t even bother to learn anyone’s names.”

She faked a gasp, bursting into laughter. “Are you telling me you didn’t know my name until  _ after _ we had tea together for the first time?”

“Maybe.”

“Oh my God, Levi! I didn’t realize you were that much of an asshole back then!”

He shrugged. “I guess I was and I still am to other people today." He mounted his horse, using a rock as a stool. “To be honest, I don’t really know the names of anyone other than my own squad, Erwin, and Hange.”

“I’m going to let you in on a secret,” Claire responded, getting onto her own horse. “Everyone is like that. Most of us don’t bother to get to know anyone unless we have to directly work with them”

They laughed and continued to chat as they finished surveying their section of the settlement. Luckily, they hadn’t run into any more titans, but they did see a red smoke signal from the opposite side of the city go up.

“Should we help?” asked Claire.

“We are the farthest away, the other pair would get their first. Pus our gear is damaged,” Levi responded looking at the map they had been given. “We’ve finished our area though, so we might as well head in that direction. We don’t need to hurry, though.”

“Okay. Whatever you say, Sunflower.”

He glanced at her as she said the nickname. “Is that really the only nickname you could come up with?”

“Well, I at least have a reason for mine. That runt sunflower reminded me of you. Why did you even decide to call me ‘Sunshine’ anyway?”

Looking forward, he coughed into his fist. “No reason really. It just came to me in the moment.”

“That’s a disappointing answer.” She pouted.  
“Well, it’s the only one you’re getting, so deal with it.”

“Ah, you can be mean, sometimes, Sunflower.”

“And you can be annoying, Sunshine.”

She put on her best offended face. “Aw. I’m hurt.” 

He rolled his eyes, whipping his reins so he could ride in front of her. Claire grinned, speeding up her horse so she could travel beside him again. 

As they talked, she felt happy. She decided not to confess to him because she didn’t want to risk making their relationship awkward. Levi didn’t need to have romantic feelings for her. Their friendship was good, and she wouldn’t trade it for the world.


	8. Cooking Duty

This week had been a strange one. The normal cooks for the Survey Corps had accidentally food poisoned themselves. Thank goodness none of the Scouts were affected, but this meant that the squads had to take turns cooking meals for everyone. The meals had been… interesting. One day it was salads because no one in the squad had any cooking abilities whatsoever. Another day it had been almost a four-course meal. Erwin had disapproved of this and made it so the Scouts had to pick which of the courses they would eat. There was not enough of everything for everyone. As military they were supposed to be eating minimal food anyways.

Today, it was Sean Squad’s turn to make dinner. Sean decided that they needed to meet together to decide what they would be cooking, so they could be sure that they had the ingredients to make it. 

“We could do sandwiches,” suggested Gavin.

Sean shook his head. “Do you want to make each individual sandwich for each soldier? That would be too complicated.”

“We could do salads like Mark Squad,” said Julia, raising her hand.

“Did you see how disappointed everyone was that day?” asked Eric. “They want something with _flavor_.”

“Well, I don’t suppose you have any ideas, Eric?” responded Claire, running a hand through her hair.

“I, um-”

“That’s what I thought.” She winked at him. 

“Do _you_ have any suggestions, Claire?” He folded his arms, looking at her.

“Well-”

“We could make stew.”

Everyone turned to stare at Levi, who was adjusting the sleeve on his suit coat. 

“It’s fairly simple to make, and is easily produced in large portions. I have a recipe that I am very familiar with. I was able to make it while in the Underground with hardly any supplies, so we should be able to cook it here.”

Sean pointed at him. “Perfect. Write down the ingredients and we can gather them together before we go to cook. Squad, you are dismissed until then.”

“Sir.” They saluted as their squad leader left the room. The rest of the squad followed Sean, while Levi and Claire stayed behind.

Levi was looking down at the paper where he should be writing the recipe for the stew and Claire peeked over his shoulder. He glanced at her. “What are you doing?”

“I want to see what’s in this stew,” she replied, smiling. “I’m curious to see what the food you ate in the Underground was like!”

He looked back at the blank paper. “Well, it’s probably not going to be the best thing you have ever eaten, but I can try my best. I pride myself in my cooking.”  
“Oh my God! Are you a chef, Levi?” Claire faked a gasp, laughing as she did so.

He rolled his eyes.“I lived by myself for a long time. I had to pick up a few skills, and one of them just happened to be cooking. Stew is the only thing I can make well, though. So don’t get any big ideas about me making you a five course meal or anything.”

“The thought had never crossed my mind.” She winked at him. “But, I’m making you cook something for us sometime. It would be nice to have food instead of tea one of these days.”

“But I like tea.”

“You never get sick of that stuff, do you?”

He shook his head. “Never.”

“Um, why haven’t you written anything yet?”

“Well…” He let out a sigh. “God, this is somewhat embarrassing. You have to swear not to tell anyone.”

“Of course. I can keep a secret.” She smiled.

“I never really received an education back in the Underground. Sure, I’ve got street smarts and the like, but I never learned how to read and write.”

Claire gasped. “Levi, I’ve known you for _how_ long and I’ve never learned this?”

“It’s not something I’m proud of, so I don’t talk about it.”

She put a hand on his shoulder. “That’s reasonable. Do you want me to write it for you?”

“That would be nice.” He looked up at her, a glimmer of appreciation in his eyes.

Levi listed the ingredients and she jotted them down. “If you’re gonna survive in this world, you’re gonna need to know how to read, at least.”

He looked at his hands. “I’ve survived this long. I think I can manage.”

“If you say so. But, if you ever need help, I’m here for you.”

“Thanks,” he said, taking the paper in his hand. “Anyways, we should get this list to Sean. He won’t want to wait too long for it.”

Claire agreed and they walked out of the room and towards their squad leader’s office. On their way, they passed Julia, who was talking with one of her friends who had come from the same group of cadets. She waved at her squadmate, smiling. 

Julia did a quick wave before turning to her friend and saying, “Yeah, I’m pretty sure those two are a thing. They are constantly flirting and they go everywhere together.” The two girls burst into giggling.

She felt her cheeks grow hot. _Were they talking about her and Levi?_ Looking back at them, Claire saw the young Scouts pointing at them and whispering. She glanced at Levi. _Had he heard what they had said?_ Her friend had his usual RBF on, so she wasn’t able to tell. Trying to shrug Julia’s comment off, she continued walking beside him. But she failed in doing so. _What if other people are saying stuff like that? What if Levi hears about it and asks me about it? What do I do? Should I be honest about my feelings toward him? Or-_

“You okay there, Sunshine?” asked Levi. “You look like you need to take a-”

“Don’t you dare turn this into a poo joke.”

“You know me so well.” He smirked. “But I’m serious. Are you okay? You look like you’re worked up about something.”  
“I’m fine! I’m just- uh- worried that my cooking skills will disappoint you.”

“Nothing will be as disappointing as Isabel’s cooking. I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

Claire laughed and they continued chatting until they reached Sean’s office. They delivered the paper, and he was surprised to see so few ingredients on the list. 

“Are you sure this will be all that’s in it?”

“Yes. Its taste comes from the minimalism. Anything too complex ruins it. Stew is simple, and it should stay that way.”

“Alright. I’ll make sure we have these ready. You are free to do whatever you want until we get together to cook.” Sean excused them, and they saluted before leaving.

“What are you going to do until we have to meet?” asked Levi.

Claire grinned. “I’m planning on writing to my family. I haven’t since I was in recovery because I was so excited to be allowed to do stuff again that I’ve kept myself busy. They want me to send them a picture of my new squad, because I drew them some portraits of my old squadmates before. I’m not sure if I’ll do it, though. It takes a long time, and my people drawing skills are rusty.”

“You draw? How did I not know this?”

“Have I not mentioned it before?”

“Not once in the three years I’ve known you.”

“Oops. I guess I didn’t think it was important.” She shrugged. “I’m not that good, so it doesn’t really matter.”

He raised an eyebrow. “You said you drew portraits of your squadmates.”

“That doesn’t mean they were _good_ portraits.”

“I want to see them,” he said. She looked at him, confused. “I don’t have plans until we have cooking duty and I don’t feel like training by myself. I promise I won’t bother you while you’re writing.”

Claire sighed. “Fine, but only if you promise to stay as quiet as possible when I’m trying to focus.”

Levi agreed and the two went to her quarters. _This won’t help the rumors to calm down…_ Claire thought. If people saw them hanging out in her room during free time they would start to think things. They were just friends, even if Claire wished for something more. She settled herself at the table and pulled out her sketchbook, holding it out to Levi. 

“Here.” He looked surprised. “You said you wanted to look at my art. Here it is. Please don’t judge.” 

Taking the book from her, he responded, “I’ll try my best not to.” He leaned against the wall closest to her.

“Good.” She turned back to her letter and began to describe her new squadmates. She explained about how she was now in a squad with Levi, and that she was still getting to know the others. _Hannah and Vanessa are going to_ love _the fact that I’m in his squad now._ Claire decided was in the middle of describing that first expedition when Levi spoke aloud.

“These are really good.”

“Pshh. Maybe compared to what you can do, Sunflower. They are just doodles.”

He turned the sketchbook to face her and pointed at the drawing on the page. The pencil lines formed into the shape of the abnormal titans who had almost killed Levi that one time. “How did you do this from _memory_?”

“I just do, I guess,” she replied modestly.

He continued to flip through the pages. “You draw titans?”

“My sisters like to see what they look like. They’ve never come close to seeing them before, and they are curious little brats sometimes.” 

She stood up and leaned against the wall, next to him. She tried not to freak out, she was very self-conscious about her art. Especially the titan drawings. In the past, Luca had told her drawing them was a waste of time. Levi seemed impressed, though, which surprised her.

Levi turned the pages slowly, examining the faces of titans and of people that she had drawn. “You’ve drawn a lot of people. I don’t recognize all of them. There are a few, though, that look familiar.” He stopped on a page and his expression grew sad. 

Claire looked at the drawing and saw that it was of Isabel and Furlan.

“I’m sorry, you don’t have to look anymore if you don't want-”

“I’ve looked through almost this entire sketchbook. Why am I not in here?”

“Well, I draw the new people I meet, and when we met I wasn’t particularly fond of you.”

He nodded. “Fair, but we’ve been friends for a while now. Why have you not drawn me?”

 _Because I’m a perfectionist and I don’t think I could capture you correctly._ That’s what she wanted to say, but she didn’t want him to think anything weird. 

“I haven’t felt inspired yet. I draw what I feel inspired to draw, or else it ends up looking bad.”

Levi was silent. “So you haven’t felt inspired to draw me? But you feel inspired to draw these ugly-ass titans?”

“Yes, well, um. Titans have interesting anatomy, so it makes them more interesting to draw than people.”

“Are you saying I’m not interesting?”

“That’s not it! I- I just don’t want to mess you up.” There. She said it.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, when I draw you, I want it to capture you,” she explained. “And I don’t think I have the skill to do it properly, yet.”

“Oh, I see. I’m just too handsome.” He smiled, cocking an eyebrow. “You don’t want to ruin my face.”

Claire blushed. _Is he… flirting with me? Or is he just being an overconfident ass?_ Honestly, the latter seemed more realistic. 

She tried to remain calm. “Ha. Ha. Yes. I couldn’t possibly mess up your _perfect_ jawline.” It was spoken like a joke, but she actually meant it.

He laughed. “I’m sorry, I’ve distracted you from your writing. I’ll be quiet again.”

Looking back at her paper, Claire began to write again. This time she was able to successfully get through the story she was telling her family. 

Levi was silent, except for the rustle of turning pages. Eventually he had finished looking at the sketchbook and had moved over to look out her window. 

She glanced at him. He had taken off his jacket and was just staring outside. What could be out there that’s so interesting? 

He looked back and saw her staring. “Are you done?”

“Yes! I mean, no, but I think I’m done for the day. I’ll finish later.”

“I see. What are you going to do now?”

She ran a hand through her hair. “Well, I was planning on cleaning myself up. I don’t want to be all gross when cooking.”

Levi nodded. “Great idea. I should do the same.” He walked himself to the door. “I’m sorry for intruding today, I kept you from finishing your letter.”

Claire waved a hand in the air. “It’s not a big deal! It’s always nice to have your company.” He raised an eyebrow. “Well, any company. Being alone is boring. Ha ha.”

“I understand. Well, thanks for having me.” He gave her a quick smile before leaving. 

She watched as he closed the door and let out a sigh of relief. Why was she so stupid? She had to stop letting words like that slip from her mouth. Claire gathered her things, eager to get herself in the bath. As she bathed, she couldn’t help but think about their cooking later today. She wasn’t that great at making food, but she hoped she could prove herself somewhat useful. She smiled. _This could be fun._

* * *

Sean Squad was gathered together in the kitchen, each at their assigned station. Levi had decided it would be most efficient if each member did one task. This way they could all focus on doing one thing, and they would be organized. Their squad leader sat back and let Levi sort everything out. He seemed pretty content with himself, but he wasn’t exempt from helping. Every member was needed. Julia was in charge of chopping the vegetables, Eric cooked the small amount of meat they were allowed, Gavin was to keep watch for and clean up any spills or dirtied dishes (Levi would not accept a dirty cooking environment), Sean was in charge of running supplies like food and dishes to those who were cooking, Levi oversaw everything, checking each person’s work, and Claire was left with mixing the broth and making sure everything was evenly balanced. This gave her great stress.

The stirring itself wasn’t a laborious task, it was the pressure of making sure everything came together well. Her arms did get tired, so she had to take breaks every few minutes. Claire prayed Levi wouldn’t get mad at her for not stirring constantly. He could easily get upset when it came to cleaning, and she assumed it could be similar with cooking. 

Sean brought her some of the vegetables that Julia had diced. She had done a surprisingly good job. Claire looked in the direction of the blonde girl and saw that Levi was demonstrating how to dice properly. 

_He must have been the one who cut these, then._ She thought, laughing quietly to herself.

Scooping up some of the vegetables and added them to the broth. The stirring she did was fast but gentle. That was what she was instructed to do. She couldn’t help but worry that she was doing it wrong. _God, I can’t believe Levi trusts me enough to do this. I wish I was the cleaner._ She watched Gavin with jealousy.

“You’re not doing it quite right, Sunshine.”

 _Damn. I got distracted._ Claire flinched as Levi peered into the pot. “Oh, I’m sorry.”

“Let me show you.” He moved behind her, causing her to flinch. Then he placed his hands on top of hers, stirring at the fast and gentle pace that he had instructed her to do. “Try not to hit the sides of the pot, it’s loud and it could affect the way the stew cooks.”

His smell enveloped her, and she tried not to be distracted by it. 

“A-alright.” She watched the way his hands stirred. It was a calm and smooth motion. If she focussed on his hands, it helped to distract her from the fact that she could feel his breath on the back of her neck.

“Oh my God, could they not be more obvious?” Claire heard Gavin whisper.

Julia giggled. “Seriously, they should get a room.”

Claire tried to hide her blush. He was just being helpful. Nothing more. Why did people have to live for gossip? Why couldn’t they make an effort to learn the facts? “I think I’m ready to try it myself, Sunflower,” she said.

“Okay,” Levi responded, sounding… was that disappointment in his voice? No. It couldn’t be. He let go and took a step back. “Let me watch to be sure.”

Stirring as best she could, she glanced back at him. “How do I look?”

“Good,” he replied. “Your form, I mean. Keep it up. Let me see if the meat is ready.”

Oh, how she wanted to fan her face, but she had to keep stirring. It would be better to not need help from Levi again. She didn’t need the rumors to be fed even more.

“I now see why he requested that she was assigned to our squad,” she heard Gavin say in a hushed tone. “He wanted to keep an eye on his girl. She did almost die, after all. Probably doesn’t trust her with anyone else other than himself.”

 _He… what?_ Claire stopped stirring. _Levi requested for me to be assigned to Sean Squad? It wasn’t a coincidence?_

Now that she thought about it, she did find it very convenient that she had been assigned with her closest friend, but she just thought she was lucky, or that Hange had put them together knowing how well they worked with each other. 

_Why did he request me to be in his squad? Was what I overheard true? Does he care for me in a deeper way than I previously thought?_ She decided to confront Levi about this when this whole cooking thing was over.

“Here’s the meat,” said Sean as he set it on the table beside her.

“Thank you!” She smiled at her squad leader. Sean was a good man and he led them well. She was glad to be under his lead.

“No problem, and I mean it.” He winked. “Levi would have my head if I messed something this easy up.”

They both laughed.

“Keep stirring!” Levi shouted from across the kitchen

“Yes, sir!” Claire jokingly saluted and returned to her task, a small smile on her face. The stirring was calming, but after a while her arms grew sore. 

After what felt like ages, she was finally told to stop her duty. Levi tasted the stew, and he appeared to be pleasantly surprised. He claimed that it was complete and that it tasted “fine”, but Claire had seen his reaction. She knew he enjoyed the food, he just didn’t want to show it to the others. 

Shaking her head, she smiled slightly. _That silly Sunflower. Why does he try so hard to mask his emotions?_

Serving the food wasn’t too bad. They had split the stew amongst several pots, and each member of Sean Squad helped to pour it into the bowls of the hungry scouts. 

Claire smiled. She actually enjoyed serving to the Survey Corps. It made her happy to see the smiles and to hear the thank yous that came from everyone. 

Hange gave her a thumbs up as she poured the broth into her bowl. “Can’t wait to try it! I bet it’s delicious!” she said.

“It is, thanks to Levi, though,” responded Claire honestly. “He provided the recipe, organized everything, and made sure we did it correctly.”

“Impressive. I’m sure you all helped, too. Thanks for helping out.”

“No problem,” she said on behalf of her whole squad.

After giving food to the other squads, they were able to eat the food themselves. Claire’s stomach rumbled, she was eager to try the stew. Everyone had seemed to really like it, and that made her all the more curious as to how it had turned out. Sean thanked the squad and excused them to eat. They all took turns serving themselves, Claire purposefully giving herself a larger portion. She was _starved_. 

Spotting Levi, sitting at their usual table, Claire tapped him on the shoulder. “Hey, Sunflower. Let’s eat on the balcony today, I need to talk to you about something.”

He seemed confused, but he agreed anyway. 

They had to walk carefully to make sure they didn’t spill the hot stew anywhere. It looked kinda ridiculous, but Claire didn’t mind. Nothing could embarrass her more than the rumors going around about her and Levi. The journey to their balcony was more difficult than usual, but they had finally made it to the comfort of their usual seats at their usual table. She had been praying that the conversation they would have would go smoothly the entire way there.

Levi ate a spoonful of the stew before asking. “Have you tried it yet?”

“I was just about to!” She smiled and dipped her spoon in the broth. Raising the utensil to her lips, she tasted it. The flavor was interesting, it wasn’t the most flavorful thing she had eaten, yet it was delicious. The simplicity of the dish made it taste that much better. The taste of meat and vegetables helped to balance each other out. It was almost flawless. “Oh my God! This is delicious!” She took another spoonful.

“It did turn out better than I expected,” Levi responded, having some more of his. “I could've done better on my own, though.”

“Are you kidding me? It already tastes so good!”

“Do you doubt my cooking skills?”

“No, I’m just surprised that it could get better than this!”

He smirked. “Maybe I could make it again for you sometime.”

“That’d be great!”

They ate in silence for a few moments before Levi spoke up. “So, why did you want to talk with me in private?”

Claire swallowed her stew, trying to think of what to say. How should she say it? She didn’t want to say the wrong thing and suffer the consequences because of it. “I overheard something interesting when Gavin was talking to Julia today.”

“From them? All they talk about is couples and other things like that.”

“Well, this was different. They said…” She was growing anxious. “They said that you asked for me to be added to Sean Squad. I wasn’t just randomly assigned here, like they would normally do.”

Levi set his spoon down. He was silent.

“Levi, I’m not mad or anything. I’m just confused. Was what they said true? Or were they just gossipping?”

He closed his eyes, letting out a sigh. “No, it’s true. I requested it. But that doesn’t mean I had the final say. That was Hange’s choice.”

“Why? Why did you do that? I don’t understand.”

He looked her in the eyes. “You don’t understand? I was worried for your safety. I wanted to make sure you could be protected if something were to go wrong again.”

“I can protect myself, Levi. I am a trained soldier, after all.”

“I’m not saying that you’re weak. I-I just,” he seemed to be struggling to find the correct words. “When I saw you on that day. I thought you were dead. I was scared that I lost the person I’m closest to. When I saw that you were alive, I swore to myself to make sure you stay alive. I don’t know if I could handle losing someone close to me again. It was almost unbearable with Isabel and Furlan, but then you came. You helped to heal me, plus you’re my closest friend, and I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you, Claire.”

 _Friend._ That word echoed in her mind. He only thought of her as a friend. She didn’t expect to feel so disappointed. “Levi… I didn’t realize you felt that way. I- I’ll try to get stronger, so you don’t have to worry about me anymore. You already have a lot of burdens, I don’t want to add to them.”

“You’re not a burden,” he said earnestly. “Doesn’t everyone wish the best for their friends?”

Claire smiled. “Yes, I suppose that’s true.” She ate another spoonful of stew. “But, I won’t become stronger on my own. We can work together and both become stronger.”

“We both know I’m better than you at almost anything,” Levi said, smiling. 

“Oh, shush.” She waved a hand towards him playfully. “Wait, almost?”

“You’re really good at making people feel better. I can’t do that. My RBF tends to unsettle others.”

They both burst into laughter. 

Hours after they had finished eating, they were still talking and laughing. They hadn’t had a good conversation in a long time. Things had seemed pretty dark and dull lately. This night helped to lighten Claire’s heart a little. It was almost midnight when an officer came and asked them to come inside and go to their rooms. Disappointed, they listened. Levi, once again, walked Claire to her room.

“You don’t have to do this every time, y’know,” Claire said, opening her door.

Levi shrugged. “I know I’m not getting much sleep anyway, I might as well make sure my Sunshine gets to her room safely.”

 _Did he just say “my Sunshine”?_ She felt her cheeks grow hot. “Well, I appreciate it. Um, if you get lonely wandering the halls at night, my door is always open. Not literally, of course. Knock and I can join you.”

“I’ll consider it.” He looked down the hall, towards where his room was, then faced her again, his pale eyes piercing hers. “Goodnight, Claire. I hope you have good dreams tonight.”

“Thank you, I hope you can get some sleep tonight.” She gave him a smile before closing the door and jumping onto her. She rammed her face into her pillow and let out a soft scream. The words “my sunshine” repeating over and over in her head.


	9. A Night to (Hardly) Remember

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW// Alcohol and non-violent drink behavior

Claire hadn’t gotten any sleep that night. So many thoughts had been racing through her head, and anxiety had started to consume her. The reason for her stress was quite stupid, if she was being perfectly honest with herself. Hange had asked her to meet with her and Erwin the next evening. Either Claire royally screwed up, or she was getting a promotion. She didn’t know which stressed her out more.

After pacing in her room, Claire had eventually decided to wander the halls. She hadn’t seen Levi while she was walking around, and that surprised her because she assumed that he never slept. 

She skipped going to breakfast because she felt like she wouldn’t be able to keep anything down. Staying in her room, she drew. It helped relieve her of her anxiety, at least a little bit. Her pencil flowed smoothly on the yellowish paper. Claire had let her mind wander as she sketched, not really paying attention to what she was drawing. Random patterns filled the page.

After what felt like hours, she decided to clean herself off. Nothing was more relaxing than a bath. That proved to be incorrect. In the water she was not able to distract herself. It was just her and her thoughts. Why was she being so anxious? She doubted she was in trouble, so it had to be the promotion. She had wanted this for _ages_. She deserved this. But responsibility was a terrifying thing. 

The more she thought about it, the more likely she realized the promotion was. Sean lost a leg during their last expedition and wasn’t fit to be a Scout anymore. It had been a week and no one had been officially assigned as the new squad leader. Claire thought that Levi was going to get the position, but maybe it was actually her. She couldn’t imagine it, though. The members of Sean Squad weren’t particularly fond of her. Especially Julia. She wasn’t sure why. Leading them would be horrendous. Maybe this was why she was scared? Not being able to control the team would be a challenge.

Sighing, she got out of the bath and dried herself off. She dressed in her nicest clothes, a white button-up shirt, brown vest, and grey slacks. Looking in the mirror, she debated on what to do with her hair. It wasn’t long, so she couldn’t really put it up or anything. 

_I guess I’ll just leave it how it is…_

Claire wasn’t one for too much makeup, usually just putting on the bare minimum, but today she decided to do something special. It had been ages since she had put on eyeliner, she tried her best to make the lines straight and thin, but she ended up messing up and making them thicker than she would have preferred. _Just roll with it,_ she reassured herself. Eye makeup was as far as she would go. Blush was not her style, and she didn’t like looking like she put in _too_ much effort.

Looking at the time, she saw that dinner was starting. Time normally didn’t fly when one was filled with stress, but she guessed she had distracted herself well enough. Her stomach rumbled and she figured she should at least try to eat something. Maybe she would feel better on a full stomach instead of an empty one.

It had been a few months after the chefs had been food poisoned, and they had all recovered well. _Thank God,_ thought Claire. Cooking had been fun, but it was not something she wanted to do again. Especially since certain squadmates didn’t like her.

Claire sat down, looking at her plate. There was a small chunk of meat, along with some vegetables and mashed potatoes. Meat was a rarity nowadays, so they saved the really good stuff for special occasions. She was grateful to be getting any, though. Smiling, she took a bite of mashed potatoes. It was really good. The chefs never disappointed.

A plate was set down next to hers and she looked up to see Levi, wearing a black suit and his usual cravat. Black looked really good on him.

“Hey! Sorry for skipping out on breakfast and lunch, I haven’t really been hungry until now.” She apologized, hoping he wasn’t upset with her.

“It’s fine,” he replied, sitting down. “I actually didn’t eat anything either.”

“Oh. That’s good. Well, not good, but it’s good that I didn’t leave you here eating all by yourself.”

Levi smiled and started to eat. He looked at her face and stared for a moment. 

“What?” she asked, concerned.

“You look different.” He looked closer at her face.

Her cheeks grew hot, and she ran a hand through her hair nervously. “Oh, well, I have something important tonight, so I decided to- um- put a little more effort into my appearance by using more makeup than usual. Ack! It’s obvious I’m trying too hard, isn’t it?”

“No, I don’t think so. You look good to me,” he replied, taking another bite of his food. “What’s the occasion? Do you have a date or something?”

She grew even more red. “No. Nothing like that. I have a meeting with Hange and Erwin after this, that’s all.”

His eyebrows shot up in surprise. “You, too? Erwin came up to me last night and asked me to come meet with him and Hange this evening.”

“Really? Is that why you dressed up?”

“I see we were both thinking along the same lines.”

Claire looked down at her food. “What do you think this is all about? I thought I was going to be replacing Sean, but if you’re here too it must be something else.”

“Maybe they are going to have us fight it out and whoever lasts the longest gets to be squad leader,” he joked.

“Well, I’m dead if that’s the case.” She smiled weakly, butterflies growing in her stomach.

He looked at her plate. “You haven’t eaten your meat yet. That’s usually the first thing gone.”

“I’m not feeling up to it today, Sunflower.”

“Claire… Don’t worry too much about this. Eat. It’ll be better for you in the long run.”

She looked at him, unconvinced. His eyes were filled with worry. How could she say no to that face? “Fine. But only because meat is really good.” She started to eat her meat.

He smiled as he dug into his own meat. They ate in silence and when they were done eating, they headed to Erwin’s office together. Claire played with her hands nervously as they walked. Levi noticed and held one of them in his and squeezed it.

“It’s going to be fine. And if it’s not, I’m here with you.”

Claire tried to hide her embarrassment. “Thank- um thank you.” She let go of his hand to knock on the door.

“Come in,” said the calm voice of Erwin.

“Oh, I wonder if it’s Claire or Levi!” said the eager Hange.

Levi opened the door for Claire, letting her go first. She smiled at her superiors, trying to mask the anxious feeling growing in her stomach.

“Claire!” Hange sped walked over to her, shaking her hand vigorously. “I’m so glad you could make it! Oh-” The Section Commander peeked over her shoulder and saw her companion. “-and Levi is here, too! Perfect!”

“Close the door behind you, Levi,” said Erwin, standing up. Levi did as he was told and looked at his former captain. “You two are probably wondering why we have asked you to come here today.”

Levi and Claire nodded in unison. She glanced at Hange and saw a twinkle in her eye. _Does she still think we are together?_

“Hange and I have been discussing this for about a week, and we have decided that-”

“-You two are both being promoted to captains and will be in charge of your own squads!” interrupted the messy haired woman. 

“Yes, that.” Erwin gave Hange a stern look.

“Sorry, I was just so excited to tell them!”

“Where will we be assigned, sir?” asked Levi. “We both can’t be in charge of Sean Squad.”

“Good question, Levi. You will be assigned as the new captain of Sean Squad, and Helios will be in charge of an entirely new squad made up of newbies from the 101st Cadet Corps.”

 _The newbies?_ Claire had taught fresh meat before, and it had been Levi and his companions. That had been difficult. How would she fare with a larger group of cocky brats who thought they owned the world?

“Do you two accept the positions?” asked Hange.

“Yes,” said Levi without hesitation.

Claire was silent for a moment. “Yes, of course.” This was what she had wanted. She wanted to rise in the ranks of the Survey Corps and make her father proud.

“Perfect!” Hange clapped her hands together. “Aa! I’m so happy for the two of you! Let’s get drinks to celebrate!”

“Well, I-” started Claire.

“I won’t take ‘no’ for an answer. They will be on me, so you can’t refuse.”

Levi sighed and agreed. Claire did so as well. Only because she didn’t want Levi to be stuck with Hange by himself. She knew that he would be miserable. 

Hange took them to the bar, and they sat in an area set aside for high-ranking officers, Claire in between the other two. 

Claire felt so out of place. She had wanted to become a captain, but now that it was actually real, she didn’t know how to feel. Sitting awkwardly, Levi and her waited while Hange ordered them some drinks. He looked just about as uncomfortable as she felt.

“Here you go.” The bartender slid a pint of beer in front of each of them. 

The Section Commander clapped her hands together before grabbing the handle of her drink. “Let’s toast! To my favorite subordinates!”

Claire hesitantly grabbed her drink and held it up. Levi sighed while holding it across the rim. 

_I guess he drinks everything like that._

They clinked their glasses together and Hange took a large swig of hers.

“C’mon guys, don’t look so down! We’re here to celebrate!”

“Fine.” Levi took a sip of the alcohol.

She had set down her glass and was staring at it, with no intention to drink.

“Why aren’t you drinking, Claire?” asked Hange. 

“Well, I, um, I’ve never had alcohol before.” She laughed nervously.

“Really? Isn’t your dad a big tavern owner, though?”

“Yes, but I never really had to desire to drink anything.” She closed her eyes. “Especially after seeing what people do when they get drunk.”

Levi nodded in agreement. “People are more annoying when they get drunk, anyways.”

“Claire. One pint isn’t going to do anything. If you are anything like your father, you’ll be fine. I’ve heard that he could drink ten beers before feeling anything.”

After being pressured by Hange for several minutes, Claire finally gave in. “Alright, alright. But just this _one_ glass.”

“You don’t have to drink if you don’t want to, Claire.” Levi looked at her hands, which were shaking.

“No. I’ll do it. I deserve this.” She smiled and took a sip. 

The flavor wasn’t amazing, but it wasn’t awful either.

Hange let out a whoop and Levi rolled his eyes, taking another sip. 

After a few minutes, Claire felt okay, so she drank a little bit more. _I think I’ll be alright._ She grinned and finished off her drink.

* * *

“Man, I feel all warm and tingly inside! Is this what it’s like to be a titan?” Claire cackled loudly. “What if I turn into a titan? That would be scaarrryyy, right Sunflower?” She poked him repeatedly in the shoulder.

Levi closed his eyes, letting out a sigh. “Stop touching me.”

“Why? Is it bothering you?” She poked him with her other finger as well. She felt so good. It felt like her body was wrapped in the warmest blanket ever.

Hange watched, fascinated. “Wow. She’s wasted after one glass. I didn’t think she was this much of a lightweight.”

He shot a glare at his superior. “This is your fault.” 

He looked back at Claire as she began to poke his cheek.

“Soft! Like a baby!” Claire giggled. Levi had a cute face. How had she not noticed before?

He grabbed her wrist. “Stop.”

She pouted. “Aw, do you not like it, Sunflower?”

“No. I don’t. You need to sit down.”

Claire had been crouching down on her seat, knees tucked into her chest. “But this is more comfortable.” And it was. Her ass didn’t hurt when she was in this position. The chairs at the bar were hard. Sitting was stupid anyway.

“Levi’s right, Claire. You should sit down before you get hurt-” Hange began.

She whipped her head to look at her former Captain, tears in her eyes. “YOU!” She pointed at her. “You didn’t give me the promotion! I really wanted it!” She began to sob. This woman was mean. She gave the job to stupid Harvey even though she was better than him.

“What? But she just got the promotion?”

“I think she means,” Levi started to explain. He looked at Claire and saw the sadness in her red face. “You know what, it’s not my place to say.”

“Levi, help me get her into her chair!” Hange grabbed underneath Claire’s armpit, gesturing at him to do the same. 

He got out of his seat and did so. 

Claire kicked her legs and waved her arms. “AAA! TITAN LET GO OF ME!”

Several heads turned to look at what was making the commotion.

“Shh. Claire, it’s just me.” He grabbed her face with his free hand and made her look at him. “No titans.”

Her face relaxed. Levi was calming. And hot. Really hot. “Oh, it’s just you, Sunflower.” She booped his nose before laughing. “My Sunflowerrrr.” Why was “sunflower” so fun to say? “Sunflower. Sunflower. Sunflower.”

They were able to get her to sit because she was distracted by repeating Levi’s nickname over and over. His cheeks grew slightly pink. “How embarrassing…” he mumbled.

“Why does she keep calling you ‘Sunflower’?” asked Hange, taking a sip of her drink.

“She saw a short sunflower and it reminded her of me,” he explained. “She started calling me that and I guess it stuck.”

She burst into laughter. “The sunflower was short? So it reminded her of you? That’s gold!”

Claire watched her Sunflower talk with the glasses woman. They were getting along. This made her mad. _Why is he talking to her instead of me? I’m better than her! I can draw and make good tea! All she does is… what did she do with those titans?_

“Sunflowerrrr! Why don’t you talk to meeee?”

“You’re drunk, Sunshine.”

She started to cry again. “That’s not true!” She grabbed his suit collar and pulled him close to her face. His eyes changed color as she looked into them. “I’m totally, uh, what’s the word?”

He raised an eyebrow, grasping her wrist and making her let go of him. “Sober? Yeah, you are definitely not sober, Sunshine. We should get you out of here.”

“But I like the spinny room!” And it was a spinny room. The furniture was all blurry and the floor moved in circles. “I want to stay here forever.”

Levi looked at Hange. “If you want to stay, you stay. I’m going to take her back to her room. We don’t want to get kicked out.”

“I could help!”

“I think she’ll only listen to me.”

“What do you-” She stopped when she saw Claire giving her the stink eye and sticking her tongue out. “Okay. But please be careful. I don’t want her getting hurt.”

“Trust me, I won’t let that happen.”

“Awwww, you care!” Claire poked his cheek again. “You always look like you want to kill something, but deep down you’re a big softie!”

“Only for you,” whispered Hange, smirking as she took another drink.

“What did you say, four-eyes?”

“Nothing. Good luck!”

“I don’t need luck from you!” Claire pulled Hange’s ponytail.

The Section Commander cried out in pain. “Get her out of here, Levi.”

“Sir.” He saluted before he set a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “C’mon, Sunshine. Let’s go to your room.”

“That’s bold of you, Sunflower!” She giggled while standing up. He let out a sigh. “I was just kidding. It was a joke. Ha ha. Get it?”

He started to lead her out of the bar, but she stopped. “What is it?”

She looked up at him. “I don’t feel so good.”

“Probably because you are drunk as-”

“I’m dizzy! Why do you keep spinning?”

“Just keep walking. If we get you in bed, I’ll stop spinning.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

They walked out into the hall and Claire was hit with a wave of nausea. _Gross._ She thought. _Maybe talking will help?_

“My dad owns the biggest tavern in Trost! Did you know that, Sunflower?”

“I heard,” he replied, dragging her forward.

_He’s so strong!_

“I think my dad would like you! He says I need to find a man to-” She froze. Her vision had gone black and her legs were unsteady. Everything felt weird. Was she falling? Something caught her. Her mind showed her images of her father, smiling down at her. 

“Are you alright, Claire?” someone asked. 

Well, it was dad, of course.

“Daddy?” she asked, her vision beginning to clear up.

The arms that held her stiffened. “... What?”

That wasn’t her father’s voice. Her vision stopped being blurry and she saw Levi looking down at her, concern and shock etched into his face. 

She smiled, touching his face. “Hehe. Hi, Daddy.”

His face grew red. “Claire, stand up. We’re almost there.”

“Okay, whatever you say.” She tried to stand up, but was shaky. Levi put her arm around his shoulder and he basically carried her the rest of the way. 

Claire smiled like an idiot as she watched him open the door. “You’re good at opening doors. That’s so cool. I wish I could do that.”

“Thanks,” he said, leading her to the bed. 

She sat down and kicked her feet in the air. 

“This is fun!”

“Stop moving your feet.”

“Why?” It was fun. She kicked harder, accidentally colliding with Levi’s shin.

He cursed, grabbing the spot that hurt.

Claire felt bad. She stopped moving her legs and started to cry. “Oh no! I hurt my Sunflower! He probably hates me now! He’s gonna hurt me!”

“Claire, look at me.”

She tried her best. Staying still was hard.

“I don’t hate you, and I would never hurt you intentionally. Now, I’m going to take off your shoes and then you’re going to bed, okay?” He kneeled down in front of her.

“Okay.” She did her best. It took all of her concentration, but she was not hurting her Sunflower again. 

When her shoes came off, she wiggled her toes. She grinned. “This is fun!”

Levi looked at her moving toes, then at her happy expression and smiled softly. “Sure. Sure it is, Claire. Now I want you to go to sleep.”

“But sleep is for the weak!”

“Claire. You need to sleep.”

“But my vest hurts!”

“Then take it off.”

“The buttons are all spinny and weird.”

“I’m not helping you take off your clothes.”

“But I have a shirt on underneath. That can stay on. Please help meeee.”

He put his face in his hands, letting out the biggest sigh of the night. “Fine. Stay still. And I mean it this time.” 

She nodded and sat as straight and still as she could. Levi tried to hide his red face as he unbuttoned her vest. Claire smiled. _Sunflower is cool. Sunflower is nice._

“Okay, I’m finished. Time to sleep.”

“Fiiiiine.” Claire layed down where she was, across the bottom of the bed. This felt good.

“Claire, that’s not in the right place.”

“But I like it here! It feels comfy!”

Levi was silent for a moment. “Fine. If you’re okay with it.” He walked to the door. “Goodnight, Claire. See you tomorrow.”

“Wait! Daddy always gives me a kiss goodnight!”

He froze in place. “I’m not him.”

“But I can’t go to sleep without ooooone!”

“You’ve lived for years without him, Sunshine. I think you can manage.”

Hot tears welled up in her eyes. “I miss him. I miss him a lot. I’m just trying to make him proud! Is he not here because he’s not proud of me?” She sat up, looking at Sunflower.

“Claire…” He sat beside her. “He’s not here because he is watching over your family to the best of his ability. You’re here because you’re protecting all of them from what’s outside the walls.”

“But- but am I doing enough?” She looked him in the eyes, tears still flowing.

He smiled at her, wiping tears from her cheek. “Yes. More than enough. I’m sure he’s proud of you. You’re not only a Captain now, but a good friend to all. You can fight well, but you also have kindness and compassion. I, um, he thinks that’s what is most important.”

“Really?” She sniffled.

“Really.” He looked down at his hands.

“Thank you, Levi.”

His head jerked up in surprise. “That’s the first time you’ve called me that tonight.”

“Because it’s your name, silly.” She smiled at him.

“Indeed, it is…”

They sat silently for a few minutes. Claire closed her eyes. Maybe she could sleep like this. Sitting didn’t seem so stupid anymore. It was actually-

Her eyes snapped open as she felt something on her cheek. She looked without moving her head to see that Levi was kissing her on the cheek. He pulled back when he noticed her staring.

“There’s your kiss goodnight.” He stood up quickly. “Now go to sleep.”

“Okie dokie.” Claire grinned as she watched him leave. Once the door clicked shut, she brought a hand up to where his lips had touched her. Why did she feel so giddy? _Oh yeah. I like him._ That was her last thought before she passed out.

* * *

Claire woke up with a massive headache. _God… What happened last night?_ She looked down and saw that she was still in her clothes, well, except for her shoes and vest. The last thing she could remember was finishing the pint of beer. Everything after that was gone. She had probably gotten _really_ drunk. _I guess I should ask Levi about what happened._

After tidying herself up, she still felt like crap. _Is this what they call a hangover?_ She did not enjoy it. Luckily, she wasn’t supposed to meet with her new squad until the next day. This version of herself would not leave a good impression on them.

Claire went to the dining hall and got her breakfast. 

Levi was already sitting in their spot, in full uniform. He looked at her with concern as she sat down. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I’ve been eaten by a titan and spat out.”

“That’s understandable.” He took a bite out of his toast. “You missed the announcement of me being Captain of the squad, but Hange decided to let it slide after what happened last night.”

“Last night…” She trailed off before drinking some milk. “What happened last night, by the way? I can’t remember anything that happened after I finished drinking that beer.”

Levi spit out the tea he was in the middle of drinking onto the table.

“Oh my God! I’m sorry! Let’s clean that up!” She used her napkins to sop up the warm liquid. “Man, to give that reaction, I must’ve been pretty bad. God, I probably embarrassed you guys.”

“You don’t remember _anything?_ ” he asked.

“Nothing. It’s all blank. Why? Am I missing something important?”

“Nope. You just said a lot of stupid things.” He smirked. “Not like you don’t do that already.”

“Hey!” She punched him in the arm. “That’s mean!”

He laughed. “Sorry.”

“Alright, I’ll stop asking so I can still have some respect for myself.”

“That’s a good idea.”

They continued eating for a few minutes before Claire spoke. “Levi?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m never drinking alcohol in any form ever again. Do you promise to stop me if someone tries to pressure me into doing it?” She held out a hand.

“I promise.” He shook her hand, and she smiled at him. 

_Thank God he was there to keep me in check. Things could’ve gotten bad._


	10. Captains

“Captain Helios? Can I have a leave of absence to visit home for two weeks? My mom has been missing me and says I  _ must _ go back or else she’ll get very cross.”

“Juliet.” Claire sighed. “That is not a valid reason to be off duty for a day, let alone two weeks. I’m sorry, but I can’t do that for you. Plus we are in the middle of an expedition. You have to bring these requests up to me in my office back at HQ.”

“Right, sorry.” The young girl’s expression did not match her words. Her gray eyes were filled with ice and her smile was insincere. She whipped her reins and moved back into position.

_ God. These kids are going to be the death of me. _ Sure, she was only thirty years old, but having these teenagers in her squad was making her feel over sixty. It had been a year since Claire was promoted to the position of captain, and she was still stuck with a squad full of youth. When she lost members, they were refilled with more of the brats. Why couldn’t she get someone closer to her own age in the squad? Levi had a  _ golden _ squad. They all seemed so professional. Why was she not able to have that? 

There was one good member in her squad at the moment, Roy. He was well behaved and acted a lot older than the others. But that was just one, the other four would constantly whine or brag about how good and cool they were. It was going to drive Claire insane. She could hear two of them, Nolan and Viktor, having some argument about something stupid. Could they be any less disrespectful? They were riding back from another failed expedition. They had lost a good portion of the Survey Corps, and things were pretty grim, yet those two idiots were arguing about the best method for eating soup.

Claire tried to tune them out as she rode forward. She just felt exhausted  _ all the time _ . Being a Captain was her dream, but it hadn’t turned out how she imagined. 

_ This almost makes me want to go back to the Sean Squad days. Even if they did hate me, it was better than this. At least I had someone I could go to… _ Her thoughts drifted to Levi. Now that they were both Captains they had a lot less free time and she didn’t get to see him as often.

“Captain?”

“What?” she snapped. “

Sorry, I just was going to say thank you for helping us out back there.”

Claire looked at who was talking and saw Roy, running a hand through his brown hair awkwardly. “Roy, I didn’t mean to get mad at you. I’ve just been on edge lately. Sorry about that.”

“It’s alright, ma’am.” He smiled at her.

“And it was no trouble to help you guys out. It’s a captain’s duty to protect and look after her subordinates.”

“I also wanted to ask you about that cool spiraling maneuver you do. It looks complicated and difficult to pull off. How do you do it?”

“Years of practice,” she smirked. “And I’m still not as good as my teacher. You should see him do it sometime.”

“Who’s your teacher? Another member of the Scouts?”

“Captain Levi.”

“Really?” Roy’s hazel eyes lit up in excitement. “ _ The  _ Captain Levi? You are trained by him personally?”

Claire smiled to herself. It seems that Levi had already grown quite the reputation. After being made a captain, more of the youth began to notice him and respect him.  _ Unlike me. _ “Yes, he helps me out because we are good friends.”

“You’re friends with him?”

She nodded. “Yep. We have been for years. In fact, I was one of the people who helped train him when he first joined the Survey Corps. You see, his arrival was a little unconventional…” 

For the rest of the journey back to Wall Rose, she told Roy of how she and Levi first met and about the first expedition they went on. She left out the more personal and emotional details, like Isabel and Furlan. It was nice to talk with someone who actually respected her for once.

* * *

Claire took off her harnesses and changed into her vest and slacks. This wasn’t her most comfortable outfit, but it was the best out of all of the nicer clothes that she had to wear as a Captain. Only on weekends was she allowed to wear whatever she desired. She checked her schedule, which was pretty empty.  _ Thank God. _ She did not want to have to deal with a lot that day. The expedition (and her annoying-ass squad) had exhausted her.

“I don’t have anything for at least an hour,” she mumbled to herself. “I have time to vent.” 

Stuffing her planner in her back pocket, Claire left her room and headed to the best place to let off steam. The door was halfway open, and there were no voices to be heard.  _ Perfect. _ She walked in and rested her head on the desk, letting out a loud groan.

“What is it this time, Sunshine?”

“I’m losing my mind. These kids are so dumb.” She rolled her head to the side so she could look at Levi, who was looking down at her with an eyebrow raised.

“It seems like the brats are always driving you crazy. Want me to kill them for you?”

Claire rolled her face so it was to the wood of the desk again. “No. They’ll just give me worse ones. Plus I like Roy, he doesn’t deserve that.”

“Fine,” he said, putting a hand on her head and rubbing it in a comforting way. “But if you do change your mind, I’m here.”

She smiled, even though he couldn’t see. “Thanks.”

They stayed like this for several moments, Claire closing her eyes, trying to hold back a large sigh, and Levi doing his paperwork while ruffling her hair. This had become quite the routine for them. She would come and vent, and he would help comfort her. She felt bad about it, though. He was always there when she needed to let off steam, but she felt like he never came to her. Levi had burdens and struggles, she knew he did, she just wished he trusted her enough to let his walls down around her. He always had that stiff expression, except for the few times he smiled. Her emotions and feelings toward him were stronger than she cared to admit, and she hoped that he reciprocated somewhat. He didn’t have to like her in a romantic way, all she wanted was for him to feel safe around her.

“Levi, what am I doing wrong?”

“Hmm?” He stopped ruffling her hair.

Claire took her head off the desk and took one of the extra chairs and sat next to him. “This happens every time! I’ve had several sets of cadets be in my squad and each time they end up treating me like this! There’s no way it’s just some twisted coincidence. It has to be because there’s something wrong with the way I’m leading the squad.”

Levi leaned back in his chair, thinking. “Every time it’s exactly the same, huh?”

“Yes! I don’t know what it could be…” She put her face in her hands, trying to hold back tears.  _ God, why do I always get emotional when he’s around? This is so embarrassing. _

“I think…” He paused. “You need to demand respect from them.”

“I try-”

“No.” He held up a hand to silence her. “It’s not that you aren’t trying. You are just a naturally kind and friendly person. To them, it looks like you’re a pushover. That they can get away with whatever they want.”

“You think I’m a pushover?” Claire looked him in the eye.  
“I’m just saying that they may be getting that impression from you. You need to do something so crazy that it makes them respect the hell out of you, or you change everything about who you are. And we both don’t want the latter to happen.”

“What could I do?” she asked. “I already kill all of the titans for them since they are so incompetent most of the time.”

“Yes, you can kill titans, but you need to show them something outside of the battlefield.”

“But I don’t even know what I could do.”

“Well, you are friends with  _ the  _ Captain Levi.” He smirked. “Maybe he could whip them into shape for you.”

“You can’t hurt them. I will be demoted.”

Levi laughed. “I wasn’t planning on doing anything like that. But I could probably scare the hell out of them. They wouldn’t mess with you after that.”

“Sure, that could work for a short while, but it might not last. I wouldn’t be demanding respect from them, you would be.”

“I have an idea for that part.”

He explained the plan to her, and it actually seemed like it could work. “Levi, you’re a genius. This could make those brats stop.” Claire grinned. “Okay, I have training with them tomorrow morning. Are you free then?”

“Yes. I’ll see you then.”

“See you, Sunflower.” Claire walked to her room with a bit of a skip in her step. After tomorrow, those kids would wish they had never treated her so poorly.

* * *

“We’re going to have a guest help us with hand-to-hand training today?” asked Roy with excitement that Claire could never have herself. 

“Yes. He’s very skilled and I feel like he could show you all a trick or two.”

“Why do we even need to work on hand-to-hand combat? It’s not like we’ll get in a fist fight with a titan!” whined Juliet.

Claire could feel her eye twitch in frustration. “Because you might not always be fighting titans. Plus it’s a good skill to have.” 

It seemed like ages before they reached the training ground. The complaining of her squad members made any trip feel like a full-length expedition. There was already a person waiting on the training grounds. Claire knew that short figure very well. She smiled, excited for what was going to happen. Levi saluted at Claire as she approached him, and she did the same. Roy saluted as well, but the others had to receive a glare from their captain before doing so.

“Squad, this is Captain Levi. He will be the one helping us with training today.” He nodded as she said this. “Now, he deserves your respect. He is arguably one of the strongest soldiers out of all of the Regiments and he is being kind enough to take time out of his day off to assist us,”

Claire looked over her kids, observing their faces. 

They all looked like they could care less, except for Roy, who looked extremely happy. That wasn’t surprising, he had been excited to hear all about her friend just the other day. 

She looked at Levi and gave him a nod, signaling for him to speak.

“Alright, brats. I’m going to demonstrate a move with Captain Helios, and then you will partner up and try it yourselves. If you fail to do so correctly, you will be forced to try again with either me or your captain. Understand?”

They nodded.

Levi turned to face Claire, and they both got into a starting position. She raised her fists and made eye contact with her sparring partner. He winked at her before they demonstrated the move. It was a quick defensive strike where one swiped the leg of their opponent from beneath them, offsetting their balance. Claire made the attack while Levi did the swipe. She fell to her knees, and allowed him to help her up.

“Alright, guys. It’s your turn.” Levi folded his arms.

“Sir.” They saluted before finding a partner to spar with. Roy was with Juliet, and Viktor with Nolan.

As they observed, Levi and Claire spoke quietly with one another. “Are you alright? I didn’t try to make you fall that hard.”

She waved a hand in the air. “I've been through a lot worse. Plus, if you really wanted to hurt me, you would.”

He closed his eyes. “That’s not true. I’d never want to hurt you.”

This surprised her, and she decided to change the subject. “Are you sure this will work?”

“Yep. What we just did will make them think of me as stronger than you. It will help for later.”

“Wow. You’re quite the evil genius, aren’t you?” Claire smiled, looking back at the kids trying to do the move. It looked simple, but it was actually quite difficult.

“YOU!” Levi shouted, pointing at one of the teens. “With the pathetic excuse for a haircut!”

“M-me?” asked Nolan, who did have an unfortunate hairstyle. His blonde hair had been shaved off on one side, but flopped down lazily across the other.

“Who else would I be talking to? Your form is sloppy. Let me show you how it’s done.” He waved the shaking boy over.

Viktor had to shove his friend over. As he got closer, Claire could see the fear in Nolan’s eyes. 

_ Perfect, _ she thought. Levi’s plan seemed successful so far.  _ Hopefully he won’t kill the poor kid…  _ He had promised he wouldn’t seriously harm any of them, but she couldn’t be certain that it wouldn’t happen.

“Stand right there and I want you to try tripping me,” Levi explained. “If you succeed, good on you. If not, I get to have a turn on you.”

“O-okay, Captain.” Nolan got into position, staring at his opponent. He was much taller than Levi, and probably thought he had an advantage. 

Claire folded her arms, ready to witness the destruction of the poor child.

The blonde sped forward, shooting his leg out to perform the move. It looked like he would actually make it, but then Levi grabbed the youth’s leg and flipped him onto his back. The sound of impact was quite loud, and Nolan gasped for breath.

Levi moved to stand over him, raising an eyebrow. “Was that really your best? You should’ve been quicker. I’m surprised a titan hasn’t gotten to you yet.”

“That’s not fair! You never said you were going to try and defend against his strike!” shouted Viktor. Levi gave him his best death glare. “W-with all due respect, sir.”

“In a real fight will your opponent just stand around and wait for you to strike?” He looked around at the scared youth. “No, they won’t. You have to be prepared for any counter that comes your way. Do you want a turn now, Ears?”

Viktor’s face grew red. He did have big ears.

_ Damn. Levi knows how to get them right where it hurts. _ She was impressed. It was crazy seeing how different he acted with her compared with how he was treating her subordinates. Sure, he was stone-faced and somewhat cold most of the time, but she had never seen him this, well, savage. He had shown his rage and cruelty towards titans, but she hadn’t really seen how he acted with his subordinates before.

“No, sir.”

“Too bad. You signed up the moment you opened that big mouth of yours.”

Nolan was just barely sitting up when his friend made his way over to them. His coughing had died down and Claire figured that he hadn’t been hurt as bad as it looked. She held out a hand to the boy, and he took it. Helping him stand she asked if he was feeling alright and he nodded.

Levi got himself into position. “C’mon, boy. This time I’ll demonstrate on you-”

“Captain Levi, that’s enough.”

He looked at her with fake shock. “What?”

“I apologize for the behavior of my squad. It appears I haven’t been disciplining them properly.” She put a hand on his shoulder. “It’s my fault, so let me take the punishment for them.”

“Are you sure about that, Sun-Captain Helios?”

Claire smiled, getting into position. “Yes. I’ll be the one trying to take you down.”

His eyes glimmered with excitement. All was going smoothly.

“Captain, you don’t have to do this for me-” started Viktor.

“It’s quite alright, soldier. It’s my duty. I’m responsible for you all.”

He nodded before running back to Nolan, who had stopped coughing.

“Let’s get this over with.” Levi readied himself.

She ran forward, moving her leg to trip him. Levi moved to grab her leg and do the same flipping trick that he had done before, but Claire was ready. They had rehearsed this last night. She rammed herself into his gut, grabbing him around the waist. Using the momentum from the original impact, she flipped him over her head and onto his back. He let out a grunt as he hit the dirt. Straightening herself up, she looked at her squad, who was watching with wide eyes and jaws dropped.

Crouching down, she smirked at Levi. “Guess you ended up taking the punishment for me.” She held out a hand to help him up. 

“I guess so,” he said, taking it. Brushing the dirt off his clothes he excused himself. “It appears I’m not needed here anymore. I best get going.” 

As soon as he left, her squad swarmed her, speaking at once. “I can’t believe you did that!” “That was awesome!” “You showed him!” “You’re the best, Captain!” 

She smiled. “It was nothing. I represent my squad, so I had to show him my best. Anyways, I think we’re done for the day. We should all wash up. You all did good work today!”

They all left, except for Roy. He stayed behind. “Captain Helios, what was that? Isn’t Levi your friend? Why did he act like that to you?”

She smiled at him. “I suppose I can tell you. This was for the others, anyways.”

“Huh? What do you mean?” His freckled face was filled with confusion.

“Levi and I set this up,” she explained the plan to him. “I just was tired of the way they have been treating me. I hope they will respect me now.”

Roy smiled at her. “I’m sure they will! You looked really badass out there, Captain!”

“Thanks, Roy.” She put a hand on his shoulder. “I really appreciate you. You’re a great addition to the team.”

“Th-thank you, Captain.” His cheeks grew pink. “I’m just doing what I ought to.”

“And you’re doing a great job of it, soldier.” She started to walk away. “Be sure not to tell the others the truth of what happened, okay?”

He saluted clumsily. “Of course, Captain.”

Laughing to herself, she walked back to her room. She changed into a fresh set of clothes, her other ones were dirtied from the training. The kitchen was empty since no meals were to happen for a few hours, so she decided to brew up some black tea. It was Levi’s favorite and she wanted to thank him.

The door to his office was closed, so she knocked on it. It creaked open and she peered inside. Claire couldn’t see him anywhere.  _ Levi said he would meet me here? Where is he? _ She looked and saw that he was on the floor, asleep, resting against his desk. 

_ Did he not get any sleep last night? _ She knew he was an insomniac, but she didn’t expect him to be the type to sleep in the middle of the day to catch up on what was lost the night before. Setting the tea on his desk, she sat beside where he was sleeping. 

Levi looked so peaceful. She had never seen him like this before. It was surprising, his RBF actually was gone. 

Claire blushed and looked straight ahead at the wall. She shouldn’t be looking at him while he was like this. If he found out he would- 

A weight was on her shoulder, and she glanced to see that Levi’s head had moved to rest there.  _ Oh my God. _ She tried to contain her internal screaming.  _ Be calm. Be calm. Be calm. _

After calming her breathing for a few moments, Claire felt her heart rate decrease. She decided to stroke his hair like he did to comfort her. It was surprisingly soft. Claire smiled.  _ Of course it is. He probably shampoos every day. Silly Sunflower. _ As she stroked his hair, she began to get drowsy herself. It had been a late night. A little bit of shut-eye wouldn’t hurt… 

* * *

Claire woke up, her back aching. Her vision was blurry, so she blinked it away.  _ Where am I? _ Then she remembered. She realized her head was resting on someone’s shoulder.  _ Levi’s shoulder. _ Looking up, she saw him staring at her. 

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry!” She sat up, trying to hide her red face.

“It’s fine. It’s my fault for dozing off while I was waiting for you.”

“How long has it been?”

“I’ve been awake for about half an hour. I think it’s almost dinner.”

“Oh God! The tea! It’s probably cold!”

“Claire, it’s fine. We have tea all the time.”

“But I made your favorite!” She looked at him, upset with herself.

He smiled, brushing some hair out of her face. “I don’t care. We can have it another time”

Claire was surprised. Levi loved his free tea. Especially free black tea. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. Let’s tidy up and go get dinner. We haven’t eaten together in ages.” He stood and helped her up.

“Right,” she said as she fixed her hair, which had gotten slightly tangled.

They walked and ate dinner together, talking the whole time. He walked her to her room again before saying goodnight. He promised that they could have tea together the next time they were both free. This made Claire happy. She hadn’t felt this way with someone in a long time. She knew she could rely on Levi, and today he had further proved that. Even Luca hadn’t been like this. 

As she went to sleep, Claire reflected on her past relationship, the more she remembered how toxic it had been. Luca had always been selfish, putting his needs first and hardly caring about hers. It was that behavior that led him to dragging Claire outside the walls and eventually to his death. He also teased her a lot, but it was harsh teasing. Sometimes it had hurt her, and when he got angry he would take it out on her. 

Levi was so different. He put others' needs before his own, almost to the point where he didn’t care about himself. He needed to work on that. She could help him see the value that she saw in him. He was also gentle and comforting. Instead of words of ridicule, he always spoke encouraging things. His touch was soft and never cruel.

The next day her squad listened to her with no complaints. There were no strange requests either. They all listened to every word she had to say. Juliet even complimented her clothes, which Claire didn’t think were anything special, but she appreciated the thought. Nolan and Viktor didn’t gossip or talk out of turn, and Roy seemed even more kind than he was before. Claire did notice a bit of awkwardness coming from him. Was he uncomfortable with the fact that she was close to Levi? A lot of people did find it strange and avoided her because of it. She didn’t care, though. She liked Levi, so she would stick with him until the very end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus concludes the first arc of this story! Thank you again for reading! I really appreciate it! I'm excited! This next arc was one of my favorites to write! Get ready for events from the anime!


	11. Trost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the second arc of this story! It was my favorite to write! I hope you all like it too!

“I know you probably can’t help being hideous,” said Levi as he walked across the rooftop towards the two titans. “But I can’t help being tired of looking at you.” 

He hooked his ODM gear onto one of the nearby buildings, and spun in the air, swiftly killing the first titan. After taking a step, he launched into the air again, this time raising his blades in the air. Spinning them forward, he released the swords from their handles and they spun into the second titan’s eyes, blinding it. It’s hands went up to touch its eyes as it cried out in pain. 

Levi landed on the thing’s head.

“Uh oh,” Levi said, turning around. “Easy big stuff. Nobody’s got time for a crybaby.” He attached new blades on. “Let’s take it like a man, shall we?” He jumped into the air, spinning down on the nape of the titan, cutting it before projecting himself back onto the rooftop.

“Disgusting,” he said as he pulled out a cloth to wipe the titan blood off of his blade. 

_ I wonder how Claire is faring?  _ He thought as he made his way toward Petra, who was tending their injured squad member, Garf.  _ I hope she isn’t having as much trouble as we are…  _

“Captain! I-” Petra was on the verge of tears. “I can’t stop the bleeding.” She was pressing a cloth onto the blonde man’s chest, it was crimson with blood.

“Captain… Levi…” mumbled Garf weakly. 

He moved beside the dying man and went down on one knee. “I’m here.”

“Did… did this make a difference? Was I… was I helpful?” He raised a hand towards his captain. “Please, sir… Don’t tell me this was for nothing… Tell me this helps the cause…”

Levi firmly took Garf’s bloody hand, looking into his tear-filled eyes. “We’ve made great strides today, soldier. And tomorrow. Because of you. Your strength won’t die with you. The torch will be carried on,” His voice grew shaky as he spoke. “By me. This I swear on my very life. The titans will be eradicated!”

“Sir,” said Petra quietly. “I’m sorry, he’s…”

He looked down at Garf, then at her, feeling his heart sink. “Did the man hear what I had to say? Any of it?”

“Yes, sir. Matter of fact, I think he heard all of it. Look at him.” She looked at her dead comrade and Levi followed suit. “That’s a face at peace.”

“We can hope,” he said, standing up.

“Levi!” shouted a voice, accompanied by the sound of horses.

He turned around to see Erwin, along with a few other soldiers, including Claire, on horseback. Levi looked at his friend, her eyes were red and she looked like she was about to cry.

_ Is she alright? _

“We’re pulling out.”

“Sir?” asked Petra, standing up.

“What do you mean? You damn well know that we can push further.” Levi’s face grew warm, his heart beating fast. “My men didn’t die to pave our retreat.”

“There’s a swarm of titans moving north. They’re bearing down on the city.”

_ The city? Does that mean the Colossal Titan has returned? _

The Commander turned away. “It’s just like five years ago. Something tells me this is going to be bad. For all we know the wall has already been reduced to rubble.”

“Then let’s get going.” He turned to Petra. “Go get the others while I gather the horses.”

“Sir.” She saluted before going off to find the rest of the Levi Squad.

He found the horses as quickly as he could. Levi needed to talk to Claire. The city was the Trost District, where her family lived. He now understood why she looked so upset. Luckily, the horses had stayed together, so he didn’t have to look very far.

Mounting his horse, he rode over to Claire. “Sunshine, it’s going to be alright. They have evacuation measures set into place. This won’t be like Shiganshana.”

“I know,” she said, wiping away a tear. “But I can’t help but worry. My dad is in a wheelchair, so moving him around won’t be easy, and I’m sure things are chaotic as hell. Plus the only people they have to defend them are the Cadets and the Garrison. Sure, the Garrison is trained and all, but they don’t have a lot of first hand experience.”

Levi put a hand on her head, ruffling her hair. “Hey, let’s think positive. It’ll be okay.”

Claire smiled weakly at him. “Alright, I’ll believe you. I better go back to my squad. Roy’s probably got all of them gathered together. Thanks, Sunflower.” She rode away.

He watched her, a pit filling his stomach. He really hoped his words didn’t turn out to be a lie.

“Captain, we are ready to leave,” said Petra from behind him. “On your orders, of course.”

Nodding, he whipped his reins. “Let’s go.”

* * *

The ride to the Trost District felt longer than it had ever been. Perhaps it was the weight in Levi’s chest that made the whole thing seem so painfully slow. Why did he care so much, though? It wasn’t like he personally knew anyone who lived there.  _ It’s the fact that Wall Rose could be breached. _ Yes, that was it. They couldn’t afford to lose another wall. There would not be enough supplies to house everyone within Wall Sina. His thoughts drifted back to Claire. She had looked so devastated. She didn’t deserve to feel that way.

He glanced at her as she led her squad. She smiled and said encouraging words to her subordinates. Levi could see through that mask. He knew she was hurting. Claire had strength, being able to smile when filled with such fear and sadness.

“You’re amazing, Captain!”

Levi raised an eyebrow as one of her squadmates rode up beside her. It was one of those brats that was there when he decided to teach them a lesson. He had freckles and messy brown hair, and Levi could tell that he was blushing.

“I can't believe you took down that twelve meter all by yourself!”

“It’s just my job, Roy,” Claire said, waving a hand in the air. “It’s no big deal.”

“It’s still super cool!”

Levi found himself glaring at the boy. He wasn’t sure why, though. Facing forward, he led his own squad forward.

* * *

The situation at Trost was definitely a unique one. All of the civilians had been evacuated, which was good, but apparently some merchant had been blocking the path so they weren’t able to get out as quickly as possible. Because of that a lot of soldiers were killed trying to keep the titans away. 

When he arrived, Levi had killed a titan that was about to kill three of the new Cadets. The strange thing was the corpse of a fifteen meter titan that one of the kids had come out of. The Garrison had explained that the brat (Eren, was it?) had the ability to transform into a titan. He had a difficult time believing this, but apparently there were dozens of witnesses. The kid had been locked up, which was probably the best solution considering how many unknown factors there were about him. Erwin requested that he come with him to visit the boy when he woke up. He had no choice but to agree, even though he’d rather do other things.

For now, he waited on the balcony. Materials for tea were set on the table where he sat patiently. Even though things had gotten busy for them after becoming captains, he and Claire still had their post-mission tea. Usually she got here first, but it seemed she was running late.  _ She probably had to check up on her family. That’s what’s keeping her. _

After a few minutes of sitting in silence, he moved to the balcony so he could look over the city. Levi found himself thinking about Claire. They had known each other for around six years now. A lot had happened in that time. It was crazy to think so much had changed in his life. If someone told him seven years ago that he would become a captain with the Scouts, he probably would’ve stabbed them, or something. He was a better person now, and she had helped him get there. They did have their rough start, with him being an ass during training and when she had killed that titan for him.

He smiled to himself as he remembered her saving him from the two abnormals. It had been brave of her to try his maneuvering technique to save him. She didn’t know what she was doing, but she still tried. It was admirable. Levi remembered the fear he had when he saw her, spiraling in the sky, not able to stop. He didn’t think before he swooped in to help her, it was as if he moved by instinct. The relief he had felt was like nothing he had ever felt before. He had never been that worried about someone before… Why was that?

Levi’s thoughts moved to when he had found her in the forest, arms bloody and caught in a titan’s hand. A rage like none other had filled him that day. He thought she had been killed, and he grew reckless. Thank God he wasn’t killed or else no one would’ve taken her back to the infirmary. He had been so afraid that he would lose her, he had stayed by her bedside until she woke up. It hadn’t been easy, with Hange and the others constantly bothering him and trying to get him to go to sleep, but he couldn’t just leave her. He had to know that she was okay. He had even demanded that she be moved to his squad. No one else could be trusted with her protection. He was so happy when she opened her eyes. Why did he feel that happy? He hadn’t felt that with anyone else before.

He remembered her crying against him when mourning her squadmates, and how she confided in him when she was having those awful nightmares. They had shared quite a few dark moments together. But there had been bright ones too.

_ It was after he had nearly been crushed by a titan.  _

_ She held out a hand to help him stand as she began to lecture him. “You need to be more careful, that titan almost crushed you. You’re lucky I was there to rescue you.” _

_ When he had looked up at Claire, her chestnut hair was highlighted by the light coming from behind her, her deep blue eyes shining like the stars. _

_He had to shade his eyes because, God, she was so bright. It was like he was looking at the sun for the first time._ _“Alright, alright. I get it, Sunshine.”_

Claire had later asked him why he chose to call her “Sunshine”, but for some reason he couldn’t tell her. It made him nervous thinking about it. Why? Why did he feel that way? Why did he get nervous around her?

Levi thought about the moments when he had lost his composure when around her. There was the time when practicing hand-to-hand combat and he had pinned her down. He had pinned many foes down like that before. Why did he get so flustered that time? The worst of it was when she got drunk. Claire had behaved strangely and had said… things that had caught him off guard. One of the most recent occurrences of this flustered feeling had been when he took a nap in his office and had awoken to her resting on his shoulder. He remembered being confused as to when she had gotten there, and then fearing that someone would walk in on them. Why did he care? They were friends. He could’ve easily explained the situation.

_ Why hasn’t she come yet?  _ He thought, glancing at the door. Looking back forward he thought to himself.  _ Why am I so eager to see her? Why am I  _ always _ so eager to see her? Yes, she’s my friend. But so is Erwin, and Hange. Why is Claire different?  _

It hit Levi all at once as moments flashed through his mind. Claire giving him tea for the first time. Her saying that she cared if he died or not. The mere centimeters between their faces as he cleaned her wound. The laughter in her eyes as they moved everything in Hange’s room as a part of a prank. The pain in his chest when he thought she was dead. When she had fallen asleep, her head resting in his lap, and he didn’t stop her because she looked so peaceful. The way her hair blew in the wind as she called him “Sunflower.” Her face as she described what it was like to draw. How she didn’t need that makeup to look beautiful. Him leaning in to kiss her cheek, even if she didn’t remember. Her smile when he had told her he would help her with controlling her squad. The way she would always run a hand through her hair. All of it was special because…

“I’m in love with Claire Helios.”

The words were spoken barely above a whisper. But the truth had been said nonetheless. His hand rose to cover his mouth, his eyes widening.  _ Oh my God.  _ The more Levi thought about it the more he realized it. But how long? It could've been years but he hadn’t known it. This whole “love” thing was something he didn’t have much experience with. The only love he had experienced was his mother’s, which was long ago and  _ very _ different. How was he supposed to act now? Should he tell her how he felt? What did people normally do when this sort of thing happens?

The sound of the door opening interrupted his thoughts. Levi spun around to see Claire coming out of the building. “Hey, um, hi, Sunshine.”  _ Dammit. Why am I having trouble finding words? _

“Levi…” As she got closer, he could see that her eyes were red and puffy. 

“Claire?” He rushed over to her, tripping over one of the chairs. “Are you alright? What happened?”

She shook her head. “Levi, I’m leaving.”

“Leaving? You mean you aren’t going to have tea today?”

Claire tried to smile, but he could tell it was difficult for her. “I won’t be having tea with you ever again. I’m leaving the Survey Corps.”

Levi felt a pain in his chest. “What- what do you mean?”

“I- I have to go home,” she explained, tears forming in her eyes. “My dad… He died during the invasion. So I-”

“What? They said there were no civilian casualties!”

“I know, that’s what I thought, too. But,” Tears began to roll down her cheeks. “He technically wasn’t a civilian.”

“What do you mean?” His mind was racing. Just moments before he was filled with extreme happiness, and now all he felt was despair.

“They were desperate for soldiers, so they called for anyone with military experience to assist in any way they could.” A weak smile formed on her lips. “My dad, of course, volunteered to help. He never refuses, well, refused to help anyone. Even with him being handicapped, they took him in. They had him in charge of manning one of the cannons, but there were too many titans. And his comrades left him. There was no way he could get away on his own, and they chose to leave him behind.” She burst into sobs.

His fists clenched. “Claire, I’m so sorry… I wish I could do something to help.”

Claire attempted to calm her crying before speaking. “You can help me with one thing.”

“Yeah? What is it?”

“One last cup of tea?” She smiled weakly.

Levi’s heart ached when she said “last”. “Yes. Of course.” He pulled a chair out for her, and she sat down. He moved to be across from her, pouring the water for both of them. It had grown lukewarm, but they both didn’t mind. The tea didn’t have to be perfect this time.

He watched as Claire shakily held her teacup to her lips. It pained him to watch. “Claire, I understand that your father has passed, and you need to attend his funeral, but why do you have to leave the Survey Corps?” Levi asked before quickly adding, “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, though.”

“It’s fine,” she said, closing her eyes. “Mom won’t be able to run the tavern by herself, so I have to be there to help out. Gertrude has been weak her entire life, so she won’t be able to do anything too gruelling, and Vanessa and Hannah are too young. I have to help them.”

Levi nodded, understanding. “I- I see… That’s kind of you to be there for them.”

“Are you okay, Levi?”

He looked up at her. “Yes. Why do you ask?”  
“You’ve been acting a bit off ever since I came out here.”

“Oh. It’s nothing. It’s just,” He struggled to find the words. “It’s just this is very sudden and shocking. But it’s nothing compared to what you are going through right now. Let’s not talk about me.”

“God, I’m sorry for unloading this on you, Levi.” She wiped tears from her cheeks. “I just had to tell you before I leave. I’m not even going to tell my squad, Hange will be doing that for me. You’re-” Her voice cracked. “You’re the person most important to me here, so I had to tell you in person.”

“Claire…” He reached across the table and placed his hand on hers. “You’re, yes, um, you’re important to me, too.”

She looked down at their hands, then placed her other hand on top of his. “Thank you for saying that, Levi. It… it means a lot.”

_ Just tell her how you feel before she’s gone, dammit! _ His mind was screaming at him, but what was the point? She was going to leave, no matter what his feelings were. Her family needed Claire more than he did. “Is it possible, that if I ever go through Trost again, that I could come and visit?”

“Of course! My family would love that!” She laughed. “They’ve been wanting to meet you for such a long time.”

He smiled sadly. “You told them a lot about me?”

“Well, you are my closest friend, so, of course I did.”

Levi closed his eyes. He didn’t know what to say. Did Claire only see him as a friend? If that was the case, he accepted it. As long as she was a part of his life. “I’m going to miss talking with you.”

“Yeah. Me too.” She looked down at their hands, and suddenly her eyes lit up. “I could give you my address and we could write letters to each other. That way we can keep in touch. If you're okay with that.”

He felt his heart flutter. “Yes! Of course! That would be good, I mean, it would be more than good. It'd be great.”  _ What the hell am I saying? God, I sound like an idiot. _

Claire burst into laughter. “I’m glad you are so enthusiastic about the proposal. Maybe I can draw you a thing or two along with the letters.”

“I’d like that very much. I’d do the same but my art skills are God-awful.”

She laughed again, and he smiled. Her smile was beautiful. God, he was going to miss it along with the sound of her laugh. Claire had become such a big part of his life, it was going to feel a lot emptier without her.

Claire looked at the sky, which was turning orange. “I’m going to miss the view.”

Levi only saw her. “Yeah, it’s something else.”

She smiled softly, staring at the clouds. “God, most people would be ecstatic to leave the Scouts in a somewhat honorable way. They would be happy to escape what seems like certain death.” She turned to look at him. “Yet, I find myself wishing it could be like this forever.”

He felt his cheeks grow warm. Looking away from her and at the sky he spoke, “Me, too. This place won’t be the same without you.”

“Maybe I’ll be able to come back one day. If we can find someone to help out, or if Gertude gets married to someone who can take charge.” She squeezed his hand. “Y’know what? I promise I’ll come back. But you have to promise me that you won’t die before then.”

He looked back at her. “Yes. I promise.”

It was quiet for what felt like years. They stared at the sky in silence, soaking in each other’s presence. This was the last time they would share a moment like this on this balcony. Levi had become fond of the place, and he knew that once she was gone he would never be able to come back. Too many memories and lost possibilities plagued this place. It would hurt just to look at it.

Claire let go of Levi’s hand and pulled out her notebook. She began scribbling in it.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m writing my address. I- I have to get going. I’m riding home tonight.”

It felt like he had been stabbed in the chest. “Tonight?”

“Yes… I wish I could stay longer, I truly do. But they need me as soon as possible. I shouldn’t have stayed here as long as I have, but,” She looked him in the eyes as she handed him the piece of paper. He could see some emotion in them that he couldn’t identify. “I was having such a good time with you, I just had to stay.” She stood up and pushed her chair in. He watched her, at a loss for words. 

_ What was he supposed to say? How could he say goodbye to the woman he loved? _

“Goodbye, Sunflower,” Claire said as she walked towards the door. “I hope we can see each other again.” She opened the door.

Before Levi knew what he was doing, he found that he was getting out of his chair and rushing over to her. She looked at him with surprise as he approached. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a hug. He held her with everything he had, not wanting to ever let go. She squeaked with surprise, her body going stiff at first, but hugged him back, burying her face into his shoulder. He ran a hand through her hair. Normally he did this to comfort her, but this time it was for himself. He was being selfish. Claire needed to go back to her family, and here he was, keeping her to himself. Fingers traced patterns along his back and he tried not to cry.

_ No, not in front of her. This is already hard for her, I can’t make it worse. _

This feeling, this experience was new to him. It was warm, it was safe. And he was about to lose it forever. Levi tried to take her all in, so he could remember her as best he could. He closed his eyes as he focused on her smell, which reminded him of pine. It was such a good smell, how had he not noticed it before? Next, he focused on the way her soft hair felt between his fingers and the warmth that came from her as she held him. He paid attention to each of the gentle movements of her fingers on his back. He listened to the sound of her breathing. It was soft and gentle, like her heart. It was getting harder and harder to hold in the tears. He… he had to let her go.

Levi loosened his grip on her, pulling back. Claire looked up at him, eyes brimming with tears. He wiped a stray tear from her cheek, smiling softly at her. “Don’t cry, Sunshine. We’ll see each other again, one day.”

She smiled at him, then went through the door without another word. He watched as she walked away, leaving him out on the balcony, alone. His heart felt like it was drowning. A hand went to his heart, and he let the walls down. 

He walked over to the table, sitting down, staring blankly at the tea set in front of him. Levi was never good with expressing his emotions, so he just sat there. Empty. Something wet was on his cheek. He wiped it with a finger, then looked at it. It was a single tear. He hadn’t cried in years. But he did suppose he had reason to at this moment. He had found someone, a person he truly cared for, and now she was gone. They had promised to meet again, but the chances were very slim. And it  _ hurt.  _ He couldn’t hold it back anymore. Silent tears rolled down his face. All of his bottled up emotions came flooding out at once. He was sad, but also so  _ angry _ . Why did he have to lose everyone he cared about?

Levi stood up, something in his blood fuelling his anger. Crying out, he gripped the table and flipped it over, fragile teacups shattering as they hit the floor. Knuckles growing white, his fists shook. If only he had a titan to kill, or  _ anything  _ to kill. That always worked… He looked around for something, eyes wild. Pale eyes looked at the broken cup pieces that scattered the floor. 

_ What have I done? _ That tea set was the same one they had used every time for tea. He had ruined something to remember Claire by. Levi knelt down and began to clean up what he had broken. His head throbbed. His heart ached. It was too much. Cleaning helped to distract himself. He wasn’t quite sure when he had stopped crying, but by the time he had finished picking up the remains of the teacups, his eyes and face were completely dry. He looked at the sky, which had grown dark, bright stars speckling the black surface. No moon was present.

After throwing away the chunks of cups and resetting the table, Levi found himself walking lifelessly to his room. Everything felt empty. He changed into his sleeping clothes and laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He was never religious, but he found himself praying that he could actually sleep that night. He didn’t care if he dreamt or had nightmares, as long as he didn’t have to feel like this anymore.


	12. Something Missing

_ Dear Levi, _

_ I wanted to let you know that I made it back to Trost without any issues! I was not mugged or attacked by titans (yes, I know that can’t happen because we are safe in the walls, I’m only kidding haha). My family is really happy that I’m back for good, and I am too, but I’m really going to miss being a Scout. Anyways, as soon as I got home I passed out and I slept for nearly ten hours. I was really exhausted after the expedition and having to deal with the paperwork for leaving the Survey Corps. _

_ After I woke up, my mom basically set me to work right away. I helped with the tavern a little bit before going into the cadets, but that was like twenty years ago. So getting back into the swing of things was  _ rough.  _ Plus, I’m doing a lot more work than I did when I was a kid. Back then I helped get the drinks ready, and that was it. This time, I get to prepare drinks, help take orders, help take drinks to tables, and clean up any… messes that the customers make. It’s disgusting. Anyways, I’m not the only one working. Thank God. Mom does most of the managing, dealing with rotten customers and making sure things run smoothly. She helps with making drinks, too. Gertrude, the oldest out of my youngest sisters (if you remember haha), helps with taking orders at the counter. That way she can sit down and not strain herself. She’s been looking more lively than I remember, and I hope she can overcome this sickness that she’s always had. Hannah and Vanessa, the twins, help me with cleaning. My mom said I could have them help me with taking drinks out, but I don’t trust them. They can be wild and I don’t want them making things more dirty than they already are. Are you proud of me? I’ve used all of the cleaning tricks you have taught me. They have helped loads. It’s a lot of work. I can’t believe Mom and Dad, with a little help from Trudy, did this before.  _

_ This experience has been fun and all, but it’s nothing compared to riding on horseback through the hills with the wind against your face. I’m really missing being a Scout. The rides, the annoying squadmates, hell, I’m even missing titans. Sure, I had some close calls and tough times with them, but I’d rather face a bloodthirsty titan than some of these customers. They can be  _ awful. _ I’ve wished I could just use my ODM gear and fly out of there. Anyways, all of those things that are a part of life as a Scout are great, but I really miss the people. Especially you. I just feel like I don’t have anyone to confide in. My family is still mourning, so it doesn’t feel right going to them with my problems, and I don’t really know anyone else down here. Except a few guys that used to chase me around when we were kids. I’m hoping we can find someone to take dad’s place soon, because I really want to get back to you and the Survey Corps as soon as possible. How are things going with that titan kid? I hear you are involved with that whole situation. _

_ ~Claire Helios. _

_ P.S. I attached some drawings of some of the titans we have killed together to this letter! I hope you like them! _

* * *

_ Dear Claire, _

_ I’m glad to hear that you got home safely. I was concerned with you leaving so late in the day. Riding in the dark is not a safe thing to do. I’m also happy that your family is doing as well as they can be in this situation. I’m sorry to hear that you are missing it here at the Survey Corps. I have noticed that this place has been significantly duller since you left. Also, Hange won’t leave me alone. I don’t have you here to hold her back or keep her away from me. She saw the drawings you did of the titans, and she loved them. She is requesting that you send some to her. She claims it will help her research, but I’m not sure how that can be helpful. I bet she just wants them to decorate her room. She’s still as abnormal as ever. _

_ Things haven’t really changed too much around here. The only difference is that Erwin is a lot more stressed. Since Trost has been plugged up, we are going to have to find a new launching point for the expeditions. This also means having to figure out a new route to travel along. It’s a shame, we did put a lot of work into the route from Trost. I’m afraid we probably won’t be visiting often because of this. This is disappointing, I was excited to visit your family’s tavern and try some of your whiskey. I hear it’s quite famous in Trost. Maybe I’ll be able to come on a day off? But I’m not sure if that will happen any time soon with the whole titan kid situation. _

_ Your squad misses you. Especially the kid, Roy, I believe is his name? The tall one with the freckles. He seems the most earnest in interrogating me about your whereabouts. I have been ordered to keep that information from them, so you can trust me to keep my lips sealed. They had to split your squad amongst the others, and I didn’t receive any because my squad has been officially named the Special Operations Squad. We are considered the elites amongst the Scouts, and we will be in charge of keeping an eye on the titan boy. Eren Jaeger is his name. We aren’t officially in charge of him yet, though.  _

_ Today they will be holding a hearing for him. Darius Zackary will be deciding whether he goes to the Military Police, where he could be experimented on, and possibly killed, or with us, where we can utilize him to help regain Wall Maria. The Commander has given me permission to use any means necessary to help convince Zackary that I can keep the brat under control. I have some ideas of what I could do, but I’m unsure if I’ll actually have to use them. Hopefully, the brat will be obedient and we won’t have to make a scene. _

_ There’s no need to rush back. Things are really chaotic here, and I think it’d be best to wait for things to calm down before considering coming back. I don’t want you to have to get caught up in this mess.  _

_ Until next time. _

_ -Levi _

* * *

Levi set down his pencil after signing the letter. This was the first one he was writing to Claire. It felt so strange, not having her there, reading what he was writing over his shoulder while making some witty remark about it. It had barely been over a week since she left, and the quietness was something he would have to get used to. Well, the quietness except for the chaos that was Hange. She hardly left him alone nowadays.  _ Can she tell that I’m feeling down? Does she have some sixth sense or something? _

A knock came from his door and he let out a sigh. “Come in.”

Hange came in the door, followed by Miche and Moblit. “Hey, Levi. You ready for today?”

He looked up from his letter. “Sure. I don’t have to do anything too difficult.”

Miche raised an eyebrow. “You do know you have to convince them that you are capable of keeping the kid in check, right?”

“If my titan killing record isn’t enough to convince them, I don’t know what else is.”

“We’re just hoping you don’t do anything… rash,” said Hange. “We know that Erwin doesn’t really mind what you do since he believes we should do whatever it takes, but-”

“Try not to scare the people too much,” finished Miche for her. “We don’t want to think the Survey Corps is full of…”

“Crazy people?” asked Hange.

“Sure. That.”

“She says that as if she isn’t one of them…” mumbled Moblit under his breath.

She turned to the executive, who met her eyes and looked very anxious. “What did you say?”

“Nothing.” He panicked. “Look at the time, we should probably head down to collect Eren and explain what is going on to him.”

“Alright, just give me a moment alone with Captain Levi here.” Moblit looked at her with concern. “Don’t worry I won’t be too long. Go and make sure everything is ready before we head down.”

“Section Commander-”

“Just do it already, Moblit!”

Miche took the stressed Moblit by the shoulder and led him out of Levi’s room. They closed the door behind them. 

Levi watched them leave, almost forgetting about Hange’s presence. His mind often wandered nowadays, making it hard for him to focus. The only thing that was clear was when he had to kill titans. For some reason, something seemed to fill his veins, making the urge to fight and kill all that mattered in that moment. Everything else seemed so dull.

“Helloooo. Are you awake, Levi?”

Hange’s annoying voice brought him back to reality. 

He blinked, then looked up at her. “What do you want? Don’t you have somewhere important to be?”

“Yes, I do. But I’m worried about you.” She slammed her hands on the desk. “You don’t do anything anymore except kill titans and drink tea by yourself.”

“I like killing titans and being alone.” He began to fold the letter he had been writing so he could fit it in an envelope.

“You also liked Claire.”

Levi froze.

“The two of you were close friends, you did nearly everything together. I get that you miss her, but you don’t have to go through this alone. I was also close with her. I miss her too.” Hange straightened her glasses. “So, if you ever need to talk, I’m here.”

“Hange, you don’t have to do that. I’m fine.”

“No. You’re not.” She made her way to the door. Looking over her shoulder she stated, “We are having tea after this trial thing. And you can’t say no.”

He sighed. “Fine. But only if you stop bothering me after.”

“Perfect.” She closed the door behind her.

Levi stared at the closed door.  _ What a strange woman…  _ He placed the letter in an envelope, sealing it. 

Throwing on his jacket, he left the room. He knew where to take the letter for it to be delivered, but he had some difficulty finding it. The Scouts who were important to the titan brat’s trial were staying in the barracks in the city, which had a different layout than what he was used to. He hoped that the letter would be delivered quickly. Waiting long for her response was not something he desired.

Erwin was waiting for him there. “Captain Levi, it’s starting soon. We need to head down to the courthouse immediately.”

“Right,” he said, handing the letter over to the delivery service. “I just needed to do something important first.”

“Something more important than convincing Zachary that we should have custody of Jaeger?” He raised a thick eyebrow.

“To me, yes,” he replied quickly. “Anyways, let’s go. We need to be there soon, right?”

“Correct,” the Commander said as they started walking. “Are you prepared to do anything to convince them?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good. We’ll need it.”

The courthouse wasn’t too far away, so the journey wasn’t terribly long. Erwin waved and acknowledged those they passed while Levi ignored them. What was the point? He wasn’t here to make friends.

_ Friend... _ His thoughts drifted to Claire. She had been his friend for years, and he realized too late that his heart ached for something more. He was so  _ stupid _ . Of course he loved her. Looking back on his thoughts and actions that happened when she was around, it seemed so obvious to him. Why had it taken him so long to figure it out?  _ I’m not really good with emotions… And it’s crazy to think anyone would feel that way towards me. There’s no way she returns those feelings. She’s too good for me. _

“We’re here, Levi.” Erwin’s voice brought him out of his depressing thoughts.

“Where should we stand, Commander?”

Erwin surveyed the large room. “It looks like the Scouts are gathering on that side.” He nodded to their comrades. “Let’s try and get a spot close to the front. Just in case we have to jump in.”

“Sounds good to me.”

They made their way to the other members of the Survey Corps. Levi didn’t recognize anyone, except for two. The girl with short black hair and the boy with shoulder-length blonde hair. They were the childhood friends of the titan kid. That was what he had heard, anyway. Not that it mattered to him. 

He glanced at the Military Police. There were a lot more of them present then Scouts. He recognized their commander, Nile, standing towards the front of the group, papers in his hand. Levi could see how nervous they were. 

“Tch,” he muttered under his breath. “If you’re gonna try and convince Zachary, you should at least try and look confident.”

After a few minutes, the courtroom filled up, whispers and hushed voices filling the air. Levi remained silent. He tried to focus on what he came here to do, but images of Claire wouldn’t leave his mind. Why was she haunting him now of all times? He had to have his mind clear, especially at this moment. No distractions. But, his feelings of sadness started to take over. His face remained as deadpan as ever, though. As a child he had learned how to hide his emotions so others couldn’t read him.  _ She could read me, though. She was different. _ No. He had to stop that. They were going to be starting soon.

The doors clanged open loudly, and the brown haired brat was shoved through, two MPs at his sides. The kid turned his head back to yell at someone, probably Hange. “Hey! Hold on!” He paused as she said something to him, Levi couldn’t tell what. “Wait!” shouted the boy as the doors slammed shut. 

Everyone watched as the boy was shoved forward by his guards, and as he attached to a metal pole, his hands stuck behind him in cuffs. 

Levi observed him, he could tell the kid was nervous and confused.  _ Damn Four-eyes. Wasn’t she supposed to debrief him? _ He shook his head.

“Alright, shall we begin?” Zachary got into his seat, ready to get this whole mess done and dealt with.

The two began to exchange words, and Levi tuned them out. This part wasn’t why he was here. He watched as Hange and Miche took their places on the balcony above. How he wished he could be up there and out of the way. He didn’t want to do anything at the moment. 

The Military Police was the first to present their case. It seemed pretty solid, but it involved killing the brat. One of those damn wall cultists started shouting and objecting, but Levi didn’t pay much attention. The Scouts were to present next. Levi glanced up at his commander, who stood beside him.

“Yes, sir.” Erwin stood straight as he spoke. “As the commander of the Survey Corps, I, Erwin Smith, propose the following: let Eren join our ranks, reinstate him as a full member of the Scouts, and we will utilize his titan ability to retake Wall Maria. That is all.”

Whispering erupted amongst the crowd as Zachary and Erwin exchanged words. It was mostly Zachary asking questions about how exactly the titan boy would be used to help them. Pixis was questioned about the gate in Trost, which made him think about Claire. Were things truly okay for her? Her home city had suffered a lot because of the titan attack, and it would be difficult for the people to fix things up and adjust to normal life again. Random people from the crowd began to shout objections and suggestions that they close up all of the gates, and this annoyed Levi. They weren’t the ones who decided how this whole thing went.

“Squealing louder won’t help your case, pig,” he said to one of the interrupters. “While we’re bolstering our defenses, do you think the titans will stand idly by? And when you say we can’t afford, do you speak for anyone other than your fat merchant friends? Do you pigs even realize that most of our people are struggling to survive on what little land we have left?”

The merchant shouted back and the cultist began to argue with him. They went back and forth and Levi rolled his eyes.  _ Idiots, _ he thought. 

In order to stop the fight, Zachary had to hit his hand against the wood in front of him while stating, “Order.” They silenced and the kid was being questioned again. His mind began to wander, as he wasn’t terribly engaged in the conversation. This whole situation was being blown way out of proportion. Why couldn’t Jaeger just be given to the Scouts? Couldn’t the people see that it’s the best course of action? Zachary was an intelligent guy. He probably could see this truth, but maybe the MPs were making it difficult to decide without having a proper hearing like this one.

The crowd began to grow loud again.  _ What is it this time? _ He hadn’t been paying attention and wasn’t sure why they were getting riled up. Levi only caught bits and pieces about what people were saying, and even though it meant nothing to him, he could feel his blood start to boil.  _ They are all ungrateful brats. They are lucky that they have homes, a complete family, and everything they could need. Most of them didn’t understand loss like the Scouts and their families. There were many out there like Claire who had lost those they loved to the titans, and these people couldn’t look past their own noses and acknowledge it. It makes me sick.  _ He could feel his emotions beginning to take over.

The crowd started pointing fingers and shouting at the girl who was supposedly Jaeger’s childhood friend.

“Now hold on a second!” Eren Jaeger shouted. “Now, maybe I’m a monster that you want dead, but you leave her out of this! She’s innocent! It’s the truth!” People still shouted at him. “STOP IT!” The room fell silent. Levi could feel his heart beating in anger, although he wasn’t sure why. “You’re wrong… about it all. But you’re so intent on pushing your selfish agendas that you're blind to what is in front of you.”

“Wait,” said Nile. “What do you mean?”

“It doesn’t matter. None of you have even seen a titan, so why are you so afraid, huh? There’s no sense in having power if you are not going to use it to fight! If you’re too scared to fight for your lives, then fine, let me do it! You- You’re all cowards! Just shut up and put all of your faith in me!”

The room grew silent and Erwin made eye contact with Levi and nodded. He was supposed to step in now and he knew what to do. It was on instinct, not intuition. He jumped the railing as Nile shouted an order and a gun was aimed towards the brat. Before they could shoot, he kicked the kid in the face. Hard. Blood sprayed in the air, a tooth knocked out.

Jaeger looked up at Levi in shock and confusion. He wasn’t sure why he was doing this either. He just knew that when he got emotional, it felt good to beat it out on something, and this kid deserved a good beating. Before he could think, he rammed his knee into the boy’s chest, knocking the air out of him. Anger flowed in him. Anger that this kid was so self-righteous. Anger that the people present had no idea what true suffering was. Anger that Claire had to go through so much pain. Anger that he had lost her. Grabbing the brat by the hair and the collar, a trick he had learned in the Underground, he raised him up to make eye contact before nailing him in the chest with his lower leg. 

Something inside him took over, the same thing that made his mind clear when he fought titans. It urged one thing, and that was to bring pain. He kneed him in the face before he kicked the kid repeatedly, ignoring the gasps and shouts in the background. His foot connected with the chest and face repeatedly. After a few solid blows, he let Jaeger catch his breath. After one gasp for air, he slammed his foot against the back of his head, bringing his face to the floor. 

“Y’know, personally, I think nothing instills discipline like pain,” he said these words without thinking. It felt natural. Levi looked down at the boy, a glare in his eyes. “You don’t need a good talking to. What you’re in need of, boy, is to be taught a lesson, and you happen to be in perfect kicking position.” Before Jaeger could speak, he began to kick him again. It felt good to let out these negative emotions. 

No one seemed to be stopping him from doing this, so it must have been the right choice. His instincts hardly ever let him down. With each kick he felt a little bit better about his bitter separation from Claire, and her whole situation. A quick blow under the chin caused the boy to sit upright so he put his boot against his face, pinning the boy against the pole he was attached to. He got ready to strike again when he was interrupted. 

“Now- now hold on Levi,” called out Nile.

Levi faced the commander of the Military Police. “What is it?” He took his foot off of the brat’s face, who immediately slumped down, gasping for breath.

“It’s dangerous. What if he gets angry and turns into a titan?”

Jaeger looked up at Levi, rage in his eyes. He responded by kicking him again. “Don’t be silly,” he said before crouching down and picking the boy up by the hair. “After all, you guys just wanna dissect him, don’t you?” He let go and stood up straight. “During the time that he was transformed, they say that Jaeger was able to kill twenty titans before he finally ran out of strength. As an enemy, his intelligence makes him all the more dangerous, but I could still take him down without a problem. How many of you can say the same?” He looked at the crowd, who was silent. “Before you torment the beast, you better think, can you actually kill him?”

“Sir, I have a proposition,” stated Erwin, raising his hand. 

“Proceed,” replied Zachary.

“There’s still too much we don’t know and no doubt his danger will be ever present. As such, I suggest this,” he continued. “Eren Jaeger be placed under Captain Levi’s supervision, and we will conduct a recon mission outside of the wall.”

“Jaeger will join you in this excursion?”

“Yes, sir. And you can look upon the mission results yourself, and if he successfully controls his ability, Eren will have proven his value to mankind.”

“Eren Jaeger will be closely supervised?” asked Zachary. “And if he should lose control?”

“I can definitely kill him, if it comes to that,” replied Levi, turning to face him. “The only downside is there’s absolutely no middle ground.” He glanced at the blonde kid, who was holding back the girl. 

“Then I have made my choice. The Survey Corps can have Jaeger.”

* * *

After making sure Eren Jaeger was okay, they explained that Levi had only beaten him to convince everyone that he was capable of keeping him in check. It was strange, the kid healed like a monster, the teeth that had been knocked out had grown back, and the wounds had already closed. Miraculous healing must’ve been a part of his titan abilities. This made Hange extremely excited, leaving Levi waiting for her. She was the one who wanted to talk to him so bad, and now she was keeping him from his sulking time.

Finally, Hange dragged Levi to get supplies for tea.  _ God, this feels familiar.  _ Claire used to pull him around, getting tea supplies or a chess set or whatever she wanted.  _ Dammit. I’m thinking about her again.  _ He needed to stop doing that. It only made him hurt more.

“You like black tea, right?” Hange asked. “I think Claire told me once.”

“Yes.”

“Great. That’s all they seem to have.”

They made the tea, silence filling the air. Levi could tell Hange wanted to say something, but for some reason she wasn’t speaking. How out of character of her, normally she never seemed to shut up. The water finished boiling and they prepared the tea, Hange dumping sugar into hers, Levi letting his stay plain.

He picked up his cup and took a sip. The last time he had drunk black tea was that final night with Claire. He’d been too afraid that it wouldn’t taste the same after being tainted with the bad memories, but thankfully that wasn’t the case. 

“So, Levi,” Hange tried to start a conversation. “How have you been?”

Levi raised an eyebrow at her. “What do you think?”

“I’m not sure what to think. You’ve been acting grumpier than usual, but I can’t be sure of what has caused it. Though, I do have a hypothesis for what it could be.”

He chose not to respond, taking another sip.

“You miss her a lot, don’t you?”

“You don’t know anything.”

“Levi, we all know that you and Claire were really close.” Hange looked at him, concerned. “I could tell you cared for her a lot more than you’ve really cared for anyone else.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, to me seemed like you guys were, um, how should I say it-”

“We were just good friends. Nothing more.” Saying it made his heart ache.

“Friends or whatever, you liked her more than anyone else,” Hange said, sighing. “Claire sent me a letter the other day and she asked me to keep an eye on you. Somehow she knew that you were going to be a depressive mess. That, or she just wanted me to make sure you don’t get yourself killed.”

“Is that why you are talking to me? Because she asked?”  
“No. Even before she sent the letter I was worried about you. I mean, you were never the lively type, but this past week you have been even duller than usual,” she paused, seeing his glare. “Anyways, like I said earlier today, I’m here for you if you need to vent or whatever. Sure, I might not be as good of a listener as Claire because I like to talk, but I’ll try my best. I miss her too, and so does her old squad. You could probably talk to them, if you wanted. I just thought that maybe you’d prefer me since we’ve known each other longer.”

He set down his cup. “I guess you are right in that regard.”

She looked at him, surprised. “Huh?”

“I’d rather talk to you than those brats. Plus, most of them are terrified of me.”

“Well, everyone is scared of you for one reason or the other, Levi.”

“This is different…” he explained the story of how Claire had him scare the kids into listening to her. Hange laughed, finding it hilarious that he had let her beat him in a fight.

“I never took you as the kind of guy to lose, even if it was fake.”

“She needed help, and so I did what I could.” He shrugged.

Hange smiled at him. “Any other funny stories you have with her?”

He smirked. “Well, there was this one time… When she was disappointed for not getting a promotion…” Levi told in full detail of how they played a prank on the Section Commander. Hange was shocked, she hadn’t realized that it was something someone had done to her. She simply thought that she was having an off day.

“So, it was  _ you _ !” She pointed a finger at him, laughing. “That was really clever. I didn’t even realize I was being pranked.”

“Claire came up with everything. I was simply a helper.”

They talked for hours, well, Hange did most of the talking. Levi had finished talking about what he wanted to, and he let Hange go on about her experiments with Sonny and Bean, the newest set of titans that had been taken from Trost. He didn’t really understand her fascination with the beasts, but she seemed passionate so he didn’t mind listening. For the first time in days, he didn’t feel hopeless. Maybe he wasn't entirely alone. Sure, Four-eyes could be obnoxiously loud and disturbingly dirty, but at least she was nice to him. It wouldn’t be the same as how it was with Claire, but he supposed he could survive with her company. 

Once it started getting dark, Hange excused herself. She had to go and check up on the aforementioned titans. Tonight she was supposed to see how long they could go in the dark before growing inactive. Levi wished her luck and they separated their different ways. He went back to his temporary room. 

He sat on his bed, knowing that sleep wouldn’t come for hours. Insomnia was a bitch. Levi glanced at the letter sitting on the desk. He truly hoped that Claire was faring better than he was. She at least had her family with her, but hadn’t she said that she didn’t feel comfortable talking about her problems to them. Standing up, he walked over and held the letter in his hands. As he touched the paper, he traced the words. The swirls instead of dots on the “i”s, the small smiley faces she had doodled after some of the sentences. It was all a piece of her. Perhaps next time he should put more effort into personalizing his letter. But, would she care? He was assuming that she missed him as much as he did her. That was impossible. No one could be less likeable, let alone  _ lovable _ , than him. Letting out a long sigh, he laid on his bed, clutching the letter to his chest. Eventually, he drifted off into a light and troubled sleep.


	13. Time to Clean

_ Dear Sunshine, _

_ The trial ended successfully. Eren Jaeger has officially been put underneath my command. It wasn’t too difficult to convince Zachary that I am capable of keeping the brat in check. All I had to do was teach the kid some discipline. He’s been with us a few days. Hange was immediately attached to the kid, I almost feel sorry for him. She is very persistent when it comes to talking experiments. There are a lot of unknown factors and she wants the answers as soon as possible. _

_ It wasn’t so easy to get the squad to trust him. All it took was the kid transforming on accident, nearly burning all of us. I had to keep them from jumping the poor kid. He had accidentally triggered his power while reaching for a spoon. Hange figured out that he can only shift if he has a clear objective in mind, even if it is something simple, and if he has an injury, whether it is self inflicted or not. Anyways, after learning that the brat had changed without meaning to, they decided to trust him. I’m not sure why, but I don’t really care. As long as there isn’t anymore tension between us. We won’t get far during the next expedition if we don’t have trust. I’m having them do various chores together in hopes it helps the team bond, especially with Jaeger. He needs to know that he can trust us. He can’t always rely on his powers to save him, especially as a Scout. Teamwork is very important. I learned that because of you. _

_ I forgot to mention earlier in the letter that Erwin has assigned us to stay in one of the old bases for the Scouts. We are staying out of the way so Eren can be experimented on safely, and if things go out of control no civilians should be in danger. It’s extremely quiet out here, except Hange, course. I almost miss the crowds and noise that were back at the barracks.  _

_ This building is way too empty for its size., and deep cleaning the place was enjoyable. It helped me to relax a little after all of this change that has been thrust upon me recently. I hope that you have found ways to relax if you are having difficult times. _

_ I was able to talk to your squad for a moment before I left, and they all wrote you something that I will attach to this letter. They really care about you. Again, this Roy kid seems very fond of you. Anyways, they are all in good hands and I’m sure they will continue to perform well. They were disciplined by one of the Survey Corps’ best, after all. _

_ How are things in Trost? I hope things are going well for you. I was thinking that I could visit after this expedition. I won’t be able to earlier because all of our energy is going into making sure that this operation runs smoothly. I would love to try some of the beer you brew up, but you have to make sure not to drink any yourself. We all know that would end in disaster. _

_ I’ll keep you updated on how things are going here. _

_ -Levi _

* * *

_ Dear Sunflower, _

_ It’s good to hear that all went well! I probably would’ve been too afraid to say anything. I don’t like addressing large crowds. Especially on something that no one really has much knowledge about. It’s crazy to think that there is a person who can turn into a titan. Do you think that it’s possible that there could be more hidden among us? And what if they aren’t all on our side? Well, let’s try not to think about that. I’m sure things are stressful enough as they are with one titan kid. _

_ I hope Hange isn’t annoying you too much. I was in her squad for years, so I understand how, what’s the word…? Passionate she can be. Especially when it comes to titan science. Jaeger is probably her dream come true. We should be more worried about his sanity. The experiments aren’t too extreme I hope? The kid is human after all. Make sure he stays alive, alright? I want to meet him when I come back. _

_ Speaking of, I may be able to return sooner than I thought! I’m not sure when, exactly, though. While working, this man named Henrik has been talking with Gertrude a lot. I think they may become a couple soon, and if things go well, they could maybe get married! I’m being a little overly optimistic here, but I want the best for my sister. She is one of the kindest people I know and she deserves the world. Plus, if they get married, he could help out around here and I can come back to the Survey Corps.  _

_ I never thought I would find the day when I’d say I miss titans. They are a lot easier to deal with than people. A nice cut to the nape and you don’t have to worry about them anymore. Sadly, people don’t have a turn off button. And I don’t want to get arrested for murdering multiple awful customers, but, God, I have gotten really close. _

_ Anyways, it hasn’t been terribly long, but I feel like the family is coping pretty well. The twins miss him, but they are almost back to their loud and cheerful selves again. I already mentioned Gertrude, she’s been sad, but I believe this business with Henrik will help her. Mom is still having a hard time, but none of us blame her. I can’t imagine how it feels to lose the person you love most and to know that it’s impossible to see them again.. And as for me, well, to be honest it’s been extremely difficult. I was closest to dad and I admired him a lot… I still can’t believe that he isn’t here anymore… And I don’t have friends or anyone really to help distract me from it. These letters help a lot, though, Levi. I think they are the only thing keeping me going. At first I was worried you wouldn’t write much. After all, I taught you to write a few years ago, but that was only for documents. I thought that maybe you wouldn’t want to write letters like this. Anyways, I’m glad you write. _

_ Can’t wait to hear more! _

_ ~Claire _

_ PS: I included some titan drawings for Hange. I also have an older drawing I did of her. Please give them to her. Tell me what you want me to draw for next time! _

* * *

Levi set down the letter, frowning a little. Claire seemed to be struggling with coming to terms with the death of her father, and he was the only one she felt comfortable talking about it with. He wished desperately that she could find friends in Trost, he didn’t want her to feel alone like he did. Well, he didn’t feel entirely alone anymore. During his time here testing Eren’s abilities he had gotten to know his squad better than ever before. Plus, Hange was there almost every day trying to figure out more about the brat. She also made an effort to chat with Levi, keeping the promise she had made with Claire. It was thoughtful of her, but the Section Commander could be a bit  _ much  _ at times. 

He looked at the last paragraph and read the last few sentences again. Smiling to himself, he reminisced on the time they had spent together when Claire had taught him how to read and write. It was definitely hard work for him, but she had made it bearable. When she had first offered to teach him, he had rejected her, not seeing a reason for him to learn. He had made it that far without being able to, but when he became a Captain things changed. He would have to do paperwork and would have to read and send messages with other Survey Corps leaders. Claire had been surprised when he showed up to her door, basically begging to be taught.

_ “You changed your mind?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. _

_ Levi sighed. “I just think it would be best for me as a captain to know how. I don’t want to have my subordinates reading documents for me that could be classified or private.” _

_ “That makes sense,” she replied, nodding. “But do you think you can handle it? It’ll be tough work.” The grin on her face was mischievous.  _

_ “I can kill a fifteen meter by myself, so I think I can handle this.” _

_ “Oh, my innocent little Sunflower.” She put a hand on his shoulder. “This is something on a whole different level than killing things. This will make your head want to explode.” _

_ “It won’t be  _ that  _ bad.” _

And it was  _ that _ bad.

_ “I’m sorry but that is the wrong spelling. The “i” goes after the “e” in there.” _

_ “But why, though?” He slammed a fist on the table. “It doesn’t make any sense! Isn’t the rule “i before e except after c”? Doesn’t it break the rule?” _

_ “Well, sometimes it doesn’t follow the rule, I guess… Sorry, you’ll just have to memorize the words like that. Notice that this one here has the same spelling and makes the same sound. You could group them together to make the memorization easier,” she said, pointing at a word on the sheet in front of him. _

_ He closed his eyes and let out a sigh, leaning back in his chair and putting his face in his hands. “I can’t do this. It’s impossible. I can’t be taught.” _

_ Something warm took a hold of his wrists and moved his hands from his face. Levi found himself looking into Claire’s deep blue eyes. He had always loved their color.  _

_ “Don’t doubt yourself. Learning this is difficult for anyone. You have an advantage because you already speak it fluently.” She smiled at him. “Don’t give up, because I believe in you. I know that you can do this. It just takes time. We can practice using your documents, and I can help you fill them out while we’re at it. Let’s just do this one step at a time.” _

Her words had made him feel warm and fuzzy inside. Looking back, he could see the signs that he loved her. He just was so emotionally broken that he hadn’t realized his feelings until it was too late. Even if Levi had confessed to her earlier, would it have changed things? Did she feel the same way back then? Or had she never seen him as more than just a good friend? 

He couldn’t understand why anyone would love him, though. He was cold and emotionless at times. He was rude and closed off to others. Well, he had been different around her, but his rotten parts could still have an effect on the way she viewed him. From his perspective, it seemed impossible for anyone to be romantically interested in him.

A knock sounded on his door, followed by a quiet, “Captain?”

“You can come in.” He folded up the letter and carefully put it back in the envelope.

The door creaked open and Petra poked her head in. “Everything’s been prepared like how you asked, sir. The squad is ready and waiting for your orders.”

“Good,” he said, standing up. “Today is going to be gruelling, so I hope they are prepared for what they’re about to do. Especially Jaeger. He doesn’t understand what it means to be a part of my squad, yet. After today it will change.”

“You seem to be very serious about this, Captain.”

“It’s very important. I have to be serious about it.”

* * *

“We’re deep cleaning the dungeons?” asked a surprised Eren.

Levi pulled the handkerchief down from his mouth. “Yes. It’s filthy and you’ve already been sleeping down there in the muck for long enough. It’s about time we make it somewhat livable for you.”

“I get that, but,” The kid’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “It sounded like we were going to do something more important, like testing my abilities against a titan or something like that.”

Levi raised an eyebrow. “And cleaning is not important?”

“I didn’t mean it like that, sir. I- I’m gonna just shut up now.”

“Wise move, kid. You shouldn’t provoke the Captain like that,” said Oruo, adjusting the cravat around his neck.

“Oh shut up, Oruo. That’s all you ever do. You know he hates how you imitate him.” Petra folded her arms.

“That’s not true! I can’t believe you have the audacity to- ow!” He stopped speaking, covering his mouth.

“You bit your tongue again?” asked Gunther. “Go and deal with it before you join us.”

Oruo walked away to get the first aid supplies, Levi watched. This was quite the squad. They got along for the most part, but there were moments like this that would occur. He had hand picked them because of their skill and kill/assist counts. Maybe he should’ve checked their compatibility before making a final decision. He supposed it didn’t matter, he couldn’t change anything about it now.

“Well, let’s get started. The place won’t get cleaned if we just stand around here blabbering about nonsense.” Levi pulled the handkerchief to cover his mouth and headed to the dungeons.

“Sir!” They all saluted before picking up their assigned cleaning tools.

His nose wrinkled in disgust as he walked down the stone steps. It smelled awful down here. This place would indeed need a lot of work. As each of his squadmates made it down the steps, he sent them to their cleaning assignments.

“Petra, you are in charge of sweeping all of the floors. Gunther, you are to scrub the walls in the hallways. Eld, you are to take the rooms. Eren, you and Oruo will be scrubbing the floors after Petra sweeps them. When Oruo comes down here, I’ll inform him of his duties. I’ll be dusting and making sure everyone is doing their part correctly and thoroughly. Any questions?”

“No, sir.” They all went off to do their given tasks. 

Levi smirked in satisfaction. At least this bunch knew how to follow orders properly. After telling Oruo what to do, he went to the first room and began to dust. 

Dusting was one of his favorite chores to do. It was satisfying, but not difficult. Levi enjoyed getting rid of the dust, because it helped him feel like he had control over his environment. In the Underground, dust had filled the air, and there was nothing he could do about it, but now that he breathed fresh air (well, as fresh of air you could have in a dungeon), and he had full control. He had been mocked for his cleanliness when he had first joined the Survey Corps, and he tried not to let it bother him. It was a coping mechanism for him, after all. It helped him to forget the burdens he carried, the people he’d killed, those that he’d lost… 

He heard footsteps behind him, and he turned to see Eld, rag and bucket in his hands. “Oh, sorry, Captain, I can go to the next room if you like-”

“It’s fine, you can go ahead and clean in here. I’ll be wrapping up in just a moment.”

“Okay.” His brown eyes had a look of uncertainty, but he still went to the wall opposite of Levi and started dipping the cloth into the soapy water.

Levi was silent for a moment. He knew his squad, but he didn’t really  _ know _ them. This was a chance to talk to his second-in-command. “So, how are you adjusting to the squad? Are there any issues I should be aware of?”

Eld looked at him, surprised. “Oh, well, um, I’m feeling good about this squad. You picked some talented soldiers. I think we’ll have no trouble when it comes to protecting Eren during the expedition later this month. And I don’t have any issues that I can think of.”

“Good.”

There was an awkward silence as Levi dusted and his companion scrubbed. 

“I’d like to apologize.”

Levi looked at Eld, who was putting his long golden hair up in a ponytail to get it out of his face. “Apologize? For what?”

“For almost jumping on the kid the other day. He transformed so suddenly, and I panicked. I wasn’t thinking rationally. All of us weren’t. We should have stood down, especially when you told us to calm down.”

“There’s no need to apologize, I think anyone would’ve reacted the same way.”

“Then why didn’t you?”

“Because I am confident that if the brat were to lose control, I could kill him. He seemed conscious, so I knew we could talk with him and figure it out.” Levi finished dusting the last shelf. “Plus, if I let him get killed without Hange seeing him transform first, she would probably use me as feed for one of her experiments.”

Eld burst into laughter. “Valid point. I can totally see her doing that. She would probably use all of us. It would be a fitting punishment.”

“Indeed.” Levi smiled, not showing his face to the other man. “Well, I’m finished up with this room. I’ll check your work so far, and I’ll check the rest later.”

“Alright, sir.” He stepped back from where he was scrubbing, and allowed Levi to inspect the wall. He ran a hand along the surface, feeling the grooves on the stone surface.

“Looks great. Keep up the good work, Eld.” He gave the man a clap on the shoulder before moving on to the next room.

This time he wasn’t interrupted by anyone. He was able to clean fast, but he did miss the companionship. When Claire was around he always had someone to talk to, and even after she left he had Hange. Sure, she came around to test out things with the kid, but she still had her other duties to attend to, so she couldn’t always be there to bother him.

He walked into a room to see Oruo fixing his hair in the mirror. “No no no no… Captain parts it on this side, right? Petra was just being mean-”

“How are things going in here?” Levi folded his arms, pretending he didn’t hear what the man had just said. “Have you finished with the floors in here?”

He spun around, face slightly red. “Oh, yes, I was just about to-”

“Stop prattling before you hurt your tongue again. You need to learn how to be short and concise.” Levi crouched down to look at the floor.

“Oh, I’ll try my best, Captain.” He started scrubbing the floor where he had been standing. “I guess I’m just used to talking a lot because everyone else in the squad seems to be so quiet all the time. I mean no offense to any of them, or to you, sir, but-”

Levi raised an eyebrow at him. He knew the guy tried his hardest to imitate his looks and mannerisms, but there was no way he could do that if he never shut up.

“Oh, I’m doing it again, I see.”

“Whatever, it’s just a part of who you are.” Levi shrugged and started dusting.

“Oh.”

“Anyways, since I have you in here, I had a few things I wanted to ask,” said Levi, focussing on his cleaning. “Are you adjusting to things here in this squad? Do you have any problems with anything?”

“This squad is great, Captain. Thank you for choosing me, by the way. And the only problem I can think of is that no one really seems to respect me, but I guess that is to be expected. People tend to act rude towards those they are jealous of,” Oruo said, setting his rag down.

“... Jealous?”

“Well, I do have a lot of kills on record!”

“The others have a lot of kills and assists as well. You all should respect one another because you are all equally skilled. It’s part of the reason that I picked all of you.” He looked at the blonde man. “So if you want their respect, you should respect them as well. It’s how this team should work.”

“I see…”He looked at his hands, thinking for a moment. “Thank you for your wise words, sir, I’ll keep it in mind. I’m finished in here so I’ll just-”

“Let me inspect your work before you move on.” Levi thoroughly examined the floor, checking that there wasn’t a speck of dirt or grime on the entire surface. He was surprised to find it perfectly clean. “You’re good to go. Great job, Oruo.”

“Thank you, Captain.” He saluted before carrying his supplies with him to his next area.

Levi finished up his dusting and ran into Gunther, who was scrubbing hard at the walls. 

The dark haired man saw him and stopped working. “Hello, sir. Do you want to look at what I’ve done? I’m almost finished with this hallway.”

“I’ll check that in a moment, but first I wanted to check up on you.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Me? Oh, alright.”

“How are things going with this new squad? And are there any problems you wish to report?” asked Levi.

“I’m truly glad to be a part of this squad, sir. It’s an honor to have been selected by you. I think I’ll fit in here, well. Things are great, well, except…”

“Except?”

“I feel like the squad gets distracted sometimes. Especially Petra and Oruo. They end up fighting a lot, and I feel like it could be harmful during crucial missions. Plus, we now have this kid in the mix, and he could add to these disruptions. I just wish they could be focussed when we need it.” He had stopped scrubbing altogether so he could put everything into his rant.

“Thank you for telling me, Gunther. I’ll be sure to inform the squad. I’ll also try to reinforce quietness, especially when it comes to expeditions. I agree that it is very important, especially if we need to be stealthy.” Levi nodded.

“I’m glad you agree, Captain. To be honest, I was worried that you wouldn’t and that I would have to continue to worry about it.”

“No problem. I want to make sure you are all comfortable. It’s important to me. If you ever need to report something your squadmates are doing, or if you ever need anything, I’m ready to listen. I want this squad to be elite, and that means we communicate with each other.” Claire had been the one to teach this to him. It wasn’t on the scale of an entire squad, but she had shown him how speaking your mind helped you to grow closer with others. He hoped that this squad could trust and rely on each other.

“That’s thoughtful of you, sir.”

“It’s what every captain should do,” He said. “Well, I better check your work, and you can continue. These walls won’t clean themselves.” Levi ran his hand on the wall as he checked it. Again, he was surprised. This squad really knew how to clean. “Looking good, I expect you to keep it up.”

“Of course.”

Levi went to the next room to find Petra sweeping into a dustpan. She worked fast, and was probably the best with the broom, other than himself, of course.

“Looks like you are doing well.”

She jumped in the air. “Captain! You surprised me!”

“Sorry.”

“No, no. It’s fine.” She waved a hand in the air, laughing it off. Petra reminded him a lot of Claire. Lively, kind, and caring. She was different, of course. For example, she got angry a lot easier than his old friend did, but the similarities were there. Sometimes it hurt, so he tried his best to not compare the two.

“How are things going for you? In the squad, I mean.”

“Awesome! It’s been amazing working with all of these fantastic Scouts. My family thinks it’s really cool that I got chosen for the Special Operations Squad, well, except my dad. But he’s a whole different story. Anyways, things are great.” She smiled.

“No issues or problems within the squad to report?”

“Not really, well, maybe one thing. I’m worried that Eren doesn’t trust us yet. I think it’s important, maybe even vital that he has faith in us. We want him to feel safe in our hands without having to rely on his titan powers.”

Levi nodded in agreement. “Yes, I can see why you’re concerned about that. I believe that is something that can be fixed over time. We just have to work with him on a more personal level. I could have him do specific tasks paired up with each of you. That way he can get to know you all as more than just a soldier.”

“That’s a great idea, sir. I’m surprised to hear that coming from you.”  
“I had a friend who influenced me in these kinds of things.”

“It was Captain Helios, wasn’t it? I remember you two were close.”

“Yes, that’s the one.”

“She had to go back to her family in Trost, right? That must’ve been tough for her.”

“Yeah…” He found himself getting lost in thoughts of her again. He had been trying to not get depressed over it, but it was still difficult. “Anyways, let me inspect your work and then I need to talk with the brat.”

She noticed his change in demeanor. “Oh, alright, Captain.”

Petra had cleaned well, as always. 

He walked around until he found the kid on his hands and knees, scrubbing at the floor. “Eren.”

The kid looked up at Levi. “Captain!” He scrambled up saluting.

“At ease,” he said looking around the room. “I’m just here to check your work and to ask you a few questions.”

“Okay, sir.”

“Are you feeling comfortable in this squad? I know that things were… difficult at first.”

His green eyes looked at the floor. “Well, things have been a bit better since the accident, but I still am adjusting. I wasn’t introduced into the Scouts normally, and a lot has happened. All of this change can be overwhelming.”

“I see,” Levi checked for dust in the room while speaking. “Well, if you have any questions or need anyone to talk to, the squad is here for you. It’s why we’re here. You can trust us to make sure you are safe and comfortable.”

“Right. I’ll do that. Thank you, sir.”

“You’re cleaning still needs improvement. When I come back, it better be spotless.”

Levi left the room and finished his dusting. After an hour or so, the squad started to report to him and he would inspect their work. The brat had done better, but it still wasn’t perfect. He let it slide this once because he was tired and could give the work to the boy another day.

The squad walked up the stairs, chatting amongst each other. Even Eren was joining in. Levi stayed silent, not in the mood for talking. As he reached the top of the stairs, he saw something that surprised him.

“Levi!” Hange grinned at him, standing next to the table, which had been set with enough teacups for the squad and herself. “I heard that you guys were doing some hard cleaning today, so I decided to brew up some tea for you! I thought it would be a nice way to wind down after all that gruelling work. Knowing you, it probably wasn’t easy for them. Looks like I finished right at the perfect time!”

Petra clapped her hands together. “Thank you so much, Section Commander!”

The rest of the squad expressed their thanks as they sat down and prepared their tea. Levi grabbed Hange by the arm and dragged her to his office. 

“Ow! That hurts!” she said as she rubbed the spot where he had held her.

“I knew I would have to drag you away from the kid to prevent you from bombarding him with questions,” he said, looking through his things. “Plus, I have something for you.”

“A gift? For me? From you? How sweet!” She leaned over his shoulder.

“Personal space, Four-eyes,” he said, shooting her a glare. “Ever heard of it?”

“Yes, sorry.” Hange took a step back.

He found the envelope and pulled out some sheets of carefully folded paper. “Here are some drawings from Claire.”

“Oooo!” She took them from his hand, unfolding the papers sloppily and examining them. “Oh my God! These are so good! How does she do it? And is that-” She stopped and stared at one before holding out to him. “It’s me! She drew me!”

“Yep. She said it was an older one, but she wanted to give it to you.”

“Awesome! Do you have any like that?”

He shook his head. “She told me once that she has never drawn me because she’s afraid she won’t be able to do me justice.”

“Huh. She draws everything else so well. I bet she could draw you. Plus your looks aren’t too complex. You should be easy to draw.”

“Did you just insult my appearance?” He raised an eyebrow.

She laughed. “Maybe I did. Maybe I didn’t. Anyways, how are you holding up? Are things getting better?”

“Yes. I think actually having something to look forward to, like the expedition, has helped me not to focus on it too much. I can feel myself heal.” He closed his eyes for a moment before continuing. “I’m also making an effort to get to know my squad. I think that by being friends with them, it could help me as well.”

“Look at you, Levi! Actually being social without being forced to! She would be so proud!” Hange put a hand on his shoulder. “I mean it, she’d be so happy to see you making friends.”

“I just wish she’d do the same.”

“What do you mean?” 

“In her letters, it sounds like she’s been so busy working that she doesn’t really have anyone to talk to. I wish she could find someone since letters aren’t always the best way to have a close relationship. I don’t want her to stop writing, I just want her to find happiness where she is.”

“That’s understandable. I hope the best for her as well. At least she has family.”

“That’s true… But is it enough?”

“Okay, let’s be done with these depressing thoughts,” Hange took him by the wrist and dragged him into the dining room where everyone else was. “We have some tea to drink.”

“Yes, you’re right.” Levi took a seat and drank the black tea that he knew Four-eyes had prepared specifically for him. He found that he was enjoying himself as he conversed with Hange and the rest of his squad. It was nice. Hopefully they could have many nights like this in the future.


	14. Pure Devastation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates may come a bit slower for the next month. Finals are coming up and I'm not having as much free time. I'll still and try to update at least once a week if I can.

_Dear Tea-Lover,_

_The big expedition is coming up soon, right? I’m wishing you good luck with that! It’s probably gonna be a little bumpy with all of those newbies, but I’m sure you’ll pull through. Especially your squad. I hear that you got to pick who you wanted and that you’re considered “elites”. Would you have chosen me to be a part of your squad if I were still there? We could’ve been co-captains! You could scare them into shape and I could make sure they aren’t emotionally damaged after! Just kidding, I’m sure you’re a kind and generous captain, after all, that’s how you always were to me, at least._

_Business has been picking up here, I think that people are starting to feel comfortable leaving their homes again. The whole titan incident scared a lot of people into hiding for a bit. They were all really stressed and anxious, and I don’t blame them. I think they are getting more comfortable and feel like they can relax again. Things are getting busy, and my family needs me more than ever. I really hope that Gertrude and Henrik work out, because I really miss going outside the walls, riding a horse, and feeling the wind blow my hair back. I’m really bummed out that I can’t go on this big mission with you all. It’s been awhile since the Survey Corps has done something this big. I miss the people too. Hange, my squad, you._

_Anyways, things are busy so I haven’t had much drawing time, so I don’t have anything to give you. Sorry about that. With things being busy, I’ve had hardly time for myself. I need some alone time, but I don’t think I’ll really be getting any of that soon. Hannah is reading over my shoulder as I write this. I just need some space to breathe and properly clear my thoughts. At least being busy has distracted me from my sadness a little. I also have to wrap up this letter, I need to go back to work. I’m sorry this couldn’t be longer. Again, I hope things go smoothly for you all! Don’t die or else I’ll kill you! You need to be there when I come back or else I’ll have to make friends again! And I_ will _come back!_

_~Claire_

* * *

_Dear Tea-Provider,_

_I don’t plan on dying anytime soon. I still need to see a drawing of me done by your hand. I’m waiting. Draw when you have the time, though. Your work is most important, your family needs you. Please, try to find some time for yourself, even if it is late at night or early in the day. Your own health is most important. No one wants you to be unwell. Please take care of yourself. I would hate to see you not as your cheerful self, but I am willing to do whatever it takes to make you happy again. I’m hoping I’ll have the chance to visit once this whole thing is over._

_We leave for the expedition tomorrow. I’m not supposed to say this to any of my squadmates, or anyone except for the veterans from back before Wall Maria fell, but I feel like I should inform you. By the time you get this letter, the mission will be happening anyways. We have officially claimed that the purpose of this expedition is to establish a route for getting to the Shiganshina District, but that is not entirely true. Erwin believes that there is another human with the ability to turn into a titan, but he believes that they are not on our side. He plans to use this expedition as a way to lure them out and capture them. He thinks this could be a great opportunity to get answers, about Eren Jaeger, about what lies beyond the walls, about what the truth about our world really is. Eren revealed his abilities to everyone, and we believe that this other titan shifter will want to take him or silence him. We are using the brat as bait. Because of this, my squad is the most at risk. We are supposed to be in the safest part of the formation, but we are expecting the titan to do whatever it takes to get to us._

_Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to take the bastard down. No one in my squad will be harmed, including me. I still have reasons to keep living, plus, I promised that I wouldn’t die on you, didn’t I? I am a man of my word. I’ll write as soon as I come back from the expedition. Good luck with your work._

_-Levi_

_P.S. Maybe when you come back we can do the whole Co-Captain thing. You’ll be rusty and will probably need me to help you refresh your memory on how things run. I’m sure Hange wouldn’t object._

* * *

Levi watched as the hoard of titans consumed the flesh of the Female Titan while he used his ODM gear to hang from the branches of one of the massive trees. Erwin had been correct, there was another titan shifter amongst them, and they had failed to find out her identity. It appeared that their mission had been a complete failure. 

_So many lives lost… and for nothing…_

He stared through the mass of steam in front of him, confused. Why was she letting herself get devoured? What was the point? It didn’t matter to him now, though. What was most important was that he got back to his squad and made sure they were safe. He trusted them to be safe, but one could never be too careful.

“I’ll gather up my squad,” he said, looking at his Commander.

“Not yet, Levi. First replenish your blades and fuel.”

He stopped his slow descent. “I can deal with what I’ve got. We’re running against the clock as it is. Why?”

“Because I said.” Erwin’s cold blue eyes pierced him. “That’s an order.”

Levi wanted to object, he didn’t believe this to be the best course of action, but something inside him made him feel like he _had_ to obey. “Whatever you say, sir. I trust you implicitly.” And it was true. It was Erwin who had convinced him to actually join the Survey Corps. He had decided to trust the man ever since.

Without another word, he flew to the ground and walked to the soldiers who were providing the extra gas and blades. No one questioned Levi when he asked to be completely restocked. He liked to assume that it was because of his rank, but he knew that it was more likely that they were scared of being beaten like Eren was the month previous. Getting everything ready took longer than he would’ve preferred, but he couldn’t complain. It probably was smart to restock, just in case. 

Once ready, he looked to Erwin, who gave him a nod. Levi took this as a sign to get moving. He aimed his gear to the trees and launched into the air. As he flew he tried to figure out why exactly he had been told to replenish his gear. Sure, it was better to be safe, but Erwin always had a reason behind his actions. It had to be something bigger. 

He glanced back at the Female Titan’s corpse and it hit him. They had seen the titan body get consumed, but not the body of the human who piloted the thing. She probably had more experience than Eren, and could possibly transform multiple times without running out of energy. He needed to be prepared to strike if she dared to show up again. This realization only made him want to get to his squad even sooner. He sped up, using more fuel to propel himself through the trees.

Levi could only guess where his squad could be, they had probably started moving when the blue signals went up telling everyone to retreat and gather outside the woods. He had a vague idea of what their position was, so he had a decent chance at guessing the right place to find them. 

He heard the sound of a signal being shot. Looking up, he saw a green signal. _Odd… There isn’t any reason to shoot one of those right now…_

He saw another signal go up. This one was in the direction he was heading. His squad must’ve sent it. Perhaps Erwin had shot the signal in hopes that they would respond, making it easier for Levi to find them. 

But, no. Something in his blood told him that something was off. 

_What if the Female Titan stole ODM gear and a signal? She could be using it to try and track down Eren._ This idea seemed extreme, but his gut was usually right when it came to these sorts of things. Gritting his teeth, he sped forward. 

He needed to get to his squad. Now.

Orange lightning came down from the sky, striking somewhere in the forest in front of him. This always occurred when someone transformed into a titan. A part of him wished that it was Eren who had done so, but the pit in his stomach knew that wasn’t the case. The Female Titan was going after his squad. Levi knew they were capable, but this titan was too smart, plus she had that strange hardening ability. She was ruthless and would stop at nothing to reach her prey. He needed to be there to help them. If they were all together they could maybe have a chance at protecting the brat.

A few minutes later, another lightning bolt came from the sky. He could hear the familiar growls that came from Eren’s titan. 

_That roaring… This isn’t good._ He readjusted the way he was travelling and circled around a tree. His gear aimed towards the awful sound, knowing that was where he would find his squad. Levi had hoped that the kid wouldn’t transform and would trust his team, but he did tell him to trust his instincts. If Eren felt like becoming a titan was the best option, then it must’ve been the right call. Especially since they were probably caught by surprise. In his heart he prayed that the squad was alright. He really liked this group, and it would be painful to lose them.

There was a body hanging from the trees directly in front of him. As he got closer he saw that it was Gunther. Levi kept his composure calm, but on the inside he was fighting back screams of rage. Gunther had always been a stickler for the rules, but that had made him a valuable member of the team. He always kept the team together and brought them back to the task at hand if they seemed distracted. His chest ached as he looked into those dark lifeless eyes. 

But there was no time to grieve. There was something he needed to do.

His expression darkened as he saw Eld, a bloody torso with his mouth agape, lying in the grass. Eld had been an excellent leader, that’s why he had made him second in command. He could control any group if he needed to. He would’ve made a fine captain one day. But now that chance had been taken from him. 

Levi felt his blood boil, but didn’t show it in his face. Maybe a bit of fire was leaking through his eyes, but there was no way he could tell. He had to remain calm. If he let his emotions take control of him at this moment, things would only get worse.

Next he flew past Oruo, who was face first to the earth. Levi was almost grateful that he didn’t have to see the empty eyes of a man that was once so full of passion. It seemed so wrong that the one who could never shut up was now silenced forever. Sure, the guy was annoying when he tried to copy his mannerisms, but he had been a talented soldier. So much potential wasted. He could feel rage consuming him, but he had to stifle it down. 

_I have to remain calm._

Finding the next body wasn’t too difficult. Petra’s orange hair wasn’t hard to miss. This time he flew down and stared for longer than he should have. Blood was splattered everywhere on the tree trunk that she had been thrown (or was it kicked?) against. The crimson liquid smeared across her face, and her dead eyes staring up at him. She was so young, with so much life left in her. No one with such little experience in life deserved to die in such a cruel and painful way. 

For a moment, he imagined that it was Claire there instead of his squadmate. He kept his face deadpan, but his thoughts ran wild. What if she had come on this mission? Would she have fallen victim to the same fate? 

_Stop thinking like that, Levi. Claire is fine. Your squadmates are all dead. Think about them. Think about their families who are waiting for their return._

His mind in the right place, he continued towards the screams of the two fighting titans. Funny, he had almost forgotten about them when he was looking at his dead comrades. Levi let his anger and sadness stir inside him, allowing it to fuel him. He would need it to destroy the thing. 

He neared the Female Titan, who was about fifteen meters in height with short blonde hair, calm blue eyes, and made of pure muscle, hardly any skin covering her body. It was disgusting to look at. A figure moved against a tree, it was the Ackerman girl, the one who was praised as very talented for her age. She was screaming at the titan. 

_Why?_ Levi glanced around and saw the steaming body of the brat’s titan. The Female Titan had probably taken the kid captive at this point and this girl was probably about to do something incredibly stupid.

In a flash, the titan punched at the tree that Ackerman was resting against. The girl flew around, avoiding it. He raised his eyebrows as the titan started booking it away from the two of them. It shouldn’t be surprising, she had gotten what she wanted, and now she needed to get out of there before she was caught in a trap again. 

_I won’t let you get away,_ he thought, as he started towards her.

“GET BACK HERE!” Ackerman screamed as she started to pursue Eren’s captor.

 _Idiot girl. Just because you were the top of your class, it doesn’t mean you can do everything you set your mind to._ He swooped in and grabbed the girl, saving her ass from getting killed.

“What?” She looked at him, anger and confusion in her gray eyes.

“We’ll stay back for now,” he told her. 

Ackerman let out a grunt of anger, but she didn’t resist.

 _Thank God. I hate having to deal with overconfident brats._ Was this how Claire had felt about him when he had behaved in a similar way? He released the girl and they began to follow the Female Titan, speeding with their gear.

“We’ll maintain the current distance,” he stated. “She’s slowed down a bit. That fight wore her out, too.” He glanced at the girl. “It looked like she had bitten the entire nape off. It’s unlikely Eren survived.”

This remark only caused Ackerman to look even more angry and focussed on the titan. He had hoped that it would have the opposite effect. “He’s still alive in there. This titan is different, it acts with purpose. If she wanted Eren dead, she could’ve simply crushed him.” She paused. “No, she needs him for something, but she also needs her hands to fight, so she’s been holding him on her tongue.”

“It is possible she just wanted to savor her quarry,” Levi responded calmly. “In which case he’s likely been swallowed. If so, he’s dead.”

“He’s alive!” 

Levi glanced at her. “Someone’s optimistic.”

She glared at him. “If you had just done your damn job and protected him like you were supposed to then we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

This comment _really_ rubbed him the wrong way. Levi turned his body to face her and adjusted his ODM gear so he could still move while talking to her directly. “Oh, I see now. You're the childhood friend, right? Suddenly it’s all making sense.” He could hear her swallow nervously. Facing forward again, he began to instruct her. “Right, let’s narrow things down for the sake of our goals. First, we forget about taking her down.”

“No way! She’s killed too many of our people for that! She’s dead!”

“She’s got defenses that neither of us have been trained to deal with. I’m telling you, it’s a lost cause.” He watched the titan running ahead of them. “Instead, we’ll act under the assumption that Eren is alive, and focus only on freeing him before she exits the forest.” He readied his blades. “I’ll handle all the cutting. You find a way to distract her.”

“Right.” Ackerman set her gaze upon her prey, a cold focus in her eyes. 

Levi aimed his gear upward, and began to fly above the titan. He watched as the girl blasted herself in front of the Female Titan, flying low to the ground while moving back and forth. 

_Good,_ he thought. 

The titan wasn’t aware of his presence yet, so this served as the perfect distraction. She would be entirely focussed on Ackerman. He hoped that the girl could keep it up without getting trampled on. He wouldn’t be able to save Eren if she got herself killed.

He closed in on the Female Titan, staying above her while figuring out how exactly he wanted to slice her. Giant blue eyes looked up at him. She seemed concerned, but not as worried as she should be. It almost made him laugh. The titan shifter was not aware of just how strong he was. This murderer was about to go through hell.

This was the part where he let his emotions have some control.

Moving his right blade to face behind him, he readied himself for an attack. The titan spun around and threw a fist at him. 

That was her first mistake.

Levi spun in the air, connecting with her wrist and spiraling up her arm. Once he disconnected from her flesh, he launched himself at her face, stabbing her in both eyes. Releasing the blades, leaving them embedded in her irises, he jumped back into the air. He swiftly equipped new ones before blasting towards her, this time when he connected, he spiraled down her torso and her leg. The Female Titan took a step back, covering the nape of her neck with her large hand. He spun into the air and sliced just above the weak spot. 

She collapsed, weakened from his series of attacks. Her hand was still firmly covering the nape, though. That didn’t matter. All they needed to do was get Eren out of her mouth. Levi circled around, slicing at her shoulders. He kept attacking over and over, it was almost as if something inside him had taken control. He liked to believe that it was his anger over losing his squad, but he knew it was something else. His attacks continued until her hand finally slid off of the nape, exposing it. He flew away for a moment, gathering his bearings.

That’s when he saw Ackerman doing the worst thing she could possibly do at that moment: go for the nape.

“DON’T DO IT!” he screamed at her, but it was too late.

A crystal-like substance formed on the nape, making it impossible to cut. The Female Titan lifted up a hand to swat the girl out of the air. Ackerman hesitated, and Levi swooped in, grabbing at her cape and throwing her out of the way. He landed on the hand, but the pressure from it moving towards him caused his ankle to twist in an unnatural way.

It hurt like hell, but it didn’t matter. He had to complete what he had come here to do. Screaming, he blasted towards her giant face and sliced at the tendons that held her jaw in place, making her mouth fall wide open. Ackerman was right, Eren was still alive. Covered in mucus, but alive.

“Eren!” she called out.

He doubled back and grabbed the kid. Pain shot through him as he launched off using both feet. _Damn it! I’m hardly useful like this!_

“Got him!” Levi said while landing on a tree branch. “Time to go!”

She smiled. “Eren!” Her face fell when she saw the slime covering him.

“He’s alright. Disgusting, but alright.” He looked at the girl. “What did I tell you about trying to take her down? Now, come on. We’ve got Eren. That means our work here is done. Don’t screw this up by making it personal. Understand? We all get that you love him, but try not to act crazy.”

She gaped at him as he launched into the air. After saying that line, his mind immediately went to Claire. He understood how this girl was feeling, at least to an extent, anyway. His feelings towards her had led him to doing many reckless things.

Levi glanced back at the Female Titan, somewhat upset that he couldn’t kill her. A small gasp escaped his lips as he saw that she was crying. It was a somber sight. He faced forward again, trying to not let it bother him.

* * *

The Scouts wrapped the corpses in cloth, preparing to put them in the wagons. This was always the worst part of the expeditions. They tried to find as many bodies, or parts of bodies, as they could, so they could bring something back to the families. Levi never understood why they would go through such an effort to find a single arm or toe, but maybe that was because he had never truly had that familial bond.

He stood above five wrapped corpses that were put neatly in a line. His heart was heavy. These bodies belonged to those that were formerly known as the Special Operations Squad, or Levi Squad. Their blood was spilled because he wasn’t fast enough. None of them deserved to die this young. He had heard about the families that were waiting for them, and he didn’t know if he could handle hearing their screams of sadness and anger. Those feelings were already consuming his own mind, it would only make it worse. 

Getting down onto his knees, he pulled back the cloth covering the nearest body. It was Petra. Doing so gently, he removed the insignia from the pocket of her uniform. This way he could have something to remember the squad by. He folded it up and stuck it in his pocket. Before leaving his comrades behind, he gave them one final salute, a single tear rolling down his cheek.

After wiping the tear from his face, Levi headed to where Erwin and one of the squad leaders were discussing the people who should be marked as missing, as he approached he noticed two Scouts were yelling at the Commander for not wanting to risk more lives to find their friend's body. 

“Stop shrieking,” he said to them. 

The shorter, blonde one turned to look at him, surprised. “Captain Levi!”

“If you’ve already confirmed his death, there is nothing more you can do. Whether we have his body or not makes no difference now. He’s still just as dead either way.”

The boy with the ponytail gasped. “That’s so cold.”

“Ivan and the others will be listed as missing in action,” Erwin stated. “That’s my decision and it’s final. Now, let it go.” He began to walk away and Levi followed, making sure to tread carefully on his injured ankle.

“You heartless bastards!” shouted the blonde. “That’s the kind of respect you show the men who give their lives for you?!”

Levi tuned out the men as he walked away. There were always people like this. Everyone had lost someone, and they understood why they had to leave some behind. Why couldn’t these two accept it?

Not long after that incident, the Survey Corps started to ride back to the Calaneth District. He rode beside Erwin and the other leaders. All was going well until some shouts were heard at the back of the company. They were followed by a red signal. Levi glanced back and saw several titans chasing after two men on horseback, one carrying what appeared to be a body. He could tell it was the two from earlier immediately. 

_Those damn brats! They couldn’t follow a simple order and now more of us could be dead!_ He looked to his Commander.

“Full speed! All soldiers!” ordered their leader.

“Our best chance might be to circle back,” Levi suggested. “Make a beeline for the trees. We can’t put up much of a fight out here.”

“No. Our best option now is to continue to the wall.”

“Tch.” He slowed his horse and moved to the back of the formation. He knew what needed to be done, no matter how terrible it was. There were shouts coming from the backmost wagon, which had a titan basically on top of it. 

Levi interrupted the two Scouts who were trying to figure out what to do. “Don’t bother. You’ve got to jettison the extra weight. Dump the bodies.”

The man closest to him gasped. “But- but, sir-”

“Do you know how many corpses we’ve already left behind? These aren’t special. Dump them. Consider it their last service to the cause.”

“Are we doing this?” asked the other. “We can’t seriously be doing this!”

They glanced at the titan coming towards them. It would reach them any second. Levi placed a hand on his injured leg. “Dammit.” If he could fight this thing, he would. But he didn’t want to risk worsening his injury. 

“I’m sorry, there’s just no other way!” Levi heard the back of the wagon drop and watched as the bodies of his former squad were thrown into the air. 

His stomach grew sick as he saw them collide with the ground, making a sickening thud. Eyes darkening, he moved back to his former position in the group. It was difficult to ignore the devastation that filled his heart. He had grown to care for those people, and he had just watched what was left of them get destroyed. Maybe this was similar to how the families felt when they didn’t get any piece of their loved one back. It couldn’t be quite as painful for him, though. They had a deeper connection with them than he had ever had. 

After things cleared up, the Survey Corps stopped to reorganize themselves. Levi saw the blonde man standing with a stunned expression. His stupid mistake had gotten his other friend killed, and he had lost the body that he had attempted to bring back. The whole thing was pointless. 

He rode up to him, and got off of his mount. He began to look for something in his pocket.

“Captain, I-” started the man. “I wanted to say-”

“We can’t always carry our fallen comrades home, but we carry their memory.” Levi held out the insignia that he had taken from Petra out to the Scout. He took it with shaky hands. The next words he spoke were a lie. “This was Ivan’s.”

Tears welled up in his blue eyes, and he began to sob. “Thank you, sir.”

Levi stared at the insignia for a moment, the Wings of Freedom getting wrinkled in the man’s hands. That was the last thing he had from his squad, and he had given it away. His heart hurt, but he knew this was the right thing. This man needed it more than he did. Shoving his emotions away, he mounted his horse and rode off. 

There was a shout, and the Scouts continued their trek back to the Walls.

* * *

Whispers were heard as the Scouts walked through town. The townspeople had come to see if they had succeeded or failed on their mission. It was clear that it was the latter. Levi could hear comments about how little soldiers there were compared to when they had left and about how the expeditions were a waste of time. It took everything in him not to lash out in anger. The lives lost had been in vain, he knew that. But when these people dragged their names in the mud, it infuriated him. 

He was walking now, leading his horse behind him when he heard someone call out to him. 

“Excuse me, Captain Levi?” A tall man moved into step beside him. “Good evening, I, uh, yes. I’m Petra’s father, sir. Might I bend your ear before she sees us? I received this letter from her somewhat recently. Apparently you hand-picked her yourself? She’s very excited, I can assure you. In fact, it sounds like she’s utterly devoted to you in every way. So devoted that- well, to be honest, her mother and I are a bit concerned, you see.” He laughed quietly. “Now, I know that fathers can have trouble letting go, but still I can’t help but feel that she’s far too young to be thinking about marriage! She has so much yet to experience before settling down!”

Every word was a dagger in Levi’s heart. He could feel himself become consumed with guilt. How was he supposed to tell this man that the daughter he loved and cared for had been killed? And that he had ordered her body to be fed to the titans as bait? Without even looking at the man, he kept walking, listening to his endless speaking. When would this torture end? 

Perhaps he deserved it. He had failed his squad. He should’ve been there for them. Now they were dead because of his shortcomings. He had earned this awful feeling that was growing inside him. This was his punishment for not being strong enough. Engraving this feeling into his memory, he hoped that it would remind him of what it felt like to be completely hopeless.


	15. What Levi Does When He's Not Killing Things

_ Dear Levi! _

_ This letter is probably going to show up while you are on the expedition, but I had to write it as soon as possible! I hope things went well for you! I’m sure you did great because you are the best, and I heard great things about your squad! _

_ Anyways; the reason I’m writing! Things are looking pretty good down here! Henrik has decided to help us with the workload, but he can only do it part-time for now. But that could change in the future. So, I still have to work because he won’t be here all the time, but this has given all of the opportunity for more breaks! I’ve had more time to draw and relax in general. I think I’m starting to improve mentally, too. I’m starting to get used to life back here again. It is kinda nice to not have to worry about the possibility of riding to my death everyday. But, I still wish I could have that feeling again. It truly drives me forward. I also want to see you again. I really hope you can come and visit Trost after this whole thing is over! _

_ Also, thanks for trusting me with classified information. It’s nice being in the know even though I’m not around. Sorry this one is short, I don’t really have much else to say. _

_ ~Claire _

_ P.S. There’s a surprise drawing in this envelope! Specially made for you! _

* * *

_ Dear Claire… _

_ I wish I could say that things are going well over here. The expedition failed miserably. There were dozens of casualties, including my entire squad, except for Eren Jaeger and myself. Erwin was right, there was another titan shifter, and she was most definitely not on our side. Most of the deaths were because of her. She didn’t eat anyone, but she crushed them, tossed them, and killed them using a variety of cruel ways. I also injured my ankle, so I’m not allowed to do anything too strenuous for some time. I hate not being able to act. _

_ After returning, one of the new recruits, a kid named Armin Arlert told us he had figured out the identity of this titan. He believed it to be one of the recruits from his Cadet Corps, Annie Leonhart. We gathered together and discussed the facts, and it seemed reasonable enough, so Erwin decided to set up a trap for her in the Stohess District, where she was serving as an MP.  _

_ You’ve probably heard about the mess that happened there. Eren and Annie had a bit of a titan brawl and destroyed a lot of the place. We captured the girl, but she trapped herself in some unbreakable crystal stuff. There’s no way to interrogate her. Not long after this we heard the news that Wall Rose had been breached and that we were needed to kill the titans. I’m sure you’ve heard about this as well since the Garrison is primarily housed in Trost. I hope you are safe. _

_ I am currently waiting in the Ehrmich District, watching over a prisoner of sorts. They didn’t allow me to go with the others since I am not physically able to fight the titans to the best of my ability. It’s frustrating, sitting here while all of the newbies get to go out and fight. Erwin is here with me so it’s not too bad, but I really wish I could help. I want to make up for what I lacked during the expedition. I guess I’ll have to wait another day for that. _

_ This whole ordeal has been eye-opening, to say the least. In Stohess, the Female Titan destroyed a piece of wall and underneath was a titan. Hange did some comparing between the material the wall is made up and the crystal the girl used to trap herself and she learned that they were made of the same substance. This is concerning. Are all of the walls made of titans as large as the Colossal? The “prisoner” I have to watch over is one of those wall cultists. He calls himself a pastor, but I don’t believe they are a real religion. He told us some things that worry me, but I’m not at liberty to share.  _

_ Anyways, I hope this gets to you safely and that you remain safe and cautious during these difficult and strange times. _

_ -Levi _

* * *

Letting out a loud sigh, Levi set down his pencil. Something urged him to go and fight, but his common sense knew that was stupid. He was already injured, and it would only get worse if he tried anything risky, which would lead to him being out of commission even longer. Plus, Erwin wanted him here, and he wouldn’t disobey him. It simply felt wrong to do so. s

It wasn’t as if there was  _ nothing _ for him to do. Luckily, before they headed to Stohess, he was able to grab his satchel where he had kept his writing materials. He had assumed that he would be doing nothing during the Female Titan trap plan, so he needed something to entertain him. Things had gone south and he ended up having to cut Eren out of his titan before he ate the girl, so there wasn’t really much time to write Claire. He was grateful that he didn’t hurt himself further during that mess.

He folded up the letter he had just written and put it into an envelope. There wasn’t time to mail it now, he would have to wait until they got back to the barracks. Grabbing his satchel, he stuck the envelope inside. Paper crinkled as he did so. He had almost forgotten that the letters that Claire had written him were in there. 

Smiling, Levi took one out, scanning the words. Her handwriting was, well, he found it cute. It radiated her personality, each letter written in a fun and unique way. This was very different from his own, which he had practiced to look almost exactly like that of what came from a printing press. Sure, it looked perfect, but it was boring to look at. Claire’s words held life. She always tried to be optimistic in her writing, but he could tell that some of it was for show. It hurt him to think that she was sad, but not willing to tell him the full truth of it. She was probably not wanting to worry him, but he wished she would be honest with him. But then again, he wasn’t being entirely truthful to her. He was too afraid to tell her about the feelings he had developed for her. The fear of rejection was too great. He had been abandoned too many times in the past, and he didn’t want to lose her as well.

After finishing the letter, Levi went and made himself some tea. It hurt to walk over and carry the materials, but he didn’t mind. Taking a sip, he started looking over the next letter. He read through them all, nearly an hour passing. When he reached the most recent letter, he felt his heart flutter. Maybe she would be coming back soon. That would be… well, it would be a nice change of pace. The weight of his squadmates' deaths still rested on his shoulders, and Claire always helped to lighten his burden. It would be nice to have something positive for once. But, what if something happened to her when she was with the Survey Corps again? The job was dangerous, and if she died, he didn’t know what he would do.  _ I don’t think I could ever recover from that…  _

Shaking his head, he dispelled those thoughts from his mind. He shouldn’t think like that. Claire was strong and capable. She wouldn’t get killed easily, and he would be there to ensure that. He wouldn’t make the mistake of leaving his comrades behind ever again. At least, in a situation as high stakes as the last expedition had been. He hoped there wouldn’t be much more of this titan shifter mess.

Levi glanced at the postscript on the letter. It mentioned a special drawing that was with this letter. He hadn’t looked at it before, so he decided now was as good a time as any to look at it. Reaching into the envelope, he pulled out a folded sheet of paper. He had to admit, he was curious as to what the subject of the work of art was. She had called it “special”. Was it another abnormal titan that had tried to kill them? He laughed a little at the thought.

A gasp escaped his lips as he looked at the drawing. It was a fully colored portrait. Levi had never seen her draw in color before, but what shocked him most was the subject of the artwork: himself. Thinking back, he was pretty damn sure Claire had said she was too afraid to draw him. What had changed her mind? His finger traced the details of the drawing. It was surprisingly accurate. This was impressive considering they hadn’t seen each other in over a month. Claire had nothing to reference, but the drawing was nearly perfect. She had mentioned she was good at drawing from memory, but this was still beyond his comprehension. 

A soft smile formed on his lips. He hadn’t received many gifts before, but this one was definitely the best thing he had ever recieved. There was no way he could ever give her something of equal value. Levi was no artist, and he didn’t really know what he could possibly do that reflected the same amount of effort and dedication. 

He added a thank you to the postscript of his own letter, though he was sure that his words couldn’t reflect how he truly felt about the gift. If only there was a way to thank her in person, maybe then he could tell her how he felt. That seemed like it could be close to the value of this drawing, but that sinking feeling and fear of rejection filled his mind. There was no way she could feel that way towards him, right?

Folding the drawing up carefully, Levi placed it back into the envelope. He put all of the letters back, having already read through all of them. Letting out a sigh, he took a sip of his tea. This was so boring. He wished that Hange had at least let him ride on horseback with them. He didn’t have to fight. She probably didn’t trust him to stay still, which was probably the smart decision. Sometimes he found his body moving into action without him even thinking. It was as if some raw instinct took over him, making him fight. He had heard that Kenny, his sort of parental figure, had experienced something similar. Did it have to do with growing up in the Underground? He wasn’t sure, but at the moment it didn’t matter.

“Levi?”

He looked up to see Erwin himself standing on the other side of the table. Levi quickly saluted. “Yes, sir? What can I do for you?”

“At ease,” his Commander said, raising a hand in the air. “I came to tell you that we’re going to be heading down to the Trost District in a few minutes. We are going to keep Pastor Nick down there, and I’d like to see what the Garrison is doing to aid us with the current situation. Please gather your things and get in the wagon with the Pastor. You’re the only one I trust with keeping an eye on him.”

“Alright, sir.” Levi stood up as Erwin left, then went to put away the tea set. It was unfortunate that he didn’t have the time to clean it himself. He hoped that it would be taken care of properly.

It wasn’t until he was sitting next to Pastor Nick, gun ready to shoot if he so much as breathed with malicious intent, that Levi realized where they were going. 

_ The Trost District. To Claire’s home. _

He was so stupid, why hadn’t he thought of it as soon as Erwin said it? His thoughts seemed to be constantly filled with Claire and her whereabouts, so why did it go over his head this one time?  _ God, I can be so stupid sometimes. _

“You okay there, Captain?”

He snapped out of his thoughts and glanced at the Scout who was sitting in the wagon with them. What was his name again? He was one of Claire’s brats. Levi was pretty sure he was there when he and Claire did their little demonstration. He had also been the one who seemed to never leave her alone. “Yes, I’m just lost in thought, er, what was your name again?”

“I’m Roy, sir.” He scratched the back of his neck, laughing. “I was in Captain Helios’ squad, so I sorta met you that one time you helped us with hand-to-hand combat. I guess I never properly introduced myself.”

“Yes, I vaguely remember that,” he lied. Of course he remembered that. It was one of his greatest memories with Claire, sure it involved hurting some children, but her happiness had been worth it.

“Captain Helios told me that you two were good friends. So, do you know more details about why she had to leave the Survey Corps? I just don’t get it. She was a great soldier and it seemed like she loved what she was doing. I don’t understand why she’d just leave out of the blue like that.”

“I do know why.” Roy’s hazel eyes lit up. “But I’m not at liberty to tell you. It was for very personal reasons, and if she wanted you to know, she would’ve told you.”

“Oh.” His face fell. “I’m sorry for asking, then.”

An awkward silence fell between them. Levi hadn’t meant to kill the mood. He wished he could somehow start another conversation, but he lacked the social skills to do so. He’d rather talk than be lost in his depressing and confusing thoughts.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it to come out like that,” said Levi. “It’s just I don’t feel like I should be telling what she wanted to keep private. Claire trusted me, and I wouldn’t want to break that trust.”

“Oh, I understand, sir. I just miss her, that’s all. She was an amazing Captain and person.”

Levi looked at the sky, which was beginning to turn orange, the sun would be rising soon. He would always be in awe of the beauty of it, there was nothing quite like it. His mind wandered towards when he last gazed at a sunset, on the balcony the day Claire had left. She had stared at the sky, but he had looked only at her. “Yeah, she was.”

Talking about Claire only made him more nervous about the possibility of seeing her within the next few hours. Would he confess to her? How would he do it? How do people confess normally? Should he get her flowers or something? Or did he just tell her? If he chose not to tell her, would giving her a hug be appropriate? They had hugged before, but it was that one time when he was saying goodbye. Do people hug to say hello? Or perhaps he could just show up saying he wanted to stop by and order a drink? So many stupid questions swirled in his mind. He cursed Kenny for never teaching him how to interact with others normally. All he had learned from that man was how to kill and other dark, violent things. 

“I haven’t seen Trost since the day the wall was breached…” said Roy quietly. “It’s only been a little over a month since then, but it feels like it’s been  _ years. _ ”’

“Tell me about it.” Levi sighed.

“The wall fell because it was the will of the Gods.”

_ What the f- _ Levi had forgotten that Pastor Nick, the wall cultist, was sitting right next to him. “God, not this whole spiel again. I thought I had taught you your lesson when I showed you what the refugees were going through.”

“That only made me willing to share a little bit of information with you.” The pastor folded his arms. “It didn’t change my beliefs.”

“Damn, you guys are really messed up.” Levi shook his head. “Why would your Gods want thousands of people to die?”  _ Why would they want death to be thrust upon innocent and good people? _

Pastor Nick shrugged. “Who am I to question the Gods’ will?”

“Shut your damn mouth before I blow a hole in your head.” He held the gun up to the man’s temple.

Roy watched the whole exchange, eyes wide with fear. He was still young, and probably wasn’t emotionally prepared to watch someone, even if they were an awful person, have their brain blown to bits right in front of him. “Captain, you should calm down.”

Levi looked at the kid. “I am calm,” he growled, turning back to glare at the pastor. He stuffed the gun away. Hange would probably kill him if he harmed their precious witness. She was terrifying when angry.

* * *

A few hours passed, the sun was climbing the sky, and Levi was surprised they hadn’t run into any titans. If the wall had been breached, why were there no signs of the beasts? It was strange.

“Looks like we’re here!” Roy pointed at the gate that was still far away.

“Finally.” Levi yawned. “I was just starting to get bored.” That was a lie. This whole trip had been agonizingly slow. It took everything in him not to beat of the obnoxious pastor who kept making idiotic remarks.

After a half an hour, they reached the gate. Members of the Garrison, with roses printed on their jackets, checked them off and allowed them inside. Security had been tight after the incident, Claire had informed him that much. It was understandable, with the knowledge that some humans could turn into titans with special abilities, they could never be too careful.

They reached the Garrison barracks when the wagons came to a stop. Erwin walked over to them, two squad leaders tailing him. Levi stood up and saluted, Roy following suit.

“These two will take Pastor Nick to where he’ll be staying,” Erwin instructed. “You two are free to do whatever you wish now.”

“Yes, sir.” They handed the annoying-ass pastor to his new guards. Levi was not sad in the slightest to part with the man.

Roy found some of his friends and went to talk with them. Levi sat in the wagon, looking at his Commander, who still stood beside it.

“Are you sure you don’t need me for anything, sir?”

“Yes, “ he replied. “I don’t want you to do anything to worsen your injury. If that happens, we’ll have to wait longer before you can fight again, and I think we both don’t want that.”

“You’re not wrong, sir.” He looked down at his leg, cursing it. Why did he have to be useless when all hell was breaking loose? He itched to fight. To kill. 

“Well, I have to go meet with Pixis,” Erwin looked in the direction of the Garrison headquarters. “Please don’t do anything reckless.”

“Trust me, sir. I wasn’t planning on it.” Well, he wasn’t planning on doing anything physically reckless, anyway. Meeting Claire would probably mess with his emotions, though. He didn’t care. He needed to see her.

Sifting through his satchel, he pulled out the letter he had written. Levi had decided that he would deliver it to her himself. This way he had an excuse to talk with her. He climbed carefully out of the wagon, refusing the help that someone offered him. There was no way he was so weak that he couldn’t get out of the thing by himself. That would be pathetic.

Levi had memorized the address that Claire had given him. He had written letters to it many times, after all. The only problem was navigating the city. The way things were ordered was very different from how things were laid out in the Underground, and he didn’t do much touring in the cities that were on the surface. He had to get directions and assistance from several vendors, but he eventually found his way there.

_ Thank God it’s one of the biggest taverns here, or else I would probably never find the damn place…  _ He thought as he saw the building a block or two away.

His hands grew shaky. What was he so afraid of? Claire was his friend. Well, he did suppose that he was still contemplating telling her about his feelings or not. That was a tad bit frightening. Heart beating faster, he stood only one building away now. He couldn’t let his nerves get the better of him. Especially not now. This was his chance, because who knew when he was going to see her again.

Taking a deep breath, he put on a brave face and walked towards the building. It had a nice and homely appearance, for a tavern. He supposed that was because the Helios family lived there. The sign that hung in front was faded, and part of it had been torn off.  _ Probably from the titans… _ As he got closer he noticed other faults in the building that were probably because of the attack. He had seen this with almost every building he came across in the city. It saddened him.

He reached the front door and stopped. Going inside frightened him.  _ Maybe I should check the window first... _ Yes. What if the place wasn’t open yet? It was still in the morning, and people didn’t drink as much in the mornings, usually. 

Levi stepped forward, placing his hand on the glass. He peered into the tavern, searching. There were people sitting at tables, some at the bar. There were more customers than he had expected, but it was definitely not busy. That was good, he wasn’t fond of crowded places full of drunk people. Just as he was about to leave for the door, he saw her.

Claire was carrying a tray with food on it, and walking to a table. She was wearing a light gray dress with a black apron. The dress helped to bring out the color of her eyes. God, he loved their color. She smiled as she set down the tray and passed out the food to the customers. To him, it looked like she was glowing, as beautiful as ever. Levi felt his heart beat a little bit faster, but it wasn’t fear this time. It was out of excitement. He was going to do it. He was going to tell her about the realization that had come to him the night she left. He was going to tell her about how he felt, and about how special and dear she was to him. She had to know the truth, because it would eat at him if he didn’t.

He lifted his foot off the ground, about to take a step to go inside, but he saw something that made him freeze up.

A tall brown haired and muscular man approached Claire as she was clearing off a dirty table. Levi found this strange. Customers didn’t typically approach the staff, they usually waited until they came to help them. What was this man doing?

She looked up at the man and grinned. They began to talk with one another. It seemed that they were on friendly terms. Did Claire know this guy? Well, she had to. There was no other way to explain her friendliness with him, unless it was just her way of kissing up to customers. This seemed different from how she had treated the others, though.

He said something that made Claire laugh. Watching them made him feel… was that jealousy? It wasn’t an emotion he was very familiar with. Who was this guy and why did he and Claire seem so chummy? 

She playfully hit the man on the arm, smiling while responding to him.

The man put a hand on her shoulder, leaning in close to say something.

Claire smiled as she replied.

A pit grew in Levi’s stomach. To him, it seemed like this was more than just a friendly conversation between two acquaintances or friends, it seemed like it was something deeper than that. The way she was talking to the man, and he to her… It seemed like they were  _ very _ close. Perhaps closer than Levi had thought he was to her. 

His hands shook as he stepped back from the window. He couldn’t watch anymore without feeling nauseous. Finding the mailbox, he slipped the letter in. Not that it mattered. Claire appeared to be interested in someone else, and it made his chest ache.

As Levi walked back he thought about how stupid he was for thinking that it was even possible for someone to love him. He was cold, cruel, and short. That man had looked warm, kind, and he had a considerable number of centimeters above Levi. Claire deserved someone who was nice and bright, like her. Levi was not that man. He was far beneath her, she deserved much better than him. He tried to be happy for her, but the thought of her being in love with someone else filled his heart with pain. 

His instinct kicked in and he felt like destroying something. Knowing that would be unwise considering his injury, he forced the feeling back. Erwin needed him to recover, and as fast as possible. Yes, his physical injuries would heal, but he was unsure about the emotional ones that seemed to consume his every thought.


	16. Levi Squad 2.0

_ My dearest Sunflower, _

_ (I tried sounding fancy just then, do you like it?) Anyways, I heard the Scouts were occupying Trost for a little bit the other day, and I was waiting for you to come! I guess you were busy even though you were injured? I mean, you’re Erwin’s favorite, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he still made you do stuff for him, even if it wasn’t killing titans. Next time, you should poke your head in if you can, even if you only have the time to wave or say “hello”. It would be amazing to see you alive and well. _

_ I heard that the Colossal and Armored Titans attacked and kidnapped Eren? I saw the lightning in the air, it was terrifying. Does that happen every time one of them transforms? Are you used to it since you observe the experiments with Eren and his titan form? Anyways, it must have sucked not being able to help with something so important, but at least they got the kid back. That’s what matters most. The casualties are a shame, though. Is he worth all of these lives lost? I wouldn’t know because I’ve never met him. It seems like things have changed so much since the world learned about the existence of his strange abilities. It must be even more intense working directly with him. _

_ Anyways, here’s a little update about my boring little life as a waitress or whatever you want to call it. There’s this guy that I’ve known ever since I was a kid. Back in the day, he would tease me about wanting to be a Scout. He would also throw stuff at me. I’m pretty sure he was what people would call a “bully”. Oh, but how time has changed him. Now he won’t stop flirting with me. I’m not interested in any way. He’s not my type, plus I’m not a big fan of dating people who won’t let me pursue my dreams. Whenever he talks to me he mentions how glad he is that I’m “not being stupid and risking my life by being a Scout”. He also throws insults about the Survey Corps, which I don’t appreciate. You guys are my friends, and honestly my second family. You all are the bravest people I know, and you deserved to be praised, not persecuted. The thing is, when it comes to people who are  _ way _ taller than me, I get afraid of confrontation. So I kinda just awkwardly laugh along with what he says and now he won’t leave me alone. I almost want to tell him that I have a boyfriend in the Survey Corps so I can scare him away, but I don’t know if that will be convincing to him. After all, most Scouts don’t have time for relationships. I find that kinda sad. Anyways, I wish you luck with your future expeditions. I hope we can see each other in person soon! _

_ ~Your ray of Sunshine _

_ P.S. Did you like the surprise drawing? _

* * *

_ Dear Claire, _

_ I wish I could be more friendly in this letter, but I have serious matters to discuss with you. The events you described with the Colossal and Armored Titans were very revealing and took a large hit on the Scouts. While we were able to discover the identities of the titans, Bertholdt Hoover and Reiner Braun respectively, we failed in capturing them, and had another soldier, Ymir, who was also a titan shifter be abducted by them. All three people mentioned were a part of the 104th Cadet Corps. It’s disturbing to find that there are a total of five people who can turn into titans, and that they all came from the same group of Cadets. I am grateful that we have at least one on our side, but it is difficult knowing that there are two out there with ill intent towards us. We aren’t sure what side Ymir is on, some say she was abducted, but two have stated that she went with them willingly. _

_ One good thing came from this mess, though. We learned that Eren has the ability to control titans. We aren’t exactly sure how yet, but Hange is planning on stopping by a few times to put it to the test. If we can figure it out and master this ability, it could be extremely useful in recapturing Wall Maria. We’ve also gained an insight as to the origin of titans. It is shocking, and to be honest it actually scares me. I am not at liberty to say anything yet, though. _

_ Now, back to some bad news. Since we failed to bring useful information to the Military Police, they want to take Eren back. We also have reason to believe that they want to abduct another member of the Survey Corps, Krista Lenz, or Historia Reiss. Because of this, my new squad, consisting of Eren, Historia, Mikasa Ackerman, Armin Arlert, Jean Kirschtein, Connie Springer, and Sasha Braus, and I are forced to be in hiding for the next while. We need Eren and Historia, they are important to Erwin’s mission and are valuable members of the Scouts. I won’t be able to visit in my free time anytime soon, but I’ve been discussing with Erwin and he said I need to have a safe place to go just in case this hideout is discovered.  _

_ I know this is a lot to ask, and feel free to reject me, because this could put a target on you and your family’s heads, but if we need to escape to Trost, could my squad and I hide out at your tavern? I feel like it would be the perfect place because it is big and has supplies that could be useful to us. The Survey Corps would most definitely compensate you for any costs that need to be covered. If you don’t want to put your family at risk, I understand completely. Please let me know your answer as soon as possible. _

_ -Levi _

_ P.S. I did like the drawing. You are very talented, and I feel honored that you would draw me, even if I have a terrible RBF. _

* * *

Levi felt like an idiot. He had gotten upset about Claire and that man for nothing. She wasn’t interested in him in any way. She had mentioned that he wasn’t her type, and he wastall and blonde. Levi was short with dark hair, did that make him her type? He shook his head. That wasn’t what mattered. He knew he still had a chance, but his basically nonexistent love life should be the least of his worries at the moment. Right now he needed to focus on keeping Eren and Historia safe and hidden. He didn’t want to fail Erwin.

Sighing, he set down the letter from Claire. He folded the one he wrote and stuck it in his coat pocket. Hange would be coming by later today and he would send one of her squad members, Nifa, to deliver the letter. This information could not be trusted with the normal postal service. He couldn’t risk the words falling into the wrong hands, especially those of the MPs.

As he left his quarters, he was greeted by the yelling of two members of his squad. 

_ Let me guess, Jean and Eren,  _ again _?  _ He thought as he rounded a corner and entered the kitchen. As always, Levi was correct.

“You can’t cut the meat and the vegetables on the same surface without washing!” shouted Eren, green eyes filled with fear. “If Captain Levi finds out you’ll be dead!”

“Well, we’ll just have to make sure you keep your giant trap shut so he never does,” retorted the longer faced teen, Jean.

The other kids, except Sasha, who was stuffing potatoes into various places on her person, stood around the room, looking at the two with different looks of concern, anger, and annoyance. 

Levi made eye contact with Armin, who let out a small squeak when he noticed his Captain enter the room. “Um, guys-”

“What is it? Are you ganging up on me just because he’s your buddy?!”

The blonde didn’t say anything, he simply pointed at Levi, who was leaning against the doorway, folding his arms.

Eren noticed him first, apologizing profusely while saluting. Jean stared wide-eyed for a moment before doing the same. Sasha stopped grabbing potatoes and acted like she had done nothing wrong.

Levi closed his eyes, sighing. “What did I hear about the cutting of the meat and vegetables?”

“Jean didn’t clean the table in between them, sir,” said Connie, scratching the back of his neck. “Eren was trying to explain to him why he should when you came in, sir.”

He raised an eyebrow, looking at the tallest member of the squad. “Is this true, Kirschtein?”

Jean didn’t even try to defend himself. “Yes, I’m sorry, sir. I just wanted to get the job done quicker.”

“Getting it done quickly is not as important as being sanitary about it. I’m disappointed in you,” he said as he walked around the room. “In quite a few of you, actually. Braus, I saw those potatoes. They better be washed and back in the pantry before sundown or else you will be running laps until dawn.” 

“Of course, Captain.” She saluted.

“Ackerman, why haven’t the dishes been cleaned yet? Do you expect us to dine using filthy materials? Disgusting.”

“Sir, I was trying to stop those two from killing each other-” Mikasa protested.

“Was that your assigned job?”

“No, sir, but-”

“Then you’ve failed me.” He glared at her. “They are out of their diapers, they can be big boys and clean up their own dumps without a babysitter doing it for them. Understand?”

She let out a huff of frustration before saluting. “Yes, I understand, sir.”

“Springer, you took the kettle off of the heat source way too soon. Now we will all have to wait longer before we can have our warm tea. This wasn’t as terrible as the others, but I expect you to reheat it and do not make this mistake again.”

“Alright, Captain.” He saluted backwards at first, then fixed it when he realized.

“Krista, or should I call you Historia?” He looked at the girl, who was significantly shorter than him. She was even smaller than Claire.

“Historia is fine, Captain.”

“Alright, then. Historia, the bread is burnt. Make sure to watch it more carefully next time.”

“Right.” She nodded. “I’m sorry, sir.”

Levi sighed before continuing. “Kirschtein, I’m sure it’s clear what you did wrong.”

“Crystal, sir.” He swallowed nervously.

“Eren, you need to mind your own damn business and stop picking out fights.” He sighed. “I expected more from you since you’ve been a member of the squad for longer than the rest. I need you to set a good example for your peers.”

“Sorry, Captain. I’ll try to be better next time.”

“Good.” Levi turned to the last brat. “Arlert…”

“Yes, sir?” He asked, a drip of sweat noticeable on his forehead.

“Amazing job with the broth. It looks perfect. Keep up the good work. The rest of you need to be more like him. He’s actually good at doing what he’s supposed to.”

Armin let out a sigh of relief, saluting. “Thank you, sir.”

“No need to get all sappy about it. I just want the rest of these brats to have good form. Now, you all better be finished with the food by sundown, or else no one is eating tonight.”

Sasha gasped loudly. “All of us? But what if it’s just one person?”

“Did I stutter?”

“No, sir.”

Levi turned to walk out of the room. Once in the doorway, he looked over his shoulder and said, “If anyone should be worried, it’s you, Braus. You have the largest task of them all. I’d get started if I were you.”

“Right away, Captain.” She started taking the potatoes out and placing them in the sink.

He finally left the kitchen, rubbing his temples. Sure, he had hand picked this squad, but he didn’t realize they would be such a headache. He thought that it would be best for Eren to be surrounded by familiar faces, that way he could already rely on them and trust them. It had taken him too long to trust the previous squad, and that led to them failing their mission. 

Levi now understood how Claire felt when she was stuck with the newbies. He couldn’t imagine having to deal with them for so long, though. It seemed like everytime she got a new squad member, it was a fresh brat who joined. She had been losing her mind, and he had just condemned himself to their annoyingness. At least he had Hange who would come and scare the kids as soon as she started experimenting. 

_ Speaking of Four-eyes… Shouldn’t she be coming by soon? _

As soon as the thought crossed his mind, he heard the door of the cabin slam open and the loud voice of the Section Commander. 

“Helloooo? Anybody hooome?”

“Speak of the devil…” He muttered as he walked to the entrance.

Hange grinned at him, waving. Standing beside her was Moblit, breathing heavily, and Nifa, who looked annoyed. 

“Why… did you…” huffed the Executive. “Make us… run the… whole way here?”

“Well, we gotta make sure you’re in shape, Moblit!” The Section Commander laughed. “We might not always have horses. Plus, exercise is fun!”

Nifa rolled her eyes. “Erwin thought it would be best if we came as low-key as possible. The Section Commander is just overly enthusiastic about the whole thing.”

“I think it’s fun! Anyways, we’ll be spending the night here so we can start first thing in the morning.”

“Good thing I had the brats clean up some spare rooms,” he said, turning away. “I guess I’ll show them to you.”

He showed the three the two rooms, letting them decide how they would be split up. Levi didn’t care how it was done, as long as Hange didn’t bother him more than she had to. Sure, he considered her a friend, but she could be… overwhelming at times. 

After they were all situated, Levi gave the letter for Claire to Nifa. She said she would take it first thing in the morning, if she could borrow one of the horses. He agreed. This needed to get to her as soon as possible. Who knew when the Military Police would try and take Eren and Historia away? If they tried to come, they would need to make a quick getaway, and he couldn’t think of a better place to keep hidden. The MPs wouldn’t know of his connection with Claire, so it should be safe. The final say was hers, though. If she didn’t want to risk it, he wouldn’t pressure her into doing it. He’d hate for her to lose more of her family if something went wrong.

Dinner was prepared without too much error, so Levi let it slide. The newbies were all happy to eat, especially that Braus girl.  _ Damn, she really loves food.  _ After eating, the kids cleaned up well, which was surprising to him. When they were done, Levi ordered them to bed. It would be an early morning. He knew Hange well enough to know that she would start experiments as soon as the sun rose.

Connie was the first to his room, eager to sleep. Mikasa worried after an reluctant Eren, claiming that he needed to get as much rest as he could before the long day tomorrow. As much as he hated to admit it, Levi agreed with her. This would be hard on the kid. Hange was extreme and he should already be aware of that.

After the kids were in bed, Hange came to his room, speaking loudly. “I know you’re not sleeping, so I’m just letting myself in!”

“What do you want?”

“Erwin wanted me to see if you found a place to go to if this hideout gets found out.”

“I have one in mind. I’m sending Nifa to deliver a letter asking to confirm that we can stay there if we have to.”

“Perfect. Where? It’s in Trost, right?”

“Yes.” He scratched the back of his neck. “Claire’s family’stavern. I think it would be large enough to house all of us for a short while.”

“Oh! It would be nice to see her! It feels like it’s been  _ ages _ ! Well, I wish we could see her again under happier circumstances, though. But we’ll have to take what we can get.”

“We should be hoping that it doesn’t come to that.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Well, I’ll see you in the morning! Good night!” She turned to leave.

“Good night, Four-eyes.” He closed the door and sat in a chair, knowing he wouldn’t be falling asleep anytime soon.

* * *

Levi had a dream for the first time since the fall of Trost. He had been killing titans with Claire, just like the good old days. It was enjoyable, until the titan who had taken Furlan and Isabel from him showed up. It snatched up Claire and had eaten her right in front of him. It had hurt so bad, because he cared for her so much, and because he had never gotten to properly confess his feelings for her.

Being woken up by the sound of Hange slamming the door open and shouting in excitement was not the most pleasant experience, especially after having a nightmare. He sat up with a start, frantically looking around. 

_ Claire! Is she alright?  _ Then he remembered. She was already gone. His heart ached, but at least he knew she was safe.

“Leviiii!” called out Hange.

Levi groaned as he looked up at her. There was a pain in his neck because he had fallen asleep in the chair. “Dammit, Four-eyes. Could you be a little merciful to those who hardly slept?”

“Nope!”

“Go wake up the others, I’ll be out in a moment.” He sighed.

“Alrighty!” She closed the door and he could hear her shouting at his squad.

* * *

Once he had woken up a little, he got in uniform and went into the main room, where the squad was lined up and dressed properly, they even had their ODM gear ready to go. This pleased him. At least the brats were quick. That was good.

“Alright, squad. Today Hange will be running some experiments with Eren. Two of you, along with me will watch over him while the rest stay here with Historia,” he instructed. “Arlert and Braus, you two are with me. Ackerman, Kirschtein, and Springer, you can stay and tidy up the place. If we aren’t back by lunch, feel free to make your own food. Make sure things are clean afterwards. Am I clear, brats?”

They all saluted, showing that they understood. Well, all expect Mikasa. This didn’t surprise him.

She took a step forward. “Captain, may I come with you to watch over Eren?”  
“No. I have given you an assignment, you should follow. Unless you want to be kicked out of the squad and you will never have the chance to protect him again.”

“But-”

“Ackerman. You are the strongest one here besides me. I need that strength to watch over Historia. I’d feel better about leaving her with your protection than with anyone else.”

“I-” She closed her eyes, backing away. “Alright. I understand, sir. I apologize.”

Levi nodded. “Just make sure you do your job right, soldier.” He looked over the rest, they all seemed content. He did notice a bit of nervousness in Eren’s behavior, which was understandable. “Alright, let’s go then.” 

Hange clapped her hands together. “Okay! Let’s take the horses! I have the perfect spot!”

They mounted their horses and set off, following the Section Commander. The ride wasn’t too long, probably about ten minutes or so. Stopping, Hange faced them, grinning. Levi moved his horse to be next to hers and he saw the place she had in mind. Directly in front of them was a cliff that had a fifty meter drop. He had to admit, this would be a good spot. Eren could practice from below, while they watched from a safe distance above. If they needed to get down, they could use their ODM gear on the trees or Eren’s titan’s body.

While Hange searched for her notes that Moblit carried, he turned to his squad members. “Alright, Eren, you need to be down there when you transform. Braus, I want you to be with him. When he shifts, you should be a safe distance away, though. I want you to make sure no one tries to sneak up on him from down there. Arlert and I will watch from up here. Shoot a flare into the air if you see anything suspicious and we will come and assist you.”

“Okay, Captain.” Eren glanced down the cliff.

“Sir, will I be able to snack while down there?” asked Sasha. “I mean, I’ll still be watching, of course.”

“Whatever,” he replied, rolling his eyes. “But if we lose the brat because you are too focussed on your potatoes, you will be severely punished.”

“Understood, sir.”

“Now get down there, you two.”

They saluted before using their gear to scale the cliff. Roots and weak points in the rock served as good connection points for the maneuvering gear. He took note of this just in case he had to quickly swoop in to stop Eren from doing anything stupid. The kid had gone a rampage and lost control of himself in the past, it was very possible that it could happen again. He always liked to be cautious about these sorts of things.

“Are you ready, Eren?” Hange cupped her hands to her mouth and shouted at the kid.

“Yes, sir!” he yelled in response.

“God, they are going to wreck their voices at this rate,” mumbled Levi.

Armin glanced at him nervously, looking like he wanted to say something.

He raised an eyebrow at the kid as Hange yelled instructions to Eren.

“We are testing your stamina today! We’ll try seeing how many times you can transform before you and/or your titan body grows too weak!”

“Uh- okay!”

The sound of thunder filled the air followed by Eren’s inhuman screaming. The sound that came from his titan form was a strange gargled animal-like sound. It wasn’t pleasant on the ears. He looked down at the kid, his titan was it’s full fifteen meters, and it looked complete to him. At least he could transform on command now. Things had been messy when Eren hadn’t been able to do that.

“Captain Levi?”

He looked at Armin, who was watching his friend below. “Yes?”

“Why did you choose us to be your new squad?” he asked. “I mean, your previous squad was filled with some of the best the Survey Corps had to offer, so why did you choose a bunch of kids to replace them? I’m sure there are others a lot more qualified.”

“You’re right. You guys are underqualified,” he responded bluntly. Armin glanced at him, smiling sadly. “But I can see the potential that you all have. Everyone has to start somewhere, even I had to learn from experience. I also think that it will be best for your friend if he is surrounded by familiar faces. He seems to cooperate better if he is surrounded by those he trusts. Especially you and Ackerman. You guys grew up together, right?”

“Uh, yes. Sorta. It’s a bit comp-”

They were interrupted by Hange yelling at Sasha. “Help him get out so we can try again!”

“Okay! Let me put away my potato first!”

Levi sighed. He could tell she would be a handful, but at least she was useful. Her skill in archery was invaluable, especially if they went up against the MPs. A bow and arrow was something that would surprise them.

“Arlert, could you tell me more about the other members of the squad?” He looked at the boy, who was staring at his friend, eyes filled with worry. “I’d like to know their strengths and weaknesses so I know how to best utilize them for our missions.”

“Of course, sir. I mean, I haven’t known them for too long, but I have been analyzing a little bit, I guess. I’ll do my best.” He rubbed his chin, thinking. “You already know Eren, so I’m sure you understand how stubborn he can be. But that stubborness is also because he is heavily motivated, and that motivation makes him a powerful ally.” Levi nodded. “Plus, he can turn into a titan, which is, um, somewhat unique. Mikasa is an insanely good fighter. She was the top of our Cadet Corps. When we were kids, she and Eren would stop kids from bullying me, but they were mostly scared of her. She would always beat them down hard. I’d say her weakness is Eren. She always wants to protect him, so if she isn’t allowed to do that she can get feisty.”

“I noticed,” he replied dryly.

Armin laughed awkwardly. “Yeah… She can get vocal about it. But it also shows how loyal she can be. Which I think is a good thing. Anyways, moving onto Jean. He is really talented, the second best behind Mikasa in maneuvering. His major flaw is probably how he constantly fights with Eren. I think it is because they have similar personalities, so they tend to collide with each other. I didn’t get to know Historia well, but she seems pretty skilled. She has a kind heart, too. I have noticed that she’s been depressed since Ymir left us, though. Now, Sasha. Well, you’ve seen how she is with food. It can be a strength and a weakness. On the former, it motivates her like crazy. You hold food over her head and she’ll do anything. But on the latter, since she will do whatever for food, she can get violent about it. She also is good with a bow and is great with the gear, and she was also in the top ten in our Corps. Well, everyone here was in the top ten, except for me. Connie is skilled too, but he can be a bit… dense at times. He also is loyal to friends and family, though.”

“Yes, he’s the one who’s village was attacked during the recent ‘fall’ of Wall Rose,” Levi closed his eyes. “Poor kid, it must be awful knowing that everyone you grew up knowing was turned into man-eating beasts.”

He nodded gravely. “I mean, for now it’s just a theory, right? We don’t know for sure that  _ all _ titans are people.”

“I don’t know. It actually makes a lot of sense. Titans don’t have reproductive organs, and they all seem to come from the same place. Perhaps wherever Bertholdt and Reiner are from, they turn people into the beasts and send them our way. I guess it is too soon to be certain, though.”

“It is a disturbing thought… To think we’ve been killing other humans this whole time… Well, if the theory is correct.”

Levi nodded. He did agree with the kid. When he had first heard about the possibility, it made his stomach twist. Yes, he had killed people before, but that was a part of his life he preferred buried in the past. He was not unwilling to kill other humans, as long as they weren’t innocent. These titans had eaten people, but were they aware of what they were doing? What types of lives had they lived as people? These thoughts had been haunting him recently. He imagined Claire and other members of the Survey Corps turning into titans during expeditions, killing them all. It was awful.

“Captain? Are you alright?”

Those words brought him back to reality. “Yes, sorry. I was just thinking.”

“Oh, okay, sir.”

“Thank you for your input, Arlert. It was useful,” Levi said. “But I didn’t hear your opinion on one person.”

“What? Who?” He ran a hand through his blonde hair, panicked. “I could’ve sworn I-”

“Yourself, kid.”

“Oh, right.” Armin swallowed nervously. “Well, I’m weak compared to the rest of them. I’m not strong or fast. I haven’t really killed a titan before.”

“Strengths? All I heard were weaknesses.”

“Well… I can’t think of any…”

“I heard what you did at Trost. It was your plan that clogged up the hole, right? I’ve heard you’ve got quite the mind.” Levi looked down at Eren, who was being pulled from his titan body after transforming for the third time. It seemed like he was stuck in there. “That’s why I asked for your opinion. I believe your evaluation of your peers is reliable because you are good at analyzing and processing information. I’m sure you could be an amazing strategist one day.”

“Oh.” He seemed surprised. “Well, thank you, Captain. I’ll try my best.”

“Levi! We need your help!”

He looked at Hange, who was now helping Sasha get the kid out. “With what?”

“Well, um, look at his face!” She held up Eren, whose face was gone, the skull exposed to the air. He gagged. That was disgusting.

“Oh my God! Did you kill him?!” he shouted.

“Eren! Is he alright?!” Armin cried out.

“Don’t worry! His heart is still beating! We just need you to bring him back up!” She turned to Moblit. “Sketch this! Now!”

“Why?!”

“For science, Moblit!” He didn’t argue any further and did as he was told.

Levi sighed and fetched the kid. They waited until he had healed up before heading back to the cabin. The sun was setting by the time they returned. The group was met by a warm meal prepared by their comrades. It was a pleasant surprise. Levi didn’t complain because he was starving. To be honest, the stew wasn’t half bad. Maybe this squad wasn’t going to be as awful as he’d previously thought.


	17. Emotions Long Forgotten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I wanted to thank you all again for reading! This chapter was such a joy to write and it truly had a special place in my heart! I hope you all enjoy!  
> I wanted to let you know that I posted the cover image for this fic recently on my Instagram, @crystalline.arts! It's currently my pfp on here, but you can get a better quality and the full image on there!  
> Thanks again!

_ Dear Levi, _

_ I talked with my family, and we decided that it would be perfectly fine for you to come here if you needed to. You’d have to stay in the back room, and probably the cellar. We’ve accepted the risk for ourselves, but we don’t want to have the customers be in danger. Innocent lives shouldn’t be lost. My mother’s main request is that we receive notice before you show up. We’d like to prepare things for you and possibly evacuate the place before you arrive. We wouldn’t want to scare them away and lose business. It would be great to see you again, but of course I wish it could be under nicer circumstances. But, hey, I guess we have to count our blessings. I do hope that it doesn’t come to this, though, because that would mean that you are in danger. I’d hate for you to be hurt again. _

_ Anyways, thank you for trusting me enough to ask this. It’s really a big honor. It feels kinda good to be a part of the action again, even if it is a little different, and I’m not officially a member of the Survey Corps.  _

_ Things really have changed so much in such a short amount of time… A few months ago I could’ve never even imagined that humans would have the ability to shift into titans at will, or that I would be back at home, or that the Survey Corps would be pitted against the Military Police. Sure, they never got along, but it’s never been this bad before. It’s kinda scary, to be honest. Aren’t they the ones that work directly for the king? Could there be some corruption going on? Just the thought of it gives me the chills.  _

_ Well, you are probably busy, so I’ll keep this short. Thank you again for asking for my help. It really means a lot. I hope things turn out smoothly for you. _

_ ~Claire _

* * *

_ Pastor Nick has been murdered. We have hardly any doubts that it was by the Military Police. We are pretty sure he didn’t tell them anything. Because of this, we are heading to Trost now. Please be ready for our arrival sometime between tomorrow afternoon and possibly later in the night. If we don’t show up within two days, contact Erwin. Our mission has failed. _

* * *

The needle pierced Levi’s flesh, stitching up the wound he had received while escaping from the First Interior Squad. He winced.  
“Sorry if it hurts, sir. I haven’t done this in a long time,” apologized Sasha.

“It’s alright. I’ve been through worse.”

He allowed her to continue while he pondered on what had just happened. Eren and Historia were kidnapped by the MPs, well, they were kidnapped by Kenny and his squad. Levi was still shocked about who it was that had taken them. Why was Kenny the Ripper, his former guardian and murderer of the Military Police, now working with them? Kenny was the person he least expected to be helping them. Sure, he expected someone more advanced than the fake abductors who had “taken” Jean and Armin, who were disguised as the targets, but he didn’t think that they would go to this extreme. They had hired trained killers, and his squad filled with children was forced to face them. And one of them had to get their hands dirty. 

Levi had done many terrible things by the time he was their age, hell, he had even killed some of the enemy just that day, but he would never wish that upon someone else. It was truly a shame that it was the only way for them all to escape with their necks. Eren and Historia were probably alive, they were too useful to be killed off prematurely. Plus, the captors needed to meet up with their employer to make the drop-off. Maybe they could intercept them and get the brats back before it was too late. At least they had captured two of the enemy, and they could be used to get information that could be useful in tracking the others.

He sighed. Everything was going wrong. Kenny was smart and he knew this from firsthand experience. He was the one who taught Levi everything he knew, after all. This was going to be a lot more difficult than he had anticipated.

“All done, sir!” The shout brought him out of his thoughts.

“Thank you, Sasha,” he said, examining the stitches. “You did a great job.”

“Oh, it was no problem!” She beamed. “I’m just glad it wasn’t worse!”

Levi put his shirt back on, covering the wound. He moved his arm around, making sure he would still be able to fight if he needed to. Sasha left to keep watch outside, grabbing a rifle on her way out. 

Taking a cup of tea with him, he walked over to the rest of the group, who were sitting on boxes surrounding a lantern. The brats were uncharacteristically quiet. Armin wore a sick expression on his face, not eating the ration bar in his hand.

He sat down before speaking. “What’s wrong? Did all of this filth kill your appetite?”

“No,” the blonde responded. “Jean, there’s something I don’t understand…”

Jean’s eyes widened. “What’s that?”

“When I turned around to try to save you, that woman already had a gun to your head. It’s… funny. How could I have shot before she did?”

He grimaced, clearly uncomfortable and said with a low voice. “I don’t know.”

“You shot first because she hesitated,” Levi replied frankly. “It’s simple.”

“I’m sorry, Armin. You wouldn’t’ve had to save me if I had just done my job.” Jean closed his eyes.

“I know what it is. The woman I shot back there, I bet she was a really kind person. She must’ve had a lot more humanity than I ever did. I pulled that trigger so  _ easily _ . Without a thought. I’m-”

“A killer,” Levi finished the sentence. “And now that your hands have been soaked in blood, the person you once were is gone for good.”

“Why would you say that?!” interrupted Mikasa. 

“And you shouldn’t regret it for one second! Because if you had chosen to keep your hands clean, Jean would be a corpse on a cart right now.” The group was silent. “I’ll tell you why you pulled the trigger, because your comrade was about to die. Armin, everyone in our squad survived today because you got blood on your hands. Thank you,” he said softly.   
Armin almost smiled. Levi hoped his words had helped him to feel better about what he had done.

“Captain Levi,” stated Jean loudly. “I, uh, I thought it was wrong to fight other humans, sir. I thought it was wrong that you ordered us to do it. I mean, we became soldiers to protect people, but now I see that I was in the wrong, sir. Next time, I swear I’ll shoot.”

“I never said anything about what was right or wrong.” He looked Jean in the eye, his expression dark. “My moral high ground has been shot to hell. I have no idea who is in the right at this point.”

The brat let out a soft gasp.

“Now then,” Levi looked at one of the men they had tied up. He was fat and balding, a genuinely bad-looking guy. “Let’s see what our guest has to say.” He stood up and walked over to him.

The man shook as Levi removed the cloth covering his mouth. “Mercy, please! I’m just an old man they used to move cargo! I didn’t want to-”

“I know this one. I’ve met him before,” stated Mikasa, not letting him finish. She explained how he was a merchant from Trost, and about how he had been the reason that the evacuation had been slowed.   
“Yeah, I know him. Dimo Reeves, right?” Levi asked.

“This damn job was forced on us by the Military Police, and now that we’ve completely botched it, they’ll plunder the Reeves company for everything it’s worth.” He explained how they would kill him, his employees, and his son, who was the second prisoner.

“And you’re just gonna take it? There’s a reason Trost recovered from that titan attack. It’s largely because of jobs and money brought in by the Reeves Company. Tell me, if your company were to disappear, how many would survive the coming winter?”

“So, what? You want me to join you?”

“We just need to know where Eren and Historia are. If you are in contact with the MPs, I think I have a plan.”

“And can you give me your word that the people of Trost won't end up starving to death?”

Levi got down on one knee. “I can’t guarantee it, but that said, I believe they’ll have a better chance with us, than without.” He hoped these words were true. He didn’t want Claire and the other citizens of Trost to suffer. 

This convinced Reeves. He didn’t know where exactly they were being held, but he did know where they could find people who did.

* * *

Levi Squad immediately set out to find them. Using the two Reeves to deceive them, they were able to catch the two men that could give them the answers. Now, all they had to do was get them inside a private place where they could… chat. 

“Where are we going to interrogate them, Captain?” asked Connie.

Levi peeked outside the wagon. “Don’t worry, I have just the place, and we are almost there.” He appeared calm on the outside, but internally he was feeling quite different. His heart was racing. Claire was just moments away, and he wasn’t sure if he was ready to see her again.

“Are you okay, sir?”

“Yes, it’s just my torture skills are rusty. I hope I’ll be able to get the information out of them.” He sort of lied. It was true that he hadn’t tortured since his pre-Scout days, but that wasn’t why he was nervous.

“Torture?” Jean looked scared.

“Sometimes it’s the only way to get the information out. Don’t worry, I won’t make you guys do anything. My friend will make sure you’re well fed and rested while I do the dirty work.”

The rest of the ride was silent, except for the muffled protests of their captives. The brats seemed more on edge than before. Perhaps he shouldn’t have mentioned anything about his methods of getting what he wanted out of people. No, it was better to tell them now then to have them figure out from the screams.

The wagon rolled to a stop and Dimo called out to them stating that they had arrived. 

Levi could feel the pounding of his heart in his chest.  _ This is it. _ He quickly got off the wagon and stared at the tavern front. It hadn't been that long since he last stood here, but this time he would have the courage to enter. 

The two Reeves rode away, not wanting to show that they had helped with this. They would meet up with Hange later. 

Levi waved at them before walking to the door. The kids were not far behind him. Were they walking slow because they guided the prisoners, or was he walking fast because of his eagerness? He wasn’t sure.

Before he knew it, he was knocking on the door. Levi heard the sound of footsteps and it felt as if his heart was going to burst out of his chest. The door began to open, and he stopped breathing.

“Sunflower!”

He didn’t even have time to process what was happening before he was pulled into a tight embrace. Levi wrapped his arms around her, taking her in. She still had the smell of pine, and her touch was as gentle as ever. Everywhere she met him felt warm, and he never wanted to let go of her again. He hoped that she couldn’t feel his heartbeat, which was soaring. A smile formed on his lips, though he didn’t show it to his squad. He had to maintain his reputation somehow.

Pulling back, he looked into her deep blue eyes. They were as beautiful as ever. “Thank you, Claire, for letting us stay here.”

“Of course! I’m always happy to help!” Claire smiled at him, then looked over his shoulder and at his squadmates, who were staring with jaws wide open in shock. Someone had  _ hugged  _ Captain Levi and lived to tell the tale. “And this is your squad I assume?” She raised an eyebrow at the two men who were tied up, but didn’t say anything.

“I, yes. This is my squad.” Why was he acting so weird? And in front of his subordinates, too. “Well, most of them anyway. Armin, Jean, Mikasa, Sasha, and Connie, meet Claire Helios. She is my good friend who was a Captain of the Survey Corps until just before you joined.” 

They greeted her in various ways while she waved at them. He pointed a thumb at the prisoners, whose names were Sannes and Ralph. “These two are captives that are in need of interrogation. Do you have a place that we could use for that?”

“Yep! We have a basement that is deep and pretty soundproof.” She stepped inside. “Anyways, you all must be exhausted, come on in. Mom’ll show you where you’ll be staying.”

They filed in, looking around the tavern. Levi kept finding himself looking at Claire. He still couldn’t believe that he was with her again. It felt like a dream. As Armin walked past, he looked between the two, seeming to be thinking about something.

After putting the prisoners in separate rooms that served as their cells, they waited in a large back room of the tavern. This way they would be out of sight and hopefully unnoticed by Kenny and his men. His squad sat at the long table that was in the back corner of the room while Levi leaned against a side wall, watching them interact. They seemed almost normal again. Either they were getting used to this new way of life in the military, or they were really good at hiding it. For everyone except Mikasa, he assumed it was the latter.

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Levi!” said Claire’s mother, holding out a hand to him. 

He shook it. “Likewise. Thank you, again, for letting us stay here. I’ll do my best to make sure no harm befalls you and your family.”

“It’s no trouble at all! We’d do anything to help a good friend of Claire’s!” She smiled. “She talks about you all the time, y’know.”

“Moooom!” Claire put a hand on her shoulder, forcing a smile and her cheeks growing red. “It’s not like that.”

Levi held back his laughter. It was funny seeing Claire like this. “It’s fine. We spent a lot of time together, so I’m sure she has told you a lot about what we did.”

“Anyways, I’ll let you two catch up. I’ll get some food for these kids.” She winked at them as she walked away.

Claire sighed. “I’m sorry about that. She can be a bit much at times.”

“No need to apologize. I’m glad to see you’re in kind and capable hands.”

She leaned against the wall beside him. “I’m sorry that things aren’t going well in the mission. Do you have any idea on how to get Eren and Historia back?”

Levi shook his head. “Not yet. We need to get the information out of those two bastards first. I’m sorry, but things are going to get noisy for a bit. Hange and I will not have much mercy.”

Claire nodded, understanding. “I mean, sometimes you have to play dirty to get results. It’s fine. No one except maybe the people in this room will hear a thing. I feel bad for the kids, though.”

“Damn. You seem so calm about this whole thing.”

She shrugged. “Eh. It adds something interesting to this boring waitress life. Plus, it’s nice to feel important again. Thanks for letting me be a part of this.”

“I wish it didn’t have to come to this. I don’t want to put you in unnecessary danger.”

“I’ll be fine. I’m strong. You said so. Remember?” 

“I guess I did.” He noticed she was hugging herself, tracing the scars on her arms with her fingers.

“Claire, I-”

“Helloooo, Levi Squad!” shouted Hange as she entered the room. Moblit entered behind her, apologizing for her loudness.

“Hange!”

“Oh my God! Claire!” 

The two hugged.

“It feels like it’s been ages! Y’know, Levi here has been extra moody ever since you left!” She pointed at him.

He felt his cheeks grow hot. “Hange!”

“I think it’s because he doesn’t get his free tea anymore.”

Claire laughed and Levi rolled his eyes, letting out a “tch”.

Levi looked at his squad, praying that they weren’t eavesdropping on the embarrassing conversation. All seemed clear until he met eyes with Armin, who appeared to be observing them with a gleam in his eyes.  _ What is that brat thinking? _ He hoped that it was nothing and that he was just overthinking things.

“Anyways,” interjected Moblit. “You lost three people, right? And we have some prisoners to interrogate?”

Claire looked at him, surprised. Levi remembered that the two had never been properly introduced. She hadn’t had enough time to meet Hange’s new squad while she had been maintaining her own, and Levi had only gotten the chance to get to know them because of all of these Eren related missions.

“Yes, Nifa and the others from your squad were taken out by the First Interior Squad. I’m sorry, I wasn’t fast enough.”

“It’s okay, Levi.” Hange put a hand on his shoulder. “These things happen in war.”

Claire looked at him, concerned. Could she read him that easily?

He closed his eyes and pointed a thumb to the staircase. “We have two prisoners down there. I’d like to start with Sannes. I believe he knows more than the other one.”

“Great.” She grinned wickedly. “I’ve never done human torture before, but I’ve done it plenty of times with titans. I’m sure it’s not too different.”

“Maybe you should take a step back and let the person who has done this before do the dirty work,” suggested Moblit.

“No. I will need her. I think it will be best if I start out, giving him a taste of what’s to come. Then I can send Claire for Hange and she can come in and that’s where the real torture will come.”

“Oh, goodie!”

Claire swallowed nervously beside him.

“Claire? Are you alright?”  
“Yes, I’m just worried about these kids. The sounds they will hear from this will be with them forever.”

“Well,” Hange began. “Perhaps you could distract them? Keep their minds off of it?”

“I could try.” She looked at the small group at the table. “I could get them some drinks and some real food. Those military rations are disgusting.”

“Great. Let’s get started immediately.” Hange turned to Moblit and the two started discussing in hushed voices.

Levi looked at Claire, and she nodded. They walked towards the stairs together, and once out of sight, she took his hand in hers. He looked at her, surprised. “Claire? What are you-”

She looked him in the eye. “You don’t want to do this… do you?”

This shocked him. “What do you mean?”

“I know you, Sunflower. You told me about how you don’t ever want to go back to your old way of life… By doing this, wouldn’t you be doing just that?”

He smiled softly at her. So she remembered. “I did say that, but this has to be done. Don’t worry. I won’t lose myself. I’m a better person now.”  _ Thanks to you. _ He didn’t say the last part out loud, though. It was too scary.

“Alright, but if you want to stop,” she replied, squeezing his hand. “Please, do. Hange can take care of the rest.”

“Okay.”

They walked down the rest of the stairs and to the door. Claire unlocked it while Levi instructed her of what the signal to get Hange would be. She nodded, understanding. Before going in, Levi took her hand again. Her eyes lit up with surprise as she looked at him.

“Thank you, Claire, for everything.” Refusing to look at her, for fear of being rejected, he kissed the back of her hand, then went in to torture Sannes.

* * *

The torturing didn’t go as well as they had hoped. They took off all of his fingernails and some of his teeth and he still hadn’t spit up anything. Hange came up with the quick idea to have Ralph read from a script and pretend as if he had confessed everything to them in a place where Sannes could hear the whole thing. The Section Commander believed this would aggravate Sannes, and lead him to telling them everything the following morning. All they had to do now was wait. Levi watched as Hange kicked a table, sending it flying, in frustration. He pretended not to see anything, not wanting to provoke her further. Her frustration was understandable, if their plan didn’t work they were royally screwed.

After the sudden burst of anger, Hange went straight to her room, exhausted from all of the travelling she had done that day. The torture also contributed to that feeling. Moblit followed suit, but because he finally didn’t have to keep watch over his Commander anymore. She could be a handful, and he was the one who kept her from doing anything too reckless. 

Knowing he wasn’t going to be getting any sleep that night, Levi found himself sitting at the large table that the brats had been using earlier. The room was empty now, and Levi was alone with his thoughts. So much had happened in the past twenty-four hours, and he hadn’t had time to process any of it until that moment. A rush of emotions that he hadn’t felt in a long time came over him. He tried his best to hold back the tears, but it was difficult. He’d been holding his feelings back for far too long, and the dam was about to break.

“Sunflower?”

He looked up at Claire, who was holding a tray with a kettle and two teacups on it. 

“Oh, Sunshine, I wasn’t expecting anyone to be awake at this hour.”

“Well, I assumed that you would be awake, since you never got any sleep back when I was with the Scouts.” She set the tray on the wooden table, and sat beside him. “Looks like I was right. I guess some things don’t change.” She smiled softly at him, but her brows creased into a frown after looking at his expression for a moment. “Levi, are you alright? You look pale.”

“Yes, I’m-” He felt tears rush to his eyes. “No. No. I’m not fine. I- I let them die.  _ He  _ killed them. If I had spoken up sooner, maybe we would’ve been more prepared to face him-”

Her eyes filled with concern. “Levi, it wasn’t your fault that they died. Hange already said that it was fine.”

“But it was  _ him _ , Claire. Kenny. He was the one who blew their heads off. The man who raised me.” He looked down at his shaking hands. “He’s my responsibility. No one should’ve been hurt by his hands. Maybe, I deserved it, but not them. They didn’t need to get caught up in that mess between him and I.”

“Levi…”

“I was too shocked- I could’ve prevented this somehow- but seeing him made me freeze up!” Tears were flowing freely now. “He taught me everything I know, but he also put me through hell and back. He left me to fend for myself when I was still a kid. I hadn’t seen him since then and I couldn’t keep my cool. I shouldn’t’ve let his presence shake me so much, but I was stupid and let my emotions take control. It wasn’t until it was too late that I was able to shut them off. I’m an idiot.”

Arms wrapped around him, and he felt Claire pull him close to her chest. He didn’t reject the action, in fact, he fully embraced it. Resting his forehead on her shoulder, he let out his frustrated sobs. He cried for those he had let die, but he also cried for himself. He was  _ so _ weak whenever it came to Kenny. That man had saved him from starving to death as a child, but he also had turned him into a killer through his violent and somewhat harsh methods. Those negative emotions rushed through his body, coming out in the form of tears instead of rage, which was typical for him.

Claire stroked his hair to calm him down. Just like he had done with her. Funny, he had stolen the trick from his mother, because it had always worked well when he would feel hurt as a child.

“It’s alright, just let it all out,” she whispered. “My poor Sunflower… You’ve been holding all this in for too long. You don’t have to anymore, though. I’m here, and I’m willing to help you in any way I can, whether it’s just letting you cry on me, or listening to your problems, or whatever. I’m here for you.” 

Levi felt himself melt into her touch, hugging her as one hand traced patterns along his back and the other continued to run through the strands of his hair. Burying his face into her shoulder, he felt the tears slow down. This feeling, being held close to Claire, enveloped in her scent, it felt… warm and like home. He hadn’t felt this way in a long time.

“And, please, don’t call yourself stupid. You’re not. We all make mistakes. I remember someone once telling me the same thing.”

He almost smiled, but he was still hurting. Staying in her embrace, he spoke again. “Maybe I’m not stupid, but I still hesitated. I could’ve maybe killed him and prevented their deaths.”

“Levi, I said the same thing about my squad all those years ago. Sometimes there is nothing we can do. It hurts, I know, but we have to press on. We carry their memories with us by continuing to fight. That is how we honor them.”

He moved his head off of her and looked her in the eyes. “You’re right... I- I need to be less hard on myself, and I’ll keep fighting. I’ll make sure their deaths weren’t in vain.”

Claire smiled and wiped the tears off of his cheeks with her thumbs. “That’s right. It’s how we can carry on. We don’t forget them, but hold them with us.”

“Claire, thank you.” Levi smiled softly. “It seems that you’ve become quite wise since leaving the Scouts. You have quite the way with words.”

“It was nothing,” She said, cheeks growing pink. “I was just saying what came to me in the moment. But seriously, you need to stop holding in your emotions. It’s not good to keep it all bottled up. You could break at a time when it could be very dangerous.” She cupped the side of his face in one of her hands. “Is there no one in the Corps you can be vulnerable around?”

He closed his eyes for a moment, leaning into her touch. “Not really. You’re the only person I’ve opened up to.”

Claire was silent and he opened his eyes again. She searched his eyes. What was she looking for? 

“I’m fine. I’ve always been like this, and I’m still alive.”

“It’s not fine. If you keep this up, you’ll destroy yourself from the inside. I always knew you were suppressing your emotions a little bit, but I didn’t realize it was  _ this _ bad. You need to find someone that can help you work through these things.”

“And it can’t be you?” He put his hand on the one that was still touching his cheek.

Her expression softened. “Sunflower, I really wish I could be there for you, but I have to stay in Trost. I care about you a lot, I really do, but my family needs me here.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry for being so selfish. It’s just hard for me to open up to others. It took me years before I was completely comfortable with you.” Levi closed his eyes, sighing. “It’s just that coming here and seeing you again… all of it made it feel as if nothing has changed. I guess I got lost in the nostalgia of it all. It’s like I forgot you left the Corps in the first place.”

Claire smiled sadly. “I understand the feeling.”

It was strange, this conversation they were having. In the past Claire had been the one crying, and he had always remained calm. This was the first time he had actually cried in front of her. It had been six years, and she had never seen him this vulnerable. It made him feel guilty. He had seen that side of her many times, but he had kept his from her.

“I’m sorry,” he began. “For not really showing you my emotions. You did it so many times for me, but I never returned it.”

“What do you mean?” She cocked an eyebrow. “Sure, you weren’t always the most talkative about your feelings, but I could see it in your eyes, hear it in your voice, and in other ways. We all express emotions differently, but it is good to talk about it every once in a while. Which you did do, maybe not as extreme as just now, but it happened. I think it was different this time because you haven’t had someone to talk to for a while.” He looked at her, surprised. Was he that easy to read? Or was it because she looked deeper? Had he let his walls down around her without realizing it? “This is why I want you to find someone to talk to. Hange would be a great example! You’ve known her for as long as you’ve known me!”

“Four eyes? I can’t imagine crying in front of-”

“Well, you don’t have to do  _ that _ . But if you need to rant to someone, or just talk, you could go to her. She told me that she’s been trying to get closer to you, but you keep pushing her away. She wants to be friends with you, so why don’t you let her? Talk about the more mild things with her, and you can write to me about the more hardcore stuff, okay?”

“Okay,” he replied. “But it won’t be over letter. I’ll come here, even if it pisses Erwin off. I don’t care.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

They fell silent, Levi resting his head on her shoulder again. He felt so emotionally exhausted. The negative feelings were still there, but having Claire with him helped to numb them. 

Holding each other, they stayed like that until the sun rose. Neither had gotten any sleep, but it didn’t really matter. At least, it didn’t to Levi. He wanted to soak in every moment he could with her, because he knew that they were going to have to part again.

“Claaiiirrree. Are those Scouts still here? Are any of them cute?” A girl with short brown hair came into the room. Her eyes widened when she saw the two of them. “Oh, sorry for interrupting-”

Claire immediately stood up, surprising Levi. “You’re not interrupting anything. Um, Hannah, this is Levi. Levi this is Hannah, one of the twins.”

Hannah’s eyes lit up. “Oh! So this is your boyfriend.”

“Hannah! I told you, it’s nothing like that!” Claire’s face was red. “We’re just friends!”

Levi laughed, and Claire looked at him surprised. “Sorry, Hannah, but my squad is off limits. They are doing important work and can’t afford any distractions.”

“Dammit,” she mumbled.

Her sister gasped. “Did you just swear?”

“But you do it all the time!”

“Well that’s different.”

Hannah stuck out her tongue and left the room.

“Sorry about that!” apologized Claire.

“It’s fine.” He smiled. “I better go get Hange. We need to get back to Sannes and if he tells us what we need to hear, we’ll get out of your hair.”

She looked a little disappointed. “Right. I’ll get breakfast started.”

They both went their separate ways, Levi feeling his heart sink.

* * *

Sannes gave them the information they needed: where to go next and something even more useful, Historia’s family line was the true royal family. This could be used to their advantage, Levi was sure of it, but only Erwin would know how to best use the information. After finishing up with the prisoner, Levi Squad packed up and prepared to set off to the base of an important group of MPs.

“Good luck, guys!” Claire waved at them. “I believe in you!”

Levi walked up to her, taking her hands in his. “I’ll see you again soon, I promise.”

She grinned at him, hair gleaming in the morning light. Before speaking, she slipped a piece of paper into his hands. “I look forward to it.”

And so did he. 


	18. Ackerman

_ To my Sunflower, _

_ I know we were literally together just now, but I wanted to leave a message with you. I really wanted to truly thank you for trusting in me to keep you and your squad safe during this difficult time. I also wanted to thank you for opening up to me, I know you have shared some of these sorts of things with me before, but this was different. I know that things are really hard for you at the moment, so it feels kind of weird for thanking you about it. It just… feels nice to have someone confide in you. I’ve done so with you a lot of times, and you’ve always supported me, and it was nice to finally return the favor. So, thank you. _

_ I really hope you take my advice and go to Hange when you need to. She’s really kind and I’m sure she’ll do a great job at comforting you. And please don’t hesitate to write me or visit. You’re always welcome here, and it is always nice to see you in person, alive and well. _

_ Until next time, _

_ Sunshine~ _

* * *

_ To my Sunshine, _

_ Thank you again for letting us stay. It would have been difficult to find another place. Also… thank you for being there for me. I’m not used to being vulnerable in front of others, but I’m glad that it was with you. It felt nice to get some things off of my chest. Your words helped give me strength, and we were able to save Eren and Historia. _

_ I’m sorry, but this response will be short because I’m about to lead a group of Scouts to Survey the damage from the Rod Reiss Titan. I’m sure you’ve heard about it, a giant-ass titan, bigger than the Colossal, nearly breached Wall Sina. I witnessed him transform into a titan, but it wasn’t the same as Eren and the other shifters, he took some serum that changed him into a mindless titan. This confirms our theory that titans were once people like us. Well, some of them at least. Our soon-to-be Queen, Historia dealt the killing blow to her father, giving her favor with the people. Hopefully her transition to the throne will go smoothly. Anyways, this titan dragged his fat ass across several kilometers of grasslands, leaving this giant trial behind. I have to check for survivors and the like. Hopefully Kenny and his squad have bitten the dust by now. It would be nice to not have him be around. He’s been a huge thorn in my ass.  _

_ Anyways, I have to go now. I hope we can see eachother again in the near future. _

_ -Your Sunflower _

* * *

Crimson blood pooled around the bodies that were crushed by rocks. It appeared that the First Interior Squad had been killed by the cave-in that the Rod Reiss titan had caused. Levi was still nervous, though. As he surveyed the bodies, rifle in hand, he saw no sign of Kenny Ackerman. It still was surprising, learning the man’s last name so many years after he had abandoned him. He wondered how Kenny and Mikasa were related. It was probably distant, but it still interested him.

He wandered for a while, observing the strange crystalline pillars that held up the earth. Did these things support the entire land? Or just this small portion? It was almost terrifying how little they knew about their world. They had only just then learned about how titans were made, but they still had no idea why. Would Eren’s basement really have the answers that they were looking for? Many thoughts began to race through his mind.

He wished to be back with Claire. Being at her home had been comforting in this time of darkness. Perhaps he would be able to visit again after this Rodd Reiss mess was over. Maybe not. They would probably putting all of their focus into plugging up Wall Maria after-

“Captain Levi!” A voice rang out behind him. 

He turned to face the person who had shouted. It was that Roy kid, who breathed heavily as he approached Levi. “What? You look like you’re about to crap yourself.”

“We found Kenny Ackerman! He’s still alive!”

Levi gasped.  _ Alive? How the hell did that bastard survive this mess?  _ He didn’t want to admit it, but the idea that Kenny was still breathing gave him more fear than facing a hoard of titans head on. He calmed himself before speaking. “Then let’s go. We need to arrest him.” He began walking to the edge of the put, searching for the best place to use the ODM gear to get up.

“Sir, he’s on the brink of death.” Roy followed him. “I don’t think he’s going to live another day.”

“Then we best get what information that we can out of him before he croaks.” He shot into the air, flying just enough to land on the grass above. Roy followed, but with much less grace as his superior. He was a good kid, Levi had to admit, even if he wasn’t the most skilled with everything.

Roy led him to the beginnings of a forest, where Levi could see the pitiful figure of Kenny slumped up against a tree. His eyes were closed, he was probably exhausted, or dead. The right side of the older man’s face was covered in burn scars, the hair scorched from his scalp. He was also bleeding from several wounds. The kid was right; he was not going to be alive for much longer.

“Kenny!” he called out. It took him saying it several times before the man stirred. Roy aimed his gun at Kenny as his eyes opened. While Levi kept his to the side, ready to shoot if needed.

“I should’ve… had you-” Kenny’s words were lost as he coughed out blood.

“Found what’s left of your squad,” replied Levi. “It looks like they were crushed in the cave-in. I guess you were the only survivor?”

“Sure looks that way…”

The way Kenny said the words almost made Levi pity the guy. He narrowed his eyes. This was his last chance to get some answers from him. He had to speak with Kenny. Just the two of them.

He turned to Roy. “Report back. I’m fine alone.”

“Understood, sir.” The kid nodded before heading towards where he should be meeting up with the others.

Levi looked down at Kenny, who had closed his eyes. “Between the burns and the blood you’ve lost, there’s nothing that can save you now.”

Kenny smirked. “Oh, yeah? I wonder…” He pulled out a box and opened it, revealing the contents: a syringe full of the titan-transforming serum. 

Levi’s eyes widened with shock.

“Swiped this sucker right out of Rod’s bag back in the cave. Seems if I just stick myself, I’ll turn into a big strong titan.” He paused. “One of the dumb ones, unfortunately. For a while, it oughta keep me… alive.”

He glared at Kenny. If he turned into a titan, Levi could just kill him on the spot. It would be pointless. “You had the time and strength to inject yourself before I got here, if you wanted. Why didn’t you?”

Kenny hesitated. “Fair point. I guess I’m just scared. If I don’t inject it right, I might turn out the same as Rod, all messed up-like.”

“I know you’re not just sitting here waiting to bleed to death. Surely, you have a better excuse than that.”

“Well, runt, the thing is I don’t feel like dyin’ without my dream comin’ true, but I see now. After all this time, I think I see why he did it.”

“Huh?” What was he talking about?

He laughed weakly. “We humans, we’re all the same, every last one of us. For some, it’s drinking. For some, it’s women. Some, even religion, family, the king, dreams, children, power. All of us had to spend our lives drunk on somethin’, or else we’d have no cause to keep pushin’ on. Everyone was a slave to somethin’, even him.” He coughed, blood splattering on the grass. Levi lowered his rifle. “So, what’s your poison, runt? Heroics?” 

Levi leaned over and grasped his former guardian’s shoulders. “Kenny, tell me everything you know about the king. The first king. Why didn’t he want mankind to survive?”

Kenny stared at him blankly. “Dunno. Beats me. That said, I know that is part of the reason that we Ackermans decided to turn coat.” He groaned before coughing more blood, some landing on Levi’s cheek.

He gasped faintly before regaining his composure. Kenny had said “we Ackermans”. “So apparently that’s my name as well. Tell me, who are you? What were you to my mom?”

“Heh, you dumbass.” Kenny grinned. “I’m just… her brother.” He burst into a fit of coughs, which were growing weaker.

Levi stared at the man in shock, a thousand memories and thoughts running through his mind. Kenny… was his uncle? He was family this whole time? He was his family… and he still abandoned him when he was just a kid? 

He could picture it vividly. 

_ Levi had gotten into a street fight with some thug who had gotten in his way. The man was all bark and no bite, so he was able to take him down easily. All it took was a good punch and a few solid kicks. Lifting the man up by the hair, he yelled in anger at him while also holding a knife to his throat.  _

_ After dealing with the thug, he looked up to where Kenny was standing when the fight began. Levi was filled with pride. He had won his first fight without assistance, but what he saw made his heart drop. Kenny was walking away, without looking back even once. Little did he know that it would be the last time he saw the man for decades. _

“That day…” Levi lowered his head. “Why? Why did you leave me?”

“Because…” Kenny’s voice was weak. “I just wasn’t cut out… to be somebody’s dad…”

Before Levi had a chance to speak, something was placed somewhat forcefully against his chest. He glanced down, gasping softly as he looked at it. It was the box containing the titan serum. Kenny had handed it over to him. Why? Placing his hand over his uncle’s, he brought the box closer to him. Kenny pulled his arm back and leaned against the tree.

Levi stared at the box for a moment before looking up at Kenny. A shooting pain filled his chest as he stared into the lifeless eyes of the last bit of family he had left. “Kenny…” Sure, Kenny had left him behind, raised him to be violent, and other bad things, but he had been the closest thing Levi had had to a father. Plus, now he knew that Kenny was actually his blood relative, and not just one of the strange men his mom had come by in her career as a prostitute. But the whole family thing wasn’t what hurt the most. It was the fact that the man who had saved his life was now dead.

_ “Ma?” Levi stood at his mother’s bedside. She was very sick, and her condition was worsening by the day. “Do you want more water?” _

_ “Sure, honey.” She smiled weakly as she reached out a thin hand to ruffle his hair. It was how she had always comforted him. “Thank you.” _

_ Levi poured a pitcher of water into the glass by her bedside as she burst into a fit of coughs. He was scared. The men had stopped coming to mom because of her condition, and now they didn’t have hardly any money left. Levi tried to share food with her, but she refused it, saying that he needed it to grow up big and strong. He didn’t want to grow up big and strong if it meant she went hungry, though. _

_ Ma tried to lift the glass, but it was too heavy, and her muscles had grown weak. _

_ “Sit up, Ma.” Levi took the glass. “I can give it to you.” _

_ “You’re so sweet.” Her pale eyes sparkled with pride. _

_ He lifted the glass to her lips and slowly poured the cool liquid into her mouth. She swallowed and told him that she didn’t need any more. _

_ “Are you sure that's enough?” _

_ She nodded, patting a spot on the bed next to her. “Come here, Levi. Let’s get some rest. You’ve been busy all day, taking care of me.” _

_ “Okay, Ma.” He climbed onto the bed, getting underneath the blankets. She pulled him close to her chest and stroked his hair gently. Listening to her heartbeat, Levi found himself growing sleepier. _

_ “I love you, Levi.” _

_ “I love you, too, Ma.” _

_ When Levi woke up the next morning, his Ma’s body was cold and lifeless. He grabbed her by the shoulders and tried shaking her awake, but it was pointless. He knew she was dead, but something inside him wouldn’t accept it as the truth. Crying for hours, he held on to her corpse. He was now truly alone. _

_ For days he stayed in her room, without food or drink. Levi didn’t have the courage to leave the room, for fear of being hurt by the men who kept pounding on the door, demanding to see his mother. The room began to stink of death, and his mom had started to rot and decay. It was so dirty… His body grew weaker than it already was, and he sat against the wall, head down and knees against his chest. There was no point in trying anymore. It was his destiny to die.  _

_ The door creaked open, and Levi barely had the energy to look at the man who entered. He was wearing a long coat and a hat that shadowed his face. The man looked at the body, expression unreadable. _

_ “She’s… dead…” said Levi weakly.  _

_ He turned to look at him, surprised. “And you?” _

_ Levi slowly made eye contact with him.  _

_ “Are you alive?” He paused. “Aw, give me a break. You’re not deaf are ya? Can ya hear me or can’t ya? You got a name?” _

_ “Levi… It’s just Levi.” _

_ The man set down his bag, and back stepped towards the wall. He leaned against it and spoke. “I get it, Kuchel. That’s probably a good call. The family name did you no favors.” He slid down the wall until he was sitting on the floor. “Well, I’m Kenny. That’s my only name. Me and your mother knew each other. It’s nice to meet ya.” _

_ Levi hesitated before responding. Who exactly was this guy? Was it one of Ma’s customers? Or was it really someone she had been close to? If that was true, she had never mentioned him before. Well, Kenny didn’t seem as bad as the other men who would come by, so he decided to trust him. “Nice to meet you, too…” _

_ They sat in silence for a few moments before Kenny moved to stand up. “What’re ya gonna do now, runt? Just sit here until ya die?” _

_ He shrugged. He didn’t really know where to go or what to do next. He had no friends or family to be with, so he just assumed that he would stay here until his demise. “I guess.” _

_ Kenny leaned against the door frame, crossing his legs. He let out a sigh. “Get up, runt, and come with me. I’ll get ya some food.” _

_ Levi looked up, surprised. Why was this stranger showing him such kindness? He didn’t give it too much thought because he was  _ so _ hungry. He would take what food he could get. _

_ Walking through the filthy streets of the Underground, he tailed behind Kenny. Passerbys gave him dirty looks and shook their heads. Levi knew his appearance wasn’t that great, but he didn’t think it was that bad. His long hair almost covered his eyes, and his clothes, one of his Ma’s dresses, were basically rags, but most of the street orphans wore something similar. He supposed he didn’t feel so out of place until he was standing next to someone who didn’t look like they were always on the brink of death.  _

_ He looked at Kenny, who seemed so put together. His walk had purpose, and he seemed to have a goal in life. This inspired Levi. Maybe he should try and keep living, it’s what his Ma would want, right? _

_ They walked into a tavern, where Kenny led them to a table. Levi sat and stared around the building. He had never been in a place filled with so many people, well, with so many people that were properly clothed and bathed. Kenny ordered some food, but he didn’t pay much attention. He was too busy staring wide eyed at everything. The people, the food, the colors. He had never seen so much of it before. All of his memories were dull, except for the times he shared with his Ma. Those were always the brightest. _

_ A woman set down a plate with food and a jug of some liquid in front of them, giving Levi a strange glance. “Here you go, sir. Enjoy the meal.” She quickly scurried away to help other customers. _

_ “Eat up, runt.” Kenny took the jug and started drinking from it. “Unless ya wanna end up like your mother.” _

_ Levi grabbed a piece of bread and took a bite. It tasted amazing. He grabbed another piece and started eating them furiously. He hadn’t tasted real food in what seemed like ages. His body was renewed with energy with every single bite. People stared and whispered, but he didn’t mind. All of his focus was on finishing this food. _

_ Kenny watched him eat, some unfamiliar emotion on his face. “Okay, runt. I’ll take ya under my wing. Teach ya how the world works. How’s that sound?” _

_ Nodding vigorously while taking a large mouthful of bread, Levi responded, “That sounds great.” He would take a chance with this man. Kenny had saved his life after all, so Levi believed he could be trusted. _

A single tear rolled down Levi’s cheek, and he closed the dead man’s eyes. “Goodbye, Kenny. I never got to properly thank you for taking me in and saving me. Sure, you were a crappy parent, and irresponsible, but I’m here today because of what you taught me. I hope you can finally rest…”

He stood up, looking at the body once more before walking away. A lot was going through his mind. Memories of his times with Kenny as a kid, images of his mother, weak and frail, and times of when he seemed to lose control of his body, pure instinct taking the wheel. Just when things seemed somewhat clear in his life, something came and messed it all up again.

So, he really was an Ackerman. Levi had suspicions because of the strange moments when his instincts completely took over when killing titans or just getting into fights in general. It hadn’t always been that way, though. When he was young this change occurred. Before he wasn’t sure if this happened because he was close to Kenny or if he was actually blood related. He hadn’t even thought about how strange it was until yesterday, when he had learned Kenny’s real last name. He had heard rumors of the Ackerman clan and their enhanced physical ability, but he hadn’t believed any of it until he saw Mikasa in action. She was proof that there was at least a little truth in those rumors.

He had spoken to Mikasa about it, wondering if she had experienced this moment of “awakening”. Indeed she had, when she was kidnapped as a young girl, forcing her and Eren to kill the three captors, all grown men. Levi was surprised, he had heard about the incident during Eren’s trial, but he didn’t know if it was actually true. 

Levi had experienced this sort of moment as well, though it was different. During a dark moment in his childhood, this new sense had awakened inside him, making him stronger and a lot more violent.

_ A few months after Kenny had left him, Levi had been hiding out in the back alleys, stealing food or small bits of money to survive. He was too young to become a proper thief, so pickpocketing was his safest option.  _

_ Standing in shadows, Levi waited for his target to walk past him. The man had a limp, so he was a bit slow. This didn’t make a difference to him, because he had all of the time in the world. Flipping the knife so it faced backwards in his hand, he readied himself just in case it was needed. This pickpocket should be simple, but it was always good to be ready. Kenny had taught him that.  _

_ The man hobbled past and Levi swiftly ran behind him, snatching the wallet in the back pocket with ease. Smiling to himself, he ran away, feet barely touching the ground so he would not be heard. He opened the wallet to see how much he got. Hopefully it would last him a day or two- _

_ A figure holding a knife blocked his way forward. He stopped in his tracks, spinning around to go the other way, but it was blocked. The man who had been frail and limping before, was now standing straight, with a long dagger in each hand. _

_ Levi’s eyes widened. He had been cornered. _

_ “Why do you look so surprised, brat?” The man grinned wickedly. “You’ve got quite the reputation around here, and we wanted to see it for ourselves.” _

_ Gritting his teeth, Levi stuck the wallet into his own pocket. He brandished his knife, ready to attack whenever. The two men came charging, blades flashing towards him.  _

_ At that moment, time seemed to slow.  _

_ His heartbeat sounded in his ears, images of things dying and acts of violence that he had witnessed flashed through his vision. His blood began to boil, and the sound lightning crackled in his head. Energy filled his every muscle. Everything seemed clear for the first time in his life, and he knew what he had to do. Well, he didn’t really know, but his body seemed to, because it moved without him fully processing what was going on.  _

_ Levi ducked his head, avoiding a swipe from the man coming up behind him. He stomped his heel into the man’s foot, making him cry out in pain. Swinging around, he swiped at the man’s palm, which was reaching for the hurt foot. He screamed as blood sprayed into Levi’s face. _

Disgusting _ , thought Levi as he kneed the man in the balls. He doubled over, then was kicked in the face by Levi until he fell to the ground unconscious.  _

_ The second man had frozen in place, shocked by what Levi had done to his partner in crime. “Okay, kid. I see that they were right. We were just joking-” _

_ The energy was still fueling Levi. Using the body of the partner as a stool, he jumped into the air, reaching the eye-level of the man. He decked him as hard as he could in the jaw, causing the man to lose his balance. Swiping randomly, the man tried to fight back.  _

_ Levi simply ducked down and stabbed the man’s left foot. _

_ He screamed. _

_ Levi stabbed the other foot. _

_ The man fell to his knees, writhing in pain. _

_ Grabbing the man by the hair, Levi brought his face to his own and growled. “Was it really a joke? Because I didn’t find it funny at all.” _

_ Tears and snot covered the face of the man as he tried to come up with some sort of a reply. “I-” _

Slice.

_ His throat was slit before he had the chance to finish the sentence.  _

_ Levi walked over to the other man, who was beginning to stir, and stepped on his face. “You get to live for today. Only because I want you to spread the message. If you mess with Levi, you’ll end up like him.” He pointed at the dead man with his knife. “Understand?” _

_ “Understood.” He nodded furiously. _

_ “Good,” Levi looted him before leaving. He had found a handkerchief on the death man and used it to clean the blood off of his knife. As he walked away, he could feel that strange new sense leave his body.  _ Weird _ , he thought. Shrugging, he went to find a safe place to look at his spoils. _

“Captain?”

Roy’s voice brought Levi back to reality.

“We finished scouting the area. It’s clear. We should head back to the city before it gets dark.”

“Alright. Let’s go.” Stealing one last glance in the direction of Kenny's body, Levi walked back with the other Scouts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays! Welcome to all of the new readers and thank you! I appreciate each and every one of you! I had a lot of fun with this chapter! It was really cool to dive a little into Levi's past and also create my own headcanons for it! I hope you enjoyed! We're almost done with the second arc of this story and will be moving on to the third! I'm really excited for what's to come!


	19. Underground

_ Dear Claire Helios, _

_ I know it hasn’t been that long since I last wrote to you, but I have some important things that I had to tell you immediately.  _

_ Historia has officially been crowned as our queen, and I was able to have a good view of it. It was a unique experience. I’ve never really been at something like that before. After the ceremony, she came up to me and punched me in the arm. It was funny. I actually laughed in front of my squad. I had experienced a lot of negative emotions right before this all went down, and it was something to lighten my mood. I probably deserved it too. Be proud of me, I didn’t hurt her or anything after. _

_ Now to the big stuff… God, where do I start? My life has changed drastically in half a day. I’ve learned some things about my past and who I am. Kenny told me these things as he died. Yes, Kenny, the man I’ve despised for years has bitten the dust. And surprisingly, I’ve found myself sad about it. I don’t know what I expected to feel like, but it wasn’t like this. Sure, Kenny was a jerk, but he was the man who raised me, and is the reason I lived long enough to join the Scouts. _

_ The first thing I learned was that he saved some of the serum that can transform a person into a titan. I brought the thing back to Erwin, and he gave it to me, saying I could decide who it gets used on and when to use it. I hope it will never have to come to that. _

_ Next, I learned something shocking. Kenny told me that he was the brother of my mother. So, he was my uncle this whole time, and hid the fact from me. I guess he didn’t want to taint me with the family name, which is the final thing I discovered.  _

_ I finally know what my last name is. Ackerman. I am an Ackerman. They are said to be fantastic fighters, and I see that in myself. A lot of things make more sense. It’s just strange to have more than just one name. You're the first person I’ve told about this. I’m not sure how to bring it up to the others. I will tell them soon, though. I just felt like you needed to know this. _

_ I wish I could write more, but I have to go now. Historia has called for a meeting with me personally and I shouldn’t be late. _

_ Until next time. _

_ -Levi Ackerman _

* * *

_ Dear Levi Ackerman, _

_ I’m sorry to hear that you had to watch your uncle die. Even if you weren’t close, and you weren’t on the best terms with him, losing family is hard. I understand the feeling.  _

_ I do think that it’s good that you’ve learned more about who you are. Knowing yourself is the first step to finding happiness, which is what I hope you can find. Plus, I now can actually use a last name when talking about you.“Just Levi” does have some charm, but “Levi Ackerman” seems like it sounds… right, somehow. I don’t know what it is. I’m just weird like that, I guess. _

_ Not much has happened here, so I don’t have much to update. I hope that your meeting with the queen went well. I hope she didn’t beat you up further haha. Please stay safe, I really worry about you sometimes. _

_ ~Claire Helios _

* * *

Writing down the last few words, Levi finished up his speech. He wasn’t one for talking and giving inspiration to soldiers, but he was willing to speak out this one time. It was different. When meeting with Historia, she had asked for his assistance in founding a proper orphanage, especially for those from the Underground. He didn’t know where she had learned of his background, but he supposed she was the queen and had her ways. Surprised by her proposal, he agreed. If he could prevent children from having to go through what he did, he would do whatever was possible.

Today he was to present to the higher ups of the government, along with Historia, about why they should help them with this project. Since she was the queen it would get done either way, but it would be nice to have extra funds and support.

Looking over the sheets in front of him, Levi found himself nervous. He was not a public speaker, and he wasn’t fond of opening up about his past, but he would have to do both if he were to help Historia properly. Sure, she was his queen and all that, but first she was his squad member. He would try his best to not let her down.

A knock sounded on his door. “Captain?”

He looked towards the sound. “Come in.”

The door creaked open and Historia walked in. It was strange how regal she looked now. Just last week she had been wearing t-shirts and slacks, blonde hair free and blowing in the wind. Now she wore robes and her hair was tied up into a tight bun, a crown on her head. Her sky blue eyes still had life in them, though they didn’t seem as innocent as before.

“Are you ready for today, sir?”

“Yes,” Levi said, bowing to her. “And remember, you are in a higher position than me now. You don’t have to call me ‘sir’.”

“Oh, right.” She apologized. “I’m still getting used to this.”

“I understand.” He picked up what he had written and handed it to her. “Would you like to look over this before I present?”

“Of course!” Her eyes scanned the pages. “Wow, you have amazing handwriting. It looks almost as if it came directly from the press.”

“I guess so.” He shrugged. The reason his handwriting was so robotic was because when he was learning, he would look at letters from books and copy them directly. It had helped him learn the quickest. Claire had suggested the idea, and he took it to heart. She thought it was impressive that he could copy it almost perfectly. Apparently it wasn’t normal.

After finishing reading, she held the sheets out to him. “It looks great. I really like it, I hope that it can convince them to assist us.”

“I hope so as well.” He looked down at her. Yes, he could look down at her because she was one of the few people who was significantly shorter than him. “When do we go to meet with them?”

Historia tapped her foot nervously. “Well, they have a strict schedule, and they can meet in about ten minutes. That’s the only chance they are giving us.”

“Ten minutes?”

She winced. “Yes, I’m sorry. I came here to tell you.”

Levi let out a sigh. “Okay. Let’s head over then. Better to be early.”

They started walking towards the meeting room, Historia leading Levi.

“Thank you, again, Captain. This means a lot to me.”

“Of course. Anything to let others have a good start to their lives. I’d hate for more people to turn out like me.”

She raised an eyebrow. “But I think you’re a fine person. A little cold, and maybe violent, but you are a good person at heart.”

Could she really see that in him? “Well, I wasn’t always like this. I changed when I officially became a scout with Erwin’s guidance and…” He trailed off.

“And…?”

“It’s nothing.” He turned away from her knowing gaze.

“You’ve got someone you love?” She smiled sadly. “I know the feeling. She may not be here anymore, but Ymir has made me into the person I am. Before I was scared and selfish, but now I feel a bit braver, and I’m trying my best to serve the people. That’s why I want to do this. To help orphans like me, like her, and like you. So that they can all lead good lives that they can be satisfied and happy about.”

Levi didn’t respond. She was wise for one so young. But then again, she kinda had to be. She was now the Ruler of the Walls. 

The two of them reached the room and they took their seats, Historia at the head of the long table, and Levi to her right. Men slowly filed into the room, chatting in hushed voices as they sat down. Levi gripped his papers tightly, and Historia gave him a reassuring smile. It felt nice to have someone who believed in him again.

“Thank you all for coming today,” Historia said as she stood up. “I’d like to propose that we, as the government, provide a place for orphans from both the Underground and in the Walls to live until they are old enough to lead their own lives, or until they are taken in by a family. There are too many children dying and leading miserable lives, and if we are to have a future, this needs to end. Captain Levi Ackerman of the Survey Corps is here to share his experience and thoughts on the matter.” She looked at him and nodded before sitting down.

Taking in a deep breath, Levi stood up. He glanced down at his papers. The speech was mostly memorised, not word for word, but he could probably get by without the notes. They were there mostly to help prompt him if he was having trouble finding the words. “I grew up in the Underground by myself for most of my childhood. I, and many others were forced to learn dirty tricks and how to fight in order to get by. I saw many kids get themselves killed by being reckless, or from starvation or illness. Because of the darkness and filthiness of the alleys in the Underground, life was less than ideal. I’m sure it is similar above ground.”

Levi went on to share some stories and graphic experiences that he had witnessed as a kid. This caused the men to express shock, asking clarifying questions and for more precise details. Levi explained everything and moved on to express his opinions on the matter. 

“I feel like providing a safe place for these children to grow up would be the best way to prevent them from growing into violent, bad people and from dying prematurely. The Queen has the right idea. I feel like many lives could be changed and saved because of this.” Closing his eyes, he sat back into his seat.

Historia gave him an excited thumbs up before addressing the men. “Feel free to discuss amongst yourselves about the matter. I would like a formally written response to this proposal by the end of the week. Is that enough time for you all?”

The men agreed, then stood up to leave. A few talked in groups, some glanced at Levi, and others hurried out to other meetings.

“You did so well, Captain! Thank you so much!” The Queen grinned at him.

“It was my pleasure, Your Highness.”

“Oh, please, Levi. No need for formalities. Historia is fine.”

“Alright, Historia.” He stood up. “Thank you for this opportunity. I hope things turn out well. Please keep me updated.”

“I will! I know I’m gonna want more of your help if this thing works out.”

“I’d be glad to assist you further.”

“So, does this mean you don’t hate me for punching you?”

Levi cracked a smile. “Of course not. I deserved it, anyways.” He walked to the doorway, pausing to look back at her. “See you around.”

“See ya.”

He walked back to his office, feeling proud of himself. It felt good to help Historia. Levi hoped that Claire would be proud of him.

* * *

“Why do you smell like cleaner?” asked the kid as he kicked Levi in the leg.

Trying not to act upset, he looked down at the child. “Because I was cleaning before I came here. Come along now. There’s a wagon waiting at the entrance to the Underground to take all of you brats to your new home.”

Levi was currently helping Historia move the children from the Underground to the city above where they would be taken to the orphanage. It was strange coming back here after so many years. Adjusting to the dim light had taken a lot of time, and he wondered how he was able to live in such a place for so long before. The longer he was down here, the more he craved the sunlight. Seeing these kids, dirty and filled with hopelessness, made him want to show them the light as soon as possible. 

Levi remembered how amazing and wonderful it was to see the sun for the first time. With Furlan and Isabel by his side, it had felt like he was  _ actually _ living for the first time. All of his life spent in the Underground had felt like a waste. Why had he spent so much time hiding in the shadows when he could have been running around in this glorious, beautiful light? The closest he had gotten to that feeling was when he was with Claire. She had brought a new kind of light into his life and had become his new Sunshine. Oh, how he missed her. He shook his head. Now wasn’t the time to worry about that. Levi needed to help these kids live for the first time, freeing them from this dark and miserable place.

“Brat? I’m not a brat.” The kid leaned in to whisper to the young girl next to him. “What’s a brat?”

She shrugged, hugging a stuffed bear close to her chest. Levi noticed that her whole body was shaking.

He looked down at her, worried. “Er, what’s your name?”

“Rosalie…” she said quietly, shrinking away from him.

Levi got down on one knee so he could be at eye-level with the girl. “Are you alright? I noticed that you look a bit shaken up.”

She sniffled. “I'm scared. I haven’t been over here before and I’ve never seen the sun. And aren’t there titans up there? And you kinda look scary.”

He smiled softly. “Y’know, you’re not the first person to tell me that I have a scary face. But this scary face is a good thing. It scares away any titans that get near me.” Rosalie laughed. “And don’t be scared of the surface. The sun is beautiful and the air is clear. You’ll love it.”

“Will I still be able to stay with Gregor?” She looked at the brat who had been kicking him earlier. “I don’t want to go anywhere without him.”

“Of course. You’ll all stick together.”

Rosalie smiled. “Yay! I’m excited, then!”

Levi stood up again, and the group continued walking towards freedom.

* * *

After a half an hour of walking, they reached the large staircase that led to the exit of the Underground. Rosalie’s feet had begun to hurt, so Levi had picked her up and was carrying her on his shoulders. She happily pointed at things and teased Gregor about how she was taller than him now. He went along with the jokes, but shot Levi glares whenever her face was turned. The kid had a crush and was jealous. This embarrassed Levi because he was just trying to be nice to the girl.

“Are we almost there?” asked Gergor.

Levi nodded. “We just have to go up these steps, then we’ll be there.”

“Yay! I can’t wait!” Rosalie shouted.

He couldn’t help but smile. This girl’s joy was infectious. It reminded him of Claire, who had a similar ability.

If Levi weren’t fit, climbing up these stairs with a child on his back would’ve proven very difficult, but that wasn’t the case, so he was able to do so without too much trouble. They reached the top of the stairs and began walking down a passageway. He had to show a form of written consent signed by Historia to pass. They were always picky about who was allowed in and out of the Underground. If only it were always this easy to get out of the cursed place. He felt bad for those who would be stuck here for years to come.

Turning a corner, rays of sunlight could be seen from the other side of the far wall. Gregor’s eyes widened and he heard Rosalie gasp. The boy took Levi’s hand and dragged him to the light. He obliged, being careful not to move too fast and cause Rosalie to lose balance. 

As soon as they stepped into the sun, Gregor’s frown disappeared. Shading his eyes, the boy took a huge gulp of air, letting the fresh oxygen into his lungs. “Wow! The air! It’s so easy to breathe!”

“It feels so good!” Rosalie took a deep breath, sucking in and letting it out after a moment. “And it’s so bright! It hurts my eyes a little!”

“Yeah! It’s so cool!”

“Be careful,” warned Levi as he set the girl down so she could join her friend. “Don’t look directly at the sun.”

“Okay, Mister!” She ran up to Gregor, grabbing at his shirt and pointing at the clouds.

Levi smiled at them. Moments like this reminded him of why he decided to help Historia. He wanted others to experience the joy and exhilaration that he had, but at least these kids had the chance to do so earlier in life, before they got completely screwed up. Sure, they had probably seen their fair share of hell, but he could tell that they still maintained a sense of innocence. He wished Claire was there to see this. She would’ve been overjoyed to help these kids, and would have loved to see them smile like this. He knew she had a soft spot for kids, he could tell whenever he saw her talk to her sisters as they passed through Trost on their way to an expedition. 

“Mister, what are we supposed to do now?” asked Gregor.

“Right. Let’s get you on the wagon. It will take you to your new home.” He led the kids to the wagon, helping them climb in.

The two were greeted by other children that Levi and the other volunteers had led up here. He waved farewell as he went back down into the dark to save other children who needed him.

The sun was setting by the time Levi was finished gathering the orphans. It had been a long day of work, but the results were worth it. He was able to see dozens of happy faces that belonged to children whose lives he had basically saved. Loading the last kids on the wagon, he turned to get into the wagon set aside for the adults.

“Wait! Mister!”

Levi turned back to look at the kids.

Rosalie waved her bear in the air, grinning. “Thank you so much! Thank you for saving all of us! You are the nicest person I know!”

He felt his heart swell. Never in his life had Levi been given such a genuine compliment. He smiled at her, waving as the wagon rolled away. He could hear the shouts of the other children thanking him and the others. It felt good to save lives instead of take them for once.

* * *

“It was very fulfilling, I’m glad I agreed to help her.” Levi took a sip of his tea.

Hange had listened to him go on for about an hour about his experience. She hadn’t interrupted once, which was very out of character for her.

“Hange? Are you alright?”

“Yes,” she said. “I’m just exhausted. We’ve been experimenting with Eren’s hardening non-stop and planning this next expedition has been stressful. Be grateful that you were able to take a break from it. You only got out of it because you were doing what the Queen wanted. No one can go against her wishes, even Commander Erwin.” She took a long sip of her tea.

“Well, I’ll be back starting tomorrow. I hope that will ease your stress a little.”

“It will. Keeping that squad of yours in check can be a real pain in the ass sometimes. That Sasha girl is crazy. I swear one of these days she will kill to get to the food she wants.”

Levi nodded. “That’s definitely a possibility.”

“Anyways, I’m glad you were able to have a small journey of self discovery. It was probably good for you to take a step back from all of this intense stuff. Especially after learning the truth about your heritage.”

“Yes, it was nice to step away from it all for a bit… It gave me time to reflect on me as a person, and those that I’m responsible for.” He took out a small box, opening it.

“You’re carrying the titan serum with you?”

“I keep it on my person at all times.” He looked at the purple liquid. “Just in case. It’s a large weight on my shoulders. I can’t help but worry. How will I know that it’s the right time to use it?”

“Levi, you have some of the best instincts I’ve ever seen. I’m sure that you will make the right choice if the time comes.”

“I sure hope so…” Levi closed the box, stuffing it away.

They sat in silence, drinking their tea for a few moments.

“I hope I’m not interrupting…”

Historia had wandered out to the balcony. The two quickly stood up, bowing to her.

“Of course not, Your Highness,” replied Hange, standing straight again.

“I just wanted to thank the Captain for all he did.” She smiled at him. “You seriously went above and beyond my expectations. I really appreciate it.”

“It was no problem, Historia. Thank you for giving me the opportunity.”

She looked down at the ground somewhat bashfully. “I don’t know if this is overstepping my boundaries, do let me know if I am, but could I join you for tea? I just want to have a moment away from all of the stress and responsibility. I didn’t realize being Queen could be so exhausting.”

“Yes, it would be great to have you.” Levi pulled a chair out for her.

She sat down, thanking him while Hange poured her some tea.

The three talked and drank until it grew dark. It reminded Levi of the good old days with Claire, except this time he didn’t feel sad looking back on it. He felt happy that he had other people to share these kinds of moments with. He had made other friends, and he knew that he wasn’t alone anymore, he had a whole squad of people that would support him. 

And it felt good.


	20. Beast

_ To Sunshine, _

_ In a few days we will ride out to Shiganshina to reclaim Wall Maria. Eren has been practicing and is now able to harden his titan body completely, and this will be used to plug up the hole. We hope not to run into any trouble, but the Colossal and Armored Titans are still out there, and we know that they don’t want us to accomplish this. Chances are they will be waiting for us, along with this new Beast Titan. None of us know the extent of this new titans abilities, but we do know he can throw things extremely far. If I can get in close, I could probably get him. But let’s just hope it doesn’t come to that. _

_ I’ve also been given a great responsibility, and to be perfectly honest, I’m very anxious about it. We found some of the titan serum on Kenny, and Erwin has decided to let me carry it. Because of this, it is my responsibility to decide when to use it. I’m scared I’ll make the wrong choice, or I’ll hesitate and it will be too late to save that person. I just hope it never comes to that. _

_ Anyways, just in case I don’t make it out of this alive, I wanted to let you know how much your friendship means to me. You have helped me to become the man I am today, and I can confidently say that I’ve made it this far because of you. You have saved me multiple times in different ways, and I don’t know if there’s any way I could properly thank you for that. I hope that you can continue to live a long and happy life, even if I’m gone. Please, don’t lose yourself because of my death. I’d hate for you to be sad for my sake. _

_ -Sunflower _

* * *

_ To Sunflower, _

_ I’m excited to hear that we may get the third wall back! That would be amazing! So many people could find homes and we could produce a lot more food again! That means more of the good meat and vegetables! And I’m sure you can kill any titan that comes across you. You are Humanity's Strongest Soldier, well, at least to me you are.  _

_ You are smart, Levi, and you always make good choices… Just follow what your heart tells you. Sometimes the most obvious choice isn’t the right one. I trust in you, and I believe that you will make the right choice when the time comes. Don’t worry about it too much. Who knows if you’ll even need to use it. Let’s just hope things go well. _

_ Speaking of that… You are not going to die out there, Levi Ackerman. You promised me that you wouldn’t die. You said you will be there in the Survey Corps, waiting for my return, and we both know that you are a man of your word. Also, if you really did die out there, I would mourn for you, because you are important to me as well, and I think everyone deserves to have someone who cares about them, even in death. So, yes, I will be sad. I can't promise anything else. But, like I said earlier, you are not going to die. You’ll be fine. Please write to me when you get back. Because I know you will come back. _

_ ~Sunshine _

* * *

"This area is all mopped up,” said a Scout as he landed on the roof next to Levi. “The only ones left for us to eliminate are way up at the front, but I still don’t see how we’re going to take down the Beast Titan. It doesn’t seem like he’s budging from that spot.”

“That’s true. It looks like the big guy’s a coward.” He glared at the ugly, hairy thing in the distance. “Not that he had any balls to begin with.”

The man turned to him. “Save your energy. We can finish off the rest of the runts out there. Let’s go!” he shouted to the other Scouts in the area.

Levi watched them as they activated their ODM Gear and flew towards the front of the houses, where dozens of titans were approaching. After seeing them off, he glanced back at the towering Wall that was behind him.

_ That explosion just now… Are Hange and the others alright? Or did they get caught up in it? _ Just moments before, the sky had turned dark and a glowing cloud of smoke had filled the air, signaling the transformation of the Colossal Titan. If anyone was close to Bertholdt when he transformed, they would’ve been caught in the explosion and would most likely be dead. Hange’s squad, and his own, had been on that side of the wall.  _ I need to get to the other side and- _

His thoughts stopped as pieces of rock in various sizes flew past his face. Eyes widening, he faced forward, crossing his arms and blades in front of him to brace himself against the wind that followed the things. Snapping his eyes closed, he could feel and hear the impact of the objects all around him. Gasping, he opened his eyes and watched as the houses in front of him were destroyed before his eyes. 

Screams rang out, and blood splattered into the air. Bodies and disembodied limbs flew above the rooftops. All of the men in the front lines had been caught in the crossfire, and were now dead.

He looked past the buildings and at the line of titans, the Beast in the center. The brown thing stood up straight, stretching its throwing arm. It had tossed the boulders. It had just killed a large portion of the Survey Corps. 

This filled Levi with rage.

The Beast grabbed another boulder, preparing to throw again.

“FRONTAL BOMBARDMENT!” shouted Erwin. “ALL TROOPS TAKE COVER NOW!”

Levi looked at the Scouts who directly watched the horses. They were all of the new recruits that had come from the Military Police and Garrison. Erwin had thought it best to not put the fresh meat on the front lines, and now they were basically all they had left. They looked around in fear and confusion, cries of worry passing between them.

“DAMMIT! GET DOWN!” He used his gear to fly forward, trying to warn the troops.

Seeing that the titan was about to release another storm of rock on them, he landed and took cover behind a house. Another wave of screams and blood filled the air. How many would they lose to these damn boulders? There was no way in hell they could get close to the thing like this. 

He flew over to the newbies, who were a panicking mess. The kid with the ugly bowl cut was trying to calm them down, but was failing miserably.

“The titan is throwing boulders!” Levi shouted as he landed. 

“Captain Levi!” said the kid.

Pointing at them with his sword, he instructed them. “Move now! Take the horses and retreat to the wall!”

“Yes, sir!” The words were spoken as a boulder crashed into the house behind them. The kids all ducked down, while Levi looked over his shoulder to see where it had come from,

Spinning back to face them, he shouted, “Move! Stay out of the line of fire!”

Without hesitation, the new recruits grabbed the reins of the horses, and ran with them towards the wall. Well, almost all of them. This kid with red hair that looked almost like a nest fell to his knees, covering his head and crying.

Levi grabbed him by the hood. “You wanna die?! Get up!” He basically had to drag the kid over to the others. “What’s your name, kid?”

“Um, it’s Floch, sir,” he said, standing up, legs shaking beneath him.

“Floch, stop being such a coward and get your ass over to the others, unless you want to die today. Am I being clear?”

He nodded and rushed over to his companions.

Walking over to Erwin, he asked, “How’s it looking?”

“Terrible.” The Commander’s face was grim. “The front line of houses is gone. He decimated them.” He looked into the distance, blue eyes filled with concern. “If he keeps throwing those, everything will be leveled.” Levi’s eyes followed Erwin’s. Things were not looking good at all. “We won’t have anything left to hide behind.”

“And we can’t retreat to the other side of the wall?”

“No. The Colossal Titan is already heading this way, setting fire to everything in his path. Theoretically, we could scale the wall to evade the stones, but the horses can’t. We retreat here, and there’s no hope for victory.”

“What happened to Hange’s group? Is Eren alright?”

“I don’t know. Most of them are gone. Caught up when the explosion occurred.” Erwin’s voice remained calm. “We’ve sustained a great many casualties.” He proceeded to explain how the Beast titan had controlled the other titans to make the Scouts in a more vulnerable spot, making it easy for him to strike and kill them. All of the other squads were dead. “Our remaining forces on this side of the gate consist of you new Scout recruits, Captain Levi, and me. No others.”

Another way of rocks was hurled, striking the wall behind them. The newbies cried out in fear, but not were hit. 

Levi stared at Erwin. “So, what now? Do you have any kind of plan?”

The Commander said nothing, and the silence was broken by the sound of a large crash. They looked up to see a giant body draped over the top of the wall.

“Dammit,” Levi cursed. “That’s Eren up there. There’s only one titan that could fling him like that: the Colossal.”

Things were looking very bad.

* * *

“This place is gonna look like a honeycomb before long. The Beast Titan knows where we are.” Levi turned to his Commander. “Erwin, if there’s no chance we can turn this around, then tell me and we can still cut our losses. Go shake the crap out of Eren until he wakes up, have him run away with as many people as he can carry. Then we’ll have at least some survivors.”

The Floch kid started whining and complaining about dying again, making the other recruits even more nervous. God, this kid was a real pain in the ass. 

“You could tell what’s left of the recruits and Hange’s group to run away on horseback,” Levi suggested. “They won’t have much of a chance, but they’ll be decoys. They can give Eren a shot at escaping.”

“Tell me, how would you fit into this plan?” asked Erwin.

“I’m gonna go after the Beast Titan.” He looked to the side, thinking about what Claire had written to him in that last letter. She said he wouldn’t die, but at this point he wasn’t so sure. The only way to make sure everyone else lived was by sacrificing himself. His heart felt heavy. Dying without telling her his true feelings was painful, but it was what had to be done. “I’ll draw him away somehow and-”

“You can’t. You won’t even make it near him.”

“Probably not.” He imagined Claire, at his funeral, crying. “But, if you and Eren make it home alive there will still be hope. All things considered, I feel like that’s the best we can ask for. We’ve been brutalized. To be honest, sir, it seems like this is the battle where the Scouts get finished off.”

“Yes… If we had no way to fight back, then you would be right.”

It took him a moment to process what Erwin had said. Was there a way that he could make it out of this alive? A way that he could keep his promise to his Sunshine? “Is there a way?”

“There is.”

“Why didn’t you say anything before? Care to explain why you kept your mouth shut?”

“The plan could go a few ways…” His eyes were dark. “Best case, you’ll have a chance at killing the Beast Titan. But for it to succeed, the recruits and I have to die.” 

Erwin explained that the only way for the recruits to willingly follow the plan, was if he himself led the charge. The charge that would take them to their certain deaths. Levi listened as his Commander explained how he would never get to achieve his dream, finding out the truth behind the titans and the walls that trapped them there.

“Can you see them, too?” Erwin stared at the ground. “Our comrades are all standing around us…” 

And he could see them, well, he could feel them. Petra, Oruo, Eld, Gunther, Isabel, Furlan, all of his dead squadmates. 

“They’ve been watching us all this time… They want to know what we did with the sacrifices they made, what became of the hearts they gave.”

Another round of boulders slammed into the houses around them.

“But that’s probably just in my head, right? With no more import than a child’s bad dream…”

Levi narrowed his eyes, then got onto one knee. “You led us well, fought hard. No one else could’ve got us this far. I’ll make the choice for you.” Every sense in his body fought against him. His instincts screamed at him, not wanting him to say what was about to come out of his mouth. He looked Erwin in the eyes. “Give up on your dream and charge to your death. Lead those crying children straight to hell. I’ll reach the Beast Titan and tear him apart.”

Erwin gasped softly, then smiled a small, sad smile. “Thank you.” They both knew what had to be done.

* * *

Gas projecting him forward, Levi sliced into the nape of the titan in front of him. He was using the titans as his way of getting to the Beast, Erwin had suggested it. Since the thing was standing in the middle of a plain, with no other tall objects in sight, his little buddies served as perfect ways to transport himself. Plus, they led straight to him.

He tried not to think about what the others were doing. All of instincts were telling him to go over to the others, and protect his Commander, but his mind knew that he shouldn’t. Was this a part of him being an Ackerman? This innate sense to protect? But this had never happened with others, and never this strongly. Even with Claire he had never felt it this way.

Numbness overcame him as he rounded a titan, seeing the fallen horses and Scouts. Not many were left. He had to reach the Beast before they were all gone, or else he wouldn’t make it unnoticed. Rage filled his blood, and he let it control him as he took down the rest of the titans. Green smoke from the signals filled the air, hiding him from the Beast. Just as the last of his comrades had fallen, he found himself ready to strike.

While the beast was distracted, staring at his fallen titans, Levi hooked his ODM Gear into its meaty shoulder. The steam coming off of the blood covering his face blew in the wind as he raced towards the titan. The Beast roared, swiping a giant hand towards him. 

That was the first mistake.

Levi disconnected from the creature and spun into its hand and wrist, spiraling down the length of its arm, screaming the entire time. The hand split into many pieces, and blood sprayed everywhere. Turning around, Levi hooked onto the neck of the Beast, aiming for the nape.

Right at the last moment, the creature covered the weak spot with its hand, so Levi changed targets and slashed at the eyes, blinding it. He soared over it’s head, then flew downwards, taking out the Achilles tendons. The titan fell to the Earth, almost crushing him.

He blasted himself above the Beast. “What’s wrong?! Not enjoying yourself so much anymore?!” 

Next, he swan dived, using small bursts of gas to make him spin, slowing his descent. 

“Come on! Let’s have some fun!” Levi diced the hand that was about to cover the nape into pieces, then landed on its hairy neck. He slashed uncontrollably at the nape, letting his blades move constantly. He was going to get the bastard out of his titan body, and then he would make him suffer. 

One final swipe, with one sword held underhand, and the man was torn out of the nape, arms and legs severed. Steam rose from the missing limbs, and he screamed in pain. As soon as the human body reached him, Levi stuck his sword into his mouth, part of it piercing through the cheek. This way he could keep the bastard pinned. 

“After transforming, if your body’s severely damaged, it’s too busy healing to resume your titan form. Isn’t that right?” He pushed the sword forward, making it cut further through the cheek, reaching toward the man’s eye. “Hey, I asked you a question. It’s only polite to answer.”

_ I can’t kill him yet, _ Levi thought.  _ There must be someone out there who’s still alive. It doesn’t matter if they’re on the brink of death, I can inject them and make them a titan, then we just have them eat this guy and the Beast Titan’s power is ours. If there’s one person still breathing… I can save them.  _ His thoughts drifted to Erwin. Maybe he could achieve his dream. 

A rumbling sounded behind him, and he looked back to see a titan’s mouth about to close over him. Levi jumped out of the way, staring at the thing. It crawled on all fours, had an elongated face, and carried something on its back. It bit down on the Beast Titan shifter, carrying him in its mouth, and scampered towards the wall.

His heart sank, hopelessness taking over. “Hey… Where are you going? Stop!”

The man yelled something, and the leftover titans turned to look at Levi, then they charged towards him. 

“Hold on,” he said as he looked down. “I made a promise to Commander Erwin…” He released the dull blades. “That I would kill you no matter what it took.” He attached new blades on, metal clinking. “I PROMISED!”

Levi screamed as he hooked onto the first titan, and killed it. He let out his frustration as he killed them, using them as a way to get back to the wall. The Beast would die if it was the last thing he did. Erwin would not have died for nothing. This titan needed to be killed. The deaths of his comrades  _ had  _ to mean  _ something _ , and if he let the Beast get away, it would be like throwing all of their lives away. Their deaths would become meaningless.

He couldn’t accept that.

He didn’t care about cleaning the blood off his face, because it would soon be replaced with more titan blood. Steam curled around him as he slayed the beasts, and he slowly made his way back to the wall. Bloodlust controlling his every action.

_ I will kill him. _

* * *

From on top of the wall, Levi could see Eren, holding Bertholdt’s torso, speaking with the Beast bastard. Every muscle in his body ached, but that wouldn’t stop him. He needed to kill this man. Blood covered his face, and steam clouded his vision, but he knew where his target was. He leaned forward, his feet slipping over the edge of the wall, and slid down the side of the wall. As he moved toward them, the four-legged titan ran off, towing the Beast with it.

Using his gear, he attached to the building the brat was on. Levi swiftly took off his blades, needing new ones if he was going to chase the man down.

“Captain!” shouted Eren.

“I just used the last of my gas,” he said as he turned toward him. “Quick, give me your gear so I can chase him!”

“Right!” He immediately started to undo the harnesses.

“Hurry!”

A cough sounded behind Eren, and for the first time Levi noticed the burnt corpse behind the brat. Who was that? And was it… alive? 

Eren stopped taking off his gear and glanced back at the body.

“Eren?”

The brat leaned over the body, putting his ear close to the mouth. They sat in silence. Levi felt all hope of chasing down the Beast drift away. They had waited too long… and now all those deaths were worthless.

“Captain Levi, we have-” Mikasa landed on the roof next to him, but stopped speaking when she saw her friend.

“Yeah! Hell, yeah!” Eren yelled, tears forming in his forest eyes. “Armin’s still breathing! I can hear him! Keep going! Don’t give up! You can make it!”

Mikasa started crying. “That’s Armin?”

“Captain!” He looked Levi in the eye. “Get the syringe!”

Levi slowly pulled out the box, staring at it for a moment. Was this the right time?

The brat grabbed Bertholdt and held him in a headlock. “Turn Armin into a titan, and then we can have him eat Bertholdt! Hurry up and inject him!”

He stared at Armin, who hardly looked human anymore. “Right…” Holding up the box, he watched as Mikasa shot a red flare into the sky. It was probably to signal the others about something. Had Hange survived? He shook his head. It didn’t matter. What was important was getting the injection done and over with.

Eren held out his hand, and Levi began to hold the box toward him.

Metal clanged against the rooftop, and they both looked to see Floch, with a body strapped to his back. As he got a closer look, Levi saw that the body was Erwin’s. His eyes widened in shock.

“Levi… Captain…” The kid spoke barely above a whisper. “I finally found you. It’s the Commander, he’s hurt. His stomach is gouged, and his insides are all torn to shreds. The blood just wont stop. I thought that injection might be able to help him, but what do you think?”

He stared at Erwin. If he was still alive, there was a chance Levi could save him by making him a titan and having him eat the Colossal. His instincts screamed at him, saying that was the right answer. Pulling the box towards his chest, he watched as Eren’s face fell. 

“Captain Levi…” The kid’s face was filled with a look of almost betrayal.

They helped pull Floch onto the roof, and they set Erwin down gently. Levi held a hand above his mouth and nose, feeling for any sign of breathing. Warm breath tickled his fingertips. Erwin was truly alive, but not for long.

“It’s really faint, but he’s breathing.” He looked down at his Commander. “Erwin… you’re alive.”

Levi stood up, face solemn. He knew what he had to do. “You know what has to happen. Erwin gets the shot.”

Growling, Eren stood up, glaring down at Levi. “You can’t- you told me you’d use it on Armin.”

He returned the glare. “I’m going to use it to revive the person who can save humanity.”

_ Shink _ .

Glancing behind him, he saw that Mikasa had unsheathed one of her blades. Her hand shook as she held it up. 

“You two… Do you have even the faintest damn clue what you’re doing? It’s Erwin, the Commander of the Scouts, and you’re telling me to watch him die? There’s no time for this. Just get out of my way.”

Eren’s hand clasped over the box as he tried to take it from his Captain. 

“Eren, check your emotions.”

“Sorry, Captain. Can’t do that. Tell me, why didn’t you give Armin the injection right away?”

“I was thinking about Erwin, considering the chance that he might be alive.”

“But you couldn’t’ve known that Floch would carry the Commander here. There’s no way you would’ve seen that coming.”

“You aren’t wrong, Eren. But the fact remains that he’s here now, so I’ll revive him.”

The kid tried to hold the box tighter, but Levi wasn’t having it. He needed to revive Erwin before it was too late. He decked the kid in the face, knocking out several teeth.

Mikasa gasped and ran towards Levi, screaming as she tackled him to the ground, holding her sword to his throat. He tried to fight her off, but he was too weak from having to kill all of those titans. The box was slipping from his fingertips…

“You know just as well as I do. Without Erwin’s leadership, humanity can’t beat the titans.” He tried to keep his voice level and calm.

Floch chimed in, “He’s right, Mikasa. Don’t be crazy! There’s too much at stake here!”

“No…” mumbled Eren. “It’s the same with Armin. He’s just as important.”

“Eren!” Mikasa looked at her friend.

“Think about it- think about what he’s done!” He listed the things Armin had done to help the people: the plan to clog up the hole in Trost, figuring out the identity of the Female Titan, helped plan a lot of this expedition, and had sacrificed himself to stop the Colossal Titan. “We only got this far because of Armin! I can’t save humanity and neither can the Commander, but Armin can! TELL HIM, MIKASA!”

Mikasa gripped the box. “Please, Captain. Just let go.”

“You’re just being selfish,” interrupted Floch. “Erwin’s our leader.”

“No! Shut up!”

“What? And why the hell should I? Do you think you’re the only ones who’ve suffered through all this?! Not that you asked, but on the other side of that wall, there’s not a single soldier left alive.” He described how they had all been killed by the Beast Titan, and that only he and the Commander had survived. He went on a tangent about how Erwin was a devil for coming up with such an evil plan, and how it was Floch’s mission to bring him back. He got caught up in his speech, and charged towards Mikasa.

She raised her blade, ready to strike, and this gave Levi the chance to break free.

“Don’t do it!” shouted Levi as she tried to attack the kid, but she was stopped. He looked to see Hange grabbing the girl from behind, bandages covering her left eye. 

“Hange!”

The Section Commander pulled the girl back. The other members of his squad showed up, staring at the bodies. The three newcomers processed the situation, shock etched into their faces.

Levi readied the syringe, moving over to Erwin.

Mikasa screamed and Hange used all of her strength to keep the girl down. “I understand how you feel, but most of us are dead! We can’t afford to lose our Commander, too! The Scouts must endure! If we lose our symbol of hope, we lose everything!”

“I know that, but Armin can help us, too! He’s special!”

“You’re right! He has an amazing mind! That said, Erwin has far more experience and he’s a leader!” Hange lowered her voice. “Listen, Mikasa, there’s people I want to bring back, too. Hundreds at this point. Ever since I joined up with the Scouts, every day brought a new farewell, but you need to understand, eventually, you’ll have to let go of everyone you’ve ever met. I know that’s tough to accept. It’s tough for me, too. It’s hard to stay sane living like that. It hurts, it  _ really _ hurts. I know, but even so, all of us just have to push forward.”

In Hange’s embrace, Mikasa finally stopped fighting, letting tears roll down her cheeks. 

Levi moved toward Erwin, but was stopped by someone grabbing his ankle. He looked down at Eren.

“Captain… know about the sea? It’s like a lake, but enormous. So big that it stretches past the horizon, and it’s full of salty water. Armin told me-”

“Hey! Stop making this harder!” Floch pulled Eren’s hand away. 

“He told me there’s a sea beyond the walls!” Levi looked away as the brat continued to speak. “He said that we would go there together! Thing is, that’s been our dream since we were kids, only I forgot it a long time ago. I wanna avenge my mom, I wanna butcher all the titans. All of the thoughts in my head are full of hate. Yeah, and Armin’s lost as much as I have, but he just isn’t like me! He cares about more than fighting!”

Levi looked at the syringe. Thinking for a moment. He had overheard the group of friends when they had talked about this sea. At the time, he didn’t think much of it, but now he saw that it was a big deal. But even so, he couldn’t waver. He  _ had _ to save Erwin. That’s what everything inside him was telling him to do. 

Standing up he shouted, “Everyone get out of here, right now! I don’t want Erwin to eat one of you instead of Bertholdt!”

Everyone made their way off the roof and out of reach. Who knew what type of titan Erwin would become? It was better safe than sorry.

Levi dragged the torso of Bertholdt across the roof, as he did so he thought. He pondered on how Erwin would speak of accomplishing his dreams, but not knowing what to do next. 

_ Good grief. They’re all the same, whining like brats about this dream or that.  _

Even Kenny had blabbered on about dreams as he was dying. Was he the only one who didn’t have a dream? Well, that was a lie. Levi supposed he did have a dream of sorts. To be reunited with Claire again, but for good this time. He almost laughed to himself, she was always affecting him, even at a time like this.

Needle ready, he prepared to plunge it into Erwin’s arm. In that moment, the Commander slapped his hand away. 

“Did you just-”

“Excuse me,” said Erwin weakly. “But how can you be sure that there are no other humans? I think there are some far away from the walls.”

Levi stared in shock at the man. Were these the thoughtless rambles of a dying person, or did they actually mean something? 

_ Just follow what your heart tells you.  _ The words that Claire had written to him echoed in his mind. He thought about how he was the one who commanded Erwin ride to his death, and the man had accepted it. It was time for his suffering to end.

_ Sometimes the most obvious choice isn’t the right one.  _ She was right. Erwin seemed the obvious choice, but it was true that Armin had potential. Armin had dreams that went beyond the walls. Sure, he couldn’t replace Erwin, but he could help lead them to a brighter future.

Even though everything inside him was telling him this was incorrect, he moved Erwin’s body to a safe location, then gave the injection to the kid. Moving out of the way, he watched as he transformed and ate Bertholdt alive. The screams echoing through his mind. 

“I don’t get it… Captain, why?” asked Floch from beside him.

“Do you think you can forgive him someday?” Levi looked at the kid. “He became a devil because he had to. We were the ones who put him up to it, and in the end, when he had finally been set free from this hell, we were about to bring him back for more. But I think it’s time we let him rest.”

Hange moved to inspect the Commander, perhaps he was still alive. 

“Erwin,” said Levi quietly. “I told you I would kill the Beast Titan, but that’ll have to wait…”

“He’s already dead,” replied Hange solemnly. 

He felt something inside him break. Those instincts that seemed to control him, disappeared completely. 

“Oh…”

Emptiness filled him as he stared at his Commander’s corpse. Levi felt as if he had no purpose, even though he knew that wasn’t true. This damn Ackerman blood was messing with his head.

Levi stood up, looking at the eight people around him. This was the last of the Survey Corps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus concludes the second arc! I can't wait to share the next one with you! I hope you guys have a happy new year!


	21. Sunflowers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey friends! Thanks again for reading! As some of you have noticed, we are nearing where season three of the anime ended, and where season four/manga spoilers will be coming. I will put a warning in the notes when I get to that point in this fic! That should be happening within the next few chapters! This one is completely spoiler free! I just wanted to put out a warning, so you all can be looking for that if you want to avoid spoilers!

_ Only nine members of the Survey Corps survived the great expedition to reclaim Wall Maria. Even though there were great losses, they were not in vain. The Wall has been secured and the new Commander of the Scouts, Hange Zoe, has already laid out plans for purging the titans within the walls, so we can have people move back to that area as soon as possible. She predicts it will take about a year at the latest for those titans to be eliminated. After that, they plan to perform more expeditions beyond the walls. They will have to recruit new members, either from the cadets, or other military regiments before doing so. The details are not yet known. Nothing will be finalized until after the memorial service for Commander Erwin Smith, where the nine remaining Scouts will receive medals of honor for their service.  _

Claire scanned through the newspaper, drinking in every word. She knew that Hange had survived, but what about Levi? He hadn’t written to her, and it had been three days since what was left of the Survey Corps had returned. Crinkling the paper in her hands, she continued to look through the article. They had to mention the names of the nine Scouts in here somewhere!

“Aha!”

_ The Scouts who will be receiving the medals of honor are recruits from the 104th cadet corps Eren Jaeger, Armin Arlert, Mikasa Ackerman, Jean Kirschtein, Sasha Braus, Connie Springer, Floch Forster, the new Commander, Hange Zoe, and Captain Levi Ackerman. _

She heaved a sigh of relief, closing her eyes. 

_ Thank God… _

Her entire body relaxed as she held the newspaper to her chest. It was almost as if Claire could feel the stress and anxiety leave her body. Levi was alive. Levi was  _ alive. _ During the past few days, she had tried to push the doubt away, but she couldn’t help but worry about his survival. Sure, he was strong, but that expedition sounded like a real disaster. So, maybe even the strongest of them all could’ve gotten himself killed.

Thank God, that wasn’t the case.

“Claire, darling?”

Eyes snapping open, she looked to see her mom peeking in through the doorway, concern etched into her round face.

“Oh, Mom.” Claire moved the paper from her chest. “What is it?”

“I was just wondering what you read in the news. Is your friend alright?”

Smiling, Claire stood up. “Yes. I found his name in the papers. Levi made it back just fine, just like I knew he would. We made a promise to see each other, and he  _ is _ a man of his word.”

Mom’s expression softened. “That’s great, honey. I’m so happy for you.”

Claire cocked an eyebrow. “For me?”  
She smiled sadly. “Well, you did recently lose your father. I would hate for you to go through anymore suffering by losing your close friend as well.”

Pulling her mom into a hug, she buried her face into her shoulder. “Thank you, Mom, for being so kind and caring during these hard times. I love you so much.”

“I love you, too.”

They stayed like that for a few moments before Mom spoke. “So, are you going to finally ask Levi out on a date?”

Claire’s cheeks grew hot. “Mom!”

“What? He almost died out there! Don’t you see now more than ever that life can be short? You need to take risks while you still can.”

“It isn’t like that, Mom! He’s just a friend.”

“Yeah. Sure,” she said, unconvinced. “Just a friend who you are drawing and talking about constantly.”

“Oh my, God! Have you been looking through my sketchbooks again?!”

“Perhaps.”

She put her face in her hands. “Ugh! That’s private! I told you not to do that!”

“I like to look at your work, honey. You’re so talented. But that’s straying away from the topic. Even without the drawings, your sisters and I can tell that you are head-over-heels for him.”

“But-” Claire couldn’t deny it. She did like Levi.  _ A lot. _ “Well, he’s going to be very busy because of all of this, so maybe after things have calmed down for a bit-”

“Fine. Promise me you’ll do it by the end of the year?”

“Alright.”

Mom smiled. “Wanna help me start up breakfast? We need to eat before the tavern opens.”

“Yes, of course.”

They went downstairs and into the kitchen. Claire started gathering ingredients as her mom told her what to get. She turned on the faucet and washed her hands. Just as she was drying them off she heard a knock at the door. It was probably a customer who wanted to be let in early.

“I’ll get it.” Claire let out a soft sigh. “You start cooking.” 

She walked over to the door and opened it. “We aren’t op-” Shock stopped her mid-sentence.

“Sorry to bother you without warning,” said a low voice. “But I was wondering if I could borrow some of your time, Sunshine?”

It took her a moment to process what was happening. Levi stood in front of her, in the green Scout uniform that was used for special occasions. With one hand he held a bouquet of sunflowers, which rested on his shoulder, while the other adjusted the cravat that was always about his neck. He smiled at her, and looked almost nervous. It was cute.

“Levi?” She brought a hand to her mouth, tears forming in her eyes. “God, is it really you? I’m not dreaming or anything like that?”

“Yes,” he replied, glancing at his feet awkwardly. “I’m really here.”

Tears started to flow freely, and without thinking, she found herself pulling him into a tight embrace, burying her face into his shoulder. “Thank God you’re alive… I was so scared… I thought I’d lost you…”

He stood stiff and frozen before his arms hesitantly wrapped around her waist, and she felt Levi pull her closer to him, the bouquet pressed against her back. “I’m sorry I didn’t contact you sooner… These past few days have been busy as hell, and… and there’s something I wanted to tell you in person. I thought that writing to you about it wouldn’t be efficient enough.”

Claire sniffled as she lifted her head up and looked him in the eyes. She placed a hand on his cheek, and looked into his pale blue eyes. She was close enough to see the gray that was scattered in them. For some reason she couldn’t formulate any proper sentences as she stared into them.

“Have you- why are you crying, Claire?” He wiped the tears from her cheeks with his thumb.

She smiled. “I guess I’m just so happy and relieved to see you here, alive and well.”

“I promised you I wouldn’t die, didn’t I?”

Laughing, she responded, “Yes. Yes you did.”

Levi smiled a soft smile as he looked into her eyes. Was that a bit of sadness in his expression?

“Sunflower-”

“Claire, darling? What’s taking so-” Her mom saw them embracing in the doorway. “Oh, sorry for interrupting. I’ll just go, then…” She turned around.

“Mom, wait! It’s not what you think!”

“Actually, this is perfect,” said Levi. “I need to speak with you and your family, Claire. Is it alright if I come inside?”

“Of course!” Claire’s mom clapped her hands together. “I’m just about finished making breakfast! Come eat with us and we can chat!”

“I don’t mean to intrude-”

“No, no! You are always more than welcome!” Mom took his hand and basically dragged him to the table. She took the bouquet from him, remarking about how thoughtful he was. Placing them in a vase, she then bustled on to get some food out for the two of them.

Claire laughed as she followed and sat next to him. She couldn’t help but stare at him, her mind was still processing the fact that this was reality. Levi was alive and well, and he was here beside her. She had always imagined that it would be her coming to him when they reunited next, and not the other way around.

“Mooooom, is breakfast ready yet?” whined Hannah as she poked her head into the room. Her eyebrows lifted in surprise when she saw their guest. “Oh. You’re here.” A grin formed on her face as she disappeared. A faint yell could be heard. “Vanessa! Claire’s man is here!”

“Oh! The hot one with the angry looking face?”

“Yes! Him!”

Claire just about died in embarrassment, putting her red face in her hands. She peeked at Levi, who was talking to Claire’s mom, not noticing what her sisters had been saying.

“What’s this?” Gertrude walked into the room, looking a bit paler than usual.

“Right. You didn’t get the chance to meet him when he last came here, Trudy!” Claire introduced them to each other. “Levi, this is Gertude. Gertrude, this is Captain Levi.”

Her sister smiled, holding out a hand to shake his. “It’s nice to meet you! Thank you for watching over my sister!”

Levi took her hand, shaking it gently. “Likewise. It’s nice to meet you. Claire talked about you quite a bit.”

She blushed. “I’m sure you’re over exaggerating.”

The three talked as the rest of the family trickled in and sat around the table. Mom finished up the eggs, and laid a platter of bacon and sausage in the center of the table. Beside the platter was a plate full of fresh fruit. 

“Okay, everyone, eat up!” Mom smiled as she sat down.

Claire and Levi reached for the same piece of fruit.

“Sorry.” They apologized at the same time.

“You first,” said Levi.

“No, you. You’re the guest after all.” Claire smiled at him.

Claire could feel some awkward tension between them as they ate. It was strange, they used to have meals together all the time. Why did it feel so different this time?

After everyone ate their fill, Levi cleared his throat to speak. “I’m sorry to interrupt this wonderful meal, but I have something to ask of Claire, well, and to ask of you, too, ma’am.” He looked at Claire’s mom. “As you are probably aware of, the Survey Corps is extremely low in numbers. The last expedition hit us really hard. We are planning on recruiting some cadets and some from the other regiments, but we need soldiers who have experience in the field. I know that things have been difficult for your family, and that you need Claire here to help assist with your tavern, but if you could spare her, I, and Commander Hange, were wondering if she could come back to the Scouts. She is a valuable member, and we are really in need of her services. You don’t have to agree, though. This is entirely your choice. Please, don’t feel any pressure to say yes. If Claire is needed here, we completely understand.”

Claire looked at him, surprised, which was strange. She should’ve seen this coming. Obviously the Scouts would want people with experience if they could find them. There probably weren’t many out there that fit the requirements, but she was perfect. She had been trained and had been one of the better soldiers of her time. They did give her the rank of Captain, after all.

“Well,” Claire’s mom looked at her eldest. “She has been a great help to us here, but I do believe that the Survey Corps needs her more than we do.”

“Mom, I don’t have to. If you really need me-”

“Oh, hush! We’ll be fine. Gertude is almost engaged to Henrik, so he’ll be able to cover for you. It’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?”

She smiled, placing a hand on her daughters. “Yes. Plus I can tell that you are miserable here. You are too wild and free to be contained within these walls. Go with him.”

Claire looked from her mother to Levi. It did hurt having to choose, but she had to do what she could to protect her family, and she couldn’t do that if she stayed here. “Alright. I’ll go back to the Scouts. When do we leave?”

“Well,” said Levi as he scratched the back of his neck. “I was hoping as soon as possible so maybe-”

“I can leave now. Let me gather my things, and then we can go. If that’s alright with you, Mom.” Claire looked at her.

“Yes. We’ll manage.”

He looked at her, surprised. “Oh, okay. I’ll prepare the horse.”

Claire grinned as she ran up the stairs to go fetch her things. Her heart raced as she packed up. She was going back to the Scouts! That filled her with joy, but what excited her the most was that she would be able to see and Hange on a daily basis again. God, she had missed them so much.

* * *

After readying the horse, Levi waited inside at the table. Claire was taking a lot longer than he had expected to get her things. He did suppose that she had a lot to bring, so it was only natural that it took some time. His mind was still processing what was happening. He hadn’t expected her to want to come back, let alone right at that moment. Happiness filled him, and he didn’t know how to properly express it.

It was awkwardly quiet. The twins and Claire’s mother had left to go set up the tavern, and all that remained was him and Gertrude, who ate slowly. He had heard that she was sickly, but it was different experiencing it in person. She seemed very kind, like her elder sister, and she was definitely a lot more quiet than her younger sisters. It was interesting seeing what a real family looked like, because he had never really experienced what one was like himself.

“Captain?”

He looked at Gertrude. “Please, just call me Levi.”

“Alright,” she replied as she smiled softly. “Levi. Will you please take care of my sister? I can see how excited she is to go out and fight again, and it makes me fear for her safety. When she gets excited she can be reckless. Could you please keep an eye on her?”

“Of course. You don’t even have to ask.” He would protect Claire with his life. He would not lose her like how he had lost the others.

A knowing expression on her face, Gertrude raised an eyebrow. “You really care for her, don’t you?”

“Yes. She is my closest friend.” Even if Levi wished for more. But he wouldn’t be selfish enough to force his feelings onto Claire. If their friendship was good enough for her, he would try and accept that. He knew he was cold and harsh, basically unloveable. Only in fantasy would she return his feelings.

“I didn’t mean it like-”

“Alrighty, Sunflower! I’m all ready to go!” Claire barged into the room, bags in hand, a few draped over her shoulders as well. “I hope you brought a strong horse, because this is quite the load!”

He smiled to himself, then looked up at her. “If the horse dies from being weighed down, we’ll know that it was your fault.”

She looked up thoughtfully. “True. I mean, you’re so small that it will definitely not be because of you.”

“You’re shorter than me!” He stood up and walked over to her.

Claire shrugged. “That doesn’t change the fact that you are pretty small.”

He opened his mouth to protest, but was interrupted by Gertrude’s weak laughter.

“I can really see how close you two are!” She smiled widely. “I’m glad to see that my dear sister is in capable hands.”

“Oh, Trudy!” Claire set down her things then rushed over to hug her younger sister. “I’ll miss you a lot! Please,write to me as much as you can, and please let me know the details about the wedding! I want to be there!”

“Of course!”

She went to say goodbye to the rest of her family, and Levi picked up her things. The least he could do was help carry some of them out to the horse. 

Claire looked surprised when she saw him. “You don’t have to-”

“Please, at least let me assist you.”

“Fine.” She took a few of the bags, and together they walked over to where he had tied up his horse.

Levi started attaching bags to the saddle of the horse when a man walked over to them. Something about him seemed familiar… Had he met him before?

“Claire, what are you doing?”

She looked up at the man, not noticing him until he had spoken. “What does it matter to you, Quan?”

“Is it wrong for one to check up on an old friend when she is with some… sketchy company?”

_Sketchy?_ Levi felt a pang of anger. Who was this guy and what gave him the right to- It hit him. As he got a closer look at the man, he recognized him as the one who had been flirting with Claire when Levi had attempted to visit her, but was too much of a coward to do it.

“Old friend? Don’t make me laugh.” Claire looked at Quan with a dead serious expression. “And Levi here is not ‘sketchy’ company. He is my good friend and one of the most respected members of the Survey Corps. Does the name Captain Levi Ackerman ring any bells?”

This was the first time he had heard her call him by his full name. It felt… good. The words sounded pleasant coming from her sweet voice.

“This shrimp here is Humanity’s Strongest Soldier?” Quan looked at him unimpressed.

“What did you call me?!” He marched up to the man, glaring up at him.

“Ah, so he’s small and short-tempered. I can see why he would make a good Scout.” The man folded his arms. “Titans can’t see him because of his size, and his anger probably helps fuel his killing.”

Levi’s fists clenched.

“Shut up, Quan!” Claire put a hand on Levi’s shoulder. “Levi is more of a man than you’ll ever be. He has faced death and conquered it countless times. What’s the most dangerous thing you have done? Accidentally gotten a splinter while fixing the roof? You don’t understand a thing about him, so don’t be so quick to judge.”

“Geez, I was only kidding, Claire.” He raised his hands defensively. “Well, what are you doing with the Captain, anyways?”

“I’m rejoining the Survey Corps.”

“What? Why? You had escaped that hellhole, and now you want to go back?!”

“So, what if I do?”

“You’re such an idiot, Claire. You were safe here, and now you are throwing your life away? It’s a shame, really. And here I thought you were pretty and kinda clueless. Perfect for getting together with, but now I see you for who you truly are. An ugly, suicidal bitch. Who would want-”

Levi clocked the man in the jaw, then kneed him in the stomach. Quan doubled over, coughing. He cracked an elbow on the back of the man’s head, making him fall to the ground. Kicking the body once, he checked to see if he was unconscious. There was no movement. Looking up at Claire, he saw that she stared at the body on the ground.

“Why did you…?”

“No one insults you and gets away with it.” He held out a hand to assist her onto the horse. “Come on, let’s get out of here before the local authorities start coming after my ass.”

Claire looked confused. “Why did you go that far for me? He insulted you, but you didn’t act out. What was different?”

“I know I can handle the types of things he threw at me… But I know that sometimes you struggle with loving yourself, and it made me angry that he said such lies. I don’t want those types of things going around in your head. Please ignore what he said because none of it was true. You are brave, intelligent, pretty, and so full of life.”

She smiled as she took his hand. “Alright. I guess I can let it slide this one time, but violence isn’t always the answer.”

He heaved her onto the horse. “Yeah, but I just did what my gut told me to.” Climbing up in front of her, he took the reins and whipped them. He could feel as her arms wrapped around his waist and she leaned against his back. They raced through the streets and out the gate.

Laughter sounded behind him, and he glanced back to see Claire, head leaned back and eyes closed. Her hair whipped in the wind as she grinned. At that moment she looked so beautiful. 

_ God, I really do love this woman. _

Her eyes opened and she raised an eyebrow. “Is everything alright? Why aren’t you looking forward?”

“Oh, it’s nothing.” He looked ahead again, slowing the horse down. “Well, I guess I need to debrief you on a few things before you can officially rejoin the Survey Corps. We made it to Eren’s basement and found answers about the truth behind the titans and the walls. Only government and military officials, along with the Scouts know this information.”

“Okay. What is it?”

“Well… you already know that the titans were once people, but we learned why they are being changed and by who. Apparently we are of a race called Eldians, or the Subjects of Ymir, and only our race is able to change into titans. This power was used to ravage the world centuries ago, and somehow the Eldians were defeated and a large portion of them were moved to this island where they were put under the protection of King Fritz, who decided to create the walls out of hundreds of Colossal Titans and take away all memories of the outside world. That’s us. The rest of the Subjects of Ymir live across the world, but are treated poorly by the other races. This is especially bad in Marley, where they weaponized the Eldians by turning them into titans and used them to fight wars. Examples of this are the Armored and Female Titans. The Eldians that the Marleyans punish are taken here and changed into titan form. That’s where the titans come from.”

“I- that’s a lot to process.” Claire fell silent for a moment. “The truth about the walls… it’s nothing like I expected.”

“Agreed.” He glanced back at her. “Anyways, we are planning on releasing this information to the public soon, I just thought it would be good to tell you first.”

“Thank you for doing that. It’s better hearing it from someone I trust.”

They fell silent and Levi could feel that her grip around him had tightened. His heart fluttered, and he found himself smiling like an idiot. He only allowed this expression because he knew that Claire couldn’t see his face. His Sunshine was back, and she was right next to him.

“Levi…”

“Hm?”

“Thank you for having me come back. I was feeling really bored as a waitress… I just missed being able to go out and do something that  _ mattered _ . I was losing my mind, and now you’ve saved me once again.”

“Of course. Honestly, I can’t think of a better person to help save the people.”

They looked at each other, smiling as they rode forward.

* * *

“CLAIRE!” Hange ran over to Levi and Claire as they walked into the Scout Headquarters. “It’s so good to see you again! I wasn’t expecting you this soon!”

“Well, I had nothing important happening any time soon, so I thought now was as good a time as any for me to come back.” She smiled. “And you’re Commander now? Congratulations.”

The Commander smiled sadly. “Thank you, but I’m only here because of the lives that were lost in Shiganshina.”

Levi closed his eyes, thinking of Erwin. It was still difficult for him to process that he was actually dead, and that it was partially because of him.

Claire was solemn. “It is a shame that so many lives were lost… but, I’ll do my best to help the Scouts move forward.”

“Thanks, Claire.” She turned to Levi. “Levi, could you help Claire find a room? Her old one was taken by Sasha, I think.”

He saluted. “Yes, sir.”

Picking up the bags, the two walked over to the sleeping quarters.

“Damn. It’s a shame. I was really attached to that room.” Claire sighed.

“Sorry, but we let the brats have the first pick of their private rooms. They earned it after that bit of hell they experienced.”

She nodded, understanding. “Makes sense. There are plenty of empty rooms now…”

“Yes, there are,” he replied. “So, do you have an idea of the area you want to be in?”

“I think so.” Claire took the lead and navigated through the halls. It appeared that she still remembered the layout, even if she had been gone for a few months. After a few minutes she stopped in front of a door. “This room.”

“Wow, you knew exactly what room? That’s impress…” He trailed off as he realized something. This was the room right next to his. “Sunshine…?”

Claire shrugged. “I figured that if you’re right next door, then if I have nightmares, or if you are bored because you can’t fall asleep, then we are right next to each other. We can be there for each other at a moment's notice.” She winked. “And you wouldn’t have to go too out of your way to walk me to my room.”

“I suppose that’s true…”

She grinned as she opened the door and they unpacked her things. It took a few hours, and afterwards they went to the cafeteria to eat. It had been a long day, and it had made Levi hungry. They sat in their usual place, and it almost felt, in a world where everything they thought they knew was a lie, that nothing had changed at all. 


	22. New Awakening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW// Mentions of suicide and implied abuse

A titan gripped Claire in it’s giant hand, holding it up to its face, which looked almost too human. “What’s wrong, dear? You will become one of us someday. It’s who you are, Eldian. It’s your destiny, and there’s no escaping it. Unless you choose to die instead.”

“I’ll never become like you! I won’t let them change me!”

“Oh, foolish Eldian. Who said you had control over if they make you transform or not? The only way to escape is to kill yours-”

“SHUT UP! NO! I WON’T! I HAVE PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT ME AND I WILL NOT ABANDON THEM! I HAVE A REASON TO LIVE NOW! I’M NOT THAT PERSON ANYMORE!”

She was no longer in the grip of the titan, but was now staring at her reflection. A darker version of herself stared back at her. “Silly, childish, Claire. I will always be a part of you. In the back of your mind.”

“Please, just let me be-”

A hand slapped across her face and she found herself looking at Luca, who glared down at her. “You idiot, why can’t you do anything right? You’re just a huge screw-up. Did you think that anyone could actually love you?”

“Luca, I- I’m sorry-”

“Your apologies are as worthless as you are.” He spat in her face. “You’ve failed to protect anyone.”

She watched in horror as he pointed to her father, who was being eaten alive. “DAD!”

“Useless.” The figure now looked like Levi. “I should’ve never asked you to come back to the Survey Corps. You’ve only made things worse since you came back.” 

“Levi, I-”

His eyes were filled with hate. “Did you really think I’d ever return your feelings? Someone as weak and pathetic as you. What a joke.”

Sobbing, she fell to her knees. Everything hurt, emotionally and physically. A scream escaped her throat as she felt herself be dropped into the mouth of a titan.

* * *

Claire cried out as she awoke and looked around, alarmed.  _ Where am I? _ Her eyes flicked back and forth, as she breathed heavily. Her heart raced inside her chest. Why wasn’t she in her room back home? Had she been abducted? What was going-

“Claire? Are you alright?”

She looked at the doorway, wide eyed and saw Levi standing there, concerned. 

It all came back to her. She was at the Scout Headquarters again. How could she forget? She did suppose it had only been a few weeks since she came back here.

“Yes, I, um, it was just a nightmare.”

He furrowed his brow. “Are you sure you’re okay? Do you want me to stay with you until you fall back asleep?”

“I’d rather not talk about it, and I don’t want to be a burden to you.”  
“You’re never a burden to me, Sunshine.” He tilted his head to the side, then scratched the back of his neck. “Because you’re my friend, of course. I’m here for you. As a friend. Yes, that.”

Claire raised an eyebrow. Levi had been acting a bit different. Most of the time he was his normal, basically expressionless self, but sometimes he would say something and then trip over his words a bit, like he was now.

“Well, if you want to stay, then I guess you can.”

He pulled the chair from her desk over to her bedside and sat in it. “The nightmares… did they come back because you’re here again, or did they never leave?”  
She laughed weakly as she rested her head on her pillow. “I don’t think they’ll ever leave, Sunflower. Not while this world stays dark and cruel.”

Levi put his hand on her head and ruffled her hair. “Well, it’s not entirely dark and cruel.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Well, there are people that make it seem a brighter place, I guess.” He looked at her and smiled.

Claire felt her heart skip a beat.  _ That damned smile… _ “That’s true. Thanks, Levi.” She closed her eyes.

“Of course, Claire.” 

Sleep crept up on her as she felt him stroking her hair gently. Smiling, she let herself fall asleep.

* * *

Levi was gone when Claire had woken up. She felt a little disappointed.  _ Stop thinking like that, _ she thought as she shook her head.  _ It’s not his responsibility to look after you.  _

It didn’t take too long to change into her uniform. Funny, how even though it had been months, she still could get the harnesses on without messing up. It was muscle memory, she supposed. In the cadets they had made them practice getting into full gear over and over until they could do it underneath a certain time limit. That had been hellish. She smiled to herself. It felt good to wear these clothes again. For the first time in a while she felt truly like herself again. Looking at herself in the mirror, she straightened everything out, not wanting her light blue dress shirt to be wrinkled. Her eyes flicked to the necklace around her neck. It was crystal in shape and deep black in color. It had belonged to her father. She kept it as a reminder of his ideals and how she would try to follow him.

Breakfast was quick, she didn’t have time to sit because she was supposed to be meeting Hange and Levi soon. They were going to be talking about different methods of eliminating the titans that still remained inside Wall Maria. They needed to clear the area within the wall as soon as possible. Many people were waiting eagerly to return to their homes.

Claire was the last to arrive at Hange's office, which was the one that had belonged to Erwin. It was strange seeing her captain’s things in here. So much had changed in such a short amount of time.

The Commander was writing down some notes while Levi stood beside the desk. He glanced at Claire as she came in.

“Claire, are you feeling better after last night?”

Hange raised an eyebrow, still looking at her papers.

“Uh, yes. A lot. Thanks.”

“It was pretty late, I hope you slept well afterwards.”

Hange paused for a moment, then continued.

“I did.” Claire could guess what the Commander was thinking.

“Sorry for not being there when you woke up-”

“It’s fine, Levi,” She said quickly, wishing for him to stop before Hange got even more curious.

He scratched the back of his neck. “Okay. If you say so…”

“Anywho~” Hange sat up, straightening her papers. “The reason I gathered you two here! So, you two are my highest ranking officers, and probably the ones I trust the most, and definitely the strongest and most experienced out of the current members of the Scouts. You are my best soldiers.”

“Thank you, sir,” they said in unison, saluting.

She waved a hand in the air dismissively. “No need to thank me. It’s just the truth. Anyways, because of this, I want to keep you guys as up to date as possible on everything going on in the government and military. I’m going to trust you with a lot of private information, and as such, I expect you two to trust me with that sort of information as well. As long as it applies to the military.” The Commander winked. “Thanks,again, Claire, for coming back. It really has helped to ease my burden.” 

Claire saluted. “Of course.”

Hange smiled. “Sorry, I’m kinda all over the place. I’m still adjusting to this position. Both of you are probably wondering why I asked for you to be in full harnesses.” She stood up quickly. “Let’s head to the stables! We’re going to visit Wall Maria! I have something to show you two!” She left the room, leaving the Captains standing in the room, a little surprised by how fast things were going.

“God, I forgot how speedy she can be,” Claire said as she glanced at Levi, smiling slightly.

“Hange is Hange after all,” he replied, walking towards the door.

She followed him. “Yeah…”

They walked towards the stables, no Commander in sight. She must’ve really sped down there. The familiar halls were comforting to Claire. It was nice to know that even when the world was falling apart, at least some things were consistent. Looking at Levi, the feeling only grew. He still looked the same, RBF, handsome, and pale eyes. The same, except he had been acting a bit strange. It didn’t matter too much to her, though. She thought it was cute when he stuttered over his sentences. 

“Wow, I really missed this place. It’s nice to be here again.”

“It’s nice to have you back,” Levi replied. “I- um- we missed you.”

Claire smiled at him. “I missed you, too.”

He looked at her for a moment, before turning away. Was he… blushing? No way. She had to be seeing things. There was no way he was capable of doing that.

They arrived at the stables, where Hange was on her horse in full ODM gear.

“Get your gear on as fast as you can! You took too long to get here!”

“Sorry,” Claire apologized as she quickly hooked up her harnesses to the bulky machines.

It didn’t take long before they were all mounted and riding towards Trost, her home. It was the best place to get onto the wall since the military Garrison was basically run from the district. Hange had also stated that the specific thing she wanted them to see was located there. Was it something to do with the boulder Eren had placed there all those months ago when the titans had gotten in? She decided not to question further, and she supposed that they would get their answers soon enough. Closing her eyes, she let the wind blow against her face as they rode forward.

* * *

Levi felt the wind blow through his hair as he used the ODM gear to get to the top of the wall. He was so happy that Claire was back in the Survey Corps. It helped him feel better, but there still was an emptiness inside his chest. Erwin had been special to him, as a Commander and as something else. He wasn’t quite sure how to describe it. No one else had made him feel like how he did when he was listening to Erwin’s commands, a feeling of purpose. Without him there, he felt useless. Like a tool that had been broken. Was there a point in fighting anymore? 

_ Stupid Ackerman blood, _ he thought.  _ This is your fault, isn’t it?  _ He knew that being an Ackerman had enhanced his physical and fighting ability, but did it have something to do with this bond he had formed with Erwin? His strength had started to weaken after the former Commander’s death. It had to be connected somehow. He felt it in his bones. 

Grappling hooks streamed past him, ripping him from his thoughts, and he watched as Claire flew past him, winking andsticking her tongue out. “Come on, Sunflower. Don’t tell me that you’ve slowed down after I left.”

He smirked at her. “You wish.” Thrusting himself forward, he unhooked from the wall and spun, propelling himself past her. Landing first, he watched as she hit the stone.   
“Damn. I guess I’m a bit rusty.” She grinned as they walked over to Hange.

“What is it you wanted to show us?” asked Levi.

“Good question, Captain.” She led them to the opposite side of the wall, the part that faced towards Wall Maria. “We’ve been developing this thing for awhile now, but decided to put it into action because a lot of titans are now trapped within the walls, with nowhere else to go.” The Commander gestured to a giant contraption. It was made of wood and was built into the surface of the wall, on the opposite side of where the boulder was blocking the gate.

They watched as a titan approached the thing, getting underneath it. Hange gave a shout and the Garrison soldiers who were manning the thing pulled a lever. A giant wood beam crashed into the titan, directly onto the nape, piercing it deep. The titan began to steam, and it collapsed.

“Oh my God!” Claire gasped. “That’s brilliant! This way the Scouts don’t have to go out and kill all of the titans! So many lives can be saved!”  
“Exactly.” Hange grinned with pride. “It’s almost perfect. All normal titans are attracted to it because of the high population of people here. The only problem is the abnormals. We’ve only bagged a few with this method, a lot of them are still roaming about, waiting for a good time to strike. We’ll have to send out soldiers to take them down. This is where you two come in.”

“Ah,” said Levi, realizing why she had called them here. “You didn’t just want to show off your device. You want us to go out and kill some abnormals for you.”

“You got me.” Hange laughed apologetically. “You two are really my best, and I have seen in person how well you work together. Plus, Claire is well-known for her skill in taking out abnormals.”

“That’s true.” Claire nodded. “Well, I’m a bit out of practice, but I’m sure muscle memory will kick in. Plus, I have Levi here to back me up, so I don’t feel worried at all.”

He felt his cheeks grow warm. “You won’t need me to protect you. I’m sure you’ll do just fine. You’re strong on your own.”

“Alright, enough with the flirting. Time to go out and kick some titan ass.” Hange clapped her hands together.

“Flirt- flirting?” Levi’s eyes widened. “What- no-”

“Oh, look, your horses have been lowered to the other side! Have fun you two!” She waved as she went over to the Garrison men.

Claire laughed beside him. “She really is eccentric. Flirting? We’re just being nice to each other because we’re friends.”

“Right. Friends.” He couldn’t look at her. Was he that obvious that Hange could tell? But it didn’t seem that Claire had noticed? What was going on?

“Anyways, let’s head on down, shall we?”

“Yes.” He ran to the edge and leaped off of the wall, hooking the gear behind him to ensure he didn’t hit the ground. Claire followed suit. They slowed to a stop, dropping gently to the grass. After a few minutes, they were mounted and riding away from Wall Rose.

“Where should we check out first?” asked Claire.

“I’d say the Forest of Giant Trees. That place is usually crawling with the things.”

She nodded. “It also is really good for maneuvering with the gear.”

“True.” He whipped his reins, propelling the horse forward. 

Together they rode, talking about the different strategies that they could use for different types of abnormals. Some abnormals exhibited similar behaviors as others, while some were completely different and new. It was hard to predict what exactly they would run into, but it was never bad to plan ahead. They had faced several different kinds together in the past, so they already had solid methods of killing the beasts. Claire was a bit rusty, though, so they had to take that into consideration.

“You can do the killing blows, Sunflower,” she said when it was brought up. “I think I’ll manage with weakening and distracting.”

“Okay, but if things get rough, I want you to step out. It would be a waste if you got badly injured after just rejoining the Scouts.”

“Alright, but only if you do the same. We can’t afford to have you injured and out of commission again. From what I read, it sounded like you were really miserable when you weren’t able to kill things.”

He rolled his eyes. “Fine, I promise. And the only reason I was miserable was because I didn’t get a chance to throw hands with the Armored and Colossal Titans.”

Claire laughed and whipped her reins, racing forward. “Come on! Let’s get there as soon as possible!”

Smiling to himself, Levi followed after her.

* * *

It took about an hour to get to the Forest of Giant Trees. They stopped in front of it, gazing up at the treetops, which stretched far into the sky. This had been the place where Levi had fought the Female Titan and had gotten injured. It was also the same place that Claire had lost her squad all those years ago. Memories were held in this place, though none of them were any he was particularly fond of. Maybe that could change one day.

Claire let out a long breath. “Well, we aren’t getting any younger out here. Let’s bag some abnormals.” She kicked her horse forward.

Hesitating, Levi thought about the truth of their world. Titans, even abnormals, were once human. After learning that fact, killing titans filled him with guilt. Yes, he had killed people in the past, but only those he thought had deserved it. These titans were probably innocent Eldians that the Marleyanshad decided to punish because of their cruelty towards the other race. It didn’t feel right to kill them, but he supposed he had no choice. They had killed people, even if they weren’t aware of their actions. He followed Claire.

Once inside the treeline, they rode at a slower pace. They wanted to observe and listen for the abnormals. It would be difficult if the sound of hoofbeats was too loud. No words were shared between them as they focused on their surroundings, gear ready to be activated at any moment.

Branches snapped to their right and they both stood on the backs of their horses, preparing to launch into the air. 

Snapping his head in the direction of the sound, Levi saw the shadow of a fifteen meter titan bowling in their direction.

“In the air!” he shouted as he hooked onto a tree and blasted towards it.

Claire’s reflexes were as fast as ever. He glanced back to see that she was right behind him. It was almost as if she had never left.

They both landed on a branch and observed the titan. It was huge and didn’t appear to be exhibiting any of the strange behaviors abnormals normally had. They usually moved in strange ways, or didn’t attack the largest groups of people. This one wandered aimlessly. It hadn’t noticed them yet. 

Or at least it seemed like that until it hurled a branch at them.

“Get down!” shouted Claire as she tackled Levi so that they were flat against the surface of the thick branch.

“Thanks,” he said, out of breath as he stared up at her.

Her cheeks grew pink as she scrambled off of him. “Um, I’ll go down there and try to take out the arms so it doesn’t throw anything else.”

“Oh, okay.” Levi watched as she made her way towards the titan. 

_ So it  _ is  _ an abnormal, _ he thought as he stared at the thing. His mind drifted to what had just happened… had he  _ liked _ it? With her on top of him like that? Shaking his head he tried to make those thoughts disappear. Right now he needed to worry about killing that titan. But he felt no motivation. Where was the fire that used to fuel him when fighting? Had it died with Erwin?

“What are you waiting for?!”

Her voice brought him back to reality. Levi blasted forward, watching as Claire used his technique to cut the shoulder muscles. This made the titan unable to lift its arms. It was in the perfect position for him to go for the kill. He hooked onto the creature’s neck, raising his blades in the air. It would be a clean cut, but something seemed off. It had stopped moving entirely. Why? She hadn’t gotten to its legs yet. His eyes looked downwards, towards where Claire had been flying to get to the ankles.

Time seemed to slow as he watched the titan raise its foot from the ground and above his Sunshine.

Levi could feel his blood boil and his heartbeat echoed in his head. This had happened in the past. He remembered this feeling well. The feeling to protect. The urge to kill. Images of death, his mother, Kenny, Erwin, titans he had killed, many soldiers, flashed through his mind. Then the surge of strength and purpose flowed through him. Clarity followed. Everything seemed to make sense again. The hole that had formed in home when Erwin had died seemed to fill. He had someone to protect again. And that person needed him now.

He spun through the air and towards the foot that was about to step down onto Claire. His blades diced it into pieces. Chunks of flesh scattered, and blood sprayed onto the both of them. Levi could feel the burning stuff steam on his face. It didn’t matter. He needed to take this titan down. Spiraling up the leg of the creature, he hooked to the shoulder. Running up the back of the beast, he made his way towards the nape. He leaped off of its back as it fell down, the cuts to its leg finally catching up to it. Spinning in the air, he blasted himself forward and cut deep into the nape. It cried out as it began to collapse.

Looking below, Levi saw that Claire was on the ground, looking dazed. She was going to get crushed if he didn’t make it in time. Shouting, he sheathed his blades and flew towards her. Her eyes widened as she saw what was about to happen, she tried to activate her gear, but wouldn’t get out in time. He reached her and picked her up bridal style, blasting the gas to get them out of the way. The body of the titan crashed down behind them as they landed in a tree. 

“Are you okay?” he asked, brows furrowed in concern.

“Yes. I’m fine,” she responded breathlessly. “It all happened so fast… How did you see that coming?”

“I- um- I have good senses.”

Claire looked up at him. “That was close… Thank you, Levi.”

“No problem.”

“Can you um- set me down?”

“Oh, yeah. Right. Of course. Yep.” He put her down gently, feeling his face grow hot.

They flew back down to their horses, mounting again and riding further into the trees, looking for more abnormals to kill.

* * *

By the end of the killing trip, they had killed a total of five abnormals. The latter four were a lot easier to take down than the first one had been. Claire had even killed two of them. Despite what she said, her skills were not rusty at all. She was just as good as ever.

They reported to Hange, who was happy with their results.

“I’m going to have to send you guys out again in a couple of weeks! Thanks so much for your help!”

“Of course, sir.” Levi saluted.

Claire smiled. “It was really nice to be out on the field again. Thanks for the opportunity.”

The Commander grinned. “Alright, you two. Go off and do your thing.”

“Oh, right! Tea!” Claire looked at Levi, eyes sparkling.

He couldn’t help but smile at her. She was cute when excited. “Let’s get going, then. We need to get to the good tea before it’s all gone.”

Together they walked over to the tea supply closet, a place that was very familiar to the both of them.

She opened the door and looked around. “Huh.”

“What is it?”

“Our tea set is missing. Like, the cups and pot.”

“Oh.” He thought about how he had broken the set when he was upset about her leaving.

“I guess we can use a different one,” she said, grabbing a tray with some cups and a pot on it. “It’s a pity… I was fond of those teacups. I used them for years, y’know.”

“Oh.” He felt even more bad, but was too afraid to tell her the truth. It could lead to her finding out about his feelings, and he wasn’t sure if he was ready to reveal them to her yet.

Levi gathered the tea supplies and they went over to the balcony. He hesitated at the door. He hadn’t come here since that night.

“Sunflower?”

“Sorry, Sunshine, just lost in my thoughts.” He opened the door for her, and she went to their table and set down the tray. Not far behind, he pulled out a chair for her before sitting himself.

Together they drank tea and chatted, Levi feeling more alive than ever. Claire was back in the Survey Corps, and she had been for a bit now, but this was different. They were in their special place, and that gaping emptiness that had formed when Erwin died had disappeared. Yes, he still mourned the man, but he didn’t feel as defeated anymore. He looked at Claire who was smiling as she sipped her tea, and felt his chest grow warm. 

He now had someone new to protect.


	23. Claire Finally Asks Levi Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the longer wait! University started up again and has been getting a bit crazy! But, this is one of my favorite chapters, so I hope you enjoy!

“Hey, Levi. Could I ask you a  _ really _ big favor?” Claire clasped her hands together behind her back. “It would mean a lot.”

Levi raised an eyebrow. What could he do for her? Right now the Survey Corps wasn’t doing much because they were relying on Hange’s device to kill the titans. They had nearly cleared Wall Maria, and were now killing the last few that were within the walls. Hange was planning on sending some small expeditions soon to make sure they were all dead, and then they would open it up to the public again. But for now, the Scouts were just laying low, practicing and preparing for exploring the entirety of the island they called home.

“Depends on what the favor is, Sunshine.”

She shifted nervously on her feet, running a hand through her hair. “Well, um. I just received a letter from Trudy, and she’s getting married next weekend. Listen, I know this is kinda last minute, and that there isn’t a lot of time to prepare- I mean- I was surprised to hear that it was happening so soon. But that’s besides the point. I, um… How do I say this? I… Well, my mom requested that I, um, bring someone with me. Like a date. And I don’t really know any guys except for those from the Scouts, and I wouldn’t want to bring one of the kids along, they are too young, so I guess that leaves you, but I know you’re busy and all, so if you can’t that’s fine.”

His eyes widened. It took a minute to process what Claire had been saying since she was speaking so fast. “Wait… what exactly are you asking?”

“Would you come with me to my sister’s wedding? As my date? It’s not like a  _ real _ date, though. We’d just be going as friends, but you know, like together, I guess.”

He felt his heart sink a little.  _ Just as friends? _ It was fine. This was sort of progress? It showed that she was willing to be seen with him in a setting other than official military business. A smile tugged on his lips. “Of course. I would love to go with you.”

Claire’s eyes lit up in surprise. “Really? Awesome. Thanks. I’ll give you more details later.” She smiled as she walked out of the room.

Levi watched her as she exited the doorway, heart racing. A date. He’d never been on one before. He wasn’t entirely sure what he was supposed to do. It was a wedding, did he have to dress up? Did they have to match? What exactly were they supposed to do? Would they have to dance or something? Did he have to pay? Or did she since she asked him? Would they have to pay for anything since it was a wedding? His mind was running wild.

“Hey, Levi, could you- Oh my God, you look like you’re constipated or something. Are you okay?”

Glaring, he looked up at Hange. “It’s, erm, it’s nothing that concerns you, four-eyes. What did you come here for?”

“Weellll, I did have some forms for you, but I’m honestly more curious about why you look so tense. Especially after I just saw Claire leave from here. You are usually more relaxed when she’s around.”

He let out a long sigh. “Close the door. Then I’ll talk.”

Her eyes glimmered. “Oh boy!” She shut the door and basically ran over to lean on his desk. “Spill the beans.”

“Um, Claire just asked me out on a date. Just as friends, though.” He added the last bit when Hange gasped. “Even so, I’ve never really been on a date before. And it’s to her sister’s wedding, which I’ve never been to one of those as well. I don’t know what to do. I may have to decline… I don’t want to ruin things…”

“Levi Ackerman.” Hange’s voice grew serious. “I order you to go on this date. As your Commander.”

“What- Why?”

“Because,” she said as a sad smile crept onto her face. “These are dark times coming in the near future. We should try and enjoy the simple things in life while we still can. As a part of the Survey Corps, especially in the upper ranks, we are at a high risk to die while we are still young. Try and live life a little before that terrible fate comes, if it does. Sure, there’s no knowing for sure, but it’s better to live like it could happen. That way you can enjoy the small moments of happiness even more. Go on this date, even if it’s just as friends or whatever. Have a good time. Be happy that you can spend some time with someone who is dear to you.”

“I-” He looked down at his hands. “Thanks, Hange. I needed to hear that.”

“You’re so very welcome.”

“Well, since I’m going to do this… Could you give me some advice on the matter?”

“Of course!” She clapped her hands together, sunlight reflecting in her glasses. “Let’s see… where to start?”

* * *

Internally screaming, Claire made her way to her office. She did it. Her promise with her mother had been kept. She had asked Levi out. Did it still count, though, if she had said that it was just as friends? Of course it did. She just phrased it that way because she didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. Especially if he didn’t see her as more than a friend. 

Claire silently cursed mom for requesting specifically for her to bring a date, but she also thanked her. It had given her an excuse to ask Levi out on a date, which was something she had been way too scared to do. This gave her the push she needed, and now all she had to do was make it an awesome time, so just maybe he’d want to go out again. If he was interested in her in that way, though.

Pumping her fist in victory, she opened the door to her office. “You did it, Claire Helios! You aren’t a complete and utter mess after all!”

“Well, that’s good because you are a Captain in the Survey Corps, after all.”

Frozen in place, Claire looked to see one of Levi’s Squad sitting in the chair in front of her desk. He had blonde hair that went to his chin and bright blue eyes. What was his name again? Arlert, right? “Oh, hey there, Arlert.”

“Just Armin is fine, Captain.”

“Okay. Armin. What brings you here?”

“I’m sorry, I probably surprised you. I spoke to Commander Hange on my way here to speak with you and she said I could come in and wait for you to come back. She said you were having an important discussion with Captain Levi.”

“That’s right,” she said as she sat down at her desk. “Anyways, what did you need to talk about?”

He set some papers down in his lap. “Well, I was going to ask you about something I was planning, but right now I’m more curious about your discussion with Levi and why you ‘aren’t a complete and utter mess after all’.” 

Laughing nervously, she responded. “Oh, it’s nothing important for the military, so I don’t think it’s relevant for discussion.”

“Come on, Captain. If you need advice or anyone to talk to about it, I’m all ears.”

She thought about it for a moment. It was true that she needed to ask for advice, but was this kid going to be an expert on anything romance related? Letting out a sigh, she gave in. “Fine. But what I say right now is in confidence. No one can hear about this.”

“Even Hange?”

“ _ Especially Hange _ .” Claire put her face in her hands.  _ God, this is embarrassing. _ “Well, I was just speaking with Levi because I was… I was asking him to be my date to my sister’s wedding that’s coming up. I’ve been meaning to ask him out for a while, and by a while I mean years. I’ve kinda been attracted to him for years, but I just now had the courage to ask him out, but then my dumb ass added ‘but only as friends, though’ to the end, so that ruins any chances of things growing to be more than what they are.”

Armin listened intently to every word, waiting until she finished before speaking. “Well, even if you’re going just as friends, I believe it is a step in the right direction. It opens the door for more opportunities like this. Captain Levi is not high in emotional intelligence, or at least he’s not good at expressing it or understanding it at times. Especially with positive emotions. You may have to be more direct with him if you want him to figure out your feelings towards him. This is assuming you have romantic feelings towards him and not just an attraction?”

“Honestly, I don’t know what it is. Levi’s been my friend for years, and I’m closer to him than anyone else. I trust him more than I trust anyone else. He’s also saved my life countless times, so I owe him a lot. He’s helped me feel better about myself when I’m down, and he helps calm me down when I have nightmares. He also wrote to me a lot when I left the Corps, and that was a great comfort during those trying times. I, I guess I don’t really have anything like that with anyone else, so he’s special to me.” She didn’t know why she was telling these things to someone who was basically a stranger, but it felt good to let it all spill out.

“That sounds an awful lot like love to me,” said Armin, smiling at her. “And, to me, it sounds like Captain Levi probably feels the same way. Why else would he do all of those things for you?”

“Because he’s nice?”

“I haven’t known him for as long as you have, Captain Helios, but I have never seen him be that nice to anyone other than you.”

“Oh. Well, I don’t want to assume anything, so I want to tread carefully.”

He nodded. “That’s logical. I think this wedding is a great place to start. Just act like normal, maybe throw in a few hints here and there, and just see how he reacts. You can make further moves based on this experience.”

“Yes… That’s perfect. Thank you, Armin. This helped a lot.” This was it. She was going to go all in on this date. It was all or nothing now. She glanced at the papers in his hand. “Oh yeah, let’s talk about why you came here in the first place.”

“Okay, ma’am.” He set the sheets down. “Have you heard of the ocean? It’s a large expanse of water…”

* * *

Pacing his room repeatedly, Levi waited until the time he was supposed to meet Claire for their date. They had to meet at the entrance to the barracks just after sunrise, where a wagon would take them to the fields just outside of Trost, inside Wall Rose. Hange had provided it for them, as her way of showing that she supported them, for whatever reason.

He found himself anxious. Especially about Hange. When they had spoken the other day, he basically confessed to her about how he felt towards Claire. He had to admit that it did feel good to talk to someone about it. He prayed that she would have the restraint not to gossip or tell anyone about it.  _ Hange is a woman of her word… She promised me she would keep her trap shut... _ The worry still haunted the back of his mind, though.

Looking in the mirror, Levi observed his outfit. Since he was attending with Claire, who was the maid of honor, he had to match with her by wearing the wedding colors. He wore an emerald green suit with a golden tie. Adjusting the tie so he could breathe a little, he found himself missing his cravat. It was dear to him, but Claire said he needed to match the color scheme, and it just wouldn’t do. He almost felt lost without it.

He checked his hair in the mirror, hoping that slicking it back looked good on him, but he couldn’t tell. He’d never been one to try new things with it, so he didn’t really have an idea of what looked good or not. It seemed appropriate to do something special for the occasion.

Checking the time, Levi sighed. He needed to start heading down soon if he wanted to get to the wagon before Claire did. He feared that if she was there first, that he wouldn’t have the courage to approach her. His stomach felt all fluttery imagining the thought of running into her on the way. Avoiding her would be hard now that they roomed next to one another, so by leaving early, he had higher chances of prolonging the time until they saw each other.

As he expected, Levi arrived first, even getting there before the wagon. Not knowing what to do while he waited, he looked around, tapping his foot. After a few minutes, he started playing with the cuff of his sleeve.

Footsteps sounded behind him, and he found himself turning around. It took almost everything in him to not let his jaw drop to the ground. 

_ My God, she’s gorgeous. _

Claire walked down the steps carefully, gold heels clacking against the stone. She wore an emerald dress with gold trimming on the flowing skirt that went to the middle of her calves in the front, but touched the ground in the back. The dress had sleeves that were long, but made of some material that he could see through, her scars looking faint because of the way it covered the length of her arm. He noticed a black crystal-like necklace. It didn’t match the rest of the outfit, so why did she wear it? The neck of the dress went low so he could see a bit of her- He blushed and looked up at her hair, which had been pulled back into a small tight bun, her bangs swept to the side so he could see her face more clearly. Green and gold speckled around her eyes, making the blue of them pop.

“Sunshine, Claire, you…. You look beautiful.” He struggled to find the proper words to describe her.

She smiled, blushing slightly. “Thanks, Sunflower. You look quite handsome, yourself.”

“I- thank you.”

“Your hair…” Claire got close to his face, looking at it. “Did you slick it back?”

“Um, yes. I thought it would be appropriate to try something different for this special occasion.”

Nodding, she agreed. “It looks good on you.”

“I like your hair, too. It’s nice.”

“Thanks,” she said while laughing.

“Alright, I’m interrupting this flirting before it gets any more painful to watch.” Jean walked up to them, both growing red in the face. “Hange sent me here to give you word that the wagon should be arriving at any moment, so get ready. She left me with a message…” He grimaced before speaking. “‘Have fun, Captains, but not  _ too _ much fun.’ That’s all I have to say. I’m leaving before this gets any more weird.” The boy disappeared as quickly as he arrived. 

They laughed as the wagon pulled up.

Levi raised his arm. “Shall we?”

Claire took it, smiling, and he led her into the wagon, and together they rode to the celebration.

During the ride, Claire explained about how her extended family would be present, and that they would probably bug her a lot for choosing the military over settling down with someone. 

“Why can’t you choose the military and be with someone?” Levi asked, wondering if he even had a chance with her. If she didn’t desire a relationship with anyone, there would be no hope.

“Well, being a Scout is dangerous… Any of us could die at any moment… I would hate to break someone’s heart if I died, and I would hate to feel the same way if they did. I guess it’s just a fear, but if there’s someone I’d take that chance with… I’d go for it, because if there’s someone I love that much, and they return my feelings, I’d risk it all for them.” She ran a hand through her hair as she looked up at him.

Their eyes locked, and Levi could feel something, but he was unsure of what it was. His chest seemed as if it was on fire as he looked into her eyes, which carried an emotion he could not describe. Did she…? The only way to know was to be straightforward with her, no matter how scary it was. “Claire, there’s something I-”

“We’ve arrived,” interrupted the driver. “I’ll be back an hour after sunset to take you back. Please don’t be late, or I will leave you to find another way back. I have a family that needs me at home. The Commander gave me permission to leave if needed.”

“Of course she would…” mumbled Levi.

“Thank you so much, sir!” Claire said as Levi helped her out of the wagon. “We’ll try our best to make it in time!”

The man waved as he rode away. 

Levi looked forward. They had been dropped off at a giant barn, one that apparently was used for these sort of events. Anxiety coursed through his veins. He was on a date with Claire, and her entire family would be there. Today he would make lasting impressions on them. They needed to be good impressions, but he still needed to maintain his reputation as the stoic Captain Levi of the Scouts. This would be difficult.

“Alright, Sunflower. Let’s go!” Grinning, she took his arm.

He smiled back at her. It was hard to stay stressed when she looked at him like that. The nervousness disappeared, but the butterflies in his stomach remained. Claire’s beauty was overwhelming. “Oh, alright, Sunshine.” 

Leading her, they walked to the entrance, where Claire’s mother was greeting the guests. Her face lit up when she saw the two of them. 

“Claire! I’m glad you could make it!” She hugged her daughter, then smiled warmly at him. “Oh, and it’s so nice to see you again, Captain!”

“Please, ma’am, you can just call me Levi.” 

“Alright, Levi.” She winked at Claire, who was a bit red in the face. What did the wink mean? Did he do something wrong? Or did he do something  _ right _ ? “Well, for now everyone is getting in their seats. The ceremony will happen first, and then the luncheon and reception. You guys can sit in the front with your sisters, Claire. Save a spot for me.”

“We will, Mom. Thanks!” Claire took Levi’s hand and led him over to where they would be sitting. She waved and greeted family members as they walked by.

Stares and whispers arose as he passed. It appeared that he did actually have some sort of a reputation. He did suppose he had been in the news a lot recently, and they had included portraits that Claire had been commissioned to draw of each of them.

“Claire! You actually brought a date!” snickered one of the twins as Claire sat down next to her. Which one was it again? The two girls looked almost exactly the same, except one had her hair grown out to the small of her back, while the other sister’s didn’t even reach her shoulders.

“And it’s Levi~” The other one smirked.

“Oh shut up, you two. Mom asked me to bring a date, and I thought Levi would be the best choice.”

Levi felt awkward, so he put his hands in his lap and stared forward.

“Yeah, we all know why~”

“Because you-”

“Appreciate his kindness and friendship.”

He could feel his heart racing. The twins were teasing Claire, and it seemed like it was more than just them trying to give her a hard time. Had Claire said something about how she felt towards him to them? Did she think of him as more than a friend?

The room started to grow quiet and Mrs. Helios took her seat next to him. The sound of the piano filled the hall, and everyone stared eagerly as Henrik, well, that’s who Levi assumed it was, got into position. 

Gertrude walked down the aisle, being led by a man who was probably her uncle, or family friend, since her father wasn’t around. He glanced at Claire, who stared at her sister, smiling. Were those… tears in her eyes? And her face, though she was smiling… she seemed sad… He reached out to take her hand to comfort her, but hesitated, fear of rejection filling him.

* * *

A mixture of joy and sadness filled Claire’s chest. On one hand, she was overjoyed that Trudy had found the one, and that she was going to be with him forever after that day, but on the other she couldn’t help but think about how she had yet to do this herself. She was ten years older than her younger sister, so her family would put even more pressure on her to get married. But, would that happen? She was in her early thirties, but most women were settled down by then. It wasn’t entirely hopeless, though. 

Her heart told her that Levi was the one, and she felt confident that she would be willing to take the risk of being with him. The question was whether or not he returned her feelings, and if he did, would he ever want to settle down one day? He was a man of action, but could he have the same desire for a peaceful life as she did? It didn’t seem impossible, especially after the events with the Beast Titan. He seemed a lot more tired recently. Was all of the pressure and sadness getting to him? If so, would getting into a relationship worsen it? There were so many uncertainties, and that frightened her.

Almost as if he could read her mind, Levi rested his hand on top of hers and squeezed it. 

Stiffening for a moment, Claire looked at him, surprised, but appreciative. It was things like this that made her think that it really was possible that they could get together, and they would be okay. Their hands moved until their fingers weaved together. She smiled.

Levi was looking forward, expression difficult to read. What was he thinking?

“Gertrude… I’m so glad that I met you…”

Claire averted her attention to the couple as they said their vows. They were simple and sweet. One could see just how much they cared for each other. She was so happy that her sister had found someone who loved her even with her flaws. 

After the vows were said, the two kissed, and the guests all clapped. Except for Claire and Levi, who were still holding each other’s hands. She wanted to join everyone in clapping, but a part of her didn’t want this feeling to end. The way his hand felt in hers… it made her stomach fill with butterflies. This level of intimacy was not common from Levi, and he seemed to not want to let go either. Did he…? Perhaps she should just ask. It was killing her.

“Levi,” He turned to look at her. “Do you-”

“Oh, Claire! It’s so good to see you!” Gertude approached them, beaming.

Reluctantly, she let go of his hand so she could hug her sister. “Trudy, you look so beautiful!”

“Thank you!” She looked at Levi. “Sorry about mom hounding you about bringing someone as a date. I told her not to, but she insisted. I’m glad you were able to bring Levi, though. It’s nice to see you again!”

“Likewise,” he said as he stood up beside Claire. “Congratulations.”

Gertrude smiled at them. “It’s been nice chatting with you, but I better go talk to the other guests before they all start hunting me down.” 

Before they had a chance to say goodbye, the bride was gone, off to talk with other family members.

“Want to get refreshments?” asked Levi. “We haven’t really had the chance to eat anything yet today.”

“Yes, of course!” She took his arm and walked with him over to the table where there were sandwiches and sweets for all to enjoy.

Claire piled her plate with desserts while Levi’s had a single sandwich.

“Are you sure that’s enough?”  
“Yes. I’ll get more if I need it.”

“You can always have some of mine if you want!”

“Excuse me, but is that you, Claire?”

She looked up to see a man with bright orange hair and a spray of freckles on his face. “Uncle Howard!” Leaping out of her seat, she embraced him.

Levi sat awkwardly at the table, watching them.

“Oh, Levi, this is my uncle Howard. He’s my dad’s brother.” She introduced them to each other. “Howard, this is Captain Levi. He’s in the Scouts with me.”

“Oh, I’ve heard of him. He’s been all over in the papers recently.” Howard smiled. “So, you’re dating another Captain from the Survey Corps? That’s quite the power couple.”

Levi’s eyes widened and he choked on the food in his mouth, taking a swig of water to put it down. Was he… blushing?

“Oh, it’s not like that!” Claire laughed awkwardly. “He’s just my date for the day, that’s all.”

“I see. Sorry for putting you on the spot like that. Anyways, it’s nice to see you alive and well, Claire. Please write to me sometime, the family would really like that.”

“Sure thing.” She waved as he left, then returned to her seat. “Sorry about that, Levi. I was worried about this. There will probably be several people here who’ll think that we’re a couple, so we’ll probably have to go through that again. You must feel so uncomfortable…”

“I, well, it’s fine, Sunshine.” He took a sip of his water. “It’s bound to happen when we are at a place like this. So, er, don’t worry about it. We'll just explain it to them when the misunderstanding happens.”

“Okay. Thanks for understanding, Sunflower.” Claire took a bite out of a cookie.

Levi’s eyes looked… sad? Had she said something wrong? Was he upset with the idea of them being confused as a couple? She sighed. This was supposed to be a day of happiness.

As they sat in silence, Claire noticed the music that was playing. Slow and melodic, perfect for dancing. She watched as Gertrude and Henrik danced together, other couples doing the same, but giving the newlyweds some space. Smiling, she watched them move across the dancefloor.

“Claire,” Levi said as he held out a hand to her. “Um, would you, er, like to dance?”

She grinned at him, taking his hand. “Of course.”

They walked onto the dancefloor, hand in hand. Claire felt giddy and couldn’t keep herself from smiling. Placing a hand on his shoulder, she looked at Levi’s face, which held an expression of confusion.

“Levi?”

“Sorry… I’ve never done this before…” He looked down, embarrassed.

Of course he hadn’t. He had grown up on the streets of the Underground. Smiling softly, she replied. “That’s alright. Place your hand on my waist, and I’ll lead.” 

“Thank you.” He did as she instructed, and they slowly began to dance. 

Levi was surprisingly good at it, even though he had never done so before. Sure, he stumbled a few times, but he hadn’t stepped on her feet at all. As the dance went on, Claire noticed how he slowly moved his hand so it was on the small of her back, which led her to being pulled closer to him. She wasn’t complaining. 

Claire moved her other hand to his shoulder, as he moved his to her back. They now danced with hardly any space between them, gently rocking back and forth to the music. She breathed in his sweet scent, feeling weightless. 

Levi smiled at her, his eyes holding a soft expression she had never seen on him before. Her heart skipped a beat. 

Their faces were mere centimeters from each other. She’d never been this close to him before, and she prayed that he couldn’t feel the way her heart was pounding. Just then, he pulled Claire into a hug, his arms crossing against her back. Surprised, she accepted the hug, and wrapped her arms around his neck. Their bodies pressed together, they kept moving to the music.

Claire sighed, resting her chin on his shoulder and closing her eyes. This felt so nice, the way he held her gently against his chest, the sound of his breathing right next to her ear, the smell of citrus and mint enveloping her. It was all so perfect.

“Thank you for inviting me to this, Claire,” Levi said just above a whisper, his voice low.

She smiled, heart aflutter. “Thank you for coming with me.”

They continued to dance in silence until the time came for the throwing of the bouquet. With regret, they pulled apart to join the rest of the people in the tradition.

“She’s gonna throw the flowers and you have to catch them?” Levi asked, confused.

“Yes! It’s said whoever catches them will have good fortune with love!”

“You don’t believe in that sort of thing, do you?”

“Shut up, it’s all in good fun,” she added quietly. “And it couldn’t hurt, y’know.”

“What did you say?”

“Nothing!” Claire ran over to the hoard of girls who waited for Gertrude.

Trudy turned so her back was facing the crowd, then tossed the flowers in the air.

Claire wasn’t even trying to make an effort to catch them, this was just for fun, anyways. But the petals arced in her direction. Reaching out, and jumping into the air, she caught them in her hands. Jealous cries rang out around her, but all she cared about was seeing the bright and happy expression of her sister.

“Captain Levi~” mouthed Gertrude.

“Shut up,” she mouthed back.

Carrying the flowers, she walked back up to Levi. “Well, we should probably meet up with the wagon soon. I don’t want to get left behind. Or else Hange will assume things.”

“Agreed.”

“Let me say bye to my mom and sisters first.”

It didn’t take long to bid farewell to her family, but it did make her heart ache. She missed them a lot, and who knew when Claire could go on a deadly mission. This could be her last time seeing them. At least it had been on a happy occasion.

Levi led her by the arm to the wagon, and she couldn’t help but smile. That day had been, well, she didn’t like to be cheesy, but that day had been real damn magical. It had felt almost like a dream.

She looked through the bouquet, picking out a single sunflower. Claire stuck it in the pocket of Levi’s suit, so the flower poked out. “It was meant for you, Sunflower.” She smiled at him, and was taken aback when he returned her smile, his expression soft.

“Thanks, Sunshine.” He placed a hand on hers, and together they rode back, staring at the beautiful sky.


	24. Eyes Like the Sea

The echo of hoofbeats rang throughout the air as the squad made their way forward. This was it. This was the day they went farther than any Scout had been before. They had already passed the checkpoint of where the last Survey Corps encampment had been, so everything they saw was being seen by Eldian eyes for the first time in centuries.

“Titan!”

As if by instinct, Levi stood up on his horse, then launched himself into the air. The titan was killed quickly. 

They had run into a few on the trip, but they were mostly harmless ones that were not able to move far. One had been like the Rod Reiss titan, dragging itself across the ground because it did not have big enough legs to support its weight. It made Levi wonder what was going through the titan’s mind as it continued forward ever so slowly. 

_ Was there a conscious human in there somewhere? _

He shook his head. Now was no time for such thoughts. They were aiming towards freedom and acceptance in this world that hated the people of this island. The past was behind them.

He looked at his squad, they were so young, but the battle at Shiganshina had taken away any innocence they’d had left. It had been about a year since that horrible day, but it still haunted them. Sasha and Connie tried to joke around to lighten the mood, Jean sometimes joining them. Armin and Mikasa spoke with excitement about the ocean, which they would be seeing soon. But Eren… He showed no joy or excitement. His face was stern and serious. Unreadable. What was going on in his head?

“Sunflower! You reacted so fast! That was amazing!” Claire beamed at him as he got back onto his horse.

“Did she just call him… ‘Sunflower’?” asked Jean to Connie.

He shrugged. “I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Hmm…” Armin looked like he was thinking about something.

Ignoring the brats, he looked to Claire. “I’m just doing what I do best.”

“I didn’t see you clean anything, though.”

Sasha almost spit out the water she was drinking. “Did she just-”

“Roast the captain?” said Connie with eyes wide. “And not get killed?”

Hange laughed. “There’s so little you know, kids.”

“Let’s get going. We want to make it before sundown.” Levi rolled his eyes, and he whipped his reins and began to ride, his horse next to Claire’s.

The group travelled for a few more hours, riding through the brutal desert, something that Armin had described from that book that he had been talking about endlessly. The sand made it difficult to go fast, but they kept pressing forward. 

At the edge of the dunes of sand, was a giant wall. It looked different from the walls they were used to, and it wasn’t nearly so high, but it still stood out amongst the flatness that was this desert.

“This is the place they dump the Eldians that they turn into titans,” said Eren grimly. “They inject them on top of the wall, and push them over, then go back to the safety of their ships on the other side.”

“Ships… so that means…” Armin raced over to a pathway that seemed to go through the rock. 

They all followed, curious to see what was on the other side. Cresting a hill with wind blowing his hair around, Levi stared at the sea. He had heard that it was large, but he never imagined it to be  _ that _ large. The blue waves stretched into the horizon, no end in sight. It was beautiful, and scary. It made him feel so small, but the color and sound of it was comforting. That deep blue… it reminded him of…

“Wow…” said Claire breathlessly from beside him. “It’s beautiful, right, Levi?”

He looked at her, chestnut hair blowing about her face. She looked back at him, their eyes locking. That’s what it was. Her eyes were the color of the sea. “Yes… er, the ocean, I mean.”

She smiled at him before looking out to the ocean again, laughing. “This is amazing! It’s like a dream!”

“Yeah, and a good one for once.”

Hange rode up beside them. “Wow… Guys, I’m glad to be here today with the two of you. We finally made it, and we carry the memories of the past Scouts with us. Their sacrifice made it possible to get here, and we’ll never forget it. The three of us represent that.”

Levi nodded solemnly. Erwin had been so close to finding the truth he sought, but it had just escaped his fingertips, and Levi was the only one who knew about his true dreams and goals.

Claire smiled sadly. “You’re so right, Hange. Their lives were lost so we can be alive to save our people today. We can continue to move forward because of them. But we are also here because of your leadership and persistence. Thank you, Commander.” She saluted.

The Commander’s expression softened. “I can always rely on you to make me feel better about myself. You’re the best, Claire. Levi, you should learn some more kindness from her.” She teased.

He smirked. “Yeah, sure. But only because you ordered me to.”

The three dismounted and walked to the sandy beach, curious as to what the ocean held within its depths.

* * *

“Ah! It’s warm!” Claire looked in wonder as the water lapped across her feet. “And it’s moving back and forth! I’ve never seen this before!”

“What?! Really?!” Hange stepped in beside her. “Whoa!” She hunched down and started looking through the water.

Claire looked at Levi, who was standing on the beach, arms folded. “Come on, Sunflower! Get in!”

“I don’t want to get my feet wet,” he replied. “Plus, who knows what gross crap could be hiding in there. Disgusting.”

“Like this?” Hange held up some weird purple thing that was twisted in shape. It looked like it was made of glass or something.

“Put it back, Hange! It could be poisonous or something!” Levi looked at the thing in disapproval.

“But it looks so cool!” She ran over to him, shoving the thing in his face.

“Gross.” He took a step back.

Laughing, Claire watched the interaction between the two. She was glad that they had grown closer during her absence. It would be good for Levi to have more than just herself to rely on. It was nice seeing some lightheartedness after all of the heavy things that had been happening. Strange… had it really been a year since the retaking of Shiganshina and the learning of the truth beyond the walls? Time had seemed to fly when she rejoined the Corps. Maybe it was because she was with Levi and the others again. Things had been so dull when they were separated, it had seemed years they were apart when it had only been a few months, and yet this year seemed to pass within an instant. 

She was brought out of her thoughts by the sound of laughter. Looking at the source, Claire saw that the other members of their party were finally getting in. Sasha jumped at Connie, shoving him into the water, Armin scooped the water in his hands, smiling widely as he let the liquid roll through his fingers, Mikasa gasped in shock as she stepped into the water and Jean… Jean took a huge gulp of the water and spit it out, coughing.

“Dammit! I forgot that it has salt!”

Sasha pointed at him and laughed. “You look so stupid right now!”

“Shut up!” He splashed her in the face, making water get into her mouth, which led to her coughing like crazy.

Claire smiled as she watched the youth. It lifted her spirits to see them enjoying themselves. Even though they had been through hell, they could still act as if nothing was wrong with the screwed up world they lived in. 

Well, almost all of them acted this way. Eren simply stared into the distance, eyes empty. Mikasa and Armin moved over to try and talk to him.

“LET GO OF ME, FOUR-EYES!”

Looking to the sound of Levi’s scream, Claire found that Hange was dragging him to the ocean. His boots didn’t provide much traction, so he was struggling to get away from the Commander. Snickering, she walked over to them.

“Help me, Claire!”

“But I’m tired of seeing you be grumpy and lonely. You need to have some fun.”

“Aha! There’s no saving you now, Levi!” shouted Hange as she tripped on a rock and fell backward into the water, letting go of her prey.

“Spoke too soon, I’m afraid,” said Levi as he brushed sand from his shoulders, taking a step away.

“Not so fast!” Claire cupped her hands together, scooping up water. He turned back to face her just as she dumped the water on his head.

All went silent.

Connie and Sasha gasped while Jean stared in horror. Armin brought a hand to his mouth and Eren looked at them, expression unreadable. 

Mikasa mumbled, “That’s a death sentence…”

Levi stared in shock at Claire. 

She took a step back, a small part of her anxious that he would hurt her. Luca wouldn’t have let something like this slide…

Before she knew it, Levi was scooping her up bridal style and marching through the water. Claire yelped in surprise. This was far from how she suspected he would react. She looked up at him.

“What are you-”

“Revenge.” He smirked at her, Claire’s heart skipping a beat, then he threw her into the water.

Claire submerged underneath the water, her eyes already closed. She found her footing and pushed her face out and into the air. Gasping for breath, she rubbed her eyes and looked at the two veterans. Hange was wheezing, no sound coming out, just heavy inhales, while Levi stood, arms folded, but smiling at her.

“Captain Helios! Are you alright?!” asked Jean, eyes wide with concern.

“I’m alright, kid,” she said as she marched over to Levi, grabbing him by the collar and pulling him close to her face. “Don’t you dare think you are getting out of this easily.” She glanced at his lips for a moment, which were parted in surprise, then looked him in the eye again. “Not even you are safe from my wrath.”

“Oh, yeah?” He raised an eyebrow. “What are you gonna do to me?”

“This.”

Using her grip on his collar, she shoved him to the side, the momentum allowing her to dunk him in the water. Claire only succeeded because she was fast. Normally, Levi could get out of her grip, but that was only when he was prepared. She smirked. She had caught him by surprise this time, so the advantage was hers.

His head poked out of the water, eyes focussed on hers.

“What? You didn’t expect me to-”

Levi grabbed Claire by the harness and pulled her into the water with him.

She laughed as she resurfaced.

Hange was still laughing at them. “Ha! Now you two are soaked!”

“Don’t think that you’re safe just because you’re our Commander,” said Levi as he marched over and slung her over his shoulder.

“Let go of me! I order you to-”

It was too late. Hange had already been dropped into the ocean.

She came up, laughing as she took in big gulps of air.

The kids stared at the three in shock, surprised to see the high-ranking officers messing around like this, Levi being the most unexpected. Claire couldn’t help but smile. It made her happy to see him relax a little. He had been growing more stressed and tense as they explored outside the walls. The unknown was terrifying to him, well, it was to her as well.

“God, now my clothes are all soaked,” he said, looking down at his shirt, which was sticking to his chest.

“Well, there’s not much you can do about that,” she responded.

Levi began to unbuckle the belt of the harness on his chest, then moved on to the others that were on his sides.

“What are you doing?”

“Taking this damn thing off so it can dry. I’m not wearing a wet shirt when it gets colder tonight.” He threw the harness onto the beach and started to unbutton his shirt.”Plus, it’s filthy. There’s no way I’m letting this touch me for longer than it has to.”

Claire’s eyes widened. She wanted to protest, but secretly she wanted to see him shirtless.  _ Who wouldn’t? He is probably ripped. _

And, God, was she right. Claire was expecting a six-pack, but no, his  _ eight-pack  _ basically mocked her for doubting how shredded he was. His muscles were very well-toned, biceps, pecs, traps, whatever the other ones were called, and the sight of it all was almost too much for her to handle. 

She felt herself getting dizzy, her steps wobbly. Had she been drinking enough water? They had been so eager to get here she may have forgotten… It was hot out so she should probably be drinking more… And she had hit her head on the dresser by accident the other day… Was that affecting her now? Or was it a combination of the two? Or was it something different entirely?

Then she watched as he ran a hand through his wet hair, water rolling down his face and chest. 

“Damn…” she whispered as her vision blacked out, and she felt herself slip into unconsciousness.

* * *

Levi watched as Claire wobbled forward, then fell. “Claire!” He shouted as he launched himself in her direction, catching her before she hit her head on the ground. Kneeling, he looked her over. She appeared to be unharmed, but she seemed to have passed out. Did she forget to drink water again?

“Levi! What happened?” Hange rushed over.

“I’m not sure… It seems like she fainted, but I don’t know why.”

The Commander looked at Claire, concern written in her face. “Well, let’s get her out of the water and in the shade, and lay her down. It could've been because of the heat.”

“Alright…” Levi cradled her gently in his arms, and took her over to a spot in the sand that was shaded by a grouping of large rocks. He set her down, then brought his cloak over to wrap her up in. Claire was soaked, and her bra was starting to show through her shirt. He didn’t want anyone staring at her when she was vulnerable like this.

Levi sat next to her, sighing. He was actually having a good time, but then this happened. Now all that he felt was concern and worry for Claire. He hoped that it wasn’t serious, and that she would be okay… 

The others looked in their direction, worried, but Levi waved them off. He’d watch over her, so no one else would have to worry. Placing his hand on top of hers, he waited beside her.

After an hour, Hange came by and asked how things were going.

“She’s breathing, so she’s doing fine.”

“Okay, I just wanted to let you know that the others are going to help me set up camp on the docks over there.” She pointed with her thumb to where she was referring. “They’ll get started on dinner, and I’ll come get you when the tents are set up. You can put Claire in one of those if she isn’t awake by then.”

“Alright.”

She gave him a quick smile before turning to the others and yelling at them to get a move on. Hange had confided in him about her doubts at being a good leader, but Levi told her otherwise. Sure, she could be… interesting… at times, but she was a solid and reliable leader. She got things done.

Levi sighed, looking down at Claire. Her face had grown a bit pale. He brushed some hair from out of her face when he heard her mumble something. Was she awake?

“Claire?”

“Levi…”

“Yes?”

She grabbed his wrist and looked up at him, blinking sleep from her eyes. “You’re really handsome. You know that, right?”

“I- uh,” he stammered, face going red. “I suppose I’ve heard it before, I guess.”

Smiling, Claire looked at his chest before closing her eyes again. “Good, because you are. And you have a nice body, too. Good muscles.”

He felt his face grow even more hot. Perhaps he should put ashirt back on. He had a spare that would be over where they were setting up camp. “Um, thanks? Claire, are you feeling any better?”

“My head hurts… and I feel really drowsy.” She tried to sit up.  
“Let me help you-” He helped her sit up properly, and handed her a flask. “Here. Have some water. It should help.”

Without complaint, she took a swig. “Aaah, I feel better already. Thanks, Sunflower.”

“No problem.” Levi smiled softly at her. It filled him with great relief to see her awake, and acting somewhat normal.

“What’s this?” Claire tugged at the cloak that was wrapped around her.

“Oh, it’s mine. Your clothes were all wet and I could see, well, anyone could see your… underclothes,” he explained, not able to look her in the eye. “I didn’t want anyone staring. You know how boys at their age can be… Eren has been in a phase, too, so who knows what’s going on in his head.”

She pulled the cloak tighter around herself, a small smile on her lips. “Thank you for that, Levi. You really are sweet.”

“It’s not that big of a deal,” he said, looking away.  _ God, her smile… _ It made his heart melt like nothing else could. “Anyways, we should head over to where they are setting up. Can you stand up?”

“I think I’ll need some help.”

He got up, then carefully helped Claire up, one hand in hers, the other at her waist, keeping her steady. He tried to be as gentle as possible, not wanting to risk hurting her when she was already feeling unwell.

Together they walked to the docks, where tents were being set up, Levi tenderly helping Claire every step of the way. As they walked, she got more steady on her feet, and she was able to move on her own by the time they reached the stone walkways that jutted out into the water.

Sasha noticed them and waved. “Captain Helios! It’s good to see you up! You must be wet and cold, let me take you to the girl’s tent to change into some dry clothes.”

Claire smiled at the girl. “Thanks, Sasha.” She turned to Levi. “Thanks, again for helping me. I’ll see you later.”

“See ya…” He watched as she was led to the tent where she would be sleeping that night.

“Captain Levi?”

Levi looked at Connie, who was approaching him from where they appeared to be cooking. “We’re trying to make stew, but something isn’t quite working. Hange told us that you’re good at cooking, so could you help us out?”

He sighed. “Sure. I guess I have nothing better to do.” He joined the rest of the boys from his squad in cooking, all of them doing their fair share of work, except for Eren, who seemed to be distracted by something on his mind.  _ That brat… What’s wrong with him? _ Levi decided he would ask him about it later. For now, the stew needed to be perfected.

* * *

The stew had been amazing. Claire hadn’t eaten something made by Levi for a long time, and she had forgotten about how good at cooking he was. Sure, he had the assistance of the other men, but she knew that it was thanks to him that it turned out so well. 

After eating, Hange ordered everyone to go to bed. They would start their trek back to the walls in the morning, and she wanted them well rested so they could cover as much ground as possible.

Claire gave Levi an apologetic look as he got into the tent with the four boys. It would be hard for him to have to sleep with so many dirty bodies close to him. She was grateful that there was only her, Mikasa, Sasha, and Hange. They all were sensible for the most part.

Despite being pretty comfortable, Claire found herself unable to sleep. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn’t. Her mind was too restless. This happened from time to time, and it was usually when it was inconvenient for her. Sighing, she left the tent quietly.

The ocean was breathtaking in the moonlight. Black waves with specs of light scattered across them moved back and forth. Claire smiled. The world was so big, and it was beautiful.  _ What does it look like from up higher? _ She wondered. Looking at the giant wall that separated the docks from the world she knew, she had an idea. 

It didn’t take long to find the stairs that led to the top. She ran the whole way, breathless as she sat on the edge, gazing at the large expanse of water. Claire breathed heavily, watching the waves hit the shore. It was certainly a sight to see. She had never seen anything like it before, and it filled her with excitement. Her breath caught in her throat as she stared.

“Couldn’t sleep?”

She looked to see Levi moving to sit down next to her. “No. It’s one of those nights I guess.”

“You’re not gonna ask me about why I’m up?”  
“Why should I? I already know that you wouldn’t be able to sleep while being stuck in a tent full of sweaty teenagers.”

“Right you are.” He looked forward at the sea.

Claire had so many things she wanted to say to him. They hadn’t really had any alone time since their date, which had been a few months ago. Levi had been intimate (well, at least intimate for him) while they were at the wedding, and she was curious about why. She couldn’t stop thinking about the way he held her as they danced, and how he held her hand in his… It had been so warm… so comforting. Never before in a relationship had she been treated with such gentleness. But how would she ask him about that? What if it had just been in a friendly away and by bringing it up as something more it ruined their friendship?

“I’m glad you’re back, Claire. I know I’ve said it before, but I, um, something in me just wanted to tell you again. Things were darker for me without you here.” He looked her in the eye. “But now I have my Sunshine back, and things have been better. I really missed you, and moments like this.”

“Oh,” she said, surprised by the tenderness in his expression. “Well, I’m glad to be back with you again. It’s nice to be with you. I really missed our talks. It’s also good to have someone to talk about the nightmares with again… My family… I didn’t want to burden them with such things, because they don’t really understand it like how other Scouts do.”

He nodded, understanding. “Makes sense. The nightmares can be awful at times, but,” he placed his hand on top of hers. “Let’s think of positive things tonight, while we have the chance to.”

Her cheeks grew warm as she glanced at their hands. “Alright…” Claire looked at the ocean. “Well, it’s really pretty over here. Who knew the world had such beauty in it?”

“I suppose, but I’ve seen something just as beautiful before.”

Claire raised an eyebrow, looking at him. “Oh, yeah? Like what?”

“Your eyes,” he stated simply, gaze locked on the sky. “They are the color of the ocean, but they hold life and emotion, and I think that’s beautiful.”

Her heart skipped a beat.  _ Levi technically just called me beautiful. Am I dreaming? I don’t want to wake up. _ “Oh, I, um, thank you.”

Levi smiled softly. “Of course.”

They sat silently, gazing at the water and the sky, the line dividing them almost impossible to see. Without thinking, Claire rested her head on Levi’s shoulder. It was comforting to be beside him. She smiled to herself as he rested his head on top of hers. This moment was pure bliss to Claire. Just simply sitting here, beside the man she loved.

Words weren’t passed between them, but Claire could feel something coming from Levi. Perhaps he did care for her as more than a friend. Now she felt more sure about it than ever, but she couldn’t be certain. Levi wasn’t the most outright emotional person, and hadn’t grown up experiencing a lot of positive emotions. Maybe he was still figuring them out, and that’s why he hadn’t said anything to her yet. Claire understood him. He’d lived a life devoid of any love for a long time, and to be honest she wasn’t sure if she was emotionally ready for a relationship, herself. Things had happened with Luca that made her fearful, but for some reason she couldn’t remember the fine details. They were blurry. Why was that? She tried to shake it off.

Right now, all Claire wanted to do was focus on how good it felt to be beside Levi, feeling his warmth and being surrounded by his sweet scent. She smiled to herself, staring at the beautiful sight before her. 

* * *

Claire blinked her eyes open. When had she fallen asleep? And when had she gotten back in the girls’ tent? She could've sworn she had been on top of the wall with Levi…

“Rise and shine, Claire,” said Hange from beside her.

“Oh, Commander-”

She clicked her tongue. “Levi brought you back in here at the break of dawn. Claire, what were you up to last night? Nothing  _ inappropriate _ , right?”

“No, of course not! We were just stargazing. That’s all.”  
“I’ll believe you. For now.” Hange teased her the whole time as they got ready to leave.

As they prepared their horses, Claire caught Levi stealing glances at her. What was that about? Had she said something weird in her sleep? She knew that she did that sometimes.

“How’d you sleep, Sunshine?”

“Perfectly fine. Thanks for carrying me back down, by the way.”

“No problem. I thought it would be most comfortable to bring you back.”

They talked as they rode back home, Claire thought about what had happened that night, her heart thumping loudly in her chest. She couldn’t help but smile, perhaps, even in this dark and cruel world, there could be beauty found in it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter before we tread into MANGA SPOILERS!!! These next few chapters will have spoilers of events that haven't happened in Season Four of the anime, so please tread carefully. I will be putting a warning up again when the next chapter comes out! I will try and label each chapter with which specific manga chapters it will have spoilers for! Thanks again for reading!


	25. Foreigners

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MANGA/SEASON FOUR SPOILERS!!!  
> This chapter contains spoilers from chapters 106 and 107 of the manga. It also has spoilers from episodes nine and ten (68/69)of Season Four!  
> Thanks again for reading! I appreciate you all!

“There are not many countries out there that ally themselves with the Eldians. Sure, they all have some living in their midst, but they treat them all quite poorly. The Azumabito, who have come to us today, are one of the few groups of people who want to help you, along with those of us from the Anti-Marleyan party. With the help of the Azumabito, we’ll be able to bring a lot of new technology that will help give the Eldians of Paradis Island a chance at defending themselves from the rest of the world. Yes, you have titans, but they have been creating anti-titan gear for years during the war against Marley, so they won’t be as useful as you think.”

Claire doodled on the corner of the set of papers in front of her. She was currently drawing the woman who was presenting to them, Yelena. She was tall, with short blonde hair and piercing eyes. It had been almost a year since they had found the woman, along with other Anti-Marleyans who wanted to help them to integrate themselves into the outside world. They had found this group on one of the first ships that had been sent from Marley to Paradis, the name of their island. 

Using the power of Eren and Armin’s titans, they had been destroying the boats, taking a prisoner or two, but leaving the rest for dead. One day Yelena and her comrades had begged to be spared. Hange had allowed this. The Commander, Levi, and Claire, as the highest ranking officers, interrogated the group to find out as much as they could. It genuinely seemed like they wanted to help, so they had decided to listen to the advice from the strange woman.

A woman who shared features similar to Mikasa, dark hair and grey eyes, stood up and introduced herself. “I am Kiyomi Azumabito, and I have a lot of knowledge in the technologies that could help improve your country to hold its own after the Rumbling.”

Levi clenched his fists beside her. He was not too fond of the whole Rumbling plan. Mainly because it involved working with Zeke Jaeger, Eren’s long lost half-brother, and also the wielder of the Beast Titan. Claire understood how much Levi hated the man, and it was painful to watch as he couldn’t have his revenge. His eyes were with a rage and hatred that was very unfamiliar to her. It hurt her heart to see him like this. Erwin’s death had really been difficult for him.

Claire took his hand in hers and squeezed it. She wished he didn’t have to feel this way, but the Rumbling seemed to be the only chance they had at keeping their home safe. The plan was to combine the powers of the Founding Titan, which resided in Eren, with the powers of a person with royal blood, which was carried in Zeke’s veins from his mother’s side. Together, the two brothers could control the titans inside the Walls that protected their home, and use them to protect Paradis from enemy forces. They would not be using the full extent of the power, which could control all of the titans in the walls and have them trample the world. The plan was to control only a few, just enough to keep the enemy at bay. After initiating the Rumbling, they would have to give the Beast Titan to Historia, and have her pass it down her family line. The Founding Titan would have to be passed as well. This way they could keep the mass of Colossal Titans under their control. 

It was a solid plan, but how much could they trust these people? They hardly knew these people and they were basically putting all of their people’s lives in their hands. IT didn’t help that Yelena seemed to worship Zeke, and Kiyomi seemed quite friendly with him as well. COuld the man who killed almost the entire Scout Regiment be trusted? This bothered Claire, but Hange believed it was their best option, so she kept her complaints between her and Levi, who shared her concerns.

“With this technology we can create faster modes of transport, and we could help to advance your ODM gear further and make it even more powerful than it already is,” explained Kiyomi.

“How would you improve it?” asked Levi, still holding Claire’s hand under the table.

“We could make it so it’s faster, more mobile, and so it allows you to use different types of weapons with it like the blades you currently use, those thunderspears, and guns, like Kenny Ackerman and his squad. This way you could defend yourselves in different ways based on your individual specialties.”

“Why would we need to defend ourselves if we have the titans from the walls?”

“This is just a precaution.”

He said nothing after that.

The meeting ended after a few remarks between Yelena, Kiyomi, and Hange. They all left, leaving Claire and Levi alone in the meeting room.

“How are you feeling about all of this?” asked Claire.

“I- I don’t know,” he replied, closing his eyes and letting out a sigh. “It’s all going so fast. And how do we know if we can trust these people? They belong to countries that  _ hate  _ us. Plus, this seems almost too well planned out. I feel like they are hiding something from us.”

“I agree… This is a lot to take in, and I feel like it’s all being rushed. We haven’t really had the chance to get to know these people and determine if they are trustworthy.”

Levi’s expression darkened. “And we have to work with that Beast bastard. It makes me sick. So many of our comrades are dead because of him.”

“Yes. He’s definitely the one I trust the least. How could he kill so many of our people and then suddenly want to become our best friend? It’s so bizarre.”

“At least they put me in charge of keeping a close eye on him when he gets here. I won’t let that bastard out of my sight, and if he so much as breathes in the wrong direction, he’s dead.”

“That’s reassuring.” She smiled at him, rubbing her thumb against his.

“Well, I am the best, after all.” He hesitated before smiling back at her. “Anyways, let’s get out of here. Isn’t that one Marleyan prisoner chef guy making us all food or something soon?”

“Not for another few hours,” Claire responded. “But I suppose we should change into more comfortable clothes and maybe relax a bit, so we don’t seem so tense. I wouldn’t want to ruin what is supposed to be a good time for everyone.”

Levi stood up, releasing her hand. “Let’s head back, then.”

* * *

After changing into more casual clothes, a gray long sleeved shirt and some slacks, Levi went to the next room over and knocked on Claire’s door. They still had time before they had the meal with the others, so he figured he could spend some time with Claire before then. It had been a while since they had spent time alone together because they were too busy playing politics with these foreigners. 

The more they got involved with the outsiders and their business, the more he feared that they would be going back to a world of war. If that were the case, he wouldn’t want to confess or anything to Claire. What if he died after telling her his feelings? Hadn’t she said when they first met that losing people that she loved was difficult for her? She had lost her father, he would hate for her to lose a lover.  _ She did say that she would risk it if she found the right person… _ But was Levi that person? It was hard to say. How could someone as amazing and beautiful as Claire love someone as cold and dark as him? He felt like he was unlovable.

“Come in!” said Claire in response to his knock.

Hesitant at first, he opened the door. She was wearing a short sleeved shirt and slacks. It surprised him. When she had first gotten her scars, she hadn’t liked making them visible. Over time, she had seemed to grow more comfortable with them, showing them off a little. That wasn’t the only thing he had noticed about her attire. He had to admit, she looked good in whatever she wore, but he was curious as to why she never seemed to wear dresses or skirts like most of the other female Scouts did. Levi had seen Claire in a dress once or twice, and she looked radiant in them, so why didn’t she wear them more often? There was also something slightly different about her appearance… What was it?

Closing the door behind him, he walked over to where she was drawing at her desk. “What are you drawing today?”

“I’m just doodling the Scouts. I’ve noticed that some of them have grown up a bit in the past year, and I want to compare these to older drawings I did of them. Like Connie is actually growing out his hair, for example.”

“I see…” He looked at the sketches, which were almost exactly like the real thing. “How do you recreate it so perfectly?”

Claire shrugged. “I just copy down the image in my head. I don’t know why, but I remember everything I see in exact detail. It’s really nice when I’m trying to recreate a memory.”

“You’ll never cease to amaze me, Sunshine.”

Her cheeks grew pink. “It’s no big deal. It’s always been like this for me.”

“That doesn’t make it any less impressive.”

“You flatter me.” She ran a hand through her hair, and that’s when it hit him.

“Your hair.”

Claire raised an eyebrow. “What about it?”

“It’s different… Longer, I think.” How had he not noticed before? Normally she kept it to a few centimeters below her jawline, but it was now almost shoulder-length.

“Oh, yeah. That.” Her eyes grew distant as she twirled the hair in her fingers. “I was planning on cutting it short again soon, so you don’t have to worry about it.”

Levi furrowed his brow. “Worry about it? Why would I worry about it?”  
“I, well, long hair can be dangerous with the ODM gear.”

“The others tie their hair up and they do just fine-”

“It’s different for me.” She interrupted, voice firm. “I, sorry. I didn't mean to sound rude or anything…”

“Why don’t you want to keep it long? I think it looks good on you.” 

She looked at him, surprised. 

“Well, uh, your short hair looks good, too. I just don’t think the long looks bad at all. Why do you look so surprised that I like it?” He noticed that he was beginning to speak really fast.

“You remember Luca, my ex-boyfriend, right?” He recalled her mentioning him in a few nightmares. Levi remembered that he had died and Claire had felt guilty about it. “Well, he told me that long hair made me look bad, and that being more feminine wasn’t a good look for me. That I looked best with shorter hair, and with more of a tomboyish style. I actually didn’t grow my hair out longer than a pixie cut until after he died because I didn’t want to upset him or anything…”

“He said  _ what _ to you?” His blood began to boil. This man had claimed to  _ love _ Claire, yet he said these awful things to her?

She flinched when he raised his voice. “That I didn’t look good when trying to be more feminine?”

Levi took both of her hands in his and looked her in the eye. “Don’t listen to what that asshole said. You look beautiful no matter what. Whether your hair is long or short. Whether you wear dresses and skirts or pants and a uniform or whatever.”

“But, I-”

“Listen, to me Claire. This Luca guy sounds like a son of a bitch. No man who says he loves someone should say words like that to that person. He should say things to bring you up and make you feel confident about who you are.”

Claire stared at him in utter shock, no words escaping her lips.

“He should appreciate how beautiful you are, no matter how long your hair is or what you wear. And he should let you know it. God, I can’t believe someone would be  _ shallow _ and  _ blind  _ enough to say something like that to someone as fantastic and beautiful as you.”

“I-” she started hesitantly. “Thank you, Levi. I, um, needed to hear that. I guess I’ve never been too confident about my appearance, and Luca didn’t help with that… What you’ve said now, though… God, it makes me feel a lot better. Thank you.”

He smiled softly at her. “No need to thank me for stating the truth.”

Claire smiled back, then stood up. “Well, I’m going to change into a skirt now, because, y’know what? I love the way the damn thing feels when I wear it. And I think I look cute in it. So, er, could you leave for a moment?”

“Oh, yes. Of course. See ya in a bit.” Levi left the room and rested his back against the door. His face was hot. Was it from anger, or embarrassment? Had he crossed boundaries in that conversation? Did he press her too hard? He groaned. Emotions were too complicated sometimes.

The door moved behind him, and he moved out of the way. Claire was now wearing a blue skirt that went to her knees. Her smile was wide and beautiful. Levi could tell she was genuinely happy. It appeared he had said the right thing.

“Well, Sunflower, I think we should start heading over. We’ll have to take a wagon over to the place Niccolo is being held.”

“Niccolo? Is that the name of the guy?”

“Yes!” Claire smiled. “He’s super great and is really good at cooking! I haven’t had food as good as his in a long time!”

Levi could feel himself growing jealous. Wasn’t his own cooking good? She had always enjoyed his stew…

Claire took his hand and dragged him down the hall. “Come on!”

Smiling to himself, he let her pull him along. She was cute when she did that. Levi had noticed that she had been holding his hand more often, especially after their date. Whether it was to lead him somewhere, or to give him comfort, she seemed to be making excuses to do so, and it made him wonder what her intentions were. Was it simply a friendly gesture? Or did it mean something more? He couldn’t figure it out, he was not experienced with the different boundaries separating a romantic relationship from a platonic one.

They made their way toward the wagon, where Hange was already waiting. As soon as the Commander was in sight, Levi released Claire’s hand. He didn’t mind showing physical affection, but it mortified him to do it when others could see. He wasn’t sure why, though. His cheeks were feeling warm, and he tried to hide his blush, especially from Hange.

Claire looked at him with… was that disappointment? He felt a stab of pain in his heart. It appeared he had hurt her feelings by letting go of her hand.  _ Dammit.  _ He didn’t mean to make her feel bad, he was just worried about what Hange would think if she saw them holding hands. She already assumed wild things based on situations she saw out of context, and he didn’t want that to be worse than it already was. Plus she was aware that he had feelings for Claire, and he didn’t want her to assume that Claire reciprocated.

Levi helped Claire into the wagon, feeling a bit awkward. She was being friendly, and he had basically rejected her. Guilt began to consume him as he sat down. Had he screwed up big time? Did she think ill of him now?  
“Took you two long enough!” said Hange as she signaled the driver to get the wagon moving. “The others have probably already beaten us there! I hope they wait, especially Sasha. Once she starts eating there’s no stopping her.”

“I’m sure there will be plenty to go around!” Claire responded happily, playing with her skirt. “This Niccolo guy sounds really talented and I can’t wait to try some new dishes!”

Levi mumbled in agreement as he rested his head in his palm, watching the road as they moved along.

* * *

Claire felt happy. True happiness. Something she hadn’t experienced for quite some time. The last time she could think was probably when she danced with Levi at the wedding. That had been a glee unlike any other. The joy she felt today was different, though. It was because she felt more confident about who she was, personality and appearance-wise. What Levi had said to her had really boosted her spirits. Luca had always said that she needed to look more mature, or boyish, because the more feminine side made her seem immature and childish.

But hearing Levi say the opposite, that she was beautiful as she was, and however she wanted to look, it made her heart swell. Words of praise from Levi meant a lot more to her than the toxic ones that came from Luca. Plus, he was dead. What he said didn’t matter anymore… right?

She tried to shove that small bit of doubt to the back of her mind, but it resurfaced when Levi had let go of her hand. Was it too embarrassing to be seen like that with her in public? Was she foolish for trying to hold his hand? The thoughts plagued her. She wasn’t mad at Levi, but her own stupidity for believing that he would like to do those sort of things with her.

Feeling awkward about talking to Levi, she mostly made conversation with Hange, who seemed to be clueless about the whole situation. That was probably for the better, anyways.

Thankfully the ride didn’t take too long, so the awkward tension between her and Levi didn’t have to last for ages. As they got closer to the building, Claire could spot Armin, waving at them. She waved back, smiling. Armin was a good kid, but he could be terrifying with the way he would weave words to use against the enemy, but he had a pure heart and a true desire to protect his friends. That was admirable.

“Glad you guys could make it! I know you all can be busy, so it means a lot that you want to spend time with us!”

Hange glanced at the ground awkwardly. She had spoken with Claire about how she wanted Erwin to survive instead of Armin, and how she still was questioning if Levi had made the right choice or not. Claire needed to talk to him about that. He had explained the situation to her, but had never said the reasoning behind his final decision.

“Of course, Armin! We like to show our appreciation for all of our subordinates and comrades!” she said, smiling.

“Right,” chimed in Levi beside her.

“Plus who can say no to free food?” Hange smiled awkwardly.

They all laughed, except Levi, of course. Armin led them inside. There they met up with Jean and Connie, who were chatting just outside the dining room. Eren and Mikasa were already sitting at the table, the latter tugging at the scarf around her neck as she spoke with her friend.

“Where’s Sasha?” asked Hange as they walked in.

“Oh, she’s talking with Niccolo,” responded Connie. “They’ve gotten pretty close after the first time he made her food. She really loves his cooking.”

“Why am I not surprised?” Levi folded his arms, looking at the table for a good place to sit. “That girl is always eager for free food.”

“Well, it’s not just the food that keeps her with him,” added Jean. “It seems that they have, erm, bonded a bit too. Like they are close friends or something now.”

“I see.” Claire smiled. “Good for them. I think it’s great that we are forming good connections with some of the Marleyans! It helps pave the path for peace!”

“Couldn’t have said it better myself.” Hange took a seat at the head of the table. It was fitting, seeing she was the Commander and all. 

It only made sense that Claire and Levi sit close to her, as the next highest ranking officers. They took their places at Hange’s side, facing each other. Levi looked down at his hands awkwardly. Was he uncomfortable for some reason? She would have to ask him about it later.

The rest of the Scouts took their places at the table, still talking to each other excitedly. It was refreshing to see how eager the youth were. To their young ears, all of this change and new discoveries probably seemed like amazing things. To the older members of the Corps, it only made them more anxious about their future. 

“Food’s ready!” Sasha barged in, holding the door open for a man with slightly messy blonde hair. Claire assumed this was their chef. 

He smiled at Sasha, thanking her as he brought the food in and set it at the table. “Thanks for coming today, it is an honor to have you all, especially Commander Hange, Captain Levi, and Captain Helios.” He nodded to them. “Anyways, today I have prepared some salmon, erm, it’s a kind of fish. Sasha told me about how you’ve never cooked fish before, and she really liked it so I wanted to make it for you all. I also have some wine that the Military Police lent me. I’ll bring it out in a few minutes.” 

Niccolo dished the fish out to everyone, making sure everyone got a good sized portion. Claire sniffed the salmon and it smelled delicious. She was excited to try something new. Maybe they could somehow incorporate it into the tavern menu. That was, if her mom could have access to the meat. Meat was easier to come by since Wall Maria was recaptured, but it still was somewhat a luxury. Only the military, this included Niccolo since he was their prisoner of war, and high class chefs and cooks were allowed some of the rarer meats.

The food was amazing, Claire had never had anything so good in her life. She tried to eat cleanly, since she was in the company of others. When with Levi, she ate however messily she wanted because he didn’t seem to mind as long as she cleaned up afterwards. She supposed she only felt that comfortable around him and her own family.

The wine was poured to everyone by Niccolo, but when he came to Claire she raised a hand in the air to stop him. “I won’t be having any. Thank you, though.”

“You don’t drink, Captain Helios?” asked Eren.

“I, well-”

Hange burst into laughter. “Damn right. She’s the biggest lightweight I’ve ever seen. The one time she drank alcohol all she had was a glass of beer and she was completely  _ wasted. _ It was wild! Right, Levi?”

Levi swallowed his wine carefully before speaking. “Sure. It definitely was something else…” He seemed flustered. This made Claire even more curious about what had happened that night. Levi wouldn’t tell her, and Hange always burst out laughing, never giving any fine details.

They continued to converse while drinking, Claire sipping on her water, glancing at Levi, who wouldn’t make eye contact with her. She felt a small sadness in her chest, but put on a smile to not worry the others.

* * *

Levi felt like an idiot. He was so busy worrying about making Claire feel sad for letting go of her hand, that he had been ignoring her almost the whole dinner. If she wasn’t already upset with him, she sure was now.

The ride back to headquarters had been long and awkward. Hange talking non-stop while the two Captains made short comments, not really engaging in the conversation.

“See you two tomorrow! We have another meeting with Yelena and the others at noon! Don’t miss it.” Hange waved as she headed to her office, probably to fill out the endless paperwork she’d been receiving lately.

Claire started to walk away.

“Sunshine, wait!”

She turned to look at him. “What is it?”  
He ran up to her. “Well, um, I’m sorry about earlier. I let go of your hand when we saw Hange. I was worried that she would get the wrong idea or something-”

“You think I’m mad at you because of that?”

“You’re not?” They began to walk together

“No, I’m not mad at all, actually. I just… I’m just confused.” She sighed. “Everything has been different since our date that one time. We’ve both been acting weird. Sometimes we are super friendly, other times we are super awkward. I just don’t really know what’s going on with us.” 

His heart began to pound hard in his chest. “Something’s going on with us?”

“I- I’m not sure. I know we are friends. That’s certain… but sometimes I feel like-”

Levi lost all focus on anything except the words she was saying. This made him not watch where he was going, causing him to trip on a crooked floorboard and fall to the ground.

“Oh my God! Levi, are you okay?!”  
“I, yes, I’m fine. Just tired. Better get to bed.” His face was hot, and he found himself rushing to his room and leaving her behind.

He closed the door and rested against it, heart beating fast. Levi wanted to hear those words from Claire’s lips, but it also terrified him. He wanted to bask in her love, but how could someone like her possibly love him? Did he even deserve to be loved? What if she died because he loved her? That seemed to be the trend in his life. Many thoughts raced through his idiotic head, and he prayed he didn’t ruin things completely between the two of them.

Levi fell onto his bed, letting a sigh out into his pillow. He was stupid. This was stupid. Why was he so scared all the time? He killed titans for a living. Why were emotions so terrifying? He rolled over and stared at the ceiling, mentally beating himself up. This had been the perfect opportunity to be honest, and he had ruined it.


	26. Selfless to a Fault

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MANGA/SEASON FOUR SPOILERS!!  
> This one doesn't have any direct spoilers from the manga or anime, but if you haven't read chapters 106 and 107 or seen episodes nine/ten (68/69), things will not make sense.

Things hadn’t been the same since that one night. Claire’s heart had felt like it had been stabbed by dozens of needles. Sure, Levi didn’t outright reject her, she hadn’t even really confessed or anything, but it felt like he had. _Idiot. I shouldn’t have said anything._ _Because of it you scared him away._ It was sort of true. They hadn’t spoken one on one since that night, and over a month had passed since then. There was this awkward tension between them. Levi refused to make eye contact with her. He probably felt so uncomfortable around her or something… She had royally screwed things up. Now it felt like she had lost her good friend, or at least it had felt like it.

Claire was less than enthused when Hange had called the two of them to meet with her and Kiyomi privately. She didn’t want others to notice the awkwardness that was being shared between them.

“Oh, hi, Sunshine,” said Levi as they approached Hange’s office at the same time.

“Hey…” She opened the door and walked inside.

“Levi! Claire! Glad you could make it!” Hange smiled as they walked in, oblivious to any tension that was between them. “I have a  _ really _ big favor to ask of you.”

“What is it?” asked Levi.

“Well, we’ve been working with the Azumabito, and we now have two prototypes of the new ODM Gear. We thought it would be a good idea to have our more experienced soldiers be the ones to test it out!”

“We feel like if something were to go wrong, you would know how to deal with it in an efficient manner,” added Kiyomi.

“So when do you want us to do these tests?”

“This evening. We’ll have you guys go to the Forest of Giant Trees to test it out. That way you’ll have plenty of objects to practice with, and not have any civilians that could get injured. You won’t be supervised. I’m sure that won’t be a problem because of your experience.”

Levi nodded. “Understood.”

Claire suppressed a sigh. She was not eager to be spending alone time with him. Not after this whole blunder. She was confused, and wanted to sort out her emotions. Had he been showing signs of possibly being romantically interested in her, or had she read his signals wrong? Was she an idiot who was desperate to feel loved? Is that why she read too much into things?

“Captain Helios?” Kiyomi’s voice interrupted her thoughts.

“Sorry. Yes, that works with me.”

“Great! We’ll meet you with the gear in a few hours!” Hange sat down at her desk. “You two are excused.”

They saluted and then left the room. Silence fell between them. Claire didn’t have anything she wanted to say to Levi. She felt stupid and didn’t want to make things worse. It seemed like he didn’t have much to say to her, either. Levi just silently looked at his feet, brows furrowed. 

_ What was he thinking? _ She couldn’t help but wonder.

“See you later, I guess,” he said as he walked away.

“See ya…” Claire watched him leave, heart hurting. She wanted to talk with him and fix things, but what would she say?  _ Oh, sorry about making our relationship really awkward because I maybe thought we were more than friends. I was wrong, but hey, that’s fine. Back to being best buddies? Wanna have tea later?  _ She shook her head. That was stupid. Perhaps time would fix things?

Sighing, she went to her room to prepare for the experiment. Hopefully this whole ordeal wouldn’t last for very long.

* * *

Levi cursed his romantic clumsiness. Because of it, he had made Claire think he hated her or something, when the truth was quite the opposite. He loved her a lot, and for some reason it made it difficult to talk to her. When she had brought up that something was happening with them, it had caused him to panic and ruin things. How was he supposed to fix this? Should he confess his feelings towards her? Or would that make things more awkward? Was she really going to say she liked him, or was he misunderstanding things? 

He sighed, taking a sip of tea. Emotions were too complex. Especially positive ones, like love. He envied those who could figure this sort of thing out easily. Who could he even turn to for advice on the matter? Hange has been willing to talk in the past, but as they learned and worked more with the Marleyans, she got busier and busier. Her free time was very limited nowadays, and he wouldn’t want to interrupt it with his stupid love problems. This was something he would have to figure out himself, and hopefully as soon as possible. He didn’t want this awkwardness between him and Claire to continue. It was painful for him.

Checking the time, Levi saw that it was about time to head down to meet with Hange and the others. It was strange to not be harnessed up before leaving. Hange said not to put the old ones on because apparently they would be using new ones that were specially made for the new gear. Perhaps they would be easier to put on, or maybe even more difficult. He truly hoped that it was the former.

Claire was already there when they arrived. She glanced at him before looking away, clearly uncomfortable. This made Levi’s chest ache. Maybe he could talk to her while they were alone testing out the gear. Yes. That would work.

“Levi’s here! Great!” Hange smiled as he approached. “Here’s your new harnesses. Claire has already put them on, so if you need her help or mine, we can assist you. They can be a bit tricky to put on.”

He sighed. So they would be more complex. “Alright.”

Levi took the mess of belts and metal braces and attempted to put them on. It was difficult, so Hange ended up helping him get it on. He had to admit, he liked the new design. The silver metal was sleek and made the gear look good. The chest plate was a nice touch as well. It seemed it would be more protective than the old gear had been.

After putting on the harnesses, Hange and Kiyomi attached new containers for the gas to their backs. There would be no more bulky containers on their sides, instead there would be a place to put blades, bullets, or thunderspears. They didn’t have those with them today, though, since it was just a test.

“Looks like you’re good to go. We have some horses ready for you.”

After mounting, Hange instructed that they should be back by dusk. It was colder out, with it being winter, so it wouldn’t be a good idea to stay out too late. Plus it had been overcast, it could storm at any moment. Hange insisted that it wouldn’t be anything bad, though. Blizzards never happened this early in the season. Levi decided to trust her judgement.

The two rode in an awkward silence. Levi didn’t know what to say, and it seemed like Claire didn’t either.

“So, um, what do you want to do?” asked Levi. “To test out the gear, I mean.”

She didn’t look at him. “Well, we should start with basics, like hanging in place. Then move onto simple maneuvering. If we have time we could maybe try out your spinning technique.”

“ _ Our  _ spinning technique. You’ve been doing it for long enough that you can take some credit for it as well.” 

Claire glanced at him. “Okay. I mean, you’re more famous than me anyways. People will still label it as yours.”

He sighed. “I suppose that’s true… It’s not like I try to be.”

“I know. It’s just how things have worked out.” She smiled grimly. “You survived the hell that was the battle at Shiganshina, while I was busy waiting tables. You deserve the praise. I haven’t done anything important.”

“That’s not true,” he blurted out. She raised an eyebrow at him. “You’ve saved me multiple times, and if you hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t have been there to help at Shiganshina. You also let us use your tavern when interrogating those MPs. Without that, we wouldn’t’ve gotten valuable information that led us to finding the truth behind the walls. You also motivate me to do my best. You’ve made me a better person, so don’t say you are useless. Sometimes it's how you impact just one person’s life and not a bunch of others. Sorry. I- I’m kind of rambling.”

She looked down at the ground in front of them. “I see…”

They were silent for the rest of the ride. The tension seemed to have lessened, but there was still something between them that made it difficult to talk casually.

Claire tied her hair up into a messy bun before using the gear. She explained that she didn’t want to risk it getting caught in the gear and causing a malfunction.

It made Levi happy to see that she was growing her hair out. It seemed like his words had touched her, even if they weren’t talking much at the moment. Her hair looked beautiful when it was long. Not that it hadn’t looked good before, but it was refreshing to see her chestnut locks fall to her shoulders. She even made a messy bun look attractive.

Doing the hanging test was easy. They simply attached the hooks to two different branches and practiced balancing. Claire did it without much difficulty, she had been the top in her Cadet Corps for a reason. During one of their tea times years ago, she had talked about how she had been the top, yet still chose to be a Scout over joining the Military Police. She explained that she had been the best at the maneuvering gear in her class, and had been complimented on how she was able to learn new things quickly. Levi found that amazing and impressive.

Sure, Levi had skill in battle and could figure out any weapon without much effort, but the gear was different. It had taken time for him to learn how to use it properly. He had learned faster than Isabel and Furlan, but it still had taken some effort. At least this time around, he had background knowledge on ODM gear, so it made learning a lot quicker. This new gear seemed a lot more stable and strong. That was good.

They practiced moving from tree to tree, using simple blasts and movements. Everything felt so  _ smooth. _ Levi smiled to himself. This new technology sure was something else. Hange hadn’t been overexaggerating.

Levi looked at Claire, who was grinning as she flew from tree to tree. Eyes closed, she embraced the wind. She looked at peace, like she was truly in her element. It made his heart ache a little, to see her so happy, but knowing that there was negative emotion hidden beneath it. He shook his head. He needed to stop thinking like that. Things would be fine. Now they would have the chance to talk things over and hopefully it would go back to how it used to be. He just needed to find the right words.

Claire landed on the branch next to him. “Sunflower, do you want to try out the spinning technique next? You can go first. I need a water break.”

“Okay, Sunshine.” He jumped off the branch and hooked onto a tree that was a dozen meters or so away. Once moving in that direction, he used the gas to propel him in his usual spinning motion. He decided to start slow. That had been a smart decision. The movement was so smooth, he was a little shocked. Landing, he decided to try again with more speed. 

That was a mistake.

It was almost  _ too  _ smooth. Levi was spinning faster and faster, not able to slow down. He cried out in shock. The gear started making noises that didn’t sound good. That was a bad sign. Not only had he lost control, his gear was malfunctioning. What was he supposed to do? If he kept moving like this he would collide with a tree before long! Was this how he was going to die? How pathetic. Closing his eyes, he let fate take its course.

Arms wrapped around him, pulling him close. Levi opened his eyes to see Claire staring at him, determined. “Don’t worry. I’ve got you.” A wave of relief washed over him. He wrapped his arms around her waist, letting her take full control. She used bursts of gas to slow them down. This way when they would collide with a tree or the ground, whatever came first, they wouldn’t be crushed.

Together, they spun for several moments before crashing to the ground. It was painful, but not as painful as it would’ve been to have been smashed against a tree.

Wincing, Claire sat up. “Are you alright?”

“Yes,” he said, brushing dirt off of his clothes. “I wish I could say the same for our gear.”

The gear had been broken, pieces littering the ground.

“Well, these were just prototypes. We proved that there can still be improvements.”

“I suppose that’s true…”

A gust of freezing wind suddenly blasted them. Levi looked at the sky. Had those clouds always been there?

“We should get back to the horses,” he said, standing up.

“Right.” Claire nodded. “Which way were they, again?”

They both froze. They had gotten too deep into the forest and didn’t know which direction they had come from.

Levi tried whistling for the horses, but the wind muffled the sounds.

“What should we do?” asked Claire, slightly panicked.

“Find a place to take shelter, I guess. At least we don’t have to worry about titans. And it hasn’t started snowing yet-”

Just then white flakes began to drift down.

Claire shot him a glare.

“What? It’s not like I summoned them or anything.”

“Whatever. Let’s find somewhere to camp out.”

Levi tried his best to remember the layout of the forest. He was pretty sure that there was a cabin in there somewhere. He had found it one time during an expedition. If they could find it, they would be able to take shelter there.

The wind began to pick up, and the snow started coming down heavier.

* * *

Claire hugged herself, shivering. Of course a snow storm had to start on the day she had forgotten a jacket. Her clothes were starting to soak through, and she could feel the iciness seeping into her bones. Teeth chattering, she turned to Levi. “Are- are we almost there?”

He looked at her and his eyes grew concerned. “Oh my God, Claire, you look like you’re freezing to death!”

“I’m fine-”

“No, you’re not.” He took off his jacket and handed it to her. “Put this on.”

“What about you?”

“I’ll be fine.”

Levi ended up not being fine.

By the time they reached the humble cabin, his lips had begun to turn blue, and he was shivering non-stop. Claire had offered the jacket back, but he kept insisting that he didn’t need it. She knew he was lying.

Kicking the door in, Levi got them into the cabin. Claire was surprised he had the strength to do so, with him shivering like a madman and all that. It was a single room cabin, with a bed against a wall with a fireplace beside it. There was a table against the other wall, along with a humble kitchen.

She found some wood and started a fire. Smiling to herself, she immediately started to feel better. 

After a few minutes, she almost felt normal again. She turned to Levi, who was sitting on the edge of the bed. His body was shaking, and his lips seemed even more blue than before.

“Oh my God, Levi!” She rushed over to him and felt the skin on his neck. “I think you have hypothermia! We need to warm you up!”

“I told you, I- I’m fine-”

“No. You are not. If we don’t warm you up soon, you’ll have permanent damage to your body. You’re so lucky you are stuck here with me. In the Cadet Corps they taught us basic survival skills, like identifying and treating hypothermia. Let me help you, please.”

He was silent for a moment, staring into her eyes. “F-fine. What should I do?”

Claire felt her cheeks go hot. “Well, the best way is to get heat from someone else. So we’ll have to get close, and, um, the best way is to be chest to chest.”

“You’re saying we have to cuddle?”

“I guess.”

“... Alright.” He laid down on the bed, leaving room for her.

Trying to control her internal screaming, she moved to lay beside him. Staring into his eyes like this… It was almost as if the tension and awkwardness that had been between them had never existed. Almost.

Claire pulled him into an embrace, pressing their bodies tight against each other. They had to be close in order for this to work properly. She prayed he couldn’t feel how fast her heart was beating as he wrapped his arms around her.

She gasped as she felt his forehead touch her own. It was freezing.

“God… You’ve got it pretty bad…” Claire looked at him, worried. She blushed when she realized how close their faces were. It took everything in her not to look at his lips.  _ Damn. Why did they have to look so kissable? _

“Really? I feel f-fine-” A shiver ran through his body, and Claire was able to feel it.

“I’m worried… This isn’t working fast enough. Take off your shirt.”

“I- what?!”

“It’s better to have skin to skin contact. That way the heat transfers from me directly.” She sat up, and took off the jacket and the shirt, a tank top still on underneath. “Hurry. We can’t have Humanity’s Strongest freezing to death.”

“Fine,” he said as he took off his soaking shirt.

Claire tried to remain calm as they hugged each other again. His body was cold in her arms, so she held him tighter, hoping that it would help warm him up faster. 

Levi’s breaths were shaking and quick, but after a few minutes they slowed down to a regular pace. Even his body was beginning to warm up. This relieved Claire. He would be alright. Thank, God. She wouldn’t want him dying with their last real conversation having ended on a sour note. 

But… this made Claire think. There were things she needed to discuss with him, and it could end poorly. But these things needed to be said. She had to address some things that needed to be discussed before they continued their relationship, whether platonic or romantic.

“Levi… Why are you so self-sacrificing all the time?” she asked, pulling back to look at him clearly.

“What do you mean?”

“You… you seem to put your life at risk for others. All the time.” She paused. “There’s nothing wrong with trying to help those in need and to take some risks. That’s life as a Scout, but I feel like you do it a lot more than one should.”

“I… It’s because I don’t want to lose those that I care about. I’d do anything to protect them, even if it means losing my life.”

Something inside Claire snapped. 

“Have you ever thought about what they would feel like if they lost you?!”

Levi stared at her stunned. “Well, I guess I never thought of it like that-”

“You dumbass!” Tears started forming in her eyes. She was so… angry. And scared. It was a strange combination of the two emotions that poured out in her words. “You can’t run around playing hero, trying to save everyone all the time! You’re human, too! You could die just as easily as the rest! Please, consider how  _ I  _ would feel if you died trying to protect me! It would feel  _ awful _ . It almost happened just now. And for something as stupid as giving me your damn jacket. And just why exactly do you always do things to protect me? Sure, you did it from time-to-time before, but it’s been even more apparent since I came back to the Corps. Do you think I’m weak since I took a break or something?!”

“No! That’s not it at all!” he responded. “It’s, um. This is going to sound weird. I have these  _ instincts _ . It feels like there is something within me that controls me. There are times when I feel like I’m no longer in control, just this innate feeling to kill or protect. This feeling comes whenever I’m in danger, or if a specific person is in danger. Before, that person was Erwin. After he died, it felt like something inside me died, but it was reawakened when I saved you that first time we went outside of the walls together after you came back. I think it’s something to do with me being an Ackerman and how we have strength above that of a regular human. It’s because of how we had a duty to protect those of royal blood or something, except for some reason for me it doesn’t have to do with royal blood. It’s something else. I don’t quite understand it, so I can’t explain it well.”

Claire felt her heart sink. Did Levi truly care for her? Or was it this weird instinct he had? No. That couldn’t be it. They had a connection. It was  _ real _ . She had felt it. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she responded, voice calm and cold. “Is that really it? You protect me because of some feeling in your blood?”

“No, well, yes, but-”

“I don’t care about your damn Ackersenses, or whatever they are. You have to put yourself first. Your life matters, too!” He opened his mouth to speak, but she began to shout again. “And if you feel this connection or whatever with me because of these senses, then I’d rather not be your friend or anything at all! Our friendship was real to me, and it hurts to say that you try to protect me just because something is telling you to! You should want to protect me and be by my side because  _ you  _ want to. Not because you are an Ackerman or whatever. Is this why you’ve been avoiding me recently? Because your instincts don’t want you to be near me anymore?” She put a hand over her heart. It hurt, and it was beating so fast. She had said what needed to be said.

“Claire… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that…” Levi wiped a tear from her cheek. “My avoiding you has nothing to do with my being like this. I- I-” His brow furrowed, like he was struggling to find the right words. “Our friendship is real. Trust me, I’ve cared for you since long before I had this sense to protect you.”

Claire hesitated before speaking. She could see the genuinity in his eyes. “Are you sure about that?”

It pains me to see you upset like this, so I’ll try my best to prove it to you. I’m not quite sure what else I can do, but I’ll figure it out.”

She felt the heat of rage leaving her. It wasn’t a lie. She could tell he truly meant what he said. “I- I can try my best to help you, but you have to promise to make an effort to treasure yourself more.”

He smiled softly at her. “That works with me.”

“But don’t think I’ve completely forgiven you! Your recklessness has given me enough stress for two lifetimes! Next time you risk your life for me, I won’t be so forgiving!” Claire pointed a finger at him.

“Alright. Next time I’ll just let you get cold,” he joked.

Claire smiled. “Good.”

They laughed for a few moments, then started having casual conversation again. It almost felt normal again, but Claire still had this aching anxiety in the back of her mind. Levi had agreed to the fact that he had been avoiding her, but he still hadn’t said why. She couldn’t help but wonder… These thoughts troubled her as she drifted off to sleep, wrapped in Levi’s embrace.

* * *

Levi woke up, his chest feeling warm.  _ Thank God _ , he thought.  _ I would hate to die from something stupid like hypothermia. _ It was strange, not only was his chest warm on the inside, but the outside. He cracked open an eye and looked down to see Claire cuddled against his bare chest.

Taken aback, he let out a soft gasp. Sure, Claire had fallen asleep during their late night talks, but it had never ended like this before. She seemed so at peace, so comfortable. Levi couldn’t help but smile at the sight, it made him happy to know that she felt safe around him.

Gently, he brushed a few strands of hair from her face. It had been growing longer, and was getting messier as well. He found it beautiful.

Without thinking, he pulled her closer to him. It felt… nice. Levi hadn’t really experienced anything like this in a long time. Not since before his mother died. He remembered cold winter nights in the Underground City, huddling close to her chest to prevent the both of them from freezing to death. He supposed the situation had been similar this time around, except Claire had been fine. His life had been put in danger because of his own idiocy.

_ Damn Ackerman blood, _ he cursed internally. Levi hoped that he could fight against the instincts that seemed to drive him. 

Well, he had done it before. When he sent Erwin to his death. 

Guilt began to creep into his mind. Erwin was dead. And it was Levi’s fault. It was unforgivable. He had told Erwin to go die, and when he had the chance to save him, he had second-guessed himself. Would things be different if Erwin was here today? Would this whole Marley mess be handled a lot better? Hange wasn’t doing a bad job, but she was overwhelmed. Erwin just had a knack for those sorts of things. He had been one of the greatest Commanders of the Scouts, and now he was dead. Because of him.

“Levi…?”

Claire’s sleepy voice brought him out of his dark thoughts. 

“Yes, Sunshine?”

“You alright?” She yawned, still resting her head on his chest. “You looked like you were going to burst a blood vessel.”

“It was…” He hesitated. Levi didn’t want to burden her with his guilt. Not that day, at least. He had bothered her enough the previous night. “Nothing. Just thinking about what you said.”

“Good. Because I meant it.” Claire opened her eyes, which widened almost immediately. She stiffened, then shoved herself away from his chest. 

“Ow!” 

“Sorry.” Her face was growing red. “I didn’t know.”

“It’s fine.” Levi sat up. She flinched as he raised a hand to run through his now-messy hair. He had noticed that about her. She seemed to stiffen or get nervous whenever he did something like that. Was there a particular reason why?

It didn’t take long for them to properly dress up and head out of the cabin. It did take them a few hours to find the edge of the forest, though. The place was huge, and it was not a quick journey when travelling by foot, especially with the snow that blanketed the earth.

Much to Levi’s surprise, Hange and a small group of some of the newer Scout recruits were waiting with horses. The Commander’s face lit up when she saw the two of them.

“Thank God you two are okay!” She rode over to them, tears brimming in her good eye. “When I saw that storm come in and you hadn’t returned I was so worried! I thought you had died or something, and that it was my fault! I wouldn’t be able to live with my-”

“It’s okay, four-eyes,” Levi interrupted her. “We’re fine.”

“I wish I could say the same for the gear, though.” Claire explained how it had gotten destroyed, and they had to leave it behind when they were searching for shelter.

“It’s fine, I’ll send some of these kids to find the pieces. We’ll salvage what we can. The gear is replaceable, you two aren’t. I’m so grateful I didn’t lose my two best soldiers, and, well, my two closest friends.”

Claire smiled softly. “I’m glad we made it out okay, too. We did have a close call. Thank God I remembered my training.”

The two mounted horses and explained the whole predicament to Hange as they rode back. As if they could communicate telepathically, they had both decided not to tell her about the argument, and how they had sort of slept together. They knew that would cause the Commander to get excited.  _ Too _ excited.

When they arrived at HQ, Claire bid farewell to Levi, saying she needed to take a much needed bath. “Maybe we could have tea this afternoon? If you want to, of course.”

A smile crept on his lips. “Yes. I’d like that very much.”


	27. To Those Who Have Fallen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MANGA/SEASON FOUR SPOILERS!!  
> This one doesn't have any direct spoilers from the manga or anime, but if you haven't read chapters 106 and 107 or seen episodes nine/ten (68/69), things will not make sense.  
> TRIGGER WARNING: VERBAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE

“Levi? Claire? Are you guys ready for the trip today?” Hange peeked into Levi’s office, where the two had been chatting.

Claire put down the sketchbook she had been doodling in. “Almost. I just need to change into some more appropriate clothes for the occasion.” She ran a hand through her hair. “And maybe do something with my hair.”

“I’m basically good to go,” responded Levi simply.

“Okay! We leave in an hour. I’d like everyone to be waiting fifteen minutes before then. I don’t want us to be late.”

They saluted. “Understood, sir.”

“See ya then.” Hange went off to inform the others.

Claire began to pack her art supplies. “I guess I better get going. Thanks for having me, Sunflower.”

“Anytime.” He had enjoyed her company. It was nice to keep their minds off of what they were about to do.

She left swiftly, chestnut hair floating as she hurried out the doorway. Levi couldn’t help but stare. Claire had a beauty like none other he had seen, but now wasn’t the time to think about that. Now he needed to make sure he was in the right mindset. He wanted to be sure he didn’t have a mental breakdown when they arrived.

Today was the grand opening of the giant memorial for all of the Scouts who had lost their lives since its conception. This included Erwin. And Claire’s father. That was why she was having a hard time. They both had died nearly four years ago, but the memory still stung the both of them. Not just those two, but many of their dead comrades would be there: Petra, Leah, Moblit, and so many others.

This would be a hard day for everyone. Memories of death and despair would be dragged out of the dark. Old wounds would feel fresh once again. But at least they would be together. With the support of their comrades, they would be able to support each other through the pain. Sure, it wouldn’t go away, it never would truly disappear, but they could at least fight against it together. This somewhat comforted Levi.

Time seemed to flow by quickly as he sat there, lost in his thoughts. Levi almost didn’t make it in time to wait for the wagon. Only Jean was there, so he didn’t feel as guilty for being late. 

The kid, well, he wasn’t really a kid anymore, sat on the steps, face in his hands.

“Kirschtein?”

Jean looked up at him. “Yes, Captain?”

“Are you, er, okay?” Levi wasn’t used to talking about emotions with the younger members of the Corps.

“Yes, sir. It’s jd I was really close to. This is going to be difficult.” He attempted to smooth out his light brown hair, which he had been growing out longer.

Levi sat down beside him. “It’s going to be hard for all of us, Jean. We’ve all lost a lot. But this day is important. To us, sure, but it’s most important to  _ them, _ to the fallen. This memorial will be a way to honor their sacrifice, and to show that their deaths made a difference. Because of them we are able to communicate with the outside world. Because of them we are alive today.”

“I- that’s true.” Jean’s expression softened. “Thank you. I needed to hear that.”

“No problem.”

“Wow! Look at Jean, getting all close with the Captain!” Sasha laughed.

“Jean has always been an ass-kisser,” replied Connie.

“Shut up, you two.” Jean smiled as he stood up to go and talk to them

Someone tapped him on the shoulder, and Levi looked to its source. Claire stood behind him, smiling weakly. He could tell it was taking everything in her to stay calm. “Hey.”

“Hey.” He stood up, looking at her black dress. It was long and revealed her scars, which crisscrossed along the length of her arms. It seemed appropriate for the occasion.

Hange showed up last, how ironic considering she was the one getting on their asses about being down here on time.

The Scouts got in the wagon, making small talk as they traveled. Well, everyone spoke except Eren. He simply stared into the distance, looking as if thousands of things were going on in his head. The brat had changed a lot from when they first met. Had the truth really scarred him that much? He supposed it must be different for him since he was forced to live through his father’s memories.

At one point, however, everyone fell silent. The weight of all their loss became more real as they neared their destination.

* * *

Claire stared in awe as they neared the memorial. It was  _ huge. _ And beautiful. The building was long and white, the surface smooth. Inside, there would be the names of all of the Scouts who had died while in service. The size of the place was incredible, but it also showed just how many had sacrificed their lives. So many soldiers died before they could learn the truth behind the creation of the walls and the titans. This saddened her. Her father never got to learn the truth-

“Claire!”

She turned her head to see her mother waving at her. Beside her stood the twins, and behind them was Gertude and Henrik.

“Mom! Everyone!” She grinned as she waved at them. In the corner of her eye, she could’ve sworn she saw Levi smiling to himself. She must’ve been picturing things.

The wagon came to a halt, and Claire basically leaped out to see her family. It wasn’t only her family, but the families of the other Scouts, well, the families that were still alive, anyways. Mikasa, Eren, and Armin went ahead with Hange to the memorial, while everyone else mingled.

“Claire! Your hair! Are you growing it out?” asked Hannah, who looked a lot older than she remembered.

“Oh, yes. I am a little. But look at you two!” She glanced between the twins. “You’ve both grown a lot. You’re both so beautiful!”

“Well, yeah. I’ve always been the prettiest one around here.” Vanessa smirked as she flipped her hair.

“Well, if that’s the case, why don’t you have a boyfriend yet?” Hannah remarked.

“I, uh, I’m playing hard to get. That’s all.”

Gertrude laughed. “Oh, be quiet, girls. Claire is the prettiest. Have you seen her eyes?”

Claire blushed. “Let’s not make this about me- OH MY GOD!” In Gertude’s arms she held a baby. “YOU BROUGHT THE BABY?!”

“Yes, we didn’t have anyone to leave him with. We thought things shouldn’t be too crazy and it would be okay to bring him.” She smiled at her child. “Do you want to hold Bryce?”

“Of course!” Claire grinned as the baby was gently placed in her arms. She smiled down at the child, who’s eyes were closed. It seemed like he was sleeping. “Aw, you can’t wake up for Auntie Claire?”

“He hardly slept last night, so we are grateful he’s finally getting some sleep.” Henrik chuckled.

“Then I’ll do my best not to disturb him.” She rocked him slowly, then looked up to notice that Levi was staring at them. “Oh, Levi! Do you want to see the baby?”

“Oh, I don’t mean to intrude-”

“Nonsense!” Gertude waved him over. “You’re always welcome! Come over here!”

“Okay.” Levi walked over awkwardly. As he approached, he looked at the baby, eyes wide. “It’s so small.”

“Have you never seen a baby before?” Claire teased.  
“I have, but never this close…”

“Do you want to hold him, Levi?” asked Gertude.

“I- um-”

Hannah and Vanessa nodded eagerly. “Yes! Hold the baby! I’m sure  _ Claire _ would  _ love _ to see that!”

Claire shot daggers at her sisters, then turned to Levi. “Only if you’re comfortable, Sunflower.”

He straightened his posture. “I, sure. I’ll try.”

She carefully placed the baby in his arms. Levi stiffened, unsure of what to do.

“Here, let me show you.” Claire moved behind him and adjusted his arms. “Cradle the head with your elbow, that way it doesn’t have to try and hold it up. Rock back and forth a little. Perfect!”

Claire checked his form from the front. She nearly gasped in surprise when she saw him smiling softly down at Bryce. It was a softness she had never seen on his face before.

“Look at that, he’s good with kids,” whispered Gertude into her ear. “How sweet.”

She smiled softly, looking at him. “Yeah… It’s surprising, but I like it.”

“As much as you like him?” She grinned in a teasing way.

“Oh, shut up, Trudy.” She punched her sister lightly in the shoulder.

“Help- I- the baby is waking up-” Claire could hear Levi’s quiet plea for aid.

Claire walked over to him. Much to her surprise, the baby hadn’t started crying. He stared wide-eyed at Levi, reaching for his hair. 

She laughed at the sight. “It seems he likes you, Sunflower.”

“Really?” He asked as Bryce pulled his hair. “Ow!”

Claire burst into laughter. “Yes! He wants to play.”

“By hurting me?” He tugged his hair from the child’s grasp, then poked a finger towards him. “No touching.”

Bryce responded by sucking on his finger.

Levi stared down in disgust.

She was wheezing now.

“Levi! Claire! We have to be up there for the grand opening ceremony soon! We should head inside!” called Sasha.

“I’ll take Bryce back.” Gertrude smiled as she took her son out of the arms of Levi. “You did a great job with holding him, Levi. Thanks.”

“Er, no problem.” He wiped his finger off with his handkerchief.

The Scouts rushed inside, needing to get to the stage before the ceremony started. 

* * *

“Thank you all for coming today.” Hange stood at the center of the stage. “It is my honor to introduce the memorial to the island of Paradis. This place represents the lives of those who sacrificed themselves to help us get to where we are today. Without their lives, we would still be in the dark about the truth of this world. In this particular memorial, we honor the lives of the Scouts. The names of every Scout who has died in service are inside this building. They are organized into sections based on when they passed. More recent deaths on the east side of the building, while the older are on the west. I hope you all can navigate it easily. If you need assistance, there are workers here who are happy to help.

“There are two other memorials, one for the Garrison, and the other for the Military Police. They will both be opening within the next week. Again, I thank you all for the support. We hope that this can help us all to strengthen our bonds and become closer as a nation and a people. You are free to look around now. Thanks for your time.” She saluted, and the people in the crowd began to wander. 

Levi looked at his Commander with respect. Hange had a lot on her shoulders, and she was handling it pretty well. Most people didn’t see it, but Levi knew how anxious and stressed she was. She worried that she could never compare to Erwin, but she was doing a great job.

“Hange.”

She turned to look at him. “Yes? What is it, Levi?”

He put a hand in her messy ponytail and ruffled it. “You did a great job.”

“Oh, thanks.” Hange smiled. “I needed to hear that.”

“No problem.” Levi took his hand out and examined it. “But, God, you really need to take a bath.”

She laughed. “Noted. I’ll do it when we get back to the barracks.”

“You better, or else I’m dragging your ass down there.”

They were silent for a moment.

“Do you… want to go and see  _ his _ memorial?”

Hange didn’t even have to say his name. He knew who she was talking about. “Of course. Maybe Claire wants to come with?” Levi glanced around and saw Claire talking with her family again. He decided not to bother her. “Nevermind.”

“Okay. Let’s go.”

Together they walked over to the farthest corner of the right side of the building. To where the most recent dead were honored. They passed Jean on the way. He was kneeling in front of the area dedicated to those who were lost during the Invasion of Trost.

“Marco… I’m sorry…” he said quietly, holding his left hand to his mouth.

Levi didn’t know what exactly the kid was doing, but he understood what it meant. It was some personal vow or connection to this friend. This Marco kid must’ve been the one he was talking about earlier.

Connie and Sasha stood in front of another area. This memorial was special. It wasn’t for the Scouts, but for the entire village that had been turned into Titans because of Zeke. Connie had lost family, and Sasha was there to comfort her dear friend.

He nodded solemnly as he passed them, Hange following suit.

It took several minutes, but they finally reached it. This room was closed off from the rest, these sacrifices holding a special meaning. There was a marble horse statue in the center of the room. Names scattered the walls. So many had been lost that day, the day Erwin had sacrificed himself and the lives of nearly the entire Survey Corps. Beneath the statue was a single name.

_ ERWIN SMITH _

Hange got on one knee and saluted, her head bowed. Levi copied her, staring at the ground.

The guilt crept into his mind again. Erwin’s name wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for him.

“Erwin… I’m not sure if I’m doing good enough… God, I wish you were still around. I feel like I’m screwing things up… Am I doing the right thing?” Levi could hear Hange cry beside him.

Levi wanted to say something to comfort her, but honestly he had no words. He was worried about the same things. He had always followed what Erwin wanted him to do, and without his guidance he felt lost. He, Hange, and Claire were the most experienced soldiers in the Scouts, and all of them were doubting their leadership and decisions. It wasn’t a good mix.

“Erwin, I’m sorry… I wasn’t able to keep my promise. I told you that I would use your sacrifice to kill the Beast Titan… and I failed. He’s living and breathing. And now we have to work with the damn bastard. I hate it. I hate it so much, but it seems like we don’t have any other options. I-” He choked for a moment. “I’m so sorry…”

Levi felt a hand on his shoulder. Hange gave it a squeeze. Levi responded by giving her ponytail another firm ruffle. Words seemed pointless at the moment, so at least they had some way of comforting each other.

They knelt there, silent, for what felt like years, then Hange finally spoke. “Let’s go see how the others are doing.”

“Alright.”

Levi stood and held a hand out to his Commander, and she took it, thanking him. He began to exit the room, and glanced back at Hange, who was otuching a name on one of the walls. 

“Moblit…” she whispered.

He smiled sadly at her, letting her take her time to mourn.

One she was done, Hange found Eren and Armin and went over to talk to them. Levi decided to keep searching because he wanted to find Claire. Hange winked at him as he walked away and he couldn’t help but groan. He nearly regretted telling Hange about his feelings for Claire, but who else was he supposed to confide in? None of the kids really struck his fancy, so four-eyes had to do.

He spotted one of the twins reading over a list of names that were lost on the expedition to find the Female Titan and approached her. Levi wanted to greet her by name, but he could not tell which one it was. Claire had told him once how to tell the difference, but he had forgotten. He tried to recall the conversation he had been eavesdropping on earlier. Vanessa had been bragging about how pretty she was, and he was sure this was her. He decided to take his chance. 

“Er- Vanessa?”

She turned around and looked him up and down. “Yes? What do you want?”

Levi was so happy that he had guessed her name right that he almost didn’t notice how rudely she had responded. He decided to let it slide. This place was supposed to be one of peace, and he didn’t want to cause a commotion. “Do you know where Claire is?”

Vanessa smirked, hazel eyes glinting with mischief. “Oh~ You don’t know where your girl is?”

“Yes, that's why I was ask- wait-” He grew flustered. “It’s not like that. She’s not ‘my girl’. She’s my friend. That’s all.”

“Sure.” She laughed. “She’s down that way, looking at the names of some of her old squadmates.”

“Thank you,” Levi said as he headed in that direction.

* * *

_ HARVEY GALLIVAN LEAH HOLLAND KEN FLOYD MARGARET JOLLEY _

Claire traced the names with her finger. She had decided to visit them after visiting her father’s spot with her family. It had taken her quite some time to find them. They were in the largest section, the part set aside for all who died in the expeditions that took place after the fall of Wall Maria. It didn’t surprise her when she found herself crying. This squad had been the most dear to her. They had actually become her friends. Sure, she wasn’t the most fond of Harvey, but he had been good to her in the end. Ken had always been so reliable, and Margaret so sweet. Leah, oh, Leah. She had been a true friend to Claire. Other than Levi and Hange, Leah had been the closest to her as a friend. It hurt to see her meet an untimely end.

The scars on her arms burned as she looked over the names. They hadn’t hurt in a while, but seeing this reminder made them feel as if she had received them minutes ago.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered as her fingers left the surface. Claire couldn’t stay much longer, or else she would start reliving the events that had unfolded in their entirety. That was a downside to her memory, each horrible detailed was engraved in her mind forever.

Without thinking, Claire’s feet took her to a specific area. Her body seemed to take control, her mind not entirely aware of where she was going.

She froze and stared at a single name.

_ LUCA FREID _

Claire stared blankly at the wall. Why had she come here, to this name? To her dead ex-boyfriend. To her abu- to her- Her head began to throb. She winced, running a hand through her hair. She froze as she stared at the tips in her fingers. 

_ Too long, _ she thought and suddenly she was reliving something she hadn’t thought about in a long time.

_ “Your hair is too long. It looks ugly on you.” Luca said as he held it in his fingers. _

_ “I just wanted to try something n-” _

_ “Did I say you could do that?” He grabbed her by the top of the head and pulled. _

_ “Ow- no- could you please- ouch- stop doing that?” Tears welled up in her eyes. _

_ “No. I’m teaching you a lesson. Your hair will get caught on things when using the gear. This is what will happen. Feel it now so you can see how dumb you’re being.” He pulled harder, green eyes filled with malice. “Now apologize.” _

_ “Sorry!” she cried out, head aching. This was how he was showing love, right? By helping her out?  _

_ “Good girl.” He let go of her hair and pulled her into a hug.  _

Why am I still crying? _ she thought as the memory faded away.  _

_ Now she was running to Luca, showing him a drawing of an abnormal she had finished. _

_ “Luca! Look at what I did!” _

_ He glanced at the drawing and frowned, running a hand through his messy blonde hair. “What’s this?” _

_ “Well, I drew this abnormal I killed from memory-” _

_ “That’s stupid. Drawing is for kids. Not soldiers. You’re so childish, Claire. Don’t show this crap to me again.” He tore the drawing to pieces. “Come back when you want to act like an adult again.” He stormed out. _

_ “Sorry…” She knelt down, tears in her eyes as she picked up the pieces of paper. Luca was doing this out of love for her. He was telling her how to improve herself. That’s right… The paper crinkled in her fingers and the memory changed. _

_ “How dare you leave me waiting like this!” Luca raised his hand in the air. _

_ Claire closed her eyes as she felt her cheek sting. “I’m sorry, Hange needed me for-” _

_ “I don’t give a damn about what Hange needs. I  _ needed _ you to be here by sundown and you showed up late! Idiot girl!” He slapped her again. And again. This was the second time that week that she had screwed up.  _

_ Claire deserved this. _

_ Luca was discipling her out of love. He was helping mold her into a better person. She was selfish and childish. He would help her grow out of it. _

_ After the beating was done, he pulled her into a kiss, not caring about the cries of pain that came from her lips as he did so. It was so forceful. But that was love, right? Something that someone forced upon you. _

_ Were his lips always this sour? Or was this memory warped? She couldn’t tell.  _

_ Her lips were hurting and she tried to protest, but he wouldn’t stop.  _

_ Claire cried as the memory moved on to the next. _

_ “What are you wearing?!” _

_ “My mother sent me this dress-” _

_ “God, Claire. It looks awful on you. No one wants to see that.” _

_ “But, I-” Claire gripped the fabric in her fingers. “I feel pretty.” _

_ Luca shook his head. “Nah. You look better in trousers anyways. Dresses aren’t your style. Don’t try wearing skirts again. It looks awful on you.” _

_ She fought the urge to cry. “But-” _

_ He walked over to her, voice cold. “Are you saying disagreeing with me?” _

_ “No- well-” _

_ She was silenced by a slap, and she melted into the next memory. _

_ “Idiot! Dumbass! Useless!” _

_ Claire was frozen, She could only stand there as she watched Luca fall into the titan’s mouth. _

_ “DAMN YOU, CLAIRE! THIS IS  _ YOUR  _ FAULT!” _

_ Those were the last words he had said to her. _

_ He was right. Luca was dead, and Claire had caused it. If she had been smarter she would’ve prevented him from coming out here alone. But he would’ve hurt her if she had done that… No… she was stupid. She was weak, too. Maybe she could have saved him if she were faster. _

_ Claire fell to her knees in defeat as she listened to his screams. She could hear him cursing her name over and over. She deserved it. _

“Sunshine?”

_ She tilted her head to the side, confused. Sunshine? It seemed so familiar, yet so distant… _

“Claire?”

_ She envisioned Luca, walking towards her, hand raised. _

“Claire?!” She felt hands on her shoulders.

“Don’t touch me!” Claire pulled away, eyes closed tight, while she hugged herself.

The hands immediately came off and were followed by a soft voice. “Claire…? Are you alright?”

That voice… It wasn’t Luca, it was…

“Levi?” She opened her eyes to see Levi in front of her, eyebrows knit in concern. Her heart and mind were racing. She looked around to see where she was. She was crouched on the floor, cheeks wet with tears. Levi had crouched down to be eye level with her.

“Claire, are you okay? I came over and you were standing there, staring at the wall, and suddenly you started shouting-” He reached out to touch her, but hesitated.

“I- I’m sorry. I don’t know what overcame me- I… It’s nothing, so don’t worry about it.”

“Claire… It didn’t seem like nothing.”

She reached out and placed a shaky hand on his cheek. “I- I’m fine. I’ll explain better in private.”

“Okay. I-”

“Claire, dear!” She looked to see her mom rushing over. “I heard you shouting? Is everything okay?”  
“I’m fine, Mom.” Claire stood up and gave her mom a tight hug. “I’m okay.”

“Are you sure?”

“I said, I’m okay!” she snapped, leaving her mother’s arms. “I just need some fresh air.” Her head was beginning to ache again.

Levi watched her as she stormed off. Claire tried to ignore him. She didn’t want to be around people at the moment. It only made her headache worse.

Once outside, she took a big gulp of air. It felt nice. Claire sat down on a bench, running a hand through her hair and closing her eyes. It was strange… How had she forgotten those memories of Luca? They were so important… so how had she misplaced them? Groaning, she pondered the events of the memories. He had hurt her. A lot. That was how he showed love. That was how she had felt love. Was that what love was? She didn’t want to believe it. Shaking her head she thought of Levi. He had never treated her that way. He would lift her spirits. He had helped her through the pain, not caused it. But… would things change if they were to get together? Maybe they should stay friends… She didn’t want him to hurt her like Luca did…

“Sunshine?”

Cracking her eyes open, she looked at Levi. “Sunflower… I need some alone time…”

He sat down on the same bench as her, keeping his distance. “Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?”

Claire stared at her hands. How could she tell him the truth? It would make her appear like the weak person she was if she complained about those memories. “I just don’t know what to say.”

“What happened?” He moved to place a hand on hers, but stopped, placing it back in his lap. “You were crying and saying not to be touched.”

“Oh… I, um, was reliving the events of when my squad died. I guess seeing their names brought back old memories.” She lied through her teeth. She didn’t want him to judge her for something as silly as her past with Luca.

“I see.” Levi leaned back in his seat. “I get that, too. Sometimes.”

Claire was silent.

“Well, if you ever need to talk about it, I’m all ears. Sorry, I can’t stay longer. I need to go ask Hange something.” He stood up and smiled at her. “See you later.”

“See you…” she replied, staring blankly ahead. A little voice in the back of her mind screamed at her for not telling the truth.

Claire ignored it.


End file.
